Listen to Your Cold Feet: 30 Reasons Not to Get Married
Do you get cold feet every time you think about getting married? If you are getting married for the wrong reasons, it can lead to a life of regret.
Okay, so I have a 19-year-old kid, and he texted me on Labor Day and said, “Give me one reason not to get a tattoo.” It was eight o’clock in the morning; I hadn’t yet had time to even take a sip of my morning coffee and here was my son asking me why he shouldn’t scar himself for life.
I felt like I was on Jeopardy with the music playing, and I couldn’t really think of all the reasons. But I knew that I had mulled over them for twenty years.
As bad as that situation was, *and by the way, I was able to get him to hold off for six months to think about it*, I can’t imagine the day when one of my six children comes to me telling me that they want to marry someone.
What am I going to say if I know it is wrong for them, and I need to give them all the reasons why they shouldn’t marry the person they think rocks their world?
30 of the biggest reasons not to get married
We have all had that first love that we thought would last forever, and it didn’t. But, what if you are on the second, third, or even fourth and are asking yourself what are the reasons not to get married? Don’t worry, I got you covered. Here are 30 reasons not get married.
#1 They are narcissistic. Being with someone who cares more about themselves than you is going to end badly. If there is a little voice telling you that something is wrong, and they are too selfish, listen to it and run!
#2 You sacrifice your own needs to make them happy, and they don’t reciprocate. Marriage is about finding a partner, and that means finding someone who is your equal. If you feel like you give way more, it isn’t going to work.
#3 You carry the emotional weight of the relationship. Many people might not think about this being one of the reasons not to get married, but it’s very important. Emotional maturity is just about the most important thing to any marriage. If you aren’t on the same level, it won’t lead to happy nuptials. [Read: Reasons to get married and live happily ever after]
#4 They are not as gung-ho as you are. If only one of you wants to get married and is pushing for it, then it isn’t right *or the right time*. It is better to wait until you are BOTH rushing to the altar instead of one dragging the other kicking and screaming.
#5 You don’t get along with their mother. When you marry someone, you marry their family. Mother-in-law issues can be one of the worst relationship-killers out there.
#6 You are too young. If you’re young, that’s definitely one of the best reasons not to get married.Being older really does have its advantages. There is no rush if you love each other. So then what is the hurry?
#7 You don’t have enough money or an established career. Sure, money isn’t everything, but it sure makes things a whole lot less stressful. Sometimes if you get married too early, you give up on your dreams or don’t achieve the things you want to individually. [Read: Questions to ask yourself before getting married]
#8 You are pregnant. Just because you are pregnant does not mean that you have to get married. We aren’t living in the 1950s anymore, so there is no shame in having a baby with someone and not sharing the last name.
#9 You think that getting married is the natural progression of your relationship. If you are getting married because it is the next step, and not because you can’t imagine not spending your life as husband and wife, then you aren’t doing it for the right reasons.
#10 You are like brother and sister. If you are best friends, that is awesome. But there also has to be some spark. You can’t live in a sexless marriage forever, no matter how much you tell yourself that you can.
#11 You don’t want them to leave. You can’t marry someone just because you are afraid they will leave you if you don’t. If their love is conditional and based on a ring, then it isn’t meant to be. And so if you’re feeling this way, it’s definitely one of the reasons not to get married. [Read: The worst reasons to tie the knot]
#12 You have to relocate. If you have to move away and don’t want to carry on a long distance relationship that is fine, but you don’t have to get married to move away together. Marriage should never be decided because something is pushing you into it.
#13 You love them, but aren’t sure you are in love with them. If they are your friend, and you can’t imagine not being their friend anymore, that is way different from sharing a life forever. Being in love is key to a marriage, not just simply loving someone.
#14 It seems like all you do is fight. If you fight right now, marriage is not the catalyst for change. Rather, it is the push for more of the same. A ring around your finger doesn’t make you disagree with them any less or get along any better.
#15 There are a ton of little things that bother you. Those things that bother you when you are dating only get worse as time goes on. And don’t you agree that this is definitely one of the best reasons not to get married?
#16 There is a little voice saying “don’t do it.” That little voice is there for a reason. It is there to stop us from making mistakes. Listen to what it is saying because it is ALWAYS right, whether we want it to be or not. [Read: Are they just wedding jitters or real signs to back out?]
#17 You aren’t on the same emotional level. Of all the reasons not to get married, this is a really important one. If you are highly sensitive, and they lack in empathy, that is going to cause a whole lot of trouble for you along the road.
#18 You think that they will change. If there is one thing that is for sure it’s that people don’t change – and you can’t change them. If you think that marriage will stop them from cheating or make them cherish you more, think again. Not only can you not change them, saying “I do” won’t either.
#19 You’re scared of being alone. No one wants to be alone, but that is not a reason to marry someone. It is better to love yourself than to be with someone you don’t really love. [Read: Powerful ways to combat and break out of loneliness]
#20 You can’t get past the physical attraction. If they just make you so hot you can’t get over it, but you don’t know about the rest of the communication or relationship, sorry to tell you this. But the sex thing gets a lot less attractive once you say your vows.
#21 You think they are the only one who “knows” you. Getting comfortable with someone is an excellent feeling, but if you think that they are the only one in the world who gets you, you need to get out more. Make sure that you aren’t just putting all your hopes into one person who won’t ever live up to your expectations.
#22 All your friends are getting married. No one wants to be an old spinster. But this is DEFINITELY one of the best reasons not to get married. [Read: Last one to marry? Reasons you shouldn’t worry]
#23 Your biological clock is ticking. Don’t get married because you want to have kids and are afraid. It is better not to have kids *or adopt later* than to get married just because of expiration dates. [Read: Ways to know if both of you are ready to have a baby]
#24 You haven’t met anyone better. But you might! If you aren’t getting married because they are the absolute love of your life, then don’t do it.
#25 When they are nice to you, they make you feel like a superstar. If they make you feel good about yourself and that is why you love them, then you are marrying them for what they can do for you. As time goes on and things get more complex, if they don’t make you shine, you won’t have much to back it up.
#26 You are in financial trouble. If you are in financial trouble like needing health insurance, it is never a good idea to get married. There have to be other ways to work it out than to get married and make a mistake.
#27 You don’t know how to say “no.” One of the hardest things to do is to hurt someone you love, but you can’t say yes and marry someone just because you don’t want to end up hurting their feelings. You will hurt their feelings more in the long run if you can’t make it work because you got married for the wrong reasons. [Read: Reasons why couples drift apart over time]
#28 Everyone expects you to. If you have been together for eight years and everyone expects you to get married, that is a bad idea. The only expectations that you should be worried about are your own.
#29 You already said yes. Even if you said yes, but are now having second thoughts, you can’t go through with the marriage only because you feel as if you made a promise. It is never too late to change your mind, and you have every right to do so.
#30 You already live together. If you are thinking “we already live together so what could change?” – think again. The commitment of marriage is a very different animal than simply cohabitating. Why fix something that isn’t broken!?
The reasons not to get married are endless. Marriage should be something you enter into with your eyes-wide-open and hearts the same. The biggest decision you can make in life is to be tied to someone for eternity.