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Getting Back Together? Why Slow and Steady is the Only Way to Go

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Thinking about getting back together with your ex? Before you send out that text *or call*, you may want to consider these things first.

The Dating Rulebook may say that getting back together with an ex is a terrible idea. However, when it’s a matter of the heart, there’s no rule that can dictate what you should do. The heart truly is a fickle thing, so when it’s got its eyes on your ex *as if it has ever left*, what is there to do?

Sometimes, love does deserve a second chance. So when you’re thinking of getting back together with your former love, how do you know if it’s really the best decision? It’s a big gamble, and you risk getting broken and going up in flames once again.

Signs you should get back together

The best thing you can do is to try to look at your situation objectively and take these seven things into consideration before you act too quickly and decide to get back together on a whim.

#1 It’s been a while. Time heals, and if it’s been a while since you broke up, you should be able to assess what you feel. After all, maybe all you both really needed was some time apart from each other. A breather, so to speak. Often, after some time, you forget what you fought about, or the issue all of a sudden doesn’t seem such a big deal anymore. You may even just laugh it off now. Whatever it is, the time apart has made you both realize that you just want to be together after all. [Read: 12 reasons why the no contact rule always works]

#2 Come to think of it… Whatever you fought about may not be petty, but it sure is fixable. Maybe you broke up because your ex didn’t like it when you always brought your nosy friends over, or that you just lacked some romantic time due to your busy schedules. Once you’ve gotten to the bottom of your problem, you’ll realize that you can both make a compromise and you can still work on your relationship.

#3 Syncing. There are times when relationships don’t work out because you find out that you want different things in life, or that you have different priorities. You may see that your relationship is going nowhere. However, people change, whether through time or after something happens in their lives. They may change their mind about what they want, or they may reach a level of maturity that puts the two of you on the same wavelength now. [Read: Commitment phobia: 15 signs you’re just not ready to commit]

#4 Nothing compares. So you may have broken up and you’ve gone on the dating circuit. However, every person you meet just seems to have something wrong with them. You always end up comparing them to your ex, and they always fall short. Then you realize that you were better off together with your ex after all. You realize that you made a huge mistake, and after all’s been said and done, you want to be with no one else but your ex. [Read: 10 signs your past relationship is holding you back]

#5 Miserable apart. Whether the breakup was awful or amicable, there’s a huge chance that you can get back together with your ex if the two of you are just miserable when you’re apart. Life just doesn’t seem to be worth living without your ex, and your ex feels the same. So you both have this mutual feeling that no matter how much you argue, life is still better with each other.

#6 Forgiveness. When it was your ex’s fault that you two broke up, see how they feel about what they did. Do they regret their mistake? Are they genuinely sorry about what happened? If you’re the erring party, do you truly feel remorseful and sorry for what you did? In order for you to get back together and move on from what happened, forgiveness must be established, and whoever did wrong should make it a point to hugely make up for what they did and never make the same mistake again. [Read: Should you forgive and forget? 15 guidelines to follow]

#7 Second chances. No matter how badly you fight and hate each other, you both believe that your relationship is still worth fighting for. You both fervently believe in second chances and that your relationship is, after all, worth rekindling. Whether it’s been a few days or many years, when the two of you can look each other in the eye and still believe that you can make it better this time around, then go for it. [Read: Break up to make up: 10 ways to give love a second chance]

Struggles of getting back together

So now that you think that getting back together with your ex is the right decision, consider where you’ll go from here. Getting back together doesn’t necessarily mean happily ever after, as there are, of course, many hurdles you’ll need to consider. This is especially true if your breakup hasn’t been so smooth and there’s been a lot of hurtful words and mudslinging thrown both ways.

Here are the things you should consider when you get back together with your ex:

#1 Hit rewind? When you were both arguing and breaking up, there were probably a lot of heated exchanges. There may have also been painful, bitter words thrown around on both sides. For some, there may even be threats, embarrassments, gossip, and violence. The words can’t be unsaid and the actions can’t be undone. But with some work, sincerity, and forgiveness on both ends, the two of you may be able to move on together still. [Read: The power of words can make or break your relationship]

#2 Breaking the news. So after telling everyone how you hated your ex’s guts and basically everything about them, how are you going to break the news that you’ve gotten back together? This can be a little awkward, as you may feel like you owe some explanation, especially those closest to you. Your best bet? Just be honest. [Read: 13 signs your friends are ruining your relationship]

#3 Changing your parents’ opinion. There’s also the matter of trying to change your parents’ minds about your ex. This is after coming home to them crying and angering them, telling them all the “awful” things your ex did *also conveniently exaggerating your story to paint your then-partner in a bad light*. So now that you’re back together, how can you make them like your ex again?

#4 Alienation risks. After all the drama and tears, there will be friends who will support your decision to get back together with your ex. And there will also be those who will likely think you’re crazy. You might risk losing the trust of your friends, as they might not get behind your decisions in the future. They might also scoff at your woes the next time you approach them about problems with your ex, who is now your partner again.

#5 Social media fuss. Of course, there’s the hassle of re-adding each other on social media again. And since nothing is secret anymore, people will notice this and start talking behind your back, too. If that’s not all, you’ll have to change your relationship status again, and this will not come by unseen by your friends who are keenly keeping an eye on their notifications. [Read: Why social media is killing your relationship]

#6 Room for doubt. After all the trouble and heartache caused by your breakup, your relationship is not going to be the same anymore. You may both question your real motives for reconciliation. The first few days or weeks of getting back together may make you feel over the moon, but still, you may have that voice in the back of your head asking, “How long is this going to last this time?”

#7 Is it a new relationship? While it’s easy to dwell on the past and let it haunt you, getting back together means that you both have to make a conscious *and extra hard* effort to start anew. Is it going to be a new relationship? You both have to figure that one out. One thing is for sure, though: if you stay as you were before and don’t make a change, then your relationship is totally doomed.

[Read: What to do when the one who got away comes back]

So is getting back together with your ex a good option for you? Even if you have considered all your options, read all the signs, and consulted every rulebook there is, only your heart knows what it wants, and you have to stay true to it.

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Tiffany Reyes
Tiffany Grace Reyes
Tiffany is a wordsmith who has played with words ever since her letter-to-the-editor was published nationally at the age of 9. Since then her writing has gone f...
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