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The 10 Rules of Swinging

The 10 Rules of Swinging at a Swingers Party

What should you know about swinging before you try to swing with your partner? Here are the ten most important rules that every swinger couple should know and follow to make sure you have a good time while swapping partners.

Click here to read the introduction: How to Start Swinging with your Partner

Like any other human activity, swinging also has its pros and cons. A few basic laid down principles can make swinging fun and foul-free, every time.

One goes, both go

Come as a couple and leave as one. It is not preferable if one goes while the other lags behind. Always go hand in hand without leaving your partner behind. Swinging is safer and easier if both partners are comfortable indulging in it. It is a team game. Not a solo affair.


Arriving at the correct time applies here as well. Turning up late at a party is a turn-off. By the time you’re in, the night would be in full swing. You’d only end up making people who are already in the act feel awkward. You won’t know where to fit in too. Inform the host beforehand if you are going to be late. Or you may not be invited again.


The lifestyle of the swingers isn’t a piece of cake. Sometimes it is complex and complicated with lots of insecurities and uncertainties. Courtesy is the key to ease up. Behave with people just like you would like them to behave towards you. Be sensible, thoughtful and understanding.

RSVP to Invitations

Even if you don’t wish to attend, answer to all invitations. It is very annoying for a host if they don’t know how many people are going to turn up. Reply by phone or mail and express your gratitude for the invitation.

Gift for the Host

Don’t go to a party empty-handed. Ask the host about what you could get for them. Get something racy or simple for the hosts every time you attend a swingers’ party. See, it’s just like a normal party, isn’t it?

The Right Attire

Wear clothes that are practical and will be comfortable for you as the night progresses. Carrying a robe or a negligee is a good idea. Take only as much cash as you require. Keep your bling, jewelry and other valuables to the bare minimum. Losing them will be headache to you and an embarrassment to the hosts.

Health and Hygiene

Oral hygiene is a basic necessity for everyone. Bad breath or body odor is a big turn-off for your potential partners. Shower and groom well before you leave for the party. Good cologne, perfumes or body sprays will give you the edge in the environment. The best way to enjoy the party is by freshening up as you reach there.

Enjoy Yourself

The whole idea is to have fun and enjoy your time there, so participate in activities that make you feel comfortable. Don’t let anyone pressurize you to do something you don’t like. This may be the most important one. Approach every activity with an open mind and positive attitude. Act out your fantasies, and enjoy yourself.

The Right to say ‘NO’

This is the fundamental etiquette in swinging, the right to say ‘no’. It is simple and straightforward, and polite to say ‘no, thank you’. Explanations and alibis aren’t required as these may cause embarrassment and hurt you. You shouldn’t be afraid to decline an invitation. It is the only way to avoid doing something you might regret afterwards. And that might just create more ill-feelings and embarrassment.


Be a friend to all, even if you don’t want to extend the night or don’t have any interest in getting physical with someone. You may catch a vibe by being nice with the others in the community. They may put you across to people who you may be interested in.

Swinging can be every bit as invigorating, exciting and fulfilling as you can ever imagine. It opens a window to explore your favorite fantasies in safe mode. You and your partner can work out in private, and yet you can enjoy another couple or get a group swing in just one evening.

Meeting new interesting people and making bold friends are potential side-effects of swinging. Swinging also has the common positive effect of enhancing your relationship and personal life to a great extent. The positive feeling about yourself, your mate, and your relationship is the most important factor while swinging.

Click here to continue reading: The Do’s and Don’ts of Swinging

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11 thoughts on “The 10 Rules of Swinging”

  1. Michelle says:

    I have 2 questions. My partner and I are seriously considering attending a Swingers Party. We have both agreed that we would only be intimate with each other, though we will enjoy watching and being watched! I visited the website for the party organizers, and it seems to be geared towards pleasing men. Lots of pictures of sexy women, in perfect physical form. A video featuring many women, again in perfect physical form. There was a washed out photo of a man sitting in a hot tob, from the shoulders up, and a picture of the back of a man’s head as he sat watching two women make out. My questions are, what if we get there and he wants to explore with other people? And, are these parties for people that are in A+ physical condition only?

  2. Pepper says:

    The same questions/concerns have bounced around in my head.
    So, did you attend? If you went…I’m sure your questions were resolved.

    My husband and I have attended venues and meet potential FWB. We did alot of very real discussions about comfort levels and what we expected of eachother. Open communication is paramount.

    There are some events that allow sex acts there on site, others are off site.
    The off premises parties/meets are just that, heavy petting and flirting. That is the least pressured environment to step into swingdom.
    On premises are great for “live porn” theirs and yours.
    *Be aware people may try to join while you and your man are “busy”.
    * Most venues limit single males to certain days or hours. Just something to consider for evening the playing field.

    A+ super sexy model types??
    Swingers come in all sizes, shapes, ages, and colors. I haven’t meet or even seen many A+ people, and have been to many very HOT places.

    Guys have a harder time getting laid than we do. This is a fact.
    Sex sites and porn are nearly always geared toward men. They are “marks” for the sex industry. We typically won’t spend the $ men will, toy budget being excluded, lol.
    Dig deep and bring out that inner vixen. No one’s perfect, but you don’t have to be to be sexy!! Make him trip on his tongue when you step in the room!
    Ever considered a pole at home? The results are amazing! I workout a few times a week, 3 song minimum. It makes me feel SO sexy. It comes in handy at events…usually a pole somewhere. Never nervous about walking in heels, because you workout in them.
    Biggest reward is seeing your man wide eyed and hard.
    Sex with another woman?
    I allowed my husband to enjoy another woman with me in the same bed. It was a learning experience for both of us. A first for me, and I felt a little awkward… initially. It was my idea, and I am still pleased to have given him that “gift”.
    We are committed to each other and deeply in love, married 11 yrs before the threesome. Was it getting old? No, we’re both very sexual creatures and allow for the only thing we can’t give…a stranger’s electric touch.
    Our personal approach is that there is balance. If one does —, the other is allowed the same.
    Make sure you BOTH are happy with ground rules.
    Don’t be afraid, voice sexual wants/needs and listen to his without judgement.
    If you can’t wrap your head around it and be comfortable…there is naughtiness outside of swinging 😉
    I rambled, sorry. When you’ve been there, it’s hard not to.
    Take care,

  3. Brittany says:

    Michelle I feel the same anxiety as you do in regards to the “picture perfect” bodies that are advertised. But just think that’s obviously what they are going to advertise but I am pretty confident in saying I’m sure there would be plenty of men and women with normal everyday bodies.

    Also what was the website that you visited please?

  4. June says:

    Pepper, thank u so much for sharing your valuable insights and experiences. Can you go into further detail about how the (first) threesome with you husband and the other woman went down ? Did u just watch them go at it or did you partake in “playing” with her as well? Did he take turns doing both of you? Sorry, I know this is probably too personal for you to actually answer, but I am strongly considering making a similar scenario happen between my husband and I (and another woman). I would love some more input and advice from you on this topic. U say u were married 11 years– so am i safe in assuming that u had no insecurities ..?

  5. Mike says:

    Hi. I have a question but am unsure as to whom I should ask. I am currently dating a lady who says she wants a monogamous relationship (unless we were both involved) which tell me she may have some swinging tendencies. My issue is that, while the concept can be titillating, I’ve been cheated on or lied to so many times in my own past that I’m unsure if I could really handle getting into the lifestyle. On one hand it could certainly open up some exciting opportunities. However, I’m actually scared I’ll be hurt by her doing things without me. I know it sounds silly to some, even to me at times. I am very attracted to a variety of females. I even flirt from time to time. So I know its a normal thing to interact with others like this. However, given my very strict ideology on the many facets of sex I was raised with. I find it difficult to overcome that mindset. Can someone help me? Give me some sort of guidance on how to proceed and retain the closeness I have felt and want to continue feeling with this girl?

  6. Thomas says:

    Hi, I was wondering if you have any stats or know where I can find statistics on couples breaking up after they become swingers?



  7. Unsure says:

    Im with Mike on this I do the same things flirting with guys and being hurt in my past. So this lifestyle is a bit iffy to me, I cant even imagine my bf having sex with another woman. He asked me about having a threesome and swinging but im not sure i can handle that

  8. Tnew says:

    To Thomas
    Interesting question and I have heard that there are studies but they are all over the place. From my experience this makes sense. I have been swinging many years so here are my observations. I see a lot of couples get into swinging as a last ditch effort to save a marriage, it just does not work and if you had a study that had a large proportion of those types of people then it would show a higher divorce rate. They are usually very new to swinging and do not stay in it for more than 6 months and they are gone.
    The ones who have been at it longer than say a year also seem to have more stable marriages. Most of our friends have been together for 10 plus years and many are like us who are approaching 25 years. If you were to sample this group I think you would see a greatly reduced divorce rate. Here is my theory why. There are a few main reasons for divorce

  9. Tnew says:

    To unsure, Mike and other’s who are just looking to get into swinging.

    First off let me say most people are not cut out to be swingers and you have to have the correct mind set, But this does not mean that you should not look into it. Also there are many levels to swingers, a good number do not have intercourse with other couples, and will only do soft swaps. Swingers also come in all shapes and sizes. I will say that swinging has pushed us to take care of ourselves, and look better. Ok so while swinging is not for everyone I do encourage you to look into it and my suggestions are as follows.

    Go to a meet and greet, you can find these on SLS, Kasadie, SDC or probably some other sites. I really like SLS for what it is worth. These meet and greets are very tame and usually held in a public restaurant and you are sectioned off. For example i go to one called “2 Cherries” and we meet in one designated section of the bar. To show that you are in the group you put 2 cherries in your drink. You will not see any sex acts and for the most part it is very tame. You do get a chance to meet people. We did a couple of these when we started in order to find the group that we felt most comfortable with. One thing that will be discussed are the upcoming parties.

    Parties – If you made the first step go to a party. Absolutely do not go to a house party as they are to intimate. But go to a group hotel party. In our area the Friction group has great hotel takeover parties, and there are others. What you will find at the parties. Most are themed and in general there will be dancing from 8-12 and the dancing is fun. You will see some public nudity but no sex acts, you can chat with people and have the same type of fun you would in any club. After 12 there is generally a party floor upstairs. Now you are not required to have sex, or undress or do anything that makes you uncomfortable on this floor, and you can look all you want. This will help you decide it this is right for you or not. You will find rooms with open doors, walk in say hello. An open door is an invitation to come in. Most of the time it is just people being friendly, but do not be surprised to see a couple having sex, yes the first time it will shock you, but trust me they are doing it to show off and enjoy you watching. Other rooms will have other “theme’s” to them. There will often be a light BDSM room and a toy room, again you do not have to be involved you can just look. And finally there is the “Red room” This is almost always a suite, and you will have a TV with Porno on it and generally at least two beds and these are bathed in red light. Sex on the bed

  10. JR says:

    Hi Mike, I read your comment with interest as some of the points that you have raised, I have them too.
    A year later now, have you found more answers to your questions?

    My current concern is that my girlfriend would start to like it more and more and eventually put more thought and energy into us sharing sex with others than or our own relationship, romance and emotional intimacy.

    What does your experience show you of this? Thank you for your answer.

  11. Metale says:

    Celem zycia jest: w swojej malej jednostkowej duszy odbic jak najwiecej kosmosu. – Henryk Elzenberg

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