Some couples have sex a few times a week, others multiple times a day. Would that be considered too much sex? Here’s the answer to that question.
Sex is great. It’s important for the health and happiness of your relationship. It brings the two of you closer together, allows you to be intimate and vulnerable with one another, and it just feels good. Doesn’t that sound like something that you couldn’t possibly get enough of? But then again, too little or too much sex can be a subjective matter too.
While many people think the more sex you have, the better, that’s not always the case. Sure, you should be having sex regularly in a healthy relationship, because it’s a time to be affectionate and connect with your partner. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t a limit to when sex isn’t good for you anymore.
Too little sex can be a problem
On the flip side, not having enough sex can be an even bigger problem. Your relationship needs sex and physical affection. Without it, it’s really hard to connect and let yourself be vulnerable around your partner – something vital to a healthy relationship.
Determining whether or not you’re having too much sex can be really tricky. On one hand, you’re both physically pleased, but on the other, you may not be emotionally invested in the relationship. Having an excessive amount of sex can pull away from the emotional intimacy you’re supposed to have with your partner.
So, this begs the question… is there ever such thing as too much sex? The short answer: yes. You can definitely be having too much sex. The thing you have to determine is when it’s too much, and when it’s a healthy amount for your relationship. [Marriage.com: How often do married couples have sex?]
It’s too much when…
#1 You have sex instead of sorting out an argument. Sex should never be used as a means to solve a problem. If the problem is that you’re not having enough sex, sure. Then it works. But if you get into fights, and instead of talking through them you have sex and forget about it *and you’re doing this often*, you’re having too much sex.
#2 You do it in order to feel connected. Couples who have a ton of sex should take a step back and ask themselves why that is? Are you two just really hot and horny for each other, or do you lack a connection emotionally, and that’s why you’re hopping in the sack every day of the week? If that’s the case, it’s too much and you should slow it down and develop a romantic relationship. [Read: 8 little ways to build an emotional connection and a happily ever after]
#3 You use sex in place of “quality time.” Having sex on the couch is not a date. Having sex in the kitchen is not a date. Nor is having sex in the shower. The point is, you can’t just have sex all the time in place of spending quality time with someone. If you’re having so much sex that you don’t have time to go out on an actual date, it’s too much sex. [StyleCaster: Good relationship or good sex? How to tell the difference]
#4 You do it just because you feel lonely. Being lonely when you’re in a relationship is a red flag. You should never feel like you have to have a bunch of sex just to feel like you have company – especially with someone who you should never feel lonely around. If you do, it’s too much sex, and you have to slow down and address this problem.
#5 You only do it because your partner wants it. Sex should go both ways. Sure, there will be times when you take one for the team if your libido just hasn’t been very high so you can meet your significant other’s needs. However, if this is more often than not and you’re just not into it, you’re having too much sex. [Read: 25 horny ways to increase your sex drive and keep it high]
#6 You’re having trouble finishing. Sex shouldn’t be REALLY hard to finish with. Sometimes it may take a few tries with a new partner to get into the swing of things, but ultimately, you should be pleased when you finish.
If you’re having a really hard time finishing and you just can’t get there, you may be having too much sex. If your body is tapped out on orgasms, you should slow down and give your body a break before getting right back into it.
#7 You’re never actually in the mood for it. We all know our libidos can change from time to time. They go up really high, and sometimes they drop down to a point where we’re never really in the mood. But if you’re never actually in the mood before you have sex, you could be doing it too often. Take a break and let your body crave it again. [Read: 15 incredibly arousing ways to increase sexual arousal and stay horny]
#8 You’re in pain. If you’ve been on a sex bender and you’re actually in physical pain from all the friction, you need to stop. You’re having too much sex. Take it easy until you’re completely pain-free.
#9 It’s the center of your relationship. If a relationship revolves around sex and making sure you have it and doing it all the time, it’s too much sex. Sex is supposed to be a great thing added to a relationship, not the whole purpose of it.
#10 You depend on it for the sake of your relationship. If you think your relationship would fall apart without sex so you make sure to do it every single day, then you’re having too much of it. And quite frankly, your relationship is unhealthy. Sex can’t save a relationship, and no matter how much you do it, it’ll still be broken if that’s why you’re doing it.
#2 You don’t NEED it to be happy with them. If you could live happily in your relationship without sex at all, yet you’re getting it on every single day, it’s definitely not too much sex.
#3 You both want it just as much. When both parties are craving it and wanting to hop each on each other just as much, then by all means, get to it! Just make sure your emotional relationship is stable, too. [Read: 30 Day sex challenge – 30 sex positions for 30 days]
#4 It’s your “honeymoon phase.” We all know this phase lasts a few months and you basically get in between the sheets at every opportunity. The honeymoon phase is really meant for this. As long as you’re still being emotionally invested in this person and getting to know them, it’s not too much sex.
#5 You’re getting fully satisfied. If you’re banging like rabbits every day and you’re still getting off, then your sex life is just fine. Your body can – and wants to – handle that level of physical intimacy, and it’s not too much sex at all.
The bottom line is that it completely depends on your relationship. You can be getting it on twice a day, every day, and it wouldn’t be too much sex as long as your relationship is emotionally healthy, as well.
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Bella is a lifestyle writer, cheese enthusiast (Wisconsin native over here) and fantasy adventure author-in-progress who enjoys all things love, dog, p...