Sex addiction usually starts as something harmless, but turns problematic. We have compiled questions to determine whether you are a lover, or an addict.
Anything in excess is not a good thing. In fact, doing something too much over and over and over can be really bad for you.
The same can be said for sex.
Ask anyone—having sex is great. However, there are those that tend to overdo it—but believe us, it’s not in the sense that you may have “overdone” it with your partner in the first few months of your romance. Some people really can be addicted to sex, in the same way that others can be addicted to drugs or alcohol.
Take, for example, Tiger Woods, whose name was catapulted to scandalous fame as his numerous extra-marital encounters came to light. Like Tiger Woods, Sandra Bullock’s ex Jesse James was identified as a frequent philanderer, as well as other celebrities and even politicians. All of them have one excuse: sex addiction.
The struggle is real
Whether they are truly sex addicts or not, sexual addiction is real. And you may be dealing with it, too. Ask yourself these questions to find out if you might be a sex addict.
#1 Do you have a compulsion to cheat on your partner or spouse? This happens not only in Hollywood, but in real life. Men and women, alike, cheat on their spouses or partners. Some may just be unhappy with their relationships, but if you find yourself always in bed with a third party, only for the sake of having sex, this could be a sign.
#2 Do you frequently engage in more sex with more partners than you originally planned? Perhaps you are going out with someone and your sex life rocks. However, someone else caught your eye, and you can’t help but flirt… and then things get heated… and you end up in the bedroom. After some time, you have sex with another partner, again. Having multiple partners at a time or in a series *especially if you don’t really intend to* can mean that you have a sex addiction.
#3 Do you habitually engage in random encounters with anonymous sexual partners? It’s one thing to know who you’re getting in bed with, but if you always put yourself in a position where you engage in sex with random and anonymous people, then you’re not only in it for the excitement, but the sex. By having sex with people you don’t know, you are throwing intimacy and connection out the window, as you are only dead-set on being sexually satisfied.
#4 Do you compulsively engage in phone sex and/or sexting? Many people do this with their partners. After all, there’s nothing like sending naughty pictures and messages to your partner at work, in the middle of the day, to spice things up. However, if you sign up to hookup apps and find yourself compulsively having phone sex with people you meet there *whether or not you have a real-life partner*, then you might need to rethink your behavior.
#5 Do you get involved in unsafe sexual encounters? Sure, having a quickie in a public place can be fun—and come on, everyone has thought about it at some point— but doing this often can be very dangerous. Having sex in public places risks running into legal problems, hurting a loved one, or doing something that may endanger your physical health *think unprotected sex*, and can lead to a lot of negative consequences. If you continue, even with this knowledge, then you might have a problem.
#6 Do you turn to prostitution? Turning to prostitutes to be sexually gratified is something that’s been done since ancient times. After all, it’s one of the oldest professions in the world. However, if you find yourself in the habit of soliciting sex from prostitutes like it’s a treat or a walk in the park, then it’s a sign of sex addiction. Prostituting yourself, just to have more sex, is another sign. [Read: My Asian happy ending massage experience]
#7 Do you engage in sexual behaviors that may interfere with work, family life, and school? Like substance addicts or alcoholics, who cannot go through periods of time without their drugs or alcohol, those who are addicted to sex will rearrange their whole lives and make it revolve around getting sex. This behavior may eventually cost you your work, studies, friends, and family.
#8 Do you get irritable, angry, anxious, or restless without sex? If you are without sex for a period of time, or don’t get it as often as you’re used to, do you get angry and take it out on other people? This could be a sign. Being deprived of sex with a partner or after a breakup is normal for some, and they can cope with it pretty well. However, if you are addicted to sex, not having sex is like a drug-dependent without drugs—you become restless and irritated unless you get what you want.
#9 Do you have family and friends telling you about your hypersexuality? If you are always engaged in highly sexual acts, people who are close to you are bound to notice. Those who may find a reason to be concerned may try to talk to you about it, and it pays to listen to them. You may even find yourself arguing with your partner or spouse after they see your sexts and porn subscriptions—or worse, your affairs. [Read: 5 signs you’re addicted and 15 ways to get over porn]
#10 Do you feel a sense of guilt or remorse after engaging in hypersexual behavior or sexual acts? Sex is meant to be enjoyed, but if you feel like you’ve gone too far, or if you feel bad about what you’ve done, then more often than not, there’s something you should feel badly about. If you feel you’ve gone too far, maybe you have. If you feel guilty that you had sex with someone behind your partner’s back, then you know it’s wrong. However, despite these feelings, you may still find yourself doing the deed without restraint.
#11 Do you often try to stop yourself from your sexual encounters and find yourself failing? You may, at one point, find a problem in your sexual preferences and habits. So, you try to curb it. Often, this happens after you contract an infection or get in trouble with your spouse or the law. You tell yourself it’s the last time, or that you’ll never do it again, but later on, the urge to have sex becomes greater than the guilt, and so you’re out on the prowl again. This is a rather significant indication of sexual addiction. [Read: STD 101 – The most common types and their symptoms]
Aside from propagating our species, sex is designed to be pleasurable. If, however, the pleasure and connection you get from your partner is overshadowed by your white-hot desire for just the deed itself, you could have a problem. This is true, especially, if you use sex as a distraction from your problems or your real life. Using sex as a way to cope only gives you a momentary release, and you end up chasing after that “high” again and again—much like someone with substance addiction does.
So, if you recognize some or most of these traits in yourself, then you have to recognize that there is an internal war inside you. You may need to have a better understanding about what your impulses and motivations are, or you may need to seek professional help.
Though not recognized as a diagnosable clinical condition yet, sex addiction is still seen as a clear compulsion to engage in hypersexual behavior, similar to someone with a substance addiction.