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How to Have a Three Way: 13 Rules to Make a Threesome Work

how to have a three way

We all know what a three way is. When it comes to actually knowing how to have a three way, it becomes a little confusing. What goes where, who does what.

You may be thinking you don’t need anyone telling you how to have a three way, but if all of you are inexperienced, it’s best to read up ahead of time so at least you have a rough idea of what to do.

Don’t expect your first time to look like a Hollywood scene, but what you can expect is to have a lot of fun. In the movies, they make it look so easy and fluid. One body slides over the other, hands gently caressing each other, moans and screams of passion. This is probably why so many people think it’s just a walk in the park. [Read: 20 things to know before entering a threesome]

How to have a three way – Your threesome guide

Remember, this isn’t the same as how it would be with two people. You have two other bodies to worry about, two other people you equally divide your attention on. This is why some people experience being left out or ignored while in a three way. It’s hard to pay attention to everyone!

But if you think you have the ability to spread your attention over two people, then why not test it out and give it a try? Having a third mix is always more fun, but only when you know how to have a three way the right way.

#1 Make sure everyone actually wants to do it. Don’t join a couple in a three way if the wife or husband isn’t totally onboard with the idea. Why? It’s not going to be good.

You want to make sure that everyone involved is completely comfortable with the idea. If not, one person may get left out, causing unnecessary drama. To check everyone’s vibes, go on a date with your three way participants in order to feel the chemistry between all of you. [Read: How to make the threesome invitation]

#2 Set some boundaries. Regardless if you’re the third or you and your partner are looking for a three way,  set your own personal boundaries. If you’re the third, then you need to be clear with the couple on what you do not like in bed. For example, you don’t like gagging.

If you’re the couple, talk to your partner about what makes you feel uncomfortable with them doing and what you’re not willing to do. If you don’t set these boundaries, things can get messy very quickly. [Read: How to set boundaries and feel more in control]

#3 Open communication. I don’t just mean between you and your partner, there needs to be open communication between all three of you. This includes that you all three choose a safe word.

Your safe word can be used at any time to stop the activity that’s taking place. You may like wearing a strap-on but if your partner is uncomfortable, respect that.

#4 Keep the third person out of your inner circle of friends. I know you probably think it’s easier to have a three way with your friend since your partner already knows them, but that’s the problem. You do not want to have a three way with anyone you’re friends with.

First, you’ll never get the image out of your head of them having sex. Secondly, it could develop some paranoia inside of you.

#5 Wear a condom. Listen, if you have unprotected sex with your partner, that’s one thing. However, when you add a third, you need to be smart. You don’t have to wear protection when you have sex with your partner. If you have sex with the third, make sure you wear a condom. At the end of the day, you don’t know their sexual history. [Read: How to be a condom know-it-all in 5 minutes]

#6 Go easy on the liquid courage. You’re probably not going to want to be completely sober during your first three way. I get it. You’re nervous, it’s your first time. You don’t want performance anxiety especially when your heart is pounding and you’re trying to figure out how to have a three way without screwing up.

So, it’s cool, have a drink but don’t get wasted. First of all, if drunk, those boundaries you created probably won’t be followed. Secondly, drunkenness causes vaginal dryness and erectile issues. [Read: Why drunken sex is never a good idea]

#7 If you’re a jealous person, don’t have a three way. You’re going to be sharing your partner with another person, you have to swallow that. So, if you’re a highly jealous person who cannot control their emotions when they see their partner glance at someone, having a three way probably isn’t a good choice for you. Only have a three way if your relationship is solid and secure.

#8 Don’t have a three way to fix your relationship. If you’re considering a three way to help your relationship get back on its feet, it’s not going to work. The issue isn’t because you are not having three ways, there’s something much deeper than that. So, do not use this sexual experience as a way to mend your relationship. [Read: 10 tips for uncomplicated, three-way fun]

#9 Know that it’s not going to go as planned. You can’t actually plan out how a three way is going to turn out. At the end of the day, you walk into the situation completely blind, just like everyone else.

For some people, it looks like a Hollywood movie scene. But, for most of us, there’s going to be a lot of bumping into each other, laughter, and questions like, “does that go there?”

#10 Spread your attention out as evenly as possible. This is the hard part. When you’re in the zone, it can be challenging to spread your attention out. This is why it’s common for people to get left out in a three way. During the three way, though you may be deeply engaged, try to be aware of the other people in the three way. It’s all of your jobs to make sure you’re all taken care of. [Read: The 10 best threesome positions for all partners]

#11 After the three way, talk. After you’re finished, don’t get dressed and go. This is the moment where you talk about what happened. Discuss how it went, how it made you feel, and whether or not this is something you want to do again. Plus, you can also discuss things you liked and didn’t like. This is the time for feedback!

#12 Go hang out after. I know this sounds weird, but after you have a three way, things may get a little awkward. But it doesn’t have to be like that. The experience doesn’t have to end in the bedroom. Go grab drinks together or get a slice of pizza. Give yourselves some time to unwind after the experience. [Read: 10 tips to help you open up about your kinky side]

#13 Relax. Three ways aren’t actually that big of a deal. Social media and popular culture made it look like a huge event. Really it’s just sex with a third person. There’s no need to blow it up and make it look like something it’s not. So, relax and take the experience for what it is. It’s an opportunity to try something new.

[Read: 20 MUST-KNOW threesome tips if you’re ever considering one]

Now that you know what you need to consider for how to have a three way, it shouldn’t be too hard finding a third and exploring this new sexual experience! Be safe and have fun!

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Natasha Ivanovic
Natasha Ivanovic
A serial dater, Natasha Ivanovic knows a thing or two about men and the dating scene. Much of her writing is inspired by her encounters with men - and for good ...
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