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Why Does Losing an Erection Bother Men So Much?

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Losing an erection may not seem like a big deal to women. But to men, it’s a death knell that can shatter their ego. Find out why it affects men so much. By Christopher Villa

losing an erection

Most women don’t understand the annoyance and frustration a man feels when he loses an erection while having sex.

A woman may get annoyed because she couldn’t orgasm.

Or she could pull her man’s leg for underperforming.

Or she could shrug it away like it’s no big deal.

But to a man, losing an erection is a psychological blow right in between his legs.

[Read: 20 ways to keep an erection up when it’s needed most]

Why does losing an erection bother men?

A man’s manhood is just that.

It’s what defines him.

It’s what makes him feel like a man.

When he can’t perform in bed, it makes him feel less like a man.

From a very young age, boys have grown up dreaming of glorious sex.

And then we grow up and start having sex. And almost always, there’s a lot of pressure to be great in bed. We want women to love us for our sexual prowess. And every time a woman tells us that we’re the best thing they’ve ever done in bed, it makes us swell a few inches down there. [Read: 30 sexy ways to spice up your sex life]

For most guys, making a girl orgasm is a huge relief. It’s like a test where we need to constantly prove ourselves. And at some point of time, a guy may not really be ready for glorious sex. He may be tired, or he may too drunk to function well, or he may be under a lot of stress. And when he does have sex during these times, he may have good sex, but his manhood may have shrunk into a semi flaccid state.

And once that happens, the limp prick stays on his mind. It scares him like that pesky ghost that used to hide under his bed when he was a child. No matter what he does, every time he gets naked, the thought of a limp member comes back into his head. And that leads to performance anxiety.

Performance anxiety and men

Performance anxiety is a psychological issue that scares a lot of men who haven’t been having glorious sex for a while. Your guy may have had bad sex once, but that thought always comes back to his mind every time he has to have sex with you.

The harder a man tries to get a hard erection back, the worse he feels about himself. Sometimes, even just taking his member out while having sex and penetrating you again may lead to him losing an erection.

It’s scary stuff for men, especially if it’s a regular occurrence.

It’s all in the head

When a man loses an erection a few times while having sex with you, but still manages to get a raging hard on while whacking himself off, he’s not suffering from any erectile issues. In all probability, it’s all in his head.

Find a way to get his mind to stop thinking and he’ll work his way up to have glorious sex again. Distract him from his limp thoughts and he’ll be back in no time.

While fear can make a guy go limp at times, overexcitement can have the same effect too. If your guy thinks you’re so sexy it drives him crazy, chances are, he may end up losing his erection while his heart starts racing when he’s looking at you in bed. It’s a tough world for men, especially when they have to live up to the glorious expectations of women in the world. [Read: 10 fun sex games to play and prolong sex]

What goes through a man’s mind?

When a man goes limp in bed, there are just two emotions he experiences. Anger and fear. He’s angry with everything around him because he couldn’t keep it up. And he’s afraid it may happen again. And once he’s overcome the fear and the anger, he starts to fill his head with other thoughts.

#1 He’s not attracted to his girl anymore. When a guy goes limp, he’ll secretly wonder if he’s not sexually attracted to his woman anymore. Almost all the time, he may still be very attracted to his woman, but this is still something he’ll ask himself for a while. After all, he desperately wants to know why he’s not able to perform with his girl.

#2 He feels like a failure. When a man goes limp in bed, he’s failed to please you. It shatters him and depresses him. He knows you haven’t had an orgasm, which makes him feel even more like a failure.

#3 He’s embarrassed. Losing an erection is like losing a game you’re very good at. It’s embarrassing and humiliating. And it’s even more so if it happens often.

#4 He’s angry with himself. And he’ll stay angry for a long time, perhaps even days. When a guy’s member fails him, it’s something he can’t understand. He can’t justify any reasons for it and that makes him angrier.

#5 He avoids sex. This is the most common route that most men take. If your guy has a hard time keeping limpy stiff, he may want to avoid sex because he’s afraid of repeating his failures. And even if he does have sex, he may look forward more to ending the romp than anything else. [Read: The beginners guide to sexual role playing]

How can you help your man after he’s gone down?

Sometimes, your behavior in bed after he goes limp midway can have a huge impact on him. Keep these tips in mind while dealing with a guy who’s gone down before the action’s over.

#1 Tell him it’s okay. Reassure your man and make him feel like his limpy didn’t bother you. Don’t make a big deal about it or talk about it for a long time. Just tell him you’re completely fine with what happened and both of you can do it some other time. Talk about something else to take his mind of his limpy and he’ll feel grateful towards you.

#2 Fake it just before you know it’s going down. You’d know when he’s starting to go down. Yes, that’s when you stop feeling anything down there. Just as that happens, fake an orgasm and pretend like you just came. It’s a very selfless act and as depressing as it may sound, it may give your man more confidence about his sexual prowess. Don’t do this too often though, or you may end up hating sex too!

#3 Prolong foreplay. Having sex as soon as he gets erect may seem like the best option, but it’s not always the right thing to do. Instead, prolong the foreplay and let him just relax and enjoy his erection. Indulge in foreplay without giving any attention to his little member. Watch porn or let him play with you for at least fifteen minutes before he penetrates you. It’ll help him last longer. [Read: 12 foreplay tips for men that actually works!]

#4 Distract him by talking dirty. When your man’s suffering from psychological erectile dysfunction, talk about anything that can distract his thoughts from worrying about his limp member. Lie down next to him and talk about his dirty fantasies. It’ll almost always help him get a raging hard on back again. [Read: How to talk dirty to a guy and make him horny]

#5 Ban sex for a while. Sometimes, banning sex may actually help your man feel better about himself. Even if both of you make out, he doesn’t have to get stressed over penetrating you. Over time, he may start to experience better erections and his confidence may grow too.

What you should understand when he’s losing it

Don’t psychologically damage yourself and don’t take it too hard upon yourself. You’re not unsexy or ugly. Even the most attractive woman in the world would have to deal with the same problem if she were dating your guy.

It’s got nothing to do with you. These things happen to all couples now and then. Sometimes, a guy’s member has a mind of its own. [Read: 7 sexiest types of sex to make sex a lot more exciting]

You can try to make it easier for him by talking dirty with him or by looking for ways to make him feel more sexually attracted to you. But don’t feel low or assume his limp member has anything to do with you.

[Read: How to please your man in bed and everywhere else]

Yes, sex can get boring after a while, but as long as you constantly look for ways to keep the excitement alive and help your man forget all about losing an erection by distracting his mind, you’ll definitely be able to get him hard and horny in no time.


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