As much as meaningless sex seems appealing at times, it can often be the last thing you need. Here’s how to know if you should slow it down.
There’s a time and a place for meaningless sex and both of those are relative to how you’re mentally dealing with life. It’s true. Some people just shouldn’t be having pointless sex with random people they don’t know.
And on the other hand, some people can do it whenever they want without any issues. What you have to figure out is which type of person you are. And that completely depends on where you are in life and what you’re going through emotionally.
How meaningless sex can be harmful to a fragile emotional state
I know the term “daddy issues” might be popping in your minds as you read about which type of person should be having meaningless sex. It’s easy to think of a person who is totally messed up going around banging everyone in town as a means to gain their approval.
But that’s just not how it works. Sex means something. It means something to everyone unless they have serious psychological issues. And that means if you’re going through a hard time, sex can either make that worse or better. In the case of meaningless sex, it’ll usually worsen things. [Read: 12 mysterious factors that play a huge part in emotional stability]
Should you be having meaningless sex?
Once again, there’s nothing wrong with having hot, pointless romps with someone you find sexy – so long as you’re of sound mind. Here’s how you can determine if having meaningless sex is a bad idea.
#1 You just got out of a serious relationship. This is usually the time most people want to have meaningless sex and it’s by far the worst. You just got out of a serious relationship. Your feelings are raw and real and you can’t just hop into bed with people.
Because that sex won’t be meaningless. It’ll serve a very specific purpose and that’s to fill a void you recently acquired. You’ll get attached. And if you don’t, you’ll feel even emptier when this fling ends.
#2 They have feelings for you. Even if it’s meaningless to you, it’s not to someone else. That’s not a good recipe when it comes to sex. They could get clingy and make things uncomfortable and then you’ll have to deal with the fallout. Just avoid having sex when you don’t feel the same for someone. [Read: 14 things you have to teach your new FWB partner]
#3 You have feelings for them. This is also a terrible idea. You should never have sex with someone and claim it’s meaningless when it definitely means something to you. They might not care and they might think it’s pointless, but it’s not. No matter what, don’t try to convince yourself otherwise when you feel for them.
#4 It feels like a big deal. If this sex feels like a big deal but you can’t quite pinpoint why, you shouldn’t be doing it. Meaningless sex is just that – it means nothing. You should be able to go about your life as if nothing is happening.
If you feel like something major is going on even though you’re not sure why, don’t continue with it. There are some feelings going on about the meaningless sex and that makes it exactly the opposite of what it should be.
#5 You have self-esteem issues. There are a lot of people who sleep around, claiming that it doesn’t mean anything when really, they need the validation. They feel bad about themselves – except when they’re having pointless sex with someone.
Except there is a point to it. You want to feel better about yourself. Sex is the most toxic way you can try to boost your confidence because it never works. In fact, it might derail it more in the long run. [Read: 35 funny things that’ll help build your self-esteem]
#6 You have a lot of stress problems. Sex is a great stress reliever, but not when stress is taking over your life. When you turn to sex to solve your problems instead of healthier methods, it won’t help you. Avoid having meaningless sex when you have more important things to worry about.
#7 You still want a relationship. It doesn’t have to be with the person you’re sleeping with, obviously. But if you do want a relationship with someone, having pointless sex with people isn’t the best idea.
It sets you up for failure and keeps you from finding someone who really does want a relationship. Plus, it increases the odds of you catching feelings for the other person.
#1 You’re not tied down. You have no reason to avoid meaningless sex. You don’t have a relationship, you don’t have a job that won’t allow for it. Basically, you’re free as a bird and if that sounds like you, then this type of sex is perfect.
#2 You don’t have time for a relationship. There are a lot of jobs that don’t make time for relationships. Many doctors or people in similar careers have issues making time because of their hours. For that reason, meaningless sex is perfect. You can fulfill a need without worrying about the relationship part.
#3 Neither of you have feelings for each other. You both just don’t care about each other past your bodies. That might sound unhealthy but if your goal is sexual pleasure only, then it’s perfect. You don’t spend time chitchatting about your lives and can just get to it. [Read: A guide for becoming a fuck buddy]
#4 You feel great about yourself and life. This is really the best way to determine if you can handle meaningless sex. The more confident you are in all aspects of your life, the better a fit this type of lifestyle is for you.
Because you’re not secretly reaching for validation with the sex. You’re only reaching for one thing and it starts with an O.
#5 You’re using protection. You can’t have meaningless sex if you’re not using protection. If you are, then you should stop immediately. That being said, when you have sex without feelings, that person doesn’t really care about you.
Why would you want to risk pregnancy or STDs with someone you don’t really like, either? Use protection and be careful. If you can do that, then you should definitely have all the pointless sex you want.