Do you feel unloved and unwanted all the time? Here are 6 reasons to understand why you’re feeling that way, and 10 easy ways to fix it for good.
There are many reasons why a person may feel unloved, and it’s not always because someone forgot to show them love. Loving someone is a two-way street, which means that being unloved is not just one person’s fault.
When you talk about love, it is a feeling that is expressed and acknowledged. In order for that to happen, someone has to express it, and someone has to receive it.
In terms of feeling unloved, most people will assume that it’s because no one is giving them love. Sometimes that’s true, while other times, it’s safe to say that you may be feeling unloved because you’re not seeing the love around you.
Why you feel unloved
In order to know if you really are unloved, let’s look at why you would think that in the first place. Before anything else, ask yourself these questions so you can see where this feeling of loss is coming from.
#1 Do you feel unloved by a specific person? A crush, a date, a family member, a friend.
#2 Or do you feel that absolutely no one loves you? You feel like you have no one at all.
#3 Do you feel unloved because you’re being ignored? People are busy, insensitive, or distracted.
#4 Or do you feel unloved because the people around you don’t understand you? You’re having trouble explaining what you’re going through.
#5 Do you feel unloved because you think you’re unlovable? Insecurities, self-doubt, body-shaming.
#6 Or do you feel unloved because you don’t see that you are worthy of love? Failure to see that love still exists and that you just have to open your eyes to see it.
If you said yes to questions 1, 3, and 5, the problem is with you. If you said yes to questions 2, 4, or 6, it may be time to talk to someone about it – meaning your partner, your family, or even your friends.
Feeling unloved because you’re not getting what you expected is a normal reaction, but not something that you should take to heart. Some people don’t understand why they feel that way, but they do know that it’s because they’re not getting the love they think they deserve. [Read: Is your negative thinking subconsciously ruining your life?]
Feeling unloved because you see the world as a place without love, on the other hand, is more serious. If someone thinks that there’s no hope of finding love where they stand, it’s possible that it could lead to dire consequences, both physically and emotionally.
How do people show love
Before you decide that you are truly unloved, let’s look first at how people show love. Maybe you’ll see that someone really does love you, but you were just a little sidetracked because of the conflict you’ve been feeling within yourself.
If you truly believe that none of the ways people show love is applicable to you, then there’s always a way to change that, and we’re here to help.
#1 When they do the little things. The little things, when put in perspective, can turn out to be really huge gestures of love. When someone prepares your food or gives you the other half of a sandwich, you can call it a gesture that’s not made out of love, but probably because you are loved. [Read: The different ways people say ‘I love you’ without saying a word]
#2 When they give you a little bit or more of their time. Time is actually a very valuable commodity. You may think that anyone can give more than enough of it, but setting some aside just for you is already a big deal. Appreciate it and learn how to accept that sometimes love is giving anything that you can aside from affection.
#3 When they listen. When a person listens to you, it means that they are interested in what you have to say. No matter what it is, that sort of attention is important, because when no one listens, your cries for help will never be heard. An open mind and a shoulder to cry on can make up for love that is not being felt.
#4 When they try to help. Some think that people who are trying to help can make things worse – like the ones who tell you to look at the bright side and see the silver lining. Minimizing the importance of your feelings is one of the biggest mistakes that people make. Although some don’t understand what exactly it is you’re going through, their willingness to help is evidence enough that they are showing love – unless they’re not really listening.
#5 When they’re present or try their best to be available when you need them the most. Being there for you is already an act done out of love. They could be somewhere else, but something is drawing them back to you, especially when they feel that you need saving. It could be pity, guilt, or even shame that pushes people to be there, but in the end, it all goes back to how much they care about you.
What can you do to stop feeling unloved
If you feel that no one loves you, or if you can’t resolve yourself to appreciate the people who do, you need to do something about it very soon. It may seem like a shallow complaint to some, but feeling unloved is quite serious, especially if it manifests as something that can damage you emotionally. So, here’s what you can do to nip it in the bud. [Read: How to stop feeling loved by the ones you love]
#1 Start doing things for yourself. Stop doing things to make people love you. Do it because you want to give love away. After that, it’s only a matter of time before it comes back tenfold.
#3 Give without expecting anything in return. When you start to give without asking for anything back, you will see a huge change in how you feel. You’ll become happier and more in tune with yourself and finally see how being unloved pales in comparison to being the bearer of love.
#4 Show appreciation. Value the little things that come your way, whether it’s a smile from a stranger or a helping hand at the grocery store. People do good things all the time. You just have to appreciate it when it happens.
#5 Do not aim to hurt at any cost. The more you hurt people, the less love you will receive. That contributes a lot to why people feel unloved. They don’t realize that while they’re demanding love, they’re also keeping others from the happiness that those people deserve. [Read: 18 insightful reasons why you don’t have any friends]
#6 Do not beg, demand, or coerce to be loved. Ask. Forcefully taking love is never an option. When you do, you’re pushing people to love you. That’s not how it works at all. Love is freely given and should not be seized for the taking.
#8 Look at those who love you unconditionally. There are other ways to find love, and it’s not just with the people close to you. There are many people who show love to their fellow man without needing a reason. You just have to open yourself up to them. If you don’t see it that way, there’s always a higher power to turn to.
#10 Look for people who love, are in love, and are spreading love. If you haven’t found love yet, you can still go look for it where it exists. That alone is enough of a motivation to keep yourself open to the possibilities. Look at a happy couple, a kid playing with his dog, or a Pride parade. Love is all around. Remember that.
Feeling unloved is one of the worst feelings you can have. Before you forget what love feels like, always remember that it’s everywhere. And if you still can’t find it, just try following our advice, and you’ll quickly find love where you least expect it, from within you.
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Those who can’t do, teach. I can neither do nor teach as well as others, but I can try. Aside from being a writer, I am also a physical therapist. My dream is...