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Is It Love or Lust?

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Is it love or lust that you’re experiencing with your partner? Sometimes, you may think you’re in love without really realizing that there’s no love in the relationship, but just lust. Find out whether you’re in love or lust right here.

Contrary to what most of us believe, we don’t really fall in love at first sight. Almost always, it’s lust at first sight.

The intense attraction that you feel for someone when you first lock eyes with each other, those butterflies in your stomach and that skip in your heart, in all probability, is lust and not love.

But lusting for someone isn’t a bad thing, because love generally starts with lust and desire and grows and blossoms into love over a few weeks or months.

The happiest relationships are those where there’s a perfect balance of love and lust.

But what is it that you’re experiencing, is it love or lust?

Is it love or lust?

Often, our minds can get confused with the experiences and you may assume you or your new partner may be in love, when you’re just lusting for each other.

While sexual attraction is great to keep the chemistry alive, it’s no good in keeping a relationship happy and blissful.

When you’re in lust with someone, and not in love, you really don’t care about the future or the happy moments, all you care about is the urges in your pants.

It’s not always clear and easy to find out whether it’s love or lust, but these tips should help you find out if either you or your partner are truly in love or just experiencing lust for each other.

Thoughts at first sight

If you’re filled with happiness and can’t hold your smile back when you see your lover, you’re definitely in love with them. On the other hand, if you meet your lover and the first thing that comes to your mind every single time is how good looking or sexy they are, your relationship is based on lust rather than love.

Your feelings in love

Do you feel happy and romantic all day, and find yourself staring at happy things or smiling without realizing it yourself? You’re probably full of love. Or do you feel really sexy or sexually excited throughout the day? If this is the case, lust is definitely in the air.

Spending time with each other

During the first couple of weeks or months, it’s natural that both of you can’t keep your hands off each other. But once you’re past that, how do both of you spend time with each other?

Do you end up making out all the time or do both of you have a happy conversation? And even if you do make out, do both of you spend the night together or do you kiss and say goodbye after an hour of great sex? If having sex or making out is where all the fun ends, then there’s more lust than love in the relationship. As important as physical intimacy can be, emotional connection too, is of vital importance in long lasting love. [Read: Is he the one for you?]

Going out on weekends

So where do you hang out over the weekends? Do you and your partner go out with friends or party all night long, or do both of you go out with each other to a restaurant or some quiet place to spend time with each other?

If you are genuinely in love with each other, you can’t help but want to spend time alone with each other over the weekends. On the other hand, if you’re just looking to have a fun weekend, you’d prefer to spend time with friends, and if it’s lust on your mind, you’d go to a party and run your hands over each other all night. So is it fun, love or lust in your relationship? [Read: How to build trust in a relationship]

Your best memories in love

Spend a minute and think of your partner and some of the best memories you have together. Is it love or lust that comes to your mind? If most of the thoughts that come to your mind revolve around making out or the places you’ve had sex, it’s pretty clear that lust holds an upper hand in your relationship.

When you think about your partner

When you’re at work or away from your partner, it’s natural to think of your new love now and then. When these fleeting moments of love drift in your mind, what do you think about? Do you remember cuddling up and watching a movie, or your partner’s smile or laughter, or do you get gooseflesh remembering how good making out with this person feels? If your thoughts linger on sexual memories more than all other memories, it definitely means you’re having a lot of great sex and that’s the highpoint in your relationship.

Calling each other up

It’s not necessary to speak with each other every hour or so, but it’s always great for the relationship when both of you communicate often. What time of the day do both of you speak more often and what kind of conversations do you have? If either of you speak or text a few times throughout the day, love is definitely in the air. But if the only time you spend on communicating with each other is late at night, and all you talk about is how good it feels to make out, then it’s obviously only lust that’s holding your relationship together.

If both of you truly love each other, you’d think of each other throughout the day, not just at night when you’re all alone and feeling frisky.

What do you want to do when you meet each other?

Do you feel like making out every single time both of you meet each other? You may be going out with a gorgeous stunner, but if sex is all you can think about when you’re with your partner, and you have a hard time keeping your hands off their body, you’ve got a lusty situation in your hands. A bit of cuddling and public display of affection is cute, but if both of you don’t have anything to talk about with each other and need some kissing to keep the clock ticking, you’ve got some serious issues of communication and compatibility to deal with.

Compromising in love

Do you compromise with your needs and wants now and then, if you know that doing something else would make your partner feel happy? Taking an initiative to compromise for each other is one of the biggest signs of true love.

But if you’re more interested in what you can get out of the relationship or how often you can make out with each other, and don’t really like compromising and giving up on your happiness just so your partner can be happy, it’s obviously not love but lust that’s holding the relationship together. [Read: How to better a relationship]

Making introductions to your friends

Do you like spending time with your lover, but feel embarrassed or awkward to introduce your partner to your friends? If you subconsciously feel awkward to be with your lover in public, it’s natural that the only reason you’re still together with them is because of the great sex. If you genuinely love your partner, you’d be excited to introduce your sweetheart to all your friends because you’d see your partner as an important part of your life. [Read: Is he serious about you?]

How involved are both of you?

Do you think about making out or having sex every time you think of your new lover? It’s great that you’re going out with someone you’re so physically attracted to, but if you truly love your partner, you’d also respect them and would want to hear about their opinion on your life and the issues in it. If you think of your partner only when you’re feeling lonely or horny, there’s a good chance that you don’t really love your new sweetheart, and only lust about them. [Read: Long term relationship poll results]

Thinking about the long term

When you’re truly in love with someone, you can’t help but think about the future with them. This is the biggest sign in finding out whether it’s love or lust on your mind.

Can you see your new lover in your life a few years down the lane or is that something you just can’t picture? Most of the time, we find someone we like and the sex is great and dandy, and we assume we’re in love. But yet, if you give it a serious thought, you’d know you’re never really going to be happy with them in the years to come. If you can’t see your lover as an important part of your future, it’s a sure sign that it’s just lust working its charm on you. [Read: What is the right age to get married?]

So what’s your story? Is it love or lust that’s keeping your relationship alive? Remember, lusting about a partner is great for the relationship. But if it’s only lust in the air and not love that’s keeping both of you together, it’s going to be a pretty big missing piece in the jigsaw puzzle of love and that just can’t be overlooked.

[Read: Dating facts]

It’s never too late to change your future if both of you really want to. Once you know where you stand with these pointers on is it love or lust, make a decision for the better and make a difference in both your lives.


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Have your say!
  • Monica
    November 8, 2012 | Permalink |

    My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 6 years. And definetly were still in love lil lust but nothing bad. We just try to talk all the time about our feelings n what we think about. When we argue we try to talk about it rather then be yelling n fighting. We try to keep this relationship as when we first got together, n it’s workin so far.

  • Ashley
    July 29, 2013 | Permalink |

    Me and this guy has been talking for a year, ya we kiss and stuff basically were together but we dnt see each other as much as we want cause I’m in college, but while I’m away I tell him even though I really like you I want you to be happy and if that means you talking to another girl than ill respect and understand that, now we both however don’t talk to other people because I personally can’t see my self with another man, he says he feels the same we have GREAT conversations everytime I see him it’s like I’m seeing him for the first time :) Only problem is I NEVER been in love before so I’m kind of confused, but I do know I’m past the caring part… I get done school in 8 months, and I can’t wait to be home with him, I honestly can see me and him having a long term relationship with him and he says he feels the same way, I’m just confused because I don’t know what loving a man feels like!!! HELP????

  • Krysta
    July 30, 2013 | Permalink |

    I met this guy in college in my second semester, we are both freshmen but we had a class together. I never paid attention to him because my goal was solely to do my school work and I had a fwb friend as well. He was also a quiet one in class so he sat at the back of the class quietly and I sat a few rows ahead of him. Probably he would always check me out but i never noticed. Then one time after doing our midterm exams, our lecturer had the grade A students stand so the rest of the class could see. It was then I noticed him as being an intelligent guy and I also got an A as well. After the class everyone was discussing their grades and he called me over saying, “you got an A too right?” It was only then we started talking and walking home together and such. I found our conversations from then on to be very interesting and I admired that we never spoke on any relationship issues. He always complimented me, sometimes I thought he was being a bit too corny but nevertheless we are good friends. Only recently there was a lot of sexual tension between us. I told him I’m falling for him and he told me he like me as well but he doesn’t want a relationship based on his past experiences and the fact that he’s striving towards his goals. I’ve also has some issues before with relationships and I am striving for my goals as well but i see something in him as a future partner. I don’t just wanna have sex with him…he talks about the sex a lot but he say if we don’t do it, we’re still going to be cool. I am really confused, I wanna take certain steps with him but I don’t want our friendship to dissolve. What do I do? How do I know if he’s genuine. I do get a good aura from him, he’s ambitious, good looking and he has great values. However I am afraid that if I don’t give into the sexual temptations, I might lose him all together as a future partner. Hellllpppp!!

  • Krysta
    July 30, 2013 | Permalink |

    Not to mention a week ago we kissed for the very first time. We both wanted to do it I guess. I was hinting it to him and I guess he was feeling the same way. Anyway we kissed and I had to pull away after a while because I’m pretty sure we might have stayed kissing the entire night outside of school. The kiss was full of compassion…..we felt major sparks but again, I am confused as to what we both want.

  • Angela
    September 2, 2013 | Permalink |

    I love this boy named andrick but he is in 6th grade and im in 5th last year he said he loved me we were both in love and when he went to middle skool it felt like he forgot me but he always stares at me and i feel like we still love eachother im confused!!!!!

  • brooke
    October 1, 2013 | Permalink |

    Oh I fell for a sweet quiet shy guy in high school. I was shy myself so I shyed away ehen he asked me out. I was such a loozer. I never stopped thinking about him. He made my body tingle uh I wantrd him soo bad. Funny a few years we met again in college I found out he had been married with a kid now divorsed- yikes- I still had feelings for him I was still nervous around him darn me

  • Tasha
    November 3, 2013 | Permalink |

    @Angela

    Perhaps he was in lust instead of love. Anyways, are you sure you were in love at your young age?

  • Zacharias Zugaard
    February 17, 2014 | Permalink |

    PS. Don’t get me wrong: To kiss is an act of love, such as hugging and holding hands. It doesn’t have to be intense makeout…

  • Kris
    April 25, 2014 | Permalink |

    This guy and I have known each other since I was 12 and he was 18. I’ve always had a crush on him and in the last few years he’s developed one on me. Comments began being made about a year ago but I was in a relationship. He is my brother in laws best friend (how we met) and a big part of our family. We just recently started talking since my relationship ended and the sex is the best I’ve ever had. However, because it is a complicated situation and our time together is limited to late nights because of schedule and trying to keep it quiet, it’s a friends with benefits relationship. But we always end up staying awake for hours reminiscing, talking, joking, laughing, sharing secrets and stories, and just being around each other. I feel like the time we have together is special and he seems giddy around me like I around him. I’m so into him and feel like if the situation wasn’t so messy and complicated, it could very easily develop into more. He’s protective over me and always has been, but even more so now. It’s just crazy to be talking to someone I’ve liked for 10 years!

  • Boo09
    May 2, 2014 | Permalink |

    I’m hang out with one guy around 3 months now , we had spent a lot fun time together , party time , go out with friends and we had great sex. We agree that we just friend with benefit cause he is not ready for relationship and I also just want to have some fun. But slowly by the time we spent together ( watch movie , dinner only us , cooking , talk about our life and family , cuddle each other while we watch movie at home…he called me while i back to my country , he waited me for 2 months and started to get angry with me when we met again ) I started to had feeling for him but I also don’t know is love or lust ? I can see he didn’t care much about me , we didn’t text or call a lot and important part that “I can’t see any future for both of us” maybe one day I’ll find the other interesting guy and maybe he also will find the love of his life and she can make him want serious relationship. But right now I don’t know how to keep my mind cold , I don’t know do I need to have a talk with him about this , about where I stand in his life now ? We have make a plan for some trip , or music concert we will together next month….and I don’t know if I ask him now maybe will destroy our relationship now. It’s so confuse and I’m really stuck in the situation that I had done.

  • cat
    June 10, 2014 | Permalink |

    Ok so…. I’ve know this girl for four years. We were never like super close friends or anything but I did crush on her for some tome. Well a few months ago we reconnected and started dating. I thought I was so in love with her but…. She’s starting to annoy me by doing nothing… And the only thing I can think of around her is sex we’ve had or want to have! And also I met someone else that I think I’m falling for but…. If the relationship I’m in is love and the the other person is just lustfull then I shouldn’t break up but…. I feel like I’m falling in love with the other person and possibly only falling out of lust for my gf…. We are currently sort of jn that after honeymoon phase of finding put who each other really are, she wants to change and be better for me but I dunno if that’s good or not…. How can I tell if I should break up with her or try to work things out? Please help!!!!!

  • Lauren
    August 25, 2014 | Permalink |

    People if you take it to heart you are setting yourselves up for failure. Most of what they say is love is not love it is infatuation. Love is not always dying to see your partner. Let me ask you this, when things are rough in your relationship( which ALWAYS happens) do you think real love is staying with them when it’s easy and you’re always excited or when it’s not?

  • Nath
    September 24, 2014 | Permalink |

    To me it was love but to him obviously lust disguised under
    The cover of pretended love.. Really painful and awkward to experience
    Only cruel people can act that way but I’m glad I finally realized and won’t lost another 18 years..
    Didn’t go without tears been crying everyday for a week
    It s tough to realise the love of your life doesn’t care.

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