Sex with your ex is no laughing matter. While it may seem okay at times, beware of all that could go wrong in this situation.
Having sex with your ex is a risky situation. Just ask anyone who has done it! They’ll probably greet the question with a tense, quizzical expression. Then delve into the depths of all that sleeping with your ex brings to the table.
The truth is, a ton of people sleep with their ex. Now, whether they should be or not is the question up for debate. Many things can go wrong when you hop into bed with your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend after a breakup.
Is having sex with your ex okay?
Personally, I’ll never get naked and do the dirty with an ex-boyfriend because I think it’s a bad idea. Also, after I break up with someone I don’t actually want to sleep with them. They’re my ex for a reason, and I prefer to keep them that way.
Most people don’t share my opinion, however, and they go through a personal debate about whether or not they should be sleeping with their ex. For me, it’s an automatic no—I don’t have to think about it. But for you, maybe it is a bigger decision requiring you to think it through more. [Read: Sex with an ex – The many truths about ex-sex]
Get down and dirty with your ex or ditch them for good?
I have a pretty clear head about when it’s okay to have sex with an ex and when to avoid them at all costs. I’ve been down both roads and learned the hard way when to stay away.
Luckily for you, we divulge when sex with your ex is okay, and when steering clear helps you avoid making the same mistakes.
#1 You’re 100% over them. It you’re going to have sex with an ex, you need to be 100% over them, or you’re going to start up all the same feelings again. No matter who broke up with who, you can’t sleep with them if there’s any feelings left over.
In order to know if you’re 100% over them, watch them try to hook up with someone else at the bar before approaching them. If you get jealous, you’re not over them. If you really don’t care, go for it.
#2 You haven’t been together for years. If it’s your high school reunion, and you haven’t dated this ex since high school. Suddenly they look like the type you want to take to bed, then you’re in the clear to sleep with them.
A substantial amount of years passed since you’ve dated, you both are probably more mature, over each other, and can handle sleeping together without dredging up the past.
Then go for it! Make it one last fun, exciting round of banging to hold you over not sleeping with them ever, ever again. That way, even if your feelings start to resurface, they’ll be useless once you two part ways.
#4 There are no strings or expectations. You can totally bang an ex if you know they don’t want to date you again. As long as there’s an understanding in place that you two aren’t going to get back together, make hooking up a regular thing, or any other commitment issues, you’re clear to sleep with them.
When someone has expectations about the hookup and the other person doesn’t, it leads to arguments and hurt feelings. So make sure the intentions are clear beforehand.
#5 You can handle any backlash. Being mature and confident in yourself enables you to handle any backlash occurring after sleeping with your ex. In the moment, sex might be on the both your minds, but the second the smoke clears and you calm down, stuff gets messy.
If you can handle dealing with all that sleeping with your ex brings up, then by all means go for it! But if you don’t think you can handle it if things go bad, just skip the sex and make out with the hottie from out of town instead.
When to steer clear
Having sex with an ex during these circumstances could have horrible ramifications. Steer clear of getting naked with them if you relate to these.
#1 You still have feelings for them. You can’t sleep with your ex if you still have feelings for them. It’s just a TERRIBLE idea. Take it from someone who has made this mistake before and steer clear. Stay as far away from it as you can. You’ll only hurt yourself when you wake up and realize they just wanted to get some—they didn’t want to win you back. [Read: 20 firm ways to get over someone without falling apart]
#2 You’re drunk. Alcohol has a funny way of making everyone, especially an ex you’ve already seen naked many times, seem so much more appealing. If you know you’re drunk and have had more than a few glasses of alcohol, steer clear of sleeping with your ex.
When the alcohol fades away and the beer goggles loosen their hold on your sight and reality, you’ll be filled with guilt and realize that having sex with your ex probably wasn’t the best idea you’ve ever had.
#3 You JUST broke up. If you broke up a week ago and see them out at the bar or get a booty call text at one a.m., do NOT sleep with them. Both of your feelings are on edge, and you’re not thinking clearly. Allow a significant amount of time to pass before you sleep with your ex again. See above—YEARS. Not just days, weeks, or even months. It takes YEARS to be okay emotionally to sleep with an ex. [Read: You kissed your ex? The complete damage control guide]
#4 You just want to show them what they’re missing. Revenge sex isn’t good for anybody. Because your ex feels crappy about not having you anymore, and you feel crappy about sleeping with someone just to show them what they’re missing. When you wake up the next morning and realize they really aren’t missing it, you’re going to have a whole lot of heartache to deal with.
#5 You noticed them with someone else and got jealous so YOU went after them… again. So, you ran into your ex at a bar and see some hussy flirting him up. So what do you do? You hop right in there and claim your territory… like it’s still yours.
But it’s not. You can’t have sex with your ex just because you’re jealous he’s hanging around other girls. Remove yourself from the situation when you’re jealous, not throw yourself right into the middle of it.