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Fickle Friends: Should You Overcompensate or Kick Them Out?

Fickle Friends

Fickle friends are those friends in our lives who are temperamental, moody, and unpredictable. If they are worth it, let it go, if not, let them go.

We all relate to this subject, right? In my many years here on earth, I have come across many a fickle friend. What are fickle friends? They are people that bounce in and out of your life like a bouncy ball. One minute you are totally cool, the next they disappear without any warning.

What are a fickle friend’s motives? Well, mostly they are selfish people more concerned about what goes on in their own lives than what you have in yours. A mixture of moody and indecisive, they go whichever the way the wind blows, which is not always in your favor.

If you have a fickle friend, it starts to feel like you always make an effort, wondering why you are on the outs, or what you did that made them disappear without warning.

7 musts when dealing with a fickle friend

It is hard not to take it personally when you have a friend who seemingly can’t care about your feelings or doesn’t really put any effort into your relationship unless they feel like it. Never going to be your emergency contact, you take them for what they are worth and either accept them or move along.

#1 Be careful what you say. Fickle friends make you feel like you are their “bestie.” You find yourself telling them a wealth of knowledge you might not want everyone to know.

The problem is that they aren’t really that loyal. Because they aren’t capable of forming a true and lasting bond, you don’t want to tell them your innermost secrets. As a general rule, if you have one, don’t tell them much about anything you care about. It likely goes in one ear and out their mouths. [Read: One-sided friendships and when to cut them loose]

#2 Don’t depend on them. Fickle friends are great people to make last minute plans with. You have a boring Friday night without any plans? That is the time to reach out to your fickle friends.

If your favorite band comes to town and you simply have to see them, don’t ask your fickle friend to ride shotgun. Because they aren’t dependable, you just never know if they will back out and leave you holding two tickets with only your butt to sit in them. [Read: The 8 kinds of friends everyone needs in their life]

#3 Don’t take it personally. When someone is your friend one minute, and then they couldn’t care less about you the next, not only is it confusing, it hurts. If you have a fickle friend, realize it has nothing to do with you or anything you are or aren’t.

They are fickle with everyone and probably blow off someone else to be with you. If they cancel, ghost you for a while, or just seem to disappear, let it go and move on. You have other friends, so focus on the ones that make you feel good, not lost.

#4 Stop reaching out to them. Fickle friends usually carry on their fickle ways because those in their lives let them get away with it. We all have that person in our life who treats everyone badly, is not so nice, and does shitty things that we just say, “Oh that is just the way that she is.”

It is your fault if you keep reaching out to your fickle friend and get let down. The first thing to do is to stop catering to their behavior, Likely, they will change it. If you allow someone to behave badly, they continue doing it, period. [Read: 15 ways to get yourself the friends you want]

#5 Be fickle back. If you want to teach your friend a lesson about how their fickle ways affect other people, then do what they do to you back to them. If they cancel last minute, do it to them.

If they disappear without answering, don’t answer them when they come running back. Perhaps they don’t even know they are fickle. But, if you don’t show them how it feels, they aren’t ever going to get it or know what being a friend means.

#6 Just ignore it. If they are a pain in the ass, demanding, or just snarky, ignore it. Fickle people are just who they are. The only way to continue a friendship with someone who behaves the way they do is just to accept them the way they are. When they are in a good mood, have a good time.

If they aren’t or they blow you off, let it roll off your back. Just always have a backup plan and let things go instead of allowing it to make you mad or upset. [Read: 17 bad friends you should unfriend from your life]

#7 Cut them loose. If you can’t put up with their actions, moodiness, or their lack of commitment to your feelings, plans, and friendship when they don’t feel like it, cut them loose.

A fickle friend makes you constantly wonder what’s up, if you did something, or lets you down when you rely on them, isn’t really a fickle friend, they just aren’t really a friend at all.

If you are okay with someone here today, gone tomorrow, and maybe back next week, then you can handle a fickle friend. Just be sure not to rely on them or think they’ll be there when you really need help because you just never know.

[Read: Here are the reasons to ditch flaky friends]

If you are a fickle friend, you might want to examine how you treat people in your life and maybe, just maybe, consider that you aren’t the center of the universe. Everyone gets moody once in a while, but when you are an adult, you get over and past it.

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Julie Keating
Julie Keating

A writer isn’t born, but created out of experiences. No lack of subject matter, my life reads more like fiction than anything that could have been imagined...

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