Cutting people out of your life is harder for some than others. If you are not a perpetual ghoster, then do these things to stay strong and say adios.
I have never been one to know how cutting people out of your life makes it any better. See, I am a fixer by nature. I bang my head against the same wall about a million times before I think, maybe I should try the other one. But, that has led me down a road that can be miserable.
There are times when cutting people out of your life is not only a good idea but a necessary one.
I have broken up with very few guys and potentially even fewer girls in my life. I guide my thoughts by one thing, there is nothing unfixable. The problem is that even if something is fixable, it doesn’t mean it should be fixed.
If I count how many times I have said I am done with someone, and two seconds later I beg them to come back, well, let’s just say it would be a lot of times.
Cutting people out of your life – 9 tips to do it the right way
Over the past couple of years, *yep, it has taken it that long to get through my thick skull* I’ve see how sometimes it is best just to give up and let someone go than to try to hold something together that simply doesn’t fit. Although not a big fan of the ghosting idea, there is some relief to it that is undeniably awesome.
If you cut someone out of your life, the key thing is to make it a smooth and amicable thing. Sure, ghosting has its benefits, but they aren’t always positive. To make sure you leave with a good conscience and no regrets, these are the best things to do when you finally say enough is enough.
#1 Leave on good terms. If you want to feel good about cutting someone out of your life, the best way to do is it to leave on good terms. Even if you cut them because you can’t get along, do so when things are calm, not in the heat of battle or when you are on the outs.
Even if you know that you are going to tell someone goodbye, make peace with whatever issue you have with them that was the final straw.
If you leave with unresolved feelings or feeling badly about just dropping the ball, it rests on your shoulders, which is more baggage than you need to carry. Wait until things are copacetic before saying, au revoir. [Read: 25 early warning signs of toxic people]
#2 Don’t involve other people. If you cut someone out of your life, don’t involve other people or make them take sides. If you can’t be friends or lovers with someone anymore, that doesn’t mean that it is fair for you to put others in the middle. The problem rests in your immediate relationship, not the peripheral.
You don’t want to come out of this break up alone, nor do you want them to either. If you keep it between the two of you, then it stays there. What you do guides how the chips and the friends fall after the breakup. [Read: Why some people go looking for drama]
#3 Don’t talk about what happened, just let it go. Instead of rehashing the situation a thousand times or justifying yourself, just let it go. You don’t have to tell anyone what happened or your side of the story.
Their presence was not a positive or good one in your life; case closed. It isn’t going to make things better to dwell on it or try to tell everyone your side of the story. No one should care but the two people involved, you and them. So, keep your explanations to yourself, it doesn’t matter, it is over.
#4 Forgive them, forgive yourself. Sometimes we stay in a relationship or maintain friendships with people who aren’t good for us because either we feel some obligation to follow through with the relationship, or we feel guilty for not being able to save it.
Whatever the reason, say goodbye and cut someone loose. It doesn’t help to hold onto the burden of moving on or to be angry with them for whatever led you to say you can’t be a part of the relationship anymore.
Sometimes it is just as important to forgive yourself for not being able to hold a relationship together than to forgive the person who wasn’t good for you. [Read: 15 positive ways to unburden your mind]
#5 Block them. If you cut someone out, cut them out. The only way to make a clean break is to block them from your world. That doesn’t mean that you forever deny their existence, it just means that while you make your clean break, find a way to stand on your own and not worry about the fallout.
Worry about yourself. Just completely block them from making you feel bad by texting, begging, or seeing their social media, and either regretting that they have moved on, or even worse, hearing what they are saying. Just block them all together and focus on moving forward and healing.
#6 Be rational, and, if possible, explain why you have to say adios. Ghosting seems like an excellent way to just cut someone cold turkey, but it doesn’t give anyone closure. Sure, sometimes closure is overrated. Then again, if you explain your feelings and allow them to ask questions and give their two cents, then you never worry that you didn’t make things clear or give them a chance to explain.
Ghosting people stays in your conscience. Someday you might feel bad that you didn’t at a minimum give them a chance to gain closure, apologize, or tell them why you did what you did. It isn’t really fair just to cut someone from your life without letting them know why, unless they harm you and they obviously know why. [Read: Want to ghost someone? Prepare yourself for these 10 consequences]
#7 Don’t give in or second guess. If you are at the point where you ask yourself how to cut someone out of your life, then it got bad enough that the relationship is doing you no favors. Don’t make the mistake of finally doing something to protect yourself and make your life better only to let guilt creep in. It takes over and you consider taking them back.
If you know in your heart that right now is the time to cut them, then that isn’t going to change by giving them another chance. Chances are good you already gave them a hundred, spoken or not.
#8 Be prepared for anger. No one likes to be cut out of someone’s life. If you cut them from your life, then there is a good chance they might retaliate with anger. Don’t feed into it or allow it.
It is okay for them to be upset, just remember it was your perpetual state of upset that led you to say enough and separate yourself from them. Have things ready and separate before you finally say adieu. That way the bags are packed, and you’re ready to go if things get ugly. [Read: 20 ways to focus on the positives in life]
#9 Remember the sun shines again. It is never easy to end a relationship, whether it is a sexual one or a close friendship. It sometimes feels much easier to play along and hope that things get better than to cut it off and deal with the aftermath.
As hard as it is to cut someone out of your life, staying in a relationship that makes you miserable is harder. At some point, it has to end. If you cut someone out of your life, have big shoulders and stick with it. The sun will shine again, and you will find your new normal, I promise! [Read: 15 signs it’s a one-sided friendship and time to cut them loose]
Not all relationships are good for us, and cutting people out of your life is at times inevitable. Even if they can be repaired, there are times when repairing them only further perpetuates the awfulness. Like ripping off a bandage, if a relationship is more unhealthy than happy, it is time to say goodbye and move on.
If you are thinking about cutting people out of your life, it is okay to do it. You aren’t a bad person for needing to get away from someone toxic, even if you are a fixer.
If you want for things to go as smoothly as possible when cutting people out of your life, wait for the right and reasonable time, commit to ending it, and take real and lasting steps to make sure that when they are gone, they are gone for good.
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