Just one bad experience can leave a guy dreading his next sexual encounter. But using these 13 ways to overcome sexual anxiety can change all of that!
Sexual anxiety of one kind or another affects nearly all men at some point in their lives. In our society, we set unrealistic expectations of what sex should be, and what men are supposed to do during sex.
Men need to stop comparing themselves to porn stars, and quit worrying that women will judge them or laugh at them; treat women with respect and they’ll do the same for you.
Sexual anxiety usually comes from one of three “disorders”: premature ejaculation (coming too quickly), erectile dysfunction (inability to achieve or maintain an erection), and delayed ejaculation (unable to come from sex). As a name, “disorders” can be misleading; while there is sometimes a physiological component at work, much of a man’s sexual anxiety is psychological or emotional.
13 ways to overcome sexual anxiety and gain your confidence back in bed!
The way to overcome sexual disorders is to work with your partner, take your time, and stop judging yourself so harshly. Take it slow and use the tips below, and soon you’ll get your confidence back, and see your sex life improve immeasurably.
#1 Communicate. Keeping your anxiety bottled up inside will make it worse, not better. If you’re sleeping with someone, you should trust her. She will be much more understanding than you think. Working together is the only way to overcome performance anxiety, and you can’t work together if you can’t communicate. [Read: 14 easy tips to get your partner to open up about sex and communicate better]
#2 Take your time. Slowing things down is key to overcoming all three sexual disorders. Enjoy what you’re doing, and have a lot of foreplay. If you ejaculate prematurely, have her give short periods of oral sex but stop well before your point of no return.
If you have erectile dysfunction, stop thinking that you must be hard the whole time, your tongue still works, doesn’t it? Please her, and then work together to get yourself off. Not coming is not the end of the world, so don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t happen every time. [Read: 12 foreplay tips for men that always work!]
#3 Focus on pleasure but think outside the box. Put your efforts into pleasing each other, but stop being so uncreative about it. You know better than she does what will work for you and what won’t. Try mutual masturbation while watching each other. Chances are, you can overcome any of the three sexual disorders when you’re at the wheel, so to speak.
#4 Solo practice. Premature ejaculators need to do this to master their point of no return. While alone, and with a soft grip and lots of lube, bring yourself up, then stop well short of that point. Do it again and come a little closer. And then again and closer still. Do this everyday for a week, then bring her into the mix, first with her hand, and then her mouth. [Read: 20 unique ways to keep an erection up for longer effortlessly]
#5 Use a cock ring. Cock rings fit tightly around the base of the penis shaft. Put it on while you are already hard and it will constrict the blood flow keeping it inside the penis and thus keeping it hard. They can enhance orgasm too. Some even have an extension to massage her clitoris during sex, and on some, it even vibrates. It’s a great sex toy for all couples, with sexual disorders and without.
#6 Have a drink… A glass of wine or two can relax you and make you stop worrying. Much of performance anxiety is in your head, and sometimes loosening up just a little bit is all it takes. A glass of wine can set the perfect mood as well.
#7 …but not too many. Alcohol in moderation can be great, but it doesn’t take much to make the problem worse. “Whiskey dick” is erectile dysfunction brought on by alcohol and it’s extremely common. Drugs can also be negative contributing factors to sexual disorders.
#8 Reduce external stress. Try not to have too much hanging over your head during lovemaking. Bills, taxes, children, work, all of these can prove to be huge distractions during sex. Of course, there will always be something, but try to pick your spots, and choose an evening where you’ve gotten caught up on some of these distractions. [Read: 10 naughty ways to get over a sexual dry spell quickly!]
#9 Exercise and diet. Eating well and staying in shape is key to strong sexual performance. Much of erectile dysfunction is a result of poor blood circulation. Eating healthy food and doing a minimum of 30 minutes of light cardio per day is the minimum needed for healthy blood flow.
#10 Healthy living. There’s more to strong sexual health than exercise and diet. Avoiding excessive drinking and drug use is essential. Be proactive. Yoga can be a great form of exercise with the added benefit of breathing practice. Mastering your breathing is a great way to deal with performance anxiety. Meditation too can also be good for breathing practice, and positive visualization can give you the confidence you need to overcome your hangups.
#11 Talk dirty. For a lot of guys who lose their erection, or are unable to come, all they need is a little something extra. Dirty talk can be that missing ingredient. Most guys will have a couple of phrases that will drive them wild when women say them during sex. Let her know what they are before you take it to the bedroom. Don’t worry, she’ll remember. [Read: The art of talking really dirty to a girl without turning her off!]
#12 Do it with the lights on. Most guys are visual, so if there’s been something holding them back, it could just be the dark. Having sex in the dark totally takes away one of your senses. This can heighten the others and it’s not necessarily a bad thing, but sometimes just seeing yourself and her can be all it takes.
#13 No more porn. Addiction to porn can be a major contributing factor in performance anxiety and sexual dysfunction. You probably don’t think you’re addicted to porn, but ask yourself this: does whatever problem you have during sex happen when you’re alone watching porn? If the answer is no, there’s a good chance that porn is responsible for your problem.
Porn sets terribly unrealistic expectations, and can make sex less enjoyable. As an experiment, quit all porn for a month. No matter what, don’t watch, read or look at any. When masturbating, don’t use any tv, movies, magazines or newspapers, keep your fantasy entirely within your imagination. During sex, you’ll find yourself much more in the moment. The results may shock you. [Read: 5 signs you’re addicted and 15 ways to get over porn!]
You can do it!
Performance anxiety and sexual dysfunction are a complex mix of physical, psychological, and emotional causes. There is usually no one cure-all. Don’t pin your hopes entirely on any one thing, doing so just increases the pressure on yourself and sets you up to fail.
Enjoy the moment. Don’t think of sex as only the act of penetration and ejaculation. Sex is foreplay, penetration, and afterplay (hugging and cuddling). Most women can achieve orgasm from oral sex much easier than from regular sex. Find other ways to please her and you’ll feel an immense weight lifted from your shoulders. [Read: The real reason why losing an erection affects men so badly]
A woman’s most common reaction to a man’s sexual disorder is self-critical. Don’t worry, she won’t laugh at you. In fact, the chances of her blaming herself may be higher! Reassure her and let her know it’s not about her. As long as you are a gentleman and you communicate with her, she’ll want to help you, not tease you.
There are few things more nerve-wracking for men than sexual performance anxiety. But if you set your minds to it, communicate, and work together using these 13 tips to overcome sexual anxiety, your next performance will deserve an encore!
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I'm a freelance writer dividing my time between the beaches of Thailand and my hometown of Chicago....