Simultaneous orgasms are definitely not an urban legend, and we’re here to teach you how you and your partner can achieve one.
It’s pretty hard to believe that simultaneous orgasms exist if you’ve never experienced it. It’s like squirting – you’ve heard people in real life do it, but you’ve only seen it in porn. So, how can you be sure that simultaneous orgasms really exist? By trying it out for yourselves.
Why should you have simultaneous orgasms?
Dr. Ian Kerner, PhD, of the “He Comes Next” fame, said that “Climaxing within seconds of each other is one of the most gratifying sexual encounters you can have. Every sensation is amplified since you’re experiencing it in tandem.”
One study showed that couples who act in sync or those who simultaneously move together tend to last longer. The steps that lead up to a simultaneous orgasm can also foster a deeper connection between lovers.
Before you can achieve a simultaneous orgasm, you need to be communicative, intuitive and very, very intimate with your partner. As you lead up to the moment when you’re ready to try having a simultaneous orgasm, you will see the changes that the process has brought upon your sexual relationship.
Am I capable of having simultaneous orgasms with my partner?
Anyone is capable of achieving simultaneous orgasms, but only if they are willing to work for it. Simultaneous orgasms can occur out of sheer luck. If you want to intentionally experience it, you have to be physically fit and mentally prepared to actually do it.
In order to achieve simultaneous orgasms, you and your partner must be open to the idea of discussing your sexual preferences and when and how they were able to give you an orgasm. It’s going to be a very personal discussion, and there’s a chance that you might step on someone’s ego along the way.
The point is that you need to be open-minded about it. Achieving a simultaneous orgasm is a rare thing, because people tend to forget that you need to communicate with your partner about it. You can use words or pick up on subtle body language cues. The important thing is that the message is obvious: “I’m about to come. Are you?”
Preparing yourself for your simultaneous orgasm
If you thought that all you needed to do was lie down and wait for it, you’re sadly mistaken. Sex is a physically challenging activity, especially when done right. You should prepare yourself mentally in case it fails or when it succeeds. Simultaneous orgasms can raise the bar for sex, and you might not want to settle for less after you have one.
#1 Understand that it will be difficult. Achieving a simultaneous orgasm is no walk in the park. It’s possible that it won’t happen on the first try. Just remember that the process can be just as fun as the outcome.
#2 Communicate your intent. If you want to try having simultaneous orgasms, you need to tell your partner. It’s not as big a deal as other sexual milestones like BDSM and other extreme acts. There’s no pressure if it fails, and you can always try again anyway.
#3 Be physically ready. The attempt itself will take a lot of energy to pull off. A simultaneous orgasm is more enjoyable when you’ve built enough sexual excitement for an explosive finish. If it doesn’t happen the first time, you’ll need a little more energy to attempt the next one.
#4 Make sure you know what gets you and your partner off. Specific positions, clitoral or G-spot orgasms, necessary foreplay – you need to know all of those if you want to achieve an orgasm, let alone a simultaneous one. You and your partner need to agree on a game plan that will allow you to achieve your orgasms simultaneously. [Read: How to get your selfish lover to be more giving]
#5 Know your partner’s sexual tells. When a person orgasms, they can’t help but show a physical reaction because of it. You and your partner need to inform each other what those are, so both of you can tell if the other is about to orgasm. If that doesn’t work, you can always say so. [Read: 10 surefire ways to know she’s faking her orgasm]
#6 Trust each other. Don’t fake your orgasm just to spare your partner’s ego. Don’t lie about what turns you on, and don’t create a fake sexual tell just because it looks good. If you trust your partner and they trust you back, your chances of achieving a simultaneous orgasm will be exponentially higher.
How do you achieve a simultaneous orgasm?
Finally, we’re about to discuss the really juicy section of this article. We can’t tell you the step-by-step process of achieving a simultaneous orgasm, but we can guide you from the point where it’s supposed to happen.
#1 Do we really have to teach you how to start? Foreplay, intimacy and consistency. That is all you need to get things going. Do what works for both of you, and remember to perform acts that will lead you to orgasm within seconds of each other. Don’t do anything that will make your partner come earlier and vice versa. Do something that will give you a moderate amount of control on your orgasms, so you can stop if it gets too hot for either of you. [Read: 9 sexiest foreplay tips you can ever use]
#2 Slow down when needed. You don’t want to waste your ammo if your goal is to have a simultaneous orgasm. Women can also be too tired after an orgasm, especially if it’s a clitoral orgasm. If you’re a girl who can achieve multiple orgasms, then go for it. Just make sure that the last one is perfectly timed with your partner’s.
#3 Be aware of your partner’s movements and reactions. If you’ve talked about it, or if you’re already aware of how your partner reacts during sex, take it as a sign to increase the speed of your movement or a sign to slow down. [Read: The best ways to prevent premature ejaculation]
#4 Signal each other. If you’ve devised a signal to tell each other when you’re about to come, use it. If not, you can always play around with a little dirty talk while telling your partner that you’re about to orgasm. Just make sure that it won’t make them come unexpectedly.
#5 Relish the experience. When it finally happens, enjoy the moment. Make it last longer. Hold on to your partner and look into their eyes. This is a rare experience, but once you’ve done it, you know it’s likely to happen over and over again.
What you shouldn’t do
There are also some things that can kill a simultaneous orgasm. No matter how much you prepared for it, you might just ruin the moment if you do any of these things.
#1 Treating it like a training exercise. Sex shouldn’t be mechanical. It should be intimate and exciting. If you want to communicate with your partner, do it sensually. Don’t instruct them as if you’re reading from a book or commanding a soldier. Treating the act like a task can kill the buzz and your chances of achieving a simultaneous orgasm.
#2 Asking about it over and over again until it gets really annoying. Are you coming? Are you coming? Am I doing it right? Am I doing it right? Can you feel that? Can you feel that? Get the point? Get the point?
#3 Pushing your partner to come when they’re not ready. Sexy commands work when expressed carefully and sensually. Insisting that your partner orgasm when they’re not ready will only kill their momentum and pressure them into trying to reach an orgasm. Neither of which will work for both of you.
#4 Not paying attention. You’ll only end up wasting time on non-simultaneous orgasms *or no orgasms* when you don’t pay attention to your partner. You might end up climaxing earlier than them or the other way around. Don’t lose yourself in the high if you want to achieve a simultaneous orgasm. There’s time for that after you get what you’ve been aiming for.
#5 Being negative about it. If you don’t believe you can achieve it, why bother trying? We can assure you that it’s possible, not just from personal experience, but because we can control how our bodies work. Orgasms can be voluntary when we take the steps to ensure our control over it. Some people can’t, but you won’t know until you try.
Yes, but it’s not as easy as it would be with a partner you trust. The only way it can work is if both of you have already experienced a simultaneous orgasm with other people and are aware of how they can make it happen.
Simultaneous orgasms can only occur when the two people involved are intuitive enough to know when the other is about to orgasm. Even if you are strangers, you can always communicate with each other. The only issue is whether or not they’re telling the truth. It’s fun to think about simultaneously climaxing with a one night stand, but it’s not very useful in terms of building a lasting connection.
Once you have a simultaneous orgasm with your partner, it can help build a deeper and more intimate connection, whether it’s a one night stand or not. Other than that, it’s also a really, really awesome way to end sex.
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Those who can’t do, teach. I can neither do nor teach as well as others, but I can try. Aside from being a writer, I am also a physical therapist. My dream is...