Is there more to sexual intimacy than meets the eye? Use these 13 untold sex secrets to understand sexual intimacy better and get better at it too. By Kayla Kissinger
The idea of sexual intimacy changes all the time for us.
At one point in life, we’re craving for it.
And at another point, we’re feigning headaches to avoid it.
You’d see this kind of behavior in many relationships.
At the beginning, you can’t keep your hands off your lover no matter where you are.
But as the relationship grows, sex can start to feel more like a chore if you haven’t created ways to make sex feel more exciting.
The untold sex secrets you need to know
Firstly, sex isn’t a secret. It’s natural and as humans, we’ve been doing it for a very long time. But rewind back a few thousand years, and you’d see that humans weren’t really monogamous.
As time passed by, we’ve understood the benefits of monogamy and society has engrained into our minds that monogamy works out better for us in the long run.
Loneliness and lack of emotional intimacy versus lots of sex, which would you prefer?
Sex isn’t a secret, but the ways to ensure that sex stays exciting in a monogamous relationship, well, that’s definitely a secret worth knowing, wouldn’t you say? [Read: 10 ways to make long term sex feel like a one night stand]
There are some couples who always seem to have the perfect relationship with the perfect sex life, and then, there are most others who have a really hard time staying happy in one.
The biggest sex secret you need to know is the recipe for perfect romance. And it needs just two ingredients, unconditional love and lustful passion.
If you can truly love each other AND stay sexually attracted to each other even after several years of marriage or dating each other, you’re definitely in the right path. [Read: 25 relationship rules for a successful romance]
13 sex secrets to a better sex life
Staying in love is easy if you’re a compatible couple that understands each other perfectly. But getting intensely attracted to each other sexually a few years into the relationship, well, that’s definitely the hard part.
If you ever choose to indulge in a day-to-day chore or a mundane hobby over having sex with your partner, you need to give it a serious thought. What could start off as a small excuse to avoid sex could turn into voluntary abstinence over time.
If you want to have a great sex life and keep the sizzle of sexual attraction alive in your relationship, even years after lying in the same bed with each other, you need to understand these 13 sex secrets.
These sex secrets will help you understand what it takes to feel sexy, and keep your partner interested in you, and give you the perfect romance that will be envied by other couples. [Read: How to be a perfect couple that’s envied by all other couples]
#1 Sex isn’t all physical attraction but… It’s been said that romantic sex isn’t all about physical appearances, but we all know that good looks can increase the sex appeal by a long way. Work out and try to look better for each other. The fitter you look, the sexier you’d look and feel, and that’ll definitely increase your sex appeal and make you a better lover too. [Read: How to increase your sex appeal in no time]
#2 Attention makes you sexy. The more you’re admired by other members of the opposite sex, the more your partner will sexually desire you and stay interested in you. Attention from the opposite sex always has this effect on our partners.
In a long term relationship, both partners would start to take each other’s sex appeal for granted. After all, when something’s easily accessible, it’s easy to overlook its value. But when your partner is standing in a crowd and getting everyone’s attention, that’s when you’d realize just how awesome and sexy your partner truly is.
#3 Regular sex is monotonous sex. Sex always gets monotonous and boring if you don’t try something new every now and then. Sex isn’t just about penetration. It’s what you do with each other before, during and after sex that makes lovemaking feel more special.
#4 Talking is sexy. When two lovers talk about sex, it helps each other understand the other partner’s desires and expectations better. Talking about sex even when you’re not having sex is always great for the relationship. So don’t be a prude, speak up and your sex will only get better. [Read: How to talk dirty with your boyfriend and sound really sexy]
#5 Hide your sexy bits. Don’t be naked all the time in front of your partner. The more you walk around naked in the bedroom when you’re not getting intimate, the more both of you will end up sexually desensitized.
If you’re out at a party, and unexpectedly see a flash of your partner’s skin, doesn’t it turn you on? Create the same sexual excitement in bed. Dress up and don’t reveal it all at once. [Read: 6 easy ways to dress for sex and turn your partner on]
#6 Missionary rules. The missionary position is the most comfortable and the most intimate of sex positions. Evolution has taught us to have sex while facing each other, and that’s something very few species can do. Use it to build the romantic connection, but every now and then, try to vary the positions.
If one of you feel like a position is uncomfortable, try something else. You never know how a new position could feel until you try something new now and then. [Read: The complete guide to having tantric sex for the first time]
#7 Sexy imagination. Whether you accept it or not, your mind would definitely stray while having sex with your partner. It’s obviously not easy to just stare into each other’s eyes for a good half an hour with a blank head. Instead of hiding your thoughts while making love, talk about it. Exploring each other’s imagination in bed is a sexy rush that’ll make sex a lot more exciting and lustful.
Have an active imagination, read and watch porn, and talk about your fantasies. It’ll bring back that spark you’re craving for, and each time a fantasy gets boring, talk about something new! [Read: How to talk dirty in bed - Dirty talking examples]
#8 Sex is happiness. Having sex regularly makes you a happy person. Just like working out or shopping, sex too stimulates the release of endorphins that make you feel good about yourself. Sex can relieve a headache, eliminate stress, and make you feel calmer and more confident at an interview. So instead of avoiding sex when you’re stressed, indulge in it. It’ll make you and your partner feel better and bond better too.
#9 Men and women and the way they look at sex. Men and women just don’t look at lovemaking the same way. Men are visual creatures that are aroused by what they see physically, while women are more aroused by emotional intimacy and what they hear and feel while making love. [Read: 20 things that sexually turn on a guy about a girl]
#10 Drunk sex. Intoxicants like alcohol can at times be the biggest aphrodisiacs. Alcohol in small amounts reduces inhibition, which makes you open up more and feel relaxed while getting undressed in the company of another person.
Alcohol consumption in males reduces the testosterone levels which reduces their libido proportionally to the alcohol they consume. On the other hand, alcohol consumption increases the testosterone levels in women. For most women, increase in alcohol consumption creates an increase in sexual satisfaction during orgasms.
#11 Dress up and look sexy. Look your best around your partner instead of dressing down in frayed overalls all the time. If you can do that right, there’s a good chance that your partner won’t cheat on you.
Here’s the reason why. If you find someone sexually attractive, you’d find it very hard to lie to them or do something that may offend them. So instead of hiring a private eye or suffocating your partner into staying loyal to you, just ensure that your partner still finds you sexually attractive. [Read: 15 simple and real life tips to look sexier naked]
#12 Foreplay is a big part. The longer the foreplay, the more intense the orgasms and the pleasure both of you experience. So the next time both of you are under the sheets, don’t go straight for the big act. Take your time to warm up, and the sex will last a lot longer. And good foreplay can even help a man who’s having a hard time staying up stay up for longer. [Read: 12 tips on foreplay for men that actually work!]
#13 True love doesn’t define a perfect romance. True love is not the same as intense sexual attraction. This is the biggest sex secret that can quash a lot of misconceptions about romantic relationships. Experiencing true love will not give you the perfect relationship. True love is love. But a perfect relationship needs more. It needs love and lust to be successful.
When you’re in a relationship, don’t just hold hands and walk down a street and assume you’re in the perfect romance. Push your partner against a wall now and then and make out too. Well, then you’d definitely have the perfect blend of love and lust, the perfect ingredients for romantic love.
Remember these 13 sex secrets and use them in your relationship. And don’t ever let sexual intimacy stagnate in a relationship, because a perfect relationship needs more than just love to stay perfect. It needs a good dose of passionate sex too.
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