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Sex Addict: 11 Straight Questions to Know if You’re One

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Sex addiction usually starts as something harmless, but turns problematic. We have compiled questions to determine whether you are a lover, or an addict.

Anything in excess is not a good thing. In fact, doing something too much over and over and over can be really bad for you.

The same can be said for sex.

Ask anyone—having sex is great. However, there are those that tend to overdo it—but believe us, it’s not in the sense that you may have “overdone” it with your partner in the first few months of your romance. Some people really can be addicted to sex, in the same way that others can be addicted to drugs or alcohol.

Take, for example, Tiger Woods, whose name was catapulted to scandalous fame as his numerous extra-marital encounters came to light. Like Tiger Woods, Sandra Bullock’s ex Jesse James was identified as a frequent philanderer, as well as other celebrities and even politicians. All of them have one excuse: sex addiction.

The struggle is real

Whether they are truly sex addicts or not, sexual addiction is real. And you may be dealing with it, too. Ask yourself these questions to find out if you might be a sex addict.

#1 Do you have a compulsion to cheat on your partner or spouse? This happens not only in Hollywood, but in real life. Men and women, alike, cheat on their spouses or partners. Some may just be unhappy with their relationships, but if you find yourself always in bed with a third party, only for the sake of having sex, this could be a sign.

#2 Do you frequently engage in more sex with more partners than you originally planned? Perhaps you are going out with someone and your sex life rocks. However, someone else caught your eye, and you can’t help but flirt… and then things get heated… and you end up in the bedroom. After some time, you have sex with another partner, again. Having multiple partners at a time or in a series *especially if you don’t really intend to* can mean that you have a sex addiction.

#3 Do you habitually engage in random encounters with anonymous sexual partners? It’s one thing to know who you’re getting in bed with, but if you always put yourself in a position where you engage in sex with random and anonymous people, then you’re not only in it for the excitement, but the sex. By having sex with people you don’t know, you are throwing intimacy and connection out the window, as you are only dead-set on being sexually satisfied.

#4 Do you compulsively engage in phone sex and/or sexting? Many people do this with their partners. After all, there’s nothing like sending naughty pictures and messages to your partner at work, in the middle of the day, to spice things up. However, if you sign up to hookup apps and find yourself compulsively having phone sex with people you meet there *whether or not you have a real-life partner*, then you might need to rethink your behavior.

#5 Do you get involved in unsafe sexual encounters? Sure, having a quickie in a public place can be fun—and come on, everyone has thought about it at some point— but doing this often can be very dangerous. Having sex in public places risks running into legal problems, hurting a loved one, or doing something that may endanger your physical health *think unprotected sex*, and can lead to a lot of negative consequences. If you continue, even with this knowledge, then you might have a problem.

#6 Do you turn to prostitution? Turning to prostitutes to be sexually gratified is something that’s been done since ancient times. After all, it’s one of the oldest professions in the world. However, if you find yourself in the habit of soliciting sex from prostitutes like it’s a treat or a walk in the park, then it’s a sign of sex addiction. Prostituting yourself, just to have more sex, is another sign. [Read: My Asian happy ending massage experience]

#7 Do you engage in sexual behaviors that may interfere with work, family life, and school? Like substance addicts or alcoholics, who cannot go through periods of time without their drugs or alcohol, those who are addicted to sex will rearrange their whole lives and make it revolve around getting sex. This behavior may eventually cost you your work, studies, friends, and family.

#8 Do you get irritable, angry, anxious, or restless without sex? If you are without sex for a period of time, or don’t get it as often as you’re used to, do you get angry and take it out on other people? This could be a sign. Being deprived of sex with a partner or after a breakup is normal for some, and they can cope with it pretty well. However, if you are addicted to sex, not having sex is like a drug-dependent without drugs—you become restless and irritated unless you get what you want.

#9 Do you have family and friends telling you about your hypersexuality? If you are always engaged in highly sexual acts, people who are close to you are bound to notice. Those who may find a reason to be concerned may try to talk to you about it, and it pays to listen to them. You may even find yourself arguing with your partner or spouse after they see your sexts and porn subscriptions—or worse, your affairs. [Read: 5 signs you’re addicted and 15 ways to get over porn]

#10 Do you feel a sense of guilt or remorse after engaging in hypersexual behavior or sexual acts? Sex is meant to be enjoyed, but if you feel like you’ve gone too far, or if you feel bad about what you’ve done, then more often than not, there’s something you should feel badly about. If you feel you’ve gone too far, maybe you have. If you feel guilty that you had sex with someone behind your partner’s back, then you know it’s wrong. However, despite these feelings, you may still find yourself doing the deed without restraint.

#11 Do you often try to stop yourself from your sexual encounters and find yourself failing? You may, at one point, find a problem in your sexual preferences and habits. So, you try to curb it. Often, this happens after you contract an infection or get in trouble with your spouse or the law. You tell yourself it’s the last time, or that you’ll never do it again, but later on, the urge to have sex becomes greater than the guilt, and so you’re out on the prowl again. This is a rather significant indication of sexual addiction. [Read: STD 101 – The most common types and their symptoms]

Aside from propagating our species, sex is designed to be pleasurable. If, however, the pleasure and connection you get from your partner is overshadowed by your white-hot desire for just the deed itself, you could have a problem. This is true, especially, if you use sex as a distraction from your problems or your real life. Using sex as a way to cope only gives you a momentary release, and you end up chasing after that “high” again and again—much like someone with substance addiction does.

So, if you recognize some or most of these traits in yourself, then you have to recognize that there is an internal war inside you. You may need to have a better understanding about what your impulses and motivations are, or you may need to seek professional help.

Though not recognized as a diagnosable clinical condition yet, sex addiction is still seen as a clear compulsion to engage in hypersexual behavior, similar to someone with a substance addiction.

[Read: Addicted to sex? 8 steps to handle and overcome your sex addiction]

If you answered “yes” to most of the questions above, then you may have a sex addiction. Don’t wait—talk to a mental health professional today, and begin your recovery.

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Tiffany Reyes
Tiffany Grace Reyes
Tiffany is a wordsmith who has played with words ever since her letter-to-the-editor was published nationally at the age of 9. Since then her writing has gone f...
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3 thoughts on “Sex Addict: 11 Straight Questions to Know if You’re One”

  1. Fapper says:

    I’m a barely functioning sex addict and don’t know how to get help. I’ve done some things that make me sound more successful than I really am so when I’ve tried to get professional help, people have downplayed my situation and I’ve not gotten help. Can you talk about therapy? What is it like? Can I get out of this in a year? How do you get started? What does it consist of? What do they teach you? will it help? How? I fap about 3-4 times a day. I fapped at work a few times at my first job out of college. I have a girlfriend who’s wonderful and knows I fap “now and then” and we joke about it, but I know she’d be deeply hurt if she knew just HOW often I do it. I was so afraid that I’d get fired from any job that I could get, that I started my own business. It’s not going very well, in part because I’m very inconsistent in my thinking and never plan anything. I think this is because all the fapping has warped my brain a bit. Also, after fapping, it’s like I’m high for 2-3 hours afterwards, which isn’t good either.

  2. penis purger says:

    This is something I’ve struggled with for a very long time, going back to when I used to download porn from the original p2p programs. I couldn’t get enough, and would compile disks upon disks of things to look at later.. As life progressed on, high school was nothing but meaningless sex with many many different women. This rolled over in to college where I joined a fraternity, and had much more opportunity. I kept a girlfriend that I would have sex with 3 to 4 times a day, but then at night, go out drinking and hook up with anywhere from 1 to 3 other different girls (hooking up meaning oral, or full penetration). I then moved away, and tried to curb my problem a bit more. I went through a patch of about a year where I tried not to fornicate with so many women, and keep it to my self, using pornography to curb my sexual appetite. This got boring, and I moved once again where I started up my old habits. It got better with a girlfriend I had met and was really in to, but she was insane, although the sex was amazing lol I had to move away from her to get away from the pot addiction I had gotten back in to with her, and ended up meeting my current wife. So yes, I’m married. Here’s where my struggle has come to such a point as for me to feel a need to come clean. Firstly, I have NOT cheated on her ever, and I want that to be clear. The struggle however is that I WANT to cheat on her quite often.. We maybe have sex 1 to 2 times a month, and its not because of her, its because we’re so awkward when it comes to that kind of thing. She’s a very traditional christian girl, and simply wasn’t exposed sexually like I have been (to pornography, or other sexual deviations), which produces an issue of her not having any sexual fetishes, and hardly any sexual desires (I attribute this to many biblical teachings that scare the hell out of you about sexual immorality..). Why did I marry her then? She’s a fantastic woman with great morality and ethics, and I know some day she’ll be a great mother and partner. That being said, one place I struggle is where go to school. It’s a large college, and I am constantly looking at other women, fantasizing, and sometimes it gets so bad, I have to go to the restroom and masturbate.. This is what really bothers me, and where my remorse for my actions really sets in. I fear that if given the opportunity, I may not have FULL penetration sex with a woman, but I would definitely enjoy oral pleasure of some sort.. I even find myself looking at the “casual encounters” portion of craigslist, and I have even emailed girls, but nothing has ever come of it. I of course then curb my sexual appetite again with pornography and many different forms and colors of it, mated with masturbation which, yup you guessed it, my wife doesn’t know about and I’ve actually lied to her about since she thinks masturbation is disgusting…. Lastly, I consider myself a christian man, in which I feel very strongly convicted about adultery, and in no way do I want to dig myself in to that hole, since I feel like God does not forgive this. Is there anyone else out there that has dealt with this before? How did you come out of it with your spirituality intact, and sleep at night? I know deep down that meaningless sex with some beautiful woman isn’t the answer, but my want for that is so primal, it’s ridiculously hard to resist.. It feels good to actually type this out.

  3. You got it says:

    I’ve known about nofap for about a year and a half now (I’m 22),and the longest streak I’ve ever had was two weeks. Since finding out about nofap, I’ve had a shit ton of changes in my life. Not all of them are attributed to nofap, but I can say some of them definitely are. The 4-5 day streaks I definitely feel more confident, shit even after 3. So I notice the benefits obviously. I was also able to obtain a girlfriend, which I think is more due to the other self improvement things I’ve been doing. (gym, pickup, reading, etc.) So I relapsed tonight. It was to some crazy fu*king hentai about some dude who traveled back in time and fu*ks cave women or something, pretty depraved shit. As I’m sure some of you know, that’s what happens when you watch a lot of porn, you need weirder and weirder shit to get off. Now what’s really interesting is that I’ve always had a thing for hentai, and it’s when I first discovered porn in the 3rd grade. I was 9 years old. I still remember the exact hentai game it was too, it was fu*king newgrounds that poisoned my mind all those years ago. Since then my mind and my entire life has been consumed by sex. All of high school, I never dated any girls, because none of them were hot enough (they were, but my mind was comparing them to pornstars and anime girls). I have a horrible attitude towards women. Every girl I see on the street or at work I think about fu*king. I even learned pickup artistry so I could finally act on my urges. This led to a rampage where I fuc*ed 12 girls in a span of 6 months, all of which I met on the street or at the bar. But the worst part of it all: my poor girlfriend has to deal with it. I honestly love her. But in my fu*ked up mind, all I think about is having sex with her. Only once I’ve busted a nut ( which doesn’t even happen every time because of my insensitive penis) I can actually be genuine and real with her. I think it’s really frustrating for her, and she has withdrawn sexually the longer we have been together. This fuc*ing kills me, and I’m so glad I’ve finally realized that I truly have some sort of sex addiction and need to fix it. I’m sure this will get buried in the depths of lovepnaky but it sure felt good to let that all out. I’m finally free you guys. I have no desire to fap anymore. I realize how bad porn has ruined my fu*king life, and will no longer have anything to do with it. Resetting my badge for the final time.

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