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9 Big Signs You Need Sex Therapy and How to Face It

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Is your performance in the bedroom affecting your relationship? There’s only one expert that you should listen to—and that is a sex therapist.

If your sink has a leak, you go to the plumber. If your tooth aches, you go to the dentist. If you have a problem with your health, you go to the doctor. And if you have problems in the bedroom, you go to a sex therapist.

Makes sense, right?

Well, not to everyone. Many couples and individuals dread the idea of going to a sex therapist because they’re afraid or are embarrassed to talk about the most private aspect of their lives: sex. This is because a common misconception about sex therapists is that they deal only with problems concerning sex.

However, as many sex therapists and their clients will tell you, sex therapy also involves fixing issues about your personality, how you handle intimacy, how you express your sexuality, and your relationship with your partner. After all, these are crucial elements that make up how you behave in the bedroom.

Before we talk about the telltale signs that show you if you need sex therapy, let’s first clear up the misconceptions about sex therapy.

What is sex therapy, anyway?

Many people seek the help of a sex therapist due to impotence and other physical debilitation that affects their sexual performance. Aside from this, however, sex therapists also deal with those who have a hard time expressing themselves sexually.

Signs you need sex therapy

Some people who go to a sex therapist experience low desire or libido. There are also those who have problems getting it up, have premature ejaculation, or do not experience orgasm. These are problems that may occur for a period of time and for different reasons, but if you fit the bill in the signs we give below, then this means that you should probably seek the help of a sex therapist.

#1 Persistent problems. If you experience a hard time “getting up” or getting hard, and this problem persists for two weeks or more, this is a sign that there could be a deeper underlying issue that needs to be looked at by a professional. This is the same for other performance-related issues that are out of your control. [Read: 20 naughty ways to keep an erection up and hard for way longer]

#2 Painful. Sex should give you pleasure. If you feel unusual pain when you’re having sex, chances are, you *and/or your partner* have health-related problems. Consulting a therapist can help you find the best medical-based advice on what positions will best lessen the pain, what positions and deeds are most comfortable, and what techniques you can employ to make the most of your time in bed. [Read: Why does sex hurt? 15 quick signs something’s definitely not right]

#3 No climax. Maybe you don’t have a partner and you’re used to having a go at it on your own. Then suddenly, you find yourself not reaching climax. Again, if this problem is persistent for a few months, or each time you masturbate, this can be due to an underlying issue that an expert can help sort out for you.

#4 Addiction or shame. Today, many more people are coming out with their addiction to porn or sex. As for you, you may find yourself questioning your own sexual habits and you may want to sort out why you are feeling ashamed, guilty, secretive, or compulsive about your sexual preferences or habits.

By going to a sex therapist, you can have a better perspective of what you are going through, and determine whether or not you have a sex or porn addiction. If you do have either, then a sex therapist can help you discover healthy ways to deal with your addiction—and even kick it for good. [Read: Are you addicted to sex? 8 steps to handle your addiction]

#5 Sex arguments. It may start with casual teasing about how your partner slept on you as you were about to do the deed…but then it happens again and again—so much so that you start to bicker about it. If you are arguing about your sex life and are complaining about it, it can help to seek a therapist before your problems in bed overflow to other aspects of your relationship.

#6 Unsatisfactory sex life. While you may both be very polite or don’t want your sex life to be the main drive for your happiness in your relationship, having one *or both* partners dissatisfied in the bedroom is a recipe for disaster.

Maybe you or your partner is having erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation and you don’t want to tell the other party about it, or you are experiencing trouble reaching orgasm. Going to a sex therapist and having another point of view *a professional one, at that* can help you open up about the problem and promptly seek effective solutions to deal with it. [Read: 9 awkward signs you’re having bad sex with your lover]

#7 Strained relationships. If your sexual performance and intimacy issues are causing a strain in your relationship, this is also a good reason to bring in a sex therapist. Maybe you’re not having as much sex as you used to, or you are not performing well in bed, and this is causing your partner a great deal of frustration or disappointment that carries over, out of the bedroom.

After all, a lack of sex can cause distance between couples and cause frequent bickering. If you want to save your relationship and enjoy sex with your partner again, you really should go to a therapist.

#8 Lack of libido. Again, dry spells are natural, and people *or couples* experience them from time to time. They could be due to stress, exhaustion, sudden changes in your lifestyle, or something else. However, if your lack of mood lasts for more than a couple of months, this could be a problem. A sex therapist can help you when it comes to improving your communication with each other and how the lack of sex is making you or your partner feel. [Read: 10 really naughty ways to get over a sexual dry spell in no time]

#9 Unusual behavior. There will be very few cases when people have an unhealthy outlook on sex, whether due to their upbringing, personal beliefs, or behavior. If you are like this and you are scared of having sex, have not ever had sex, are traumatized about sex, or would describe yourself as absolutely not into sex and this affects not just your relationships *if you have had any* but the way you deal with people, this can also be a red flag for you to seek counseling from a sex therapist.

Sex is a natural phenomenon and humans are fortunate to experience it in a way that can blow our minds. However, there is also a science and psychology behind sex. Talking to a professional sex therapist about your problems or concerns regarding sex can greatly improve not only your sex life, but your overall quality of life. [Read: 10 naughty sex games for couples to feel horny 24/7]

The key is to be open-minded and honest enough to let someone in on the private details of your sex life. After all, it’s better to get to the root of the problem before it gets worse and destroys not only yourself and your happiness but also that of the people around you.

Everyone will have experienced, or will experience, a sexual problem *or more* at some point. Even couples who seem perfect may have undesirable secrets that they’d rather hide behind closed doors. Some problems are easily fixed, while others need the expertise of a sex therapist.

[Read: 13 untold sex secrets you really need to know]

If you are able to relate to one or more of the signs above, as awkward as you may feel, that is your cue to head to a sex therapist and talk about your problem.

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Tiffany Reyes
Tiffany Grace Reyes
Tiffany is a wordsmith who has played with words ever since her letter-to-the-editor was published nationally at the age of 9. Since then her writing has gone f...
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DISCUSSION

5 thoughts on “9 Big Signs You Need Sex Therapy and How to Face It”

  1. Jennifer says:

    I’ve been to sex therapy and I feel like I should discuss this because many women might have fear going to a therapist who are also going through what I went through. I was a sex addict. You know how hard it is sometimes for a man to get laid? But when it comes to a woman, if you’re average looking you could get all the sex you want. That’s what I had. It became my hobby, I would have atleast 2 intercourses per day including different guys. At most I had 8 with 8 different guys. I craved for it every living moment I had. And no, I do have a job. I have sex with my co workers who are horny and I didn’t care if they were married. You know that scene they always have in movies where a secretary and a boss or another employee haves sex in a photocopier room? I did that every single day. I would crave for it and the guys were happy that I was there to satisfy their cravings too. But there came a day where I had myself checked and discovered that I’m positive with HIV, my whole world collapsed. That’s when I went to therapy and little by little I’ve learned to control my addiction. It was too late though, there is still no cure for HIV and I have to live with it until I die.

  2. huncolo says:

    I’ve always dealt with this problem of mine, I just keep wanting to have sex. I have the urge to do it every single minute of my life, when I look at a girl, I’m tempted to fuck her. I just get the hugest boner and I can’t help it. Is it okay for me to keep on imagining things like tihs? I’m so scared that I may be taken over by a spirit or something one day and just do the unimaginable thing- rape somebody. I have thought about raping a girl but I always end up punching myself on the gut and telling myself that it’s not worth getting in jail for. I have never had a long term girlfriend, all my girlfriends dumped me and I only had two. Both of them left me for the same reason, they just don’t want a pervert in their lives. When I have a girlfriend, I really make it a point to see all their parts and I have to fuck them every single minute I can lay my hands on them. They have gotten sick because I’m really selfish, I only have sex just to pleasure myself, I don’t really care about their pleasure so long as I get mine. I always had this problem and now I go for casual hook ups. I’m not a very good looking guy so I get close to 1 or nothing every week but I just think that if I keep doing this, at least, my urge to rape somebody would diminish to a certain extent. Honestly, I don’t even have the money to pay for hookers, if that’s what’s on our mind. I really don’t have the wealth to keep spending money for sex. Sure, I’ll buy you a couple of drinks but that’s it. We go to my cheap apartment and then we do the nasty deed. When the deed is done, I call you a cab the next morning and bid our long farewells. That’s typically my life week after every other week. If I could only turn back time, I would have been a much better guy than I am now. I remember the earliest moment I got addicted to sex was when my school mate opened my zipper and started to molest me. They were in a group and I was a shy guy, they really turned me on. Their leader blew me and I came. They all started giggling and then, that’s where it started. I really wanted to fuck them but to no avail, they were just teasing me. I never got to have sex with any of them. You think if I had sex with their leader, I’d be cured of this condition of mine?

  3. Thomas says:

    No climax has definitely been a problem for me throughout my lifetime and I didn’t realize it was actually a problem until I started having sexual encounters. While I can usually finish myself off when it’s just me, I’m almost never able to fully finish with a partner. Turns out I have delayed ejaculation issues, which is being treated with testosterone injections on a regular basis. Since boosting that level, my sex life has been far better in general and a lot more satisfying for me as a person. Do check these things out with your doctors, guys. You’ll do yourselves big favours in the long run.

  4. Manyn says:

    I’ve dealt with sex therapy. I am a 31 year-old virgin despite powerful sexual desire from ages 12 to 29. As a teenager I could get a rigid erection within five seconds of seeing a nude and I would have had sex with 80-year-old women if they had consented. I became addicted to my dad’s pornography, keeping it a fearful secret in the middle of the night, I was an honor student by day. I couldn’t talk to the women in the videos. I had one older brother who was an unwanted pregnancy. He converted to Christianity and we never talked about sex even though it was my biggest preoccupation. My father masturbates and never talked to me about sex either. I still live with my parents. At 20 my testicle got twisted in the middle of the night and I couldn’t figure out how to twist it back again. For years I was obsessed about tight pants at work when the slight aches in my testicle were actually mental stress. Around the same time I had a masturbation incident – the semen spurted out violently and a powerful orgasm turned into massive panic attack. I thought I had damaged my organ and orgasms were never the same after that with the exception of wet dreams. I wasn’t able to talk to anyone about either issue. I joined a nudist club at 22 which helped me overcome being self-conscious about my genitals. Still in daily life I continued to mentally undress women that I saw. At 25 after two nervous breakdowns I was diagnosed with anxiety. My female psychologist said to invest on a “sex therapist” when I said hypersexual words in therapy. I was really hesitant but that’s when I was at my lowest. I thought that it wouldn’t really make it worse, anyway. So, I did. I went to a sex therapist and my frustrations slowly drifted away, as if they never existed. It was all in my mind.

  5. Leigha says:

    Sex should never be painful! I think that is more of a medical issue and not a sex therapy issue. If sex is painful, it is important to go to a doctor. I feel like there could be something very wrong with you if it hurts every time you have sex. I have never dealt with any of these issues and I consider myself very fortunate for that!

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