In a bit of a sex rut? Don’t worry, it happens to almost all of us, and it can get better. Here is how to have better sex and spice it up once more!
Sex is a funny old thing, is it not? One day you can be having the absolute best sex of your life, and then the next, it’s forced, awkward, and a little bit dull. How does your sex life go from hot and passionate to, “I have a headache, maybe tomorrow?”
For some couples, it feels like this almost happens overnight, but for others, it can be a slow winding down sort of thing. You go through the honeymoon period, you know, those heady months where you are doing it anywhere and everywhere, multiple times a day, in weird and wonderful places.
And just looking at each other can turn you on so much that you can’t wait to get somewhere and tear one another’s clothes off.
Then it starts to dwindle. You have that first night where you actually both feel pretty shattered, so you just decide to “snuggle.” This opens up a doorway where you realize you don’t need to do it every day, and sometimes pizza and a Netflix binge is actually far more appealing.
The next stage is where it gets pretty bad, the idea of sex multiple times a day is basically abhorrent. Ideally, you plan all your sex so you know exactly when you have to muster up the energy to do it.
You start to pee with the bathroom door open, and when you do get around to bedroom activities, keeping it short and sweet in the missionary position is by far your preferred way of doing it. You start to care less about whether you orgasm… and so it continues. [Read: How important is sex in a relationship? The truth revealed]
While many pieces of advice out there would say it is totally normal for this to happen, the truth is, we should be worried when our sex lives start to become more of a burden than anything else. Of course, every couple is different, and provided you are both happy and sexually satisfied, then you can have sex once a day or once a year.
However, many couples admit that they would prefer to be having more sex, and that they get worried about the fact that their sex life, which used to be something they would brag and blush about, is now something they would rather not think about at all.
How to have better sex
A good sex life is healthy and can have a direct impact on how your relationship functions. Couples who have regular sex feel more connected to one another, make more of an effort with one another, and generally feel happier.
So how do you have better, more frequent, more satisfying sex? Here are 13 tips for how to have better sex!
#1 Communicate. Communication is the key to good sex. If you are feeling frustrated about your sex life, it is likely that your partner feels exactly the same way. So, you know what you should do? Yup, you got it. Talk to them! Telling your partner exactly how you feel is the first step. Try to do this outside of the bedroom and make it positive rather than negative. [Read: Sexual frustration – 10 ways to handle it with your partner]
#2 Tell them what you want, and listen to what they want. Of course, good communication is also imperative when it comes to finding out exactly what your partner wants in bed. It may be that during those first few months all the excitement and passion got you through. And now that it’s over, you are left wondering what to do to one another.
There are a surprising number of couples, when asked, “what does your partner like in bed,” that actually don’t know the answer. Don’t be one of them. Find out what really gets them going and make it happen. It might feel a bit like hit-and-miss at first, but as long as you show that you are willing, you are on your way to figuring out how to have better sex.
#3 Try 7 days of sex. If you want to know how to have better sex, then do it every day for 7 days – it’s a simple as that. You know how practice makes perfect, and the more you do something the more it becomes a habit?
#4 Watch porn. It’s an oldie, but a goodie! Watching porn can really help turn both of you on and have passionate, mind-blowing sex like never before. If you haven’t done it before, you might want to ease yourselves into this gently.
Talk about it together beforehand, and try to find a video that you think will work for both of you. Don’t dive straight into the physical stuff. Watch a bit of it first until you really feel yourselves getting turned on, and then just go for it.
#5 Try abstinence. Another interesting technique is to actually ban yourselves from having sex at all. If you are a once-a-week couple but it always feels a bit dull, or you would like to have it more, why not put a one-month sex ban on your relationship?
As soon as sex is taken out of the equation, it can feel very difficult to not want to do it – something to do with forbidden fruit and all that. By the end of the month, you’ll be ready to rip each other’s clothes off once more! [Read: 25 horny ways to increase your sex drive and keep it high]
#6 Be selfless. Take turns to really focus on one another in bed. Dedicate an entire sex session to your partner, exploring their body, and really finding out what drives them wild. Don’t let them touch you until you have made them explode with pleasure. Then you can swap around, and it’s your turn for all the fun!
#7 Get kinky. Try some bondage, get into spanking, head to a sex shop, and see what takes your fancy. Sometimes you just need some little extras to help you get there – that’s what they are there for after all! [Read: Top 50 kinky ideas for a really sexy relationship]
#8 Bring back the romance. Do you make your partner feel loved and special? Sex is not just physical, it’s emotional too. Make sure that you keep the romance alive in your relationship and sex should naturally follow.
#9 Dress up. Good old-fashioned dress up sessions can be just the thing to get you both super turned on. Ask your partner what they would find the most sexy, and then surprise them by dressing up one evening and seducing them then and there.
#10 Act out your fantasies. Fantasies can become realities if you trust your partner with them. If you want to know how to have better sex, then act out your wildest fantasies… it can be seriously hot! [Read: 10 naughty sex games for couples to feel horny again]
#11 Talk dirty. Still wondering how to have better sex? Well, try talking dirty. Dirty talk is a huge turn-on for many couples. If you feel uncertain or aren’t sure how to start, just take it slowly and you can soon build up to whispering filthy nothings in your partners ear. [Read: How to talk dirty in bed – All the dirty examples you need]
#12 Try new positions. If you are stuck in the boring old missionary position, then it might be time to mix it up a little. Invest in a copy of the Kama Sutra. Okay, so some of the positions appear to require you to have no spine, but there are a lot in there and you can certainly have fun trying!
#13 Laugh more. Sex doesn’t have to be so serious. The sooner you can lighten up and have fun together in the bedroom, the more likely you are to relax, enjoy it ,and want to do it even more!
Your sex life should be constantly evolving. And while you can’t be expected to have ridiculous, passionate, earth-shattering sex every single time, if you use these tips for how to have better sex, you’ll re-ignite the fire in no time!
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Bethany was born and raised in Scotland and now resides in Brighton where she lives with her partner and rather disobedient cocker spaniel pup. She works as a f...