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Does It Matter If You’re Making Love or Having Sex?

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This isn’t a trick question. We put too much stress on whether we’re making love or just having sex all the time. But does it really matter? By Chester Bloom

making love

So what do you enjoy more, having sex or making love?

We hardly ever speak about the difference between making love and having sex.

But yet everyone makes such a big deal about it, especially when you’re in a relationship and one person complains about the lack of intimacy.

[Read: 15 really easy real life tips to look better naked]

Have you ever told someone you want to make love to them?

Chances are, the person to whom you said that probably smiled back at you or looked at you in a confused manner like you’re planning something elaborate and tricky.

On the other hand, have you told someone you want to have sex with them?

If you did, you probably saw a big mischievous grin spread on this person’s face.

Telling someone you want to have sex with them or f**k them feels more carnal and sexual. At the same time, making love seems soft and squeaky clean.

Almost always, girls say they like making love. There’s a lot of touching and long, sensual foreplay involved. And guys can’t help but say they like having sex.

But is the gender generalization really true? [Read: 10 fun sexy games to play in bed]

What is making love?

If you’ve been in a relationship with someone for at least a few months and are deeply attracted to them, you’re probably making sweet love every time both of you get into bed.

When two lovers are deeply in love with each other and indulge in passionate sex, it almost always turns out to be a good round of making love.

What’s having sex all about?

Having sex is just that, pure carnal satisfaction of sexual desires. You meet someone you’re sexually attracted to, and you have sex. Foreplay doesn’t always have to be long, and both of you can roll over and sleep as soon as the deed is over.

The confusions of having sex with someone

If you meet a stranger and jump the bed together, or if you hook up with a friend and take them to bed, you’re probably going to have sex with them, not make love. [Read: How to have sex with a friend]

While making love is all about the connection you feel, having sex is just about experiencing the pleasure down there. And when you have sex with someone for the first time, even a simple kiss can be a confusing affair. Both of you don’t know each other’s make out styles. Who takes the upper lip while kissing? Who plays a silent role and who takes control? Everything is just so confusing while having sex with someone new!

And it gets more confusing the closer you get to having sex. Who moves the pelvis? Who’s on top? Everything just goes from one confusion to another. It’s fun, wild and sexy. But more often than not, it’s not as much fun as it could have been. Plain sex always has the potential to get better when the two people involved get to know each other better.

Even friends with benefits have better sex because they’re better connected to each other’s wants and likes. And that’s probably why they end up falling in love with each other when their guard’s down. [Read: 25 friends with benefits rules to remember]

While making love and having sex may feel similar, there’s a big emotional difference. Making love involves the feeling of love, while love doesn’t really have to enter the equation while having sex.

Why does making love feel so good?

Making love is far more relaxed and slow paced than just having sex. It brings with it all the mad pleasure of sex and makes it a lot better by bringing another emotion into bed, love.

And when these two emotions come together, the pleasure would definitely be intensified. And the best part about making love, there’s more foreplay and both of you would be comfortable and aware of each other’s moves. There’s no awkwardness in the air, and the sex is just perfect.

[Read: Top 10 female sexual fantasies and top 10 male sexual fantasies]

The best place to make love

Want to make love with someone? Then take the romp to bed. Having sex in the bedroom is cozy and romantic, and doesn’t involve awkward positions.

And what’s the best position to make love? There’s nothing better than the missionary. Many magazines may convince you to try every position in the Kamasutra, but really, nothing can feel more intimate than the humble missionary.

The best places to have sex

If you just want to have sex and not make love, well, you can do it anywhere. In the club, in the car, under the shower, on a road trip, in the office boardroom, at a friend’s place… wherever! If you and your lucky friend get horny, the world’s your bedroom. You just want to have sex and you wouldn’t care about awkward positions or cramps and sprains until the deed is done. [Read: 7 sexiest places you can ever have sex in]

The bad side of making love

While it may seem like I’m glorifying making love over having sex, it’s just not true. Sometimes, just having sex with your lover can be more fun than making love.

At the start of a relationship, it’s the infatuation and sexual attraction both of you have for each other that makes making love feel so sexy. But when you make love all the time and avoid having plain quickie sex, the mad rush of passion may start to drop because both of you aren’t focusing on each other’s sexual attractiveness.

And when that happens, both of you may end up deeply in love with each other but unsatisfied down there because there’s no sexual attraction anymore. Sometimes, this may even lead to loss of erection or big orgasms. [Read: Reasons behind why losing an erection bother men so much]

Mixing up wild sex and passionate lovemaking

Making love isn’t better than having sex. It’s true that the feeling of love heightens the sensation while making love. But beyond that, overlooking each other’s sexual side or avoiding any experiments in bed beyond the missionary can make sex feel like a chore very soon. [Read: Top 50 kinky ideas to make the relationship feel more sexy]

Learn to experiment with each other. Sex is a mind game too. As long as you keep the sexual interest in each other peaked all the time by indulging in activities that can make both of you feel sexy and desirable, your partner will find you all the more sexually attractive and making love will feel a lot better too.

[Read: How to spice up your sex life in 30 super sexy ways]

A successful relationship needs a perfect balance of making love and having sex. If you feel like your partner’s not emotionally connected to you in bed, don’t fret. At times, just having sex can be a good thing too, just as long as you look for ways to bring lovemaking back into the bedroom now and then.


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Have your say!
  • Sylvia
    December 6, 2012 | Permalink |

    For me having sex or making love is the same. All the times I love the man with whom I am having sex

  • Jerome Anthony
    June 5, 2013 | Permalink |

    I have been seeing a older woman by 8 years. She recently got divorced after a 30year marriage. I had knew her from working for her ex-husband. We have great chemistry but when we get in bed she says this is just sex. Were not making love,I dont want to get hurt or ever remarry. But, the sex or love making is great and last for hours because she loves a man to go down on her. I just happen to enjoy that best with a woman. But she has me confused.

  • Justine
    September 20, 2013 | Permalink |

    My partner and I indulge in having sex (shower quickies, suprise blow jobs and erotic role playing and whipping) but we also make love and it can be very sensual and beautiful (slow and wet, I feel so completely connected to him and this normally happens in missionary) unfortunately my partner and I have, recently, forgotten to make love, instead of just having sex. ;) my pursuit of sensual love making is still in persuit.

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