Thinking about spicing things up a bit in the bedroom? If anal sex has been on your list of things to try, be sure to check out these 13 ways to prepare.
I know, the first time I heard about anal sex, I thought, “Aren’t things only supposed go out, not in?” Yes, this is a valid question, if I do say so myself. But, you know, anal sex can be extremely pleasurable, nonetheless, as there are thousands of nerve endings around the opening of your anus.
If you’re thinking right now, “Yeah, but I heard it hurts and it’s really uncomfortable,” then you obviously heard that from someone who had a traumatizing anal sex experience. In that case, yes, they’re completely correct. But, I have a feeling that their partner tried to reenact the latest porno he watched where the couple just decided to have “spontaneous” anal sex. Come on now, you know that isn’t how it works. But even after all the preparation, you still may not like anal sex, and that’s completely fine. However, you shouldn’t knock it before you try it!
How to have a good first experience with anal sex
We all want our first time to be a memorable experience, so here are the must-do steps on having anal sex.
#1 Work your way up in size. If this is your first time, you have to understand that your rectum is a small and tight hole. Having a full-sized penis squeezed into your anus will likely place you in the same emotional sphere as a dog who’s getting his anal glands cleaned for the first time – there will be shock, there will be horror.
Before having anal sex, get comfortable with your anus. When masturbating, try putting a finger in your rectum to relax it and start to get a sense of what it feels like. Once you do that, you can try using a thin sex toy to slowly work your way up in size. [Read: Female masturbation: 17 facts about the naughty secret]
#2 Clean yourself beforehand. Many people are nervous to have anal sex because they think it’s some sort of dirty act. That’s actually not the case, though. Your anus is responsible for removing toxins and cleansing your body. Basically, that ass is pretty squeaky clean. But you can wash before having anal sex if it makes you and your partner more comfortable.
#3 Lay off the spice. If you’ve made a plan to have anal sex, I recommend not eating a bowl of spicy curry or hitting up your favorite Mexican restaurant right beforehand. Foods with a lot of spice will give you loose stool. This may be a small detail, but trust me, follow it. Your ass will thank you.
#4 Relax your muscles. To have an enjoyable anal sex experience, you can’t have a tense rectum. You’ll need those anal muscles to be nice and calm. That way, you’ll be able to take the object in much more smoothly.
To relax your muscles, you can have your partner perform rimming on you. Rimming is where your partner licks and sucks around your anus, which does a great job at relaxing those muscles. If that doesn’t sound like your cup of tea, another way to achieve the same thing is with butt plugs. [Read: How to get a shy girl to relax and open up in bed]
#5 Communicate. Don’t be shy about telling your partner to slow down or to stop. Your partner doesn’t know if he’s pushing too hard or if you’re feeling that you need it to slow down. You need to voice this. So if their fingers, penis ,or sex toy isn’t doing it for you, say it loud and clear.
#6 Wear a rubber. Don’t think that you can be rubber-free by having anal sex. You can still contract an STI through this act. In addition, if he doesn’t cum in your ass, you’ll also have a chance to become pregnant.
I know, not wearing a condom feels better, I get the argument, but you know what also feels better? Not having to call your partner and tell them that you’re infected with an STI, or even better, not having to support a child for the rest of your life before you’re ready. And if your partner is telling you not to worry, well then they can find another ass to stick their dick in. [Read: Condom types and how they can improve your sex life]
#7 Lube, lube, lube. Let me say this one more time: lube. Lube it up. Lube it the hell up. Unlike your vagina, your anus does not self-lubricate. Usually, people who complain about the discomfort of anal sex were not properly lubricated. And this makes total sense. It’s like forcing a hotdog into a dry bun – you need mustard and ketchup, people. So, don’t be shy with the lube. Make sure that penis is dripping wet before putting it inside you. [Read: How to use lubricants to liven up your sex life instantly]
#8 Get the position right. If this is your first time, there are specific positions that will help to ease you into the sensation. There are two positions that seem to be a favorite for anal sex. You can start by lying on your side and having your partner spoon you. This gives you a little more control over the situation. Or, you can do doggy style. This seems to be the best position for an easy insertion. However, because your partner can’t see your face, they won’t be able to see your reaction, meaning that you’ll need to remember to communicate. [Read: 9 ways to make doggy style your favorite position]
#9 Anal sex shouldn’t hurt. Contrary to popular belief, having a penis inside your rectum isn’t supposed to cause you pain. If it’s hurting, then you’re not doing it right. Remember to use a lot of lube, which should prevent any pain from occurring. If you’re still feeling pain and your partner is heavily lubricated, then try changing the position. It could be the angle that isn’t working for you. Either way, it can be an easy fix. [Read: Does anal sex have to be painful? The ass lover’s guide]
#10 Keep hygiene in mind. After having anal sex, your partner’s penis, fingers, or toys cannot go into your vagina. I know, when you’re caught up in the moment, it’s easy to overlook these things. But seriously, you have to keep this in your mind during sex. The anus has bacteria that can cause vaginal infections, so before having vaginal intercourse, make sure that your partner washes his penis, fingers, or toys with warm water and soap.
#11 Use sex toys. Anal sex isn’t strictly for the penis only. In fact, you can have a great anal sex experience using fingers and sex toys. Have fun with it! Try anal sex with sex toys such as butt plugs, anal beads, and vibrators. They can stimulate areas of the rectum that the penis simply cannot. Oh, but don’t forget, even with sex toys, you’ll need to lubricate them. And don’t forget to wash them before using them in your vagina. [Read: How to plan a perfect sex toy party with your friends]
#12 Do it with someone you trust. I’m a fan of one-night-stands, but if this is your first time having anal sex, then I probably wouldn’t do it with some random guy who you think is named Todd or… maybe it was Tim. Have your first anal sex experience with someone you trust. That way, you won’t be uncomfortable communicating with him, and you won’t be blushing when you see your shit on his dick. Hey, it happens.
#13 Don’t do it unless you want to. Listen, if you’re still debating whether or not you want to try out anal sex, then maybe you should take it easy and not rush into it. You have plenty of time to try it out, and you should never engage in a sexual act because you feel that you have to do it. If you really don’t feel comfortable with the idea of it, then tell your partner. If they aren’t understanding of that, then perhaps you should reconsider being with them as well. [Read: The bottom of it: 10 misconceptions about anal sex]
Anal sex might not be for everyone, but if you’ve always wanted to try it, there’s no time like the present, right? Just remember to do it with somebody you trust, and don’t feel the need to rush into everything all at once. Who knows, it may be your new favorite move.
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A serial dater, Natasha Ivanovic knows a thing or two about men and the dating scene. Much of her writing is inspired by her encounters with men - and for good ...