With people experimenting more than ever in the bedroom, spanking has become one of the world’s favorite kinks. But how do you ensure spanking success?
As a relationship progresses through its tentative first steps, onto the honeymoon period, and beyond to the familiarity stage, a couple’s sex life can, if allowed, significantly deteriorate. Luckily, in this age of digital overload, there’s so much information on dealing with this change in sexual dynamic that there’s no need to simply get on as you always have and commit to a vanilla, lackluster sex life.
A brief of look on the internet under titles such as “how to deal with a fading sexual relationship” will elicit a whole host of advice columns dedicated to spicing up your sex life, and one thing that will often crop up is the pursuit of BDSM – Bondage, Domination, Sadism, and Masochism.
However, although it’s good that such things suffer far less stigma than they once did, the thought of trusses, clamps, electrodes, gimp masks, and cages is probably a little too much for most of us to stomach. And that’s why spanking can be such a great alternative.
Spanking provides a little of everything that BDSM has to offer. You are, in effect, already dominating someone when you spank them, as well as indulging in a mildly sadomasochistic pursuit. You could even tie them into position if you wanted to add a little bondage to the proceedings. However, it is a long way from the kind of hardcore BDSM that seems more at home in a torture chamber than a loving relationship, and is so much easier to adjust to, emotionally and psychologically speaking.
Spanking is much easier to introduce to an extant sex life, as well as being easier and less uncomfortable to talk about. It is, then, a perfect first step to filthier things, or a regular pursuit in its own merits. Most importantly of all, though, if done correctly, it can be a whole lot of fun.
And doing it correctly is where we come in. So to ensure that your spanking endeavors end well, just read the following tips on spanking for starters, and get those hands and butts working. [Read: 15 dirty ways to have the roughest sex ever!]
#1 First introductions. One of the biggest mistakes people make in the spanking stakes is in not giving some kind of indication of what is about to occur. No one wants to be flipped over mid-passionate kiss to be spanked across the backside without prior warning.
To play it on the safe side, it’s best to introduce spanking in conversation way before there’s any chance of its happening so you can test the water somewhat. And if the response is lukewarm, then you’re better off not doing it. For now, at least. [Read: How to build trust in a relationship and make it last]
#2 Cleanliness is next to godliness. If you’re going to be the passive partner in the couple *the one getting spanked*, then make sure you’re clean beforehand. Do remember that you’re going to have your butt wiggling in your partner’s face and even the slightest hint of a less than perfectly deep-cleaned posterior is likely to spoil the atmosphere.
#3 Safety first. Even though you and your partner may have agreed to give spanking a try in unison, it may be the case that once it starts, one of you may decide they don’t like it. It’s important then, as in any other form of domination, that a safe word is agreed upon beforehand that will indicate that one of you would like all activities to come to a halt. Otherwise, one of you may end up with trauma and trust issues rather than an orgasm. [Read: 50 shades of dangerous sex: The right way to get risqué]
#4 Role play. There’s nothing wrong with spanking someone purely for the fun of it, but many couples like to try it within a scenario where one of them is chastising the other, such as teacher and student, or police man/woman and perpetrator. Although in no way necessary, this little twist may be fun to try. [Read: The sexual role play guide for beginners]
#5 On or off. Another decision to make with spanking is whether to do it dressed or undressed, or even both. Undressed is more sensual, for instance, whereas dressed spanking can allow for a little more forcefulness without too much added pain. It all depends on what kind of effect you’re after.
#6 Heavy hands. When some people get into spanking, they do so wanting a pretty heavy and somewhat painful experience. Not everyone is the same, however, and getting it right, whether a delicate cuff or a full-frontal slapping, is something that you need to communicate to each other.
#7 Weapons of ass destruction! Hands aren’t the only options when it comes to spanking, and there are a whole range of spanking paddles out there that you can use to enhance your activities. The same warning applies as in tip number six, though, and you do need to ensure that both parties are completely signed up to what might prove to be a rather more intense experience than first realized. [Read: 20 new things to try in bed at least once with your partner]
#8 Take your position. You can spank someone in any position, although standing is less favored, as it tightens up the buttocks and makes it a less sensitive experience. Bending the recipient over is generally considered the best position, as the buttocks are relaxed and it exposes the recipient for further sexual stimulation during and after the event.
#9 Frequency and pace. Unless the recipient is a full-blown masochist, spanking is likely to be only a punctuation in lovemaking. Generally speaking, it should not last for too long, nor should it be continuous. The most popular kind of spanking is the odd slap or two in between and among other sexual activities. [Read: The top 50 kinky ideas for a sexy relationship]
#10 The gender divide. There will be many reading this who have automatically envisaged a man in the dominant role, but the opposite is just as often the case. Lots of men enjoy being relieved of their normal societal position of dominance once in the bedroom.
However, men and women are not the same. To begin with, although this doesn’t matter if pain is part of the pleasure, women have a higher pain threshold than men. They also typically have more fat in the buttocks area to soften the blow. Thus, equivalent slaps across a woman’s and a man’s buttocks are likely to hurt the latter more, so keep this in mind if you’re trying out a little role reversal. [Read: 14 tips to get your partner to open up about sex]
There’s no reason why spanking can’t be an enjoyable part of lovemaking between two consenting adults. Just follow the tips above to make sure yours goes with a bang and not with a scream.
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David Cullen is frequently described as erudite, insightful and witty – but only by himself and only after several large glasses of Rioja....