Sexual intimacy is just as important as love in a happy romance. Watch out for these 20 common sexual problems that can damage your relationship. By Jana Snow
Most couples assume that true love is all it takes to hold a romantic relationship together forever.
But in reality, a happy romantic relationship or a marriage needs more than just love.
It needs a healthy dose of sexual intimacy too!
Love could help both of you live together comfortably in each other’s company.
But if you want your relationship to feel exciting, passionate and memorable every single day, you definitely need to focus on sexual intimacy, just as much as you indulge in romantic gestures.
Intimacy and sexual problems in a relationship
Many couples start off on a whirlwind romance where they can’t keep their hands off each other during the first few months or years, but eventually end up in a relationship where they touch each other only to nudge their partner in bed or to get their partner’s attention.
And that perfect start to a happy romance turns into a relationship where there’s no sexual chemistry or excitement after a few years.
It doesn’t happen all at once though.
It starts in unnoticeably small ways, until it gets to the point where one or both of you just don’t feel alive in the relationship anymore, and desperately seek out ways to experience more excitement in your lives. [Read: 20 really hot and steamy sex ideas to blow your lover’s mind!]
Are you really satisfied in a sexless marriage?
Let’s face it, no one wants to end up in a marriage that’s riddled with intimacy issues. If you met someone today, and by some foresight, you get to know that in ten years’ time, both of you would be sexually incompatible and completely ignore each other sexually, would you still date this person?
Do you remember the time when you would have sex at every instance you got your hands on your lover? So just how often are you getting sexually intimate with your partner these days? [Confessions: How erotica saved my sexless marriage]
Don’t ignore your sex drive!
Sexual problems in a relationship may creep in slowly, but there are always noticeable little signs that you can see if you truly care to see them.
Don’t ever ignore these subtle signs. If you ever feel like having sex isn’t worth the effort it takes, it’s probably a wakeup call that’s long overdue. When sex starts to feel boring, or if your sex drive starts to go downhill for any reason at all, you need to look for new ways to bring the excitement back into your relationship. [Read: 10 sexy ways to make long term sex feel like a one night stand from tonight!]
20 sexual problems in a relationship you can avoid easily
There could be several reasons why sexual problems creep into a relationship. But if you catch the signs early or make up your mind to turn things around, you can rekindle the flickering flame of passion and make your relationship feel just as exciting as it felt during the stage of infatuation. [Read: The 9 stages of relationships all couples experience in love]
Read these 20 most common sexual problems in a relationship, and if you’re experiencing any of these issues in your own love lives, fix it before it turns into an irreparable sexual problem.
#1 Mismatched sex drive. A man may experience the peak of arousal within ten minutes if he chooses to. But a woman generally takes a lot longer to experience a sexual orgasm. If the sexual drives of both partners don’t match or if one partner is always left unsatisfied by the experience, it’s only a matter of time before sex starts to feel like a rewardless burden.
Indulge in longer foreplay that excites both lovers, and communicate with each other. It’s the easiest way to avoid this kind of a sexual problem in the relationship. [Read: 12 foreplay tips for men to extend foreplay and make them more horny]
#2 Monotony. If you’re doing the same missionary in the same corner of the bed every single time, things can start to get pretty boring in a few years. Experiment with each other, make sex feel exciting and refreshing by trying new things all the time.
#3 Sexual anxiety. Do you realize that you haven’t had sex for a long time? And does that thought actually make you feel more restless and anxious each time you think of it? For many couples, it’s easier to completely ignore sexual intimacy instead of dealing with the stress of confronting the issue.
It’s true, confronting the issue could make you want to squirm, but once both of you learn to deal with it, both of you will come out closer and more in love with each other. [Read: 13 untold sex secrets every lover needs to know!]
#4 Lethargy and laziness. Sex is not a chore! Have you ever felt like it was easier to just pretend to be asleep instead of having sex with your partner? You may have a tiring lifestyle, but if you’re looking for excuses to avoid sex, you’re only going to drift away from your partner instead of getting closer.
#5 Physical attractiveness. Do you still find your partner sexually attractive? If both of you are slipping into bed naked every day, it’s easy to overlook the sexy stuff over time. Innovate, dress up for each other, and go crazy with wigs or different props to create a unique experience every now and then. [Read: Role playing guide for beginners to experiment with new ideas in bed]
But most importantly, don’t let yourself go just because you’re in a stable relationship with someone who loves you. If you take your own appearance for granted and let yourself go, and expect your partner to have the physique of a perfect 10, you’re just being selfish and annoying. Try to look good, dress up, and behave just like you would if you were still single or on the first few dates. [Read: 13 physical attraction tips to look way hotter in no time]
#6 Withholding sex. Don’t use sex as a tool to get even after an argument. Of course, you may not feel like making out after a fight *unless you’re into angry make up sex!* but don’t use sex to win brownie points or force your partner to feel guilty and beg you for forgiveness. Your partner may apologize, but they’d hate you for withholding sex and using it to win an argument. [Read: Sexy, dirty ideas to make up with angry make up sex]
#7 Stress and depression. Stress and depression reduces the level of testosterone in your body. Firstly, you don’t feel like having sex when that happens. And secondly, your body doesn’t want you to have sex! The more stressed or depressed you are, the more you’d want to avoid sex because you won’t enjoy it anyway.
Try to relax, have fun and make each day a memorable experience. Life can be painful at times, but as long as you view your glass as half full, you can still lead a happy and eventful life. [Read: 12 ways to change your life and be happy instead!]
#8 Distractions in bed. iPads, televisions and electronic gadgets encroach your together time all the time. And if you have a television in your bedroom or surround yourself with gadgets, it’ll inevitably creep into your together time and turn into a distraction, even if both of you don’t realize it. When you get into bed with each other, avoid bringing any gadgets to bed, and your relationship will improve in no time.
It gets worse when you keep yourself occupied when your partner is idle and bored in bed. Lie down in bed together, fool around, tease each other or just talk about a few happy things. It’ll improve your relationship and the intimacy too! [Read: 8 conversations that make pillow talk and love so much better]
#9 Trust issues. Trust plays a very important part in eliminating sexual problems in a relationship. When both of you trust each other completely, it’ll help both of you open up about each other’s sexual desires without the fear of being judged. And once both of you talk about the dirty things that turn either of you on, you’ll see your bedroom stories go from boring to sexually blazing overnight! [Read: 23 tips to dirty talk in bed and say the sexiest things]
#10 Lack of selflessness. Don’t be selfish while making love to your partner. Your orgasm and sexual stimulation does matter, but never at the cost of ignoring your partner’s needs. Here’s a simple tip, the more selfless you are while having sex and the more you focus on satisfying your partner, the better the sex will be.
And if you’re not in the mood, don’t lay on your back like a starfish and behave like you hate what you’re doing. It’ll only hurt your partner. [Read: The beginners guide to tantric sex - The art of pleasuring your lover selflessly]
#11 Difficult lifestyle. Long hours at work and an active social circle can take its toll on your sex life and cause problems in bed over time. If you feel fatigued every day and are too tired to have sex with your partner, try to schedule a couple of days in a week just to cuddle up and spend time with each other. Even if you don’t feel like making love instantly, the bonding will help build the sexual intimacy over time.
#12 The kids. If both of you have become new parents, it’ll definitely take a huge toll on your sex life. The arrival of kids almost always crushes sexual intimacy in a marriage because there are so many other things to look into and worry about. But don’t let the lack of sex turn into a routine that stretches for months on end.
Always find a way to make time, even if that means sneaking out for a few hours. If the lack of sex turns into a routine, both of you may end up feeling too awkward and uncomfortable to change anything, especially when avoiding sex means both of you could get a few hours a week to relax and free your mind! [Read: 10 easy ways for couples to get over an awkward sexual dry spell]
#13 Sexual dysfunctions. Sometimes, age or stress can play havoc on your sexual life. You may have a hard time getting it up, or getting interested in having sex. Discuss the issue with your partner instead of feeling awkward about it, or your partner may assume you’re just not interested in having sex with them anymore. And if you feel like you need professional help, talk to your doctor about it. [Read: 20 easy ways to keep an erection up for longer without medication]
#14 Ejaculation issues. If you have a hard time lasting long in bed because you suffer from premature ejaculation, don’t feel ashamed about it. You aren’t alone, and there are several men who experience the same sexual problem in bed. Try to relax your mind and indulge in a lot of foreplay. It’ll help you keep the little guy calm even when your mind gets overexcited. [Read: 20 tips to last longer in bed without any difficulty]
#15 Dry privates. Unless it’s a medical condition, there’s probably a psychological reason behind why you may be feeling dry down there when you’re having sex. It could be your anxiety, your self consciousness or your awkwardness. Fall in love with yourself, and like who you are. Sex is enjoyed more in the mind than in your privates. And if your guy learns a few moves in bed, he’d be able to help you feel better about yourself and help you achieve explosive orgasms in no time. [Read: How to turn a girl on and excite her mind and her body]
#16 Non sexual touches. Intimacy and emotional connection helps bring a couple closer together and connects them. Indulge in romantic touches that aren’t sexual every now and then. Try to build the intimacy so both of you can feel loved in the relationship. And non-sexual loving touches are perfect to do just that, without the pressure of having to end every cuddle in bed with sex. [Read: 16 non-sexual touches to feel connected and loved]
#17 Being taken for granted. When you feel like you’re being taken for granted in a relationship, it’s easy to get frustrated and secretly dislike your partner for it. It may start off as a minor annoyance, but eventually, it may lead to you disliking any kind of sexual intimacy in the relationship.
If you ever feel like you’ve got the shorter end of the stick in your romance, talk about it instead of sulking over it. Big chances are, your relationship and your sex life will only improve once you do that. [Read: 16 reasons why you’re always being taken for granted in your relationship]
#18 Emotional detachment. When two lovers don’t feel compatible or emotionally connected, they’d inevitably end up leading two separate lives even if they’re living under the same roof. And what starts off with emotional detachment could lead one or both of you to look for other means or other people to fulfill your emotional and sexual needs. [Read: 30 naughty questions couples need to ask each other to keep the spark alive in love]
#19 Arguments. Contradictions and differences in opinions aren’t bad for love. In most circumstances, they can help both of you understand each other better and come closer. But if you end the discussion in a huff without concluding it, it could turn into a sexual problem in your relationship.
Bad sex is often a result of unhealthy arguments and big egos in a relationship. Fight, but learn to fight fair so both of you can understand each other instead of hating each other. [Read: The right way to fight fair in a relationship]
#20 Painful sex. Does it hurt when you have sex? You may endure it if it’s a one off circumstance, but if sex is more painful than pleasurable almost all the time, something’s probably not right.
If your doctor tells you that it’s not a medical condition, then it’s probably got something to do with your own state of mind. Perhaps, you aren’t ready for penetration just yet when you have sex, or maybe you need to try and relax and be less anxious. If a good water based lubricant doesn’t make sex exciting, try something new that sexually stimulates you and turns you on. Sometimes, routine can make even the best sex seem mundane. [Read: Top 50 kinky sex ideas every couple has to try at least once in their lifetime!]
Sexual problems in a relationship can crop up even in the most perfect of relationships. But there’s always a way to break the shackles of sexual boredom and rekindle the passion in your sex lives. Try these tips here, and it would definitely help bring the passion back into your romance!
We’re trying hard to create better relationships in the world.
But we can’t do it without YOU!
Did this feature help you better yourself or your relationship?
You can change someone else’s life too!