Losing a friend can be devastating. Since good friends are hard to find, learn how to get over a friend and find laughter again.
A couple years ago *okay, more like five or six, but I don’t want to accept that I’m aging*, I had a falling out with a close childhood friend. It was a really hard period for me. This is someone I grew up with, someone I knew my whole life. I was more than upset, I felt like I lost a piece of me.
I didn’t leave my house. I spent my weekends watching movies and my daylight was spent only to walk my dog. I didn’t know it at the time, but I basically went through a breakup. Truly, learning how to get over a friend is not an easy road to walk.
How to get over a friend
When you lose someone in your life, such as a friend, you essentially go through a grieving process. This person was once very close to you. As you know, friendships aren’t easy to form and even harder to maintain and grow. So, if you recently lost a friend, I empathize with you. It’s not an easy thing to go through.
However, at the end of the day, you must move forward whether they’re in your life or not. So, it’s time you were given some tools to help you through how to get over a friend. It takes time, but you’ll pull through.
#1 Accept what happened. I don’t know what happened, but for now, your friendship isn’t looking good. The first thing to do is acknowledge and accept what happened. This isn’t about who did what. It’s just about coming to terms with the event that took place. Once you accept what happened, you move on with or without your friend. [Read: When to end a bad friendship]
#2 Don’t lose complete hope. Of course, it really depends on what happened. Now, if you slept with your friend’s partner, the odds are low for reconciliation. However, if it was just a fight over the fact you don’t have time for them anymore, well, you didn’t completely lose them. Depending on how it ended, maybe your friend just needs some time on their own to cool off, the same goes for you. Apologize if it was your fault, give some space and reconnect with them when things seem right again.
#3 Give them space. You don’t have to mend the relationship right away. Sometimes, it’s better to give that person some space. Some of my falling outs weren’t fixed until years later when we were both mature and accepting of what happened. Time really does heal wounds, not all of them, but usually, it helps calm down the situation. So, don’t be so eager to fix the problem. [Read: When your best friend ignores you – The why and ways to fix it]
#4 Use your mutual friends. They’re going to be your indicator where your relationship is headed. You can also speak to your mutual friends to help you give each other space. In addition, mutual friends hate conflict, so they actually are a great help when it comes to reconciliation between people.
#5 Stay away from their social media. They know you very well. So, they probably know that you’ll stalk them on social media. This means they’ll probably be putting photos up of them with their friends… without you. This isn’t going to help you. Stay away from their social media at least for a couple months, you don’t need that extra stab to the heart. [Read: 15 signs it’s time to cut your one-sided friendship loose]
#6 No bad mouthing. I don’t care if they were in the wrong or not. If you want to know how to get over a friend the respectful way, in the long run, talking shit about your ex-friend doesn’t make you feel any better. And anyway, it’s only makes you look like an asshole to everyone else. If you talk bad about this person that was once your friend, what do you say about them behind their backs?
#7 Be social. Just because you’re no longer friends with this person doesn’t mean you don’t have other friends. Spend your time with the other friends in your life. If you don’t have many friends at the moment, it’s okay. But you need to make a solid effort in creating friendships. If you’re invited out, say yes, show interest. [Read: How to make new friends as an adult]
#8 Stop talking about them. The reason why you struggle with getting over your friend is that they’re the number one topic in all your conversations. How do you expect to move on when they’re the only thing you currently talking about? Stop bringing their name up in conversation and ease off from talking about them.
#9 Find your closure. You may not be able to talk to your friend and get the closure you need. In this case, I completely understand why closure is hard for you. Though these ways may not be as fulfilling for you, try other ways to find closure. Write a letter or email to them, even if you can’t send it, it’s okay. Just get everything you want to say out of you. [Read: How to cut people out of your life the right way]
#10 Get support. When I had the falling out with my friend, I made the mistake of not talking to a therapist. Instead, I lived like a hermit for a couple of months. In reality, I would have handled the situation much better if I had support. So, if you find yourself struggling. Seek support, it really helps.
#11 Perhaps this is for the best. I know you’re not thinking like this right now, but perhaps not having them in your life is beneficial for you. Of course, I don’t know your friendship or what happened, but if you two were not functioning together properly, this friendship was not healthy for either of you.
#12 Keep yourself busy. The worst thing to do is sit on your couch and constantly think of them. You need to keep yourself busy! Pick up a new hobby, go for a bike ride, visit your family or friends, keep yourself in motion. If not, you’re going to find yourself dwelling on the past—you don’t need that. [Read: Signs you need to dump your shitty friends and get some new ones]
#13 Give yourself time to heal. This isn’t going to be an overnight thing. You need to give yourself time to get over and accept what happened. It took me six months to get over the loss of my friend. I really needed to completely process the loss. There’s no limit, no time restraint, so don’t feel like you should rush through it. You’ll know when you’ve accepted what happened.