Sex is fantastic. That’s just a fact we can’t ignore. However, when your wants for sex turn into you saying, ‘I need sex,’ it can be a real problem.
Sex is really important in any healthy relationship. The amount you have can even vary on a number of different things; your genetics, your partner’s sexual appetite, and whether or not you have a sexual addiction. But how do you know if your high libido has transformed from something innocent into you saying, ‘I need sex?’
Sometimes it’s really hard to tell if you just have a high appetite for sex or if you actually have a real problem. Most people go a very long time without realizing their need for sex is actually a real issue.
Why having a healthy sex life is a good thing
I know there are people out there who slut-shame those who like to get laid. But the thing is, having a lot of sex is actually healthy for you. There are tons of benefits that are both psychological and physical.
Not only do you improve your immune system and even make your heart healthier, you also forge a deeper connection with your partner. Intimacy, both physical and emotional, increases when you have a lot of sex. But when does the amount of sex you have become a problem? [Read: All the benefits of having great sex daily]
I need sex! When your want for it becomes an unhealthy need.
Many people don’t think sex is actually something you can become addicted to. Of course, it feels great and you want to have a lot of it! But there are those out there who actually become dependent on getting laid.
It might sound silly, but if you’re having sexual addiction problems, it can affect a lot more than you realize. So how do you know if you have a sex addiction or if you just have an abnormally high libido? Thankfully, we have the answers. Here’s how to tell if you’re actually addicted to sex. [Bustle.com: Are you dating a sex addict? 11 signs you probably are!]
#1 You’re someone who says, ‘I need sex,’ all the time. It’s okay to love sex and want it a lot, but if you feel like you need it, then it might be a problem. Sex should be something that adds to your life. It should never be the center of it.
When you’re feeling like sex is something you need to survive – like sleep and food – it might be an addiction. There’s a fine line between wanting and needing something. When it becomes a “need,” it could be an addiction. [Read: Sex addict – 11 straight questions to know if you’re one]
#2 Your relationships have been ruined by your need for it. How many relationships have been ruined because of sex? If most of your serious relationships have ended because of your desire and need for frequent sex, you should consider the possibility of it being an addiction. Sex should make a relationship better, not worse.
#3 You cheat on your partners just for the sex. If those relationships have been destroyed because of your sex in the form of cheating, it’s a real problem. Now, this type of cheating is different when you have a sexual addiction.
If your cheating is 100% purely sexual in nature because you need to have sex, then it might be an addiction. It’s not that you want to be with someone else, you just need to have sex. That’s the difference when you cheat for a sexual addiction. [Read: Why do people in happy relationships still cheat?]
#4 You feel guilty about how much sex you have. Guilt is a huge sign that you have an addiction. A healthy sex life shouldn’t make you feel guilty in any way. The only exception is if you have deep religious ties that make you feel bad about sex. However, in any other situation, guilt associated with your frequency of sex is a cause for concern.
#5 You lie to people about your sex life. Another huge sign you have a sex addiction in addition to always saying, ‘I need sex,’ is if you lie about it. When you feel so guilty you have to tell people you don’t have sex nearly as often as you do, it’s not good.
#6 You can’t seem to curb your sexual craving no matter how much you have. Addictions are all about not being able to curb a certain craving. If you’re experiencing intense pleasure with sex followed by a need to have it more, it’s not a good sign.
Sex should leave you feeling pleased and satisfied. If you’re not feeling satiated EVER when you have sex, even though it feels great, an addiction could be lurking.
#7 You ditch your friends and job to have sex. Think of sexual addiction like a drug addiction. If you’re saying, ‘I need sex,’ like a drug addict would say, ‘I need drugs,’ then it’s a sign you’re addicted.
This is especially true if you stay home from your job or ditch your friends in order to get off. Sex shouldn’t be your number one priority in life. If it is, then it’s a huge problem you should address. [Read: 18 reasons you don’t have any friends]
#8 You don’t care about the consequences at all. If you call in from work too many days, you’ll get fired. If you cheat, you’ll end the relationship. When you ditch friends, you ruin those friendships. Do all of these consequences seem like nothing to you?
If so, then you may have a sexual addiction. Addicts don’t see the consequences of their actions. They see the need for one thing. And if that’s sex for you, then you may be addicted.
#9 You need to masturbate in addition to a lot of sex. Most people only need one or the other regularly to feel satisfied. If you’re having sex and masturbating a lot – even in the same day – you could be addicted to sex. [Read: No masturbating or sex – how to stop being horny]
#10 You feel as though you can’t control the impulses. If you feel as though sex is controlling you and the desire to get laid has you doing things you’re astounded of, then it’s an addiction. Whenever you feel out of control, it’s probably an addiction of some sort. Normally, people may feel urges, but they don’t always act on them. That’s where an addiction takes over.
What to do about it
Knowing how to handle a sex addiction can be really difficult. Since there’s such a negative stigma attached to this specific addiction, you may not know where to start. Here’s what you can do.
#1 Seek professional help. There are numerous ways you can get help as a sex addict. Don’t feel ashamed of reaching out. A sexual addiction is just as valid as any other addiction and sometimes you need professional help. Speaking to a counselor or even going to sex-specific rehabs can change your life. [Read: Addicted to sex – 8 steps to help you handle it]
#2 Communicate with your partner. You can’t go through a sexual addiction alone when you’re in a relationship. Your partner should be involved. Open up with them and communicate with them. They’re worth opening up to if you want to keep them in your life. They can even help you!
#3 Remember that you can overcome this. A sex addiction isn’t something that you’ll have to live with forever. There are many ways to overcome it. One thing to always remember is that you CAN get past it with the right help and dedication.
Living with a sexual addiction is just as bad as living with any other unhealthy addiction. If you’re someone who says, ‘I need sex,’ frequently and your life matches the above points, seeking help is definitely something you should consider.
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Bella is a lifestyle writer, cheese enthusiast (Wisconsin native over here) and fantasy adventure author-in-progress who enjoys all things love, dog, p...