But I’ve had my share of insecurities and cases of jealousy now and then. And I’ve had quite a few miserable breakups that took several weeks of tears to get over.
Stop walking on eggshells in love
You need to understand this. A failing relationship isn’t always your fault. Sometimes, both of you may just be incompatible with each other. Instead of changing your life for someone else or bending over backwards all the time, move on.
12 signs you’re trying too hard to make the relationship work
When you’re madly in love with someone, you may not realize the amount of effort you’re putting into your relationship to try and keep it perfect.
Stop trying too hard to make your relationship work. Happiness in love should come effortlessly. Every now and then, take a step back and give your partner a chance to prove their love for you, and avoid letting them take you for granted.
Read these 12 signs and if you’re indulging in more than a few signs, you’re truly walking on eggshells in your love life, and need to back off just a bit. And ask yourself if you really need to be in the relationship anymore.
#1 Constant worries. Are you constantly worried about your relationship status? If you feel convinced that your partner may walk out on you someday, and yet feel helpless no matter what you do, perhaps you need to call the relationship off yourself. There’s no point in trying to live through the pain and confusion of not knowing if your partner will still love you tomorrow. [Read: How to fall out of love when you see no future together]
#2 Manipulation. If your partner tries to manipulate you into watching a movie or buying something they want, well, that’s the funny kind. But does your partner try to manipulate you into believing you’re wrong or tries to put the blame on you all the time?
If you fully know your partner is manipulating you and giving you the bitter pill, and you knowingly allow them to manipulate and dominate you just so they can get what they want from the relationship, that definitely won’t help you.
#3 Biting your tongue. Do you refrain from speaking your mind to your partner, especially when you feel like what you have to say will anger them? Holding your thoughts back just to make your partner feel better will never save a relationship. In fact, it’ll only make your partner more dominant, mean and annoying. [Read: 16 reasons why your boyfriend is so mean!]
#4 Suspicions. Do you feel very suspicious about your partner’s behavior? At times, it may be your own insecurity, but almost always, it could be your instinct kicking in. When you’re in a happy relationship, there should be no insecurities or suspicions at all.
If you can’t stop doubting your partner no matter what they say or do, both of you are probably wrong for each other in the first place.
#5 You’re not happy. Is your relationship leaving you depressed or unhappy? Why are you still holding on to the relationship? If the only reason you’re in the relationship is your fear of abandonment or the fear of loneliness, that’ll only leave you unhappy for as long as you stay in the same relationship. [Read: How to be really happy in a relationship]
#6 Intense insecurities. Do you feel insecure or jealous if your partner speaks to an attractive someone? This may be your own fault, or at times, your insecurities may grow because of the way your partner behaves around you.
If you truly know your partner loves you, you’d never feel insecure about your relationship. It doesn’t matter whose fault it is, but unless both of you can banish the insecurity, you’ll still be walking on eggshells for a very long time.
#7 Your partner’s flaws. A relationship is all about growing together. Both of you need to reveal each other’s flaws so both of you can become better individuals and a much better couple. Do you constantly overlook your partner’s faults or try making it up for them?
If you truly care about your relationship, you need to help your partner see their own flaws and grow out of it. Sweeping your lover’s flaws under the carpet will only make your partner take you for granted.
#8 Decision making. In a perfect relationship, both partners take all decisions together. How does decision making work in your relationship? If you leave all the decision making to your partner, you’ll end up feeling weak and powerless, which will only increase the insecurity in the relationship.
#9 Eager to please. Do you always try to please your partner, just to win their affection? Everything in a relationship should be given and taken mutually. If you’re the only one doing all the giving, you’d end up forgetting your own wants.
When your whole world starts to revolve around your partner and your own wants take a secondary place in your mind, it may only be a matter of time before you start feeling like a slave instead of a lover. Voice your own opinions and treat your partner as an equal, not as a superior. [Read: The power of the words you use in a relationship]
#10 You’ll do anything for love. Do you believe that you’ll do whatever it takes to make your relationship work or stay alive forever? That’s never a good approach to experience happy love.
A relationship is a mutual feeling. You can try to keep your lover happy, but if it starts to feel more like an effort than a pleasant gesture, you’re obviously trying too hard to keep the relationship together, at the cost of your own happiness.
#11 Dependent. Do you feel completely dependent on your partner, emotionally or financially? If you feel helpless without your partner around, it makes you feel weaker and more vulnerable in the relationship. When you feel unconfident in a relationship, it almost always increases the ego of your partner and they’d start to take you for granted. [Read: How self respect affects your state of mind in a relationship]
In a perfect relationship, both partners should participate equally in the relationship. One person should never feel totally dependent on the other.
#12 You’re not yourself. This is a sure sign of walking on eggshells in a relationship. Do you feel like you need to hide a part of you to keep your partner happy or win their affection? If your partner can’t like you for who you truly are, then there’s no point staying in the relationship.
Open up to your partner completely and let them see who you truly are. And if they don’t like the real you, chances are, they don’t deserve you!
But as the weeks of sacrifices turn to months or years, you’d start to realize that you’re not helping the relationship get better. In fact, you’re only making the relationship worse, because your partner wouldn’t know what’s truly on your mind, and you’d find yourself living a frustrating lie.
Instead of forcing love to work and walking on eggshells all the time, just be yourself and let your partner see who you truly are. And if you aren’t happy, walk away. There’s far too much love in your heart to waste it on someone who will never love you back the way you want them to.
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Kirsten Cole doesn’t like falling in love often. Instead she prefers to hop, skip and jump through her perfect, beautiful life. And of course, if the perfect ...