Are you in love—or in love with the idea of love? These 10 signs will let you know whether your love is real or idealized.
The concept of love is so appealing. It fills a certain hunger, a certain longing that human beings have. Most people are intrinsically lonely, whether they like to admit it or not. The idea of finding one’s life partner, the stuff that poets would die for, can be such a glorious quest, one might even say it is magical.
Love is a many splendored thing
Love can be such a beautiful thing. It is as if someone sprinkled stardust over your eyes, and the world has become beautiful—if only for a brief moment. But where there is great beauty, there can be deceit too. Those who find themselves caught up with the concept of love often find themselves a victim of constant heartbreak.
The concept of love—the one that can survive in the real world—is far from superficial. Love does not necessarily follow a strict formula. After all, the truth can be such a damning thing, and more often than not, the truth can be harsh and cruel, like a hard slap to the face.
Love is profound, and it is never simple. In this purposeless universe, many try to find their own meaning in the greater scheme of things—often through love. Perhaps to love someone would be like being one with the stars in the universe. However, being in love with someone and being in love with the concept of love are two entirely different things.
True love, tangible love, is far different than the idea of l-o-v-e. One is unselfish and giving, while the other is a form of self-fulfillment and selfishness. Relationships come and go, and breakups can be such a devastating experience.
There is a fine line between dreams and reality. Sometimes, you find that dreaming is better than waking up in the real world. Are you in love with the concept of love? Let’s find out. If you are in love with the idea of love, these 10 signs will likely strike a chord.
#1 Finding your true love becomes your raison d’être. When you are in love with the idea of love, finding love becomes your sole purpose. You look for it and you chase it as if it were a dream slipping through your fingers. Because of this, you believe that when you find true love, your life will be better and you will be fulfilled. While love is indeed all those things, it is never the same for everybody, and cannot be responsible for fulfilling your every need.
#2 You constantly want to change your partner. While you constantly tell yourself that you love your partner, you find that you want to change them. While you might not tell them this outright, you are constantly giving them ideas on how they can improve, or “better themselves.” [Read: 12 signs you’re being really selfish in the relationship]
#3 You find yourself constantly flitting from relationship to relationship. Breakups hurt. Heartbreaks hurt even more. Most people like to take a complete break from relationships after a particularly painful breakup before getting back into the dating field.
While some people tend to recover from breakups a little faster than others, there are those who bounce from relationship to relationship without taking a break in between. This is usually due to an irrational fear of being single, or of being the lone part of a whole, that causes them to seek another partner without giving time to heal existing wounds. [Read: 8 very obvious signs you’re a serial monogamist]
#4 Your concept of an ideal partner becomes a form of self-fulfillment. You want your partner to treat you as if you are their entire world. You long to be placed high on a pedestal. Without knowing it, the relationship you seek revolves around you, and you alone. This way of thinking is a one-way ticket to disaster.
#5 You find that you don’t really love them, but still you hold on. Perhaps this is the most damning and painful thing about being in love with the mere concept of love. You find that you do not really love your partner. Love, after all, is a very complicated thing. What you have for your partner becomes entirely superficial. You find yourself holding on to something that is long dead, but has become harder to let go of every single day because losing them means, for a time, losing the idea of having a lover.
#6 You find yourself less than faithful. Because you discover that you cannot find fulfillment in just one person, you find yourself constantly caught between two—or more—people. You find yourself seeking someone better and seeking out other options, without disposing of your current partner. [Read: In love with two people? Here’s how you make up your mind]
#7 You never take it slow. Taking it slow has never been your game. When you look for romance, you tend to go the fast route. You find that you cannot take a relationship in stride, and you find yourself caught in a whirlwind romance. Because of this, the fire tends to burn out faster than it took to light the spark.
#8 You find yourself constantly questioning the fight. Love is a wonderful, beautiful thing, and to fight for something so beautiful would, indeed, be an honor. It becomes a tragedy, however, when you find yourself questioning if you have something to fight for in the relationship. Do you fight for love, or just the idea of love—the concept of being in a loving, passionate relationship? When you find yourself questioning the fight, it is time to rethink the entire thing.
#9 You don’t have a healthy self-esteem when it comes to love. When you are in love with the concept of love, you usually find that you haven’t really felt entirely loved by anyone around you—not even by your family or friends. Because of this, you desperately try to find it in other people, because without love, or a fraction of it, you feel empty and unfulfilled. [Read: How your self respect and esteem affects you and the relationships you have]
#10 The reality of being with someone through thick and thin grows exhausting. True love is more than just romance. It is a choice. It is a commitment to continue loving someone despite their faults and failings. It is loving him when a devastating sickness shuts him down. It is loving her and being with her when she runs out of money. It is choosing to love him when he grows old. Love is more than getting an emotional high. Love is never easy, but that is what makes it all the more beautiful.
Love is more than a fantasy, or a daydream. Love is, ultimately, a choice—and if you find yourself in love with the idea of love, this choice is one that does not come easily.
If you are a lover of love, take some time to yourself, evaluate what it is you really want, and get back out there; failing to address your idealism could result in heartbreak not only for you, but for your significant others as well.
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Colleen Anne Javellana
I'm a quirky and passionate individual who believes in True Love. I live for deep conversations and a good novel to read. I am in love with Life, and I want to ...