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Being in Love – Are You in Love with the Idea of Love?

being in love

Are you in love—or in love with the idea of love? These 10 signs will let you know whether your love is real or idealized.

The concept of love is so appealing. It fills a certain hunger, a certain longing that human beings have. Most people are intrinsically lonely, whether they like to admit it or not. The idea of finding one’s life partner, the stuff that poets would die for, can be such a glorious quest, one might even say it is magical.

Love is a many splendored thing

Love can be such a beautiful thing. It is as if someone sprinkled stardust over your eyes, and the world has become beautiful—if only for a brief moment. But where there is great beauty, there can be deceit too. Those who find themselves caught up with the concept of love often find themselves a victim of constant heartbreak.

The concept of love—the one that can survive in the real world—is far from superficial. Love does not necessarily follow a strict formula. After all, the truth can be such a damning thing, and more often than not, the truth can be harsh and cruel, like a hard slap to the face.

Love is profound, and it is never simple. In this purposeless universe, many try to find their own meaning in the greater scheme of things—often through love. Perhaps to love someone would be like being one with the stars in the universe. However, being in love with someone and being in love with the concept of love are two entirely different things.

While love is, perhaps, the most powerful force on earth, idealizing love is destructive. But who can blame anyone for falling in love with the thrill of solving the mysteries of love? It is a mystery in the depths of one’s soul. [Read: The 10 types of love you’ll definitely experience in your lifetime]

Loving versus loving love

True love, tangible love, is far different than the idea of l-o-v-e. One is unselfish and giving, while the other is a form of self-fulfillment and selfishness. Relationships come and go, and breakups can be such a devastating experience.

There is a fine line between dreams and reality. Sometimes, you find that dreaming is better than waking up in the real world. Are you in love with the concept of love? Let’s find out. If you are in love with the idea of love, these 10 signs will likely strike a chord.

#1 Finding your true love becomes your raison d’être. When you are in love with the idea of love, finding love becomes your sole purpose. You look for it and you chase it as if it were a dream slipping through your fingers. Because of this, you believe that when you find true love, your life will be better and you will be fulfilled. While love is indeed all those things, it is never the same for everybody, and cannot be responsible for fulfilling your every need.

#2 You constantly want to change your partner. While you constantly tell yourself that you love your partner, you find that you want to change them. While you might not tell them this outright, you are constantly giving them ideas on how they can improve, or “better themselves.” [Read: 12 signs you’re being really selfish in the relationship]

#3 You find yourself constantly flitting from relationship to relationship. Breakups hurt. Heartbreaks hurt even more. Most people like to take a complete break from relationships after a particularly painful breakup before getting back into the dating field.

While some people tend to recover from breakups a little faster than others, there are those who bounce from relationship to relationship without taking a break in between. This is usually due to an irrational fear of being single, or of being the lone part of a whole, that causes them to seek another partner without giving time to heal existing wounds. [Read: 8 very obvious signs you’re a serial monogamist]

#4 Your concept of an ideal partner becomes a form of self-fulfillment. You want your partner to treat you as if you are their entire world. You long to be placed high on a pedestal. Without knowing it, the relationship you seek revolves around you, and you alone. This way of thinking is a one-way ticket to disaster.

#5 You find that you don’t really love them, but still you hold on. Perhaps this is the most damning and painful thing about being in love with the mere concept of love. You find that you do not really love your partner. Love, after all, is a very complicated thing. What you have for your partner becomes entirely superficial. You find yourself holding on to something that is long dead, but has become harder to let go of every single day because losing them means, for a time, losing the idea of having a lover.

#6 You find yourself less than faithful. Because you discover that you cannot find fulfillment in just one person, you find yourself constantly caught between two—or more—people. You find yourself seeking someone better and seeking out other options, without disposing of your current partner. [Read: In love with two people? Here’s how you make up your mind]

#7 You never take it slow. Taking it slow has never been your game. When you look for romance, you tend to go the fast route. You find that you cannot take a relationship in stride, and you find yourself caught in a whirlwind romance. Because of this, the fire tends to burn out faster than it took to light the spark.

#8 You find yourself constantly questioning the fight. Love is a wonderful, beautiful thing, and to fight for something so beautiful would, indeed, be an honor. It becomes a tragedy, however, when you find yourself questioning if you have something to fight for in the relationship. Do you fight for love, or just the idea of love—the concept of being in a loving, passionate relationship? When you find yourself questioning the fight, it is time to rethink the entire thing.

#9 You don’t have a healthy self-esteem when it comes to love. When you are in love with the concept of love, you usually find that you haven’t really felt entirely loved by anyone around you—not even by your family or friends. Because of this, you desperately try to find it in other people, because without love, or a fraction of it, you feel empty and unfulfilled. [Read: How your self respect and esteem affects you and the relationships you have]

#10 The reality of being with someone through thick and thin grows exhausting. True love is more than just romance. It is a choice. It is a commitment to continue loving someone despite their faults and failings. It is loving him when a devastating sickness shuts him down. It is loving her and being with her when she runs out of money. It is choosing to love him when he grows old. Love is more than getting an emotional high. Love is never easy, but that is what makes it all the more beautiful.

Love is more than a fantasy, or a daydream. Love is, ultimately, a choice—and if you find yourself in love with the idea of love, this choice is one that does not come easily.

[Read: The 20 kinds of lovers that exist in the world]

If you are a lover of love, take some time to yourself, evaluate what it is you really want, and get back out there; failing to address your idealism could result in heartbreak not only for you, but for your significant others as well.

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Colleen Anne Javellana
Colleen Anne Javellana
I'm a quirky and passionate individual who believes in True Love. I live for deep conversations and a good novel to read. I am in love with Life, and I want to ...

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DISCUSSION

4 thoughts on “Being in Love – Are You in Love with the Idea of Love?”

  1. Miriam says:

    I am a bit of a cynic when it comes to love for me personally and being in this relationship of romance. I do how ever love to imagine my love life or create a fantasy of what I am having done for or to me. It has been difficult and I am not blaming the man for this but when it comes to sustaining or developing the relationship that I would call my own. I can watch others, movies, or read books and inject myself and the possibilities into the story line or wonder how it would be different with me in it. The idea of love fascinates yet scares me but not enough to block it from my life. The idea of love is beautiful and I want to be a part of it some day soon.

  2. Anne says:

    A constant drive to change your partner isn’t love, people. This is the exact opposite of love because someone you’re in love with should already be ticking the boxes you need them to. Now, that’s not to say people shouldn’t be open to the idea of change because it may end up helping their own development in the long run, but nobody should approach the idea of love with “change them” in mind. It’s just not real.

  3. selena gomez says:

    I hate to see people that are so superficial when it comes to love, yes the idea of being in love with the idea of love is superficial, Real love is deep, it’s not only skin deep. Most people want to feel this love feeling that they have and try to change their partners. I have had this experience before with my ex boyfriend. He was in love with the idea of being in love with me. He thought that I was everything he could ever have dreamt of and he always says that to me. 2 years have passed and his feelings have changed he said that I wasn’t the same woman he loved before. I was the same exact person but he just couldn’t admit that he was trying to make me look like someone I was really not. He was only in love with me because of his idea of love, which was only skin deep. Long story cut short, we broke up and he went on his way to find another superficial love affair. I was not really devastated because why should I keep the garbage when I could throw it away. After 2 years, I finally threw the garbage away and I couldn’t be happier. He was the one left grieving. Did he not see that coming? I was way obvious even in the first year that I was really trying to make him look at me and love me for me and not only the idea that he is in love with love. Love is something that is so misunderstood. When a person does something nice for you, most people would jump to the conclusion that the person loves you, but in fact, the person is only nice. Then, you develop the idea that you could get that person, so you did, and you keep it in mind the idea of love which is your own and not accept the fact that the other person has an ideal of what love is. The solution to that problem would be to have a talk with your partner and get a feeling and accept what love is to them and then you would get a great picture of how to love your partner not love the idea of love with her.

  4. rela says:

    Love isn’t infatuation, love isn’t obsession, love isn’t jealously and love isn’t ignorance, or out of necessity. Love is understanding that a person is their own entirely separate entity, as are you. You both understand that at any moment one could walk away from the other and go on to live an entirely healthy and fulfilling life, but you choose not to go it alone. Love is committing to putting someone on the same level as you, to be never above nor beneath you. Love is arguing constructively, building positively and supporting equally. Love is a two way street with one lane. At times it’s difficult to navigate, but with cooperation it can be done. Love is not saying that you love someone, but showing it through your actions. Love is being brave and secure with yourself, and taking a leap of faith to trust someone who owes you nothing. But in return they’ll do the same. Love is consistent. Love is a sacrifice, but the reward is a best friend that cares for you as much as you do them, it’s a warm spot on the other side of the bed and a level head to help you when you can’t seem to balance your own. Love is the most powerful bond in the universe and it exists beyond the constructs of space, time and reality. I didn’t realize how in love I was until my opportunity for that particular love had passed. I don’t think people really realize how in love they are, until whom they love has gone long beyond their grasp. You know you’re in love when you stand before a person and you know all of their flaws, all to well, but all you can manage to see is perfection.

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