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Does Anal Sex Have to Be Painful? The Ass Lover’s Guide

painful anal sex

Although it is not everyone’s cup of tea, there’s no reason anal sex can’t be a powerful, sensual part of lovemaking—and entirely pain-free.

There is a real taboo surrounding anal sex, and a lot of strange hang-ups over it. It’s dirty, it’s abnormal, it’s gay (?!) and, perhaps the most understandable misperception of all, it’s almost certainly painful. However, there is a very strong inclination for and attraction toward it.

Guys are, perhaps, a little bit more open than women about the whole *please don’t pardon the pun!* but some women do also have a pretty strong desire to have that particular sexual experience.

In fact, from an informal survey upon the subject, it’s quite interesting how many guys have said that it was their girls who initiated the act, even though publicly professing to hate it. This is quite understandable, when you consider the potential for discomfort, pain, or even actual physical harm. The issue is probably less the pain itself than the level of trust involved and, if not at the required level for such a deeply intimate sexual act, the consequent tension which will inevitably lead to that discomfort. [Read: The curious guy’s and girl’s guide to first time anal sex]

Keeping the behind pleasurable

Relaxation, then, as well as an incredibly strong bond between the two active parties, is key to the very concept of enjoying anal sex. How this can be achieved? The following list does its very best to explain.

#1 Talk it over. The first step on the road to having a mutual enjoyment of anal sex is making sure you talk it over. It’s no good just going ahead with the idea on the strength of one person’s whim—especially if they decide to go for the whole, “Sorry, wrong hole!” act. There must be mutual agreement before going any further—and, even then, further discussion on how things are to proceed.

#2 One-on-one time. If you decide you’re going to go for the whole anal sex thing, as the recipient, then it might be an idea to get a little more acquainted with that part of your body—if you haven’t already, that is. Once you’ve experienced the delights of anal, in the gentle manner that only you, yourself, can provide, you might surprise yourself with how pleasurable it can be.

#3 Get the hose out. A delicate point, this, but it has to be pointed out that sex isn’t the usual purpose of that particular part of the body. Hence, a little bit of cleaning needs to be done beforehand via enema or douching. Failing to do so is not guaranteed to cause any pain, but it’s all about being relaxed.

If, mid act, you suddenly become conscious of maybe being a little less clean than you’re comfortable with, that might cause you to tense up considerably. And tension is not something you want during anal.

#4 Mow the back lawn. Same principle as number three: the anal area might need a bit of a shave to make sure it is as pleasurable to look at as possible, and save you a sudden doubt that could end up leading to discomfort and pain. [Read: Trim, shave or natural? The real score on what’s perfect down there]

#5 Diet planning. In the preceding 12 hours before engaging in anal sex, make sure your diet is sparse and healthy. A sudden glut of intestinal gases during anal is not only sensually unpleasant—it can also cause a lot of pain in the intestines.

#6 Eau de toilette. It’s very tempting to apply some scent or deodorant to the anal region before sex, especially if you’re sensitive to the possibility of producing an unexpected and undesired scent. However, the alcohol content in these can burn what is a very sensitive place. Just use a nicely perfumed soap, instead.

#7 Dutch courage. Alcohol is not normally advised as an important part of lovemaking, but in anal sex, it plays a great role in relaxing you mentally, and in relaxing the muscles that are most at risk of distress.

#8 Foreplay. Don’t even think of having anal sex until you’ve had plenty of good, straightforward foreplay—another essential step in preparing and relaxing you for the main event. [Read: Clitoris stimulation: 10 sexy ways to please the clitoris]

#9 Rearplay. Basically just an extension of number 8, with particular attention played to the salient region via finger, lips, or tongue. Every activity needs its warm-up routine, after all.

#10 Toying with the idea. Some sex toys, such as slim butt plugs, are a great way of preparing someone for the act of anal sex by just loosening up the sphincter muscle enough to allow easier passage of the organic approach.

#11 Sliding doors. Let’s get this straight. No lube, no sex. Seriously. Unless the recipient is some kind of masochist, it just ain’t going to happen. [Read: How to use lubricants to liven up your sex life instantly]

#12 And again. Did we mention how important lube was? You really never can have enough.

#13 Quality merchandise. It’s not just down to the quantity. Quality is just as important. Some of the top-end water based lubes might set you back a few bucks, but they’re the difference between tolerating it and actually enjoying it. Some of them even contain local anesthetics.

#14 Slowly does it. Take it easy. Work up to the act slowly and steadily, and maintain the state of relaxation that has been so carefully fostered.

#15 Breathe easy. Holding breath really makes the body tense up, which will cause considerable pain in the case of anal sex. The recipient should practice some breathing techniques they can use to maintain the necessary state of muscular relaxation.

#16 Involving the neighbors. Not the actual neighbors—that would be a feature on swinging. By neighbors is meant the neighboring erogenous zones which, if not neglected, can turn a perfunctory act into a truly mind-blowing experience. Hands should be kept busy at all times! [Read: The top 10 erogenous zones that every man should focus on during anal sex]

#17 Well positioned. The shape of the inner passage is different in everyone, so different positions also work differently. Pay attention to what works and what doesn’t and choose the position that gives both of you the most collective pleasure.

#18 The strokes. Deep strokes don’t often work in anal sex—although there’s an exception to every rule—as they can be quite painful. The best tip is to find a depth that works for the recipient and make the strokes shallow, barely moving an inch either side of the pleasure mark.

#19 Swapping back. Anus to vagina is NEVER a good idea. It can cause some serious infections, which can cause pain not only for the event, but for weeks *if not months* afterward. If the giver is keen to experience both delights, then do it in the right order.

#20 Keep it to yourself. Anal sex is still illegal in many parts of the world, and there is no more painful a conclusion to a bout of anal sex than being slung, head first, into a prison cell. Some things should definitely be kept private!

[Read: The bottom of it: 10 misconceptions about anal sex you HAVE to know]

Anal sex can be an adventurous, fulfilling aspect of any loving sexual relationship. Just get rid of your hang-ups, talk it through with your partner, prepare adequately, and you may find that it becomes a welcome part of your sexual relationship.

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David Cullen
David Cullen
David Cullen is frequently described as erudite, insightful and witty – but only by himself and only after several large glasses of Rioja....

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