Are you in a romantic relationship but find yourself not interested in sex with your partner? You might be a panromantic asexual. Confused? Well, read on.
So you find yourself attracted to random people, whether male, female, homosexual, or whatever their preferences are. The thing is, the person falls for you in a way where they want to take things to the next level. And that’s where you become the problem *or so they say*. It might be because you are a panromantic asexual.
You have no intention or desire to take things to the next level *read: have sex with them*. Though you are hugely attracted to them, you just can’t bring yourself to consummate your feelings. Well, if you have always wondered why you’re like that and why you feel and act the way you do, you may be surprised that there’s a term for you. You’re a textbook panromantic asexual.
What is panromantic asexual?
A panromantic asexual is someone who is capable of being romantically attracted to people irrespective of their sex, gender, or preferences. However, this type has no sexual interest in partners. In other words, you can say you are a panromantic asexual if you are interested in relationships and capable of feeling love and affection towards people regardless of their gender, but you are not interested in following this through with sex.
For panromantics, gender has little, if not nothing, to do to define their relationship. Therefore, they may be attracted to males and females, as well as those who are transgender and belonging to the third gender.
The asexual part, however, comes in their lack of desire for sex. They just don’t want sex. It’s not like they see sex as scary or gross, like they have past trauma when it comes to it. It’s just they don’t desire it. They don’t need it in the relationship.
A panromantic asexual is actually someone who puts more interest in the romantic connection than physical intimacy.
Questions and misconceptions
#1 They are not attracted to each other? A panromantic asexual couple can still be attracted to each other. There are actually many kinds of attraction, and sexual attraction isn’t just one. There’s such a thing as romantic attraction, which glues the relationship together, making them want to be with another person. [Read: Pansexual confessions: What is it like to be one?]
#2 Can they fall in love? Well, they actually can be in love with someone regardless of gender. It’s just that they can’t or aren’t sexually attracted to them. In other words, they can have a romantic and intimate relationship with someone, but not in the physical sense.
#3 Are they going to be alone forever? Being a panromantic asexual doesn’t mean they can’t be with anyone. They can have a relationship or partnership with someone, more likely a panromantic asexual like them, and there are people who have long-term relationships with such.
#4 Are they able to commit? They can be with people that serve as their romantic partners, even long-term ones. They can be in a deeply committed relationship, except that sex is not part of the equation. [Read:
#5 Does this mean they can’t have sex forever? There are couples actually madly in love with each other but are just not having sex. The same can be said of asexual couples. The sexual flame may not be there, but they can still be inseparably in love.
#6 What do they do? People who are in a panromantic asexual relationship actually have lots of things to do together that just doesn’t involve sex. They live together, go on dates, have vacations, sleep together *as in just sleep*, and just spend their lives together like any normal couple. However, the interest with sex just isn’t there. [Read: 13 non-sexual touches to feel connected and loved]
#7 Is it the same as celibacy? Asexuality describes someone’s sexual orientation, which means they don’t experience sexual attraction to anyone they are romantically attracted to. On the other hand, celibacy describes a behavior. In the sense that they do not have sex with anyone, even if they can be sexually attracted and even aroused. The two are not mutually exclusive nor mutually related.
#8 Is asexuality a choice? It isn’t. Again, it’s a sexual orientation. They just don’t wake up one day deciding they don’t want to be turned on and have sex anymore.
#9 How does it all work out? While this relationship may not be conventional, it works out. Actually, in ways that you may never thought it could. You might be surprised, but it works out just like any other relationship. Some are short-term and fade away within a few months, some last for a couple of years, while some even go all the way—they move in together, get married, have kids, get divorced, and all that jazz. [Read: How to make a relationship last: 19 love commandments]
#10 How do they have kids? Well, a panromantic asexual relationship doesn’t mean it it totally sexless. The couple may still have sex, but it’s just not that important or central in the relationship. So kids may come out of conception, but there’s also another option that involves adoption. So either way, things work out when it comes to the child-rearing department, similar with how other couples are.
#11 Can they be romantically attracted to other asexuals? For panromantic asexuals, love is blind and comes in many ways. It doesn’t have to have sex to make the relationship work. Still, they can fall in love with asexuals and non-asexuals alike.
#12 You have to have sex first to find out you don’t want to have sex. This is another misconception. You don’t really have to have sex to find out you don’t like it. Asexual people just don’t feel sexually aroused, but they still crave companionship and even a romantic relationship. [Read: Emotional intimacy or sexual intimacy: Chicken or the egg?]
#13 Maybe they just need to get laid? If you think sex fixes the lack of interest in sex even if you may be interested in being in a relationship with people regardless of gender, then you’re wrong. As an asexual, you may not have had sex and feel no desire to have it. On the other hand, you may have had sex many times in the past, but still relate to the panromantic asexual orientation.
#14 Do they masturbate? Asexuals can masturbate. In fact, many of them do. Asexual doesn’t mean they have anything wrong “down there,” or that they don’t feel good when they use their “part,” They may masturbate for many reasons, such as relaxing and just feeling that good ol’ “O.”
People can feel meh about sex sometimes, but if you have felt this consistently for as long as you can remember, then you may be asexual. And, if you are into anyone regardless of gender, then you may be panromantic.
As you may have grasped by now, panromantic asexuals are reflections of how romantic and sexual identities can be different. They often clash or just not jive. The important thing here, however, is that we all understand and accept people have different preferences and respect this.
So if you yourself may be in a relationship with someone who you see as panromantic asexual, then now you have a deeper understanding of what they are—and what they are not—so you can make the most of the relationship.
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Tiffany Grace Reyes
Tiffany is a wordsmith who has played with words ever since her letter-to-the-editor was published nationally at the age of 9. Since then her writing has gone f...