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Outgoing Introvert: Huh? 12 Signs You’re a Complex Ambivert

outgoing introvert

An outgoing introvert is like a crash landing – it just doesn’t make logical sense. But you really can be an introvert with an outgoing personality!

We all know what being outgoing is, right? It is the type of person who throws caution to the wind in social situations. Putting themselves all in, and all out there, they will be the first ones to introduce themselves, to walk up to a stranger and just start talking. And maybe they even crave being the center of attention.

The opposite of outgoing would be what most people think of as the introvert. Stereotypically, an introverted person is someone who avoids social situations and feels uncomfortable in large crowds. They know pretty much all the people they want to, and if they need another friend, they will certainly write you a letter and let you know.

So, how can it be that there is such thing as an outgoing introvert? Isn’t that pretty much the definition of an oxymoron? Like civil war, crash landing, or a deafening silence, the two words just don’t seem to work together.

How to know if you are an outgoing introvert

There are introverts, and then there are extroverts, but what few people don’t know is that there is a third and more rare type of personality, the outgoing introvert. The official name for these people is an ambivert. These are the personalities that are somewhere in the middle.

An outgoing introvert is a complex creature, and they are difficult to spot. In addition, most of the time they are completely unaware of their own nature. So here are 12 signs that you might be an outgoing introvert. [Read: Do guys like shy girls and find them attractive?]

#1 People think you are an extrovert, but you don’t feel like it. Outgoing introverts are often misunderstood to be extroverts. On the exterior, an extrovert and an outgoing introvert behave in the same manner. But, on the inside, they view the world in very different ways.

Extroverts are people who focus on things outside of themselves while introverts are mostly in their heads. Although being outgoing, an outgoing introvert is still thinking about themselves even when engaging with others.

#2 You don’t like malls, concerts, or large venues. An outgoing introvert is someone who is very internal but still works hard to be outgoing. That can lead to disaster in highly populated or very large venues or events.

They are already overwhelmed by their conflict of being introverted with the desire to reach out, so the rest of the situation is just overwhelming noise that makes it close to miserable. [Read: Why introverts are much more than shy or awkward]

#3 You can’t stand small talk. You want to engage with people and like to have deep talks, but absolutely can’t stand the idle chit-chat that has to come first. If this sounds like you, then you just may be an outgoing introvert.

Introverts consider extroverts nothing short of little attention whores. They view them as not having anything to say that has any meaning besides a means to “look at me.” If you like to talk to people, but have very few times that you make it underneath the surface and enjoy it, then you may be an outgoing introvert. [Read: 16 attention whore signs to watch out for]

#4 You are only social when you want to be. If you are someone who can walk into a party one time and be a wallflower, but other times find the scene intriguing and want to be social, then you may just be an outgoing introvert.

Introverted people have a tendency to be anti-social. You, on the other hand, like to be social, but only when you want to. That makes you selectively social. [Read: Motivational tips and tricks for shy people and introverts]

#5 Sometimes you feel like someone turned the mic on. If you leave a social situation sometimes feeling like you just did your comedy skit, and you killed it, then you may be an outgoing introvert.

Someone who is introverted doesn’t ever want to entertain a crowd, while an extrovert is all about entertaining a crowd all the time. So they wouldn’t notice if they were engaging or not. Someone in between the two can sometimes turn on the charm, and notice when they were entertaining.

#6 You like controlled social situations. It isn’t as if you don’t want to talk to people, you just don’t want to be thrust into it. Liking to share your life and to hear about the real life of others, you just need some time to warm up.

A quiet get-together is the perfectly controlled place to show your outgoing side while still maintaining your introverted nature. [Read: Introverts vs. extroverts – which side are you on?]

#7 You take on the energy of the situation. If you find that your ability to interact with other people depends on the crowd of people that you are with or the energy of the room, then you are feeding off of other cues outside of yourself. That is an outgoing characteristic.

When your batteries are full, you want to be outgoing, but after a little bit, it is like someone took all your charge. You then become annoyed by the energy it takes to talk to other people and have a tendency to withdraw and just want to be alone.

#8 People both intrigue and exhaust you. You find having meaningful conversation exhilarating, and when the conditions are right, you are all about being in the mix.

Although intriguing to you, it takes you a lot of energy to make idle talk to get to the real crux of the matter. Afterward, all that wasted energy has you not wanting to do it anytime soon. [Read: Easy dating advice for introverts]

#9 You can want to go out at noon and hate the thought by two o’clock. What sounded good when you pictured sitting down and talking to someone at noon, doesn’t look as fun at two o’clock.

You are quick to change your mental outgoingness and need to have just the right conditions, energy, and desire to put yourself out there and be amongst the living. Somewhat moody, it is all about timing.

#10 You allow people to open up to you in an easy-going way, but you are anything but easy going. Outgoing introverts are typically easy to get along with. You make idle chit chat because you know that is what is socially required of you. But, you secretly hope to get to something more real. Open to listening, you soon find people telling you their life story.

From the exterior you look completely engaged, open, and light. But underneath, the things that are going on in your head are complex and chaotic. Being all in your head, what appears on the outside versus in, are two very different things. [Read: The introvert’s foolproof guide to dating an extrovert]

#11 You don’t quite understand why everyone can’t just say what they think. Being a person who is all about introspection and reflection, you don’t understand why people can’t just say what is on their mind and you have no problem doing it.

Most people think that it is your outgoing nature that allows you to give of yourself so personally. But, it takes more energy for you to talk superficially about things that don’t seem to matter than to just talk about deep issues and what you are really thinking.

#12 You don’t feel the need to work the room. When you are in social situations, you don’t feel the need to own the room. Instead, you are just looking for someone to connect to. Finding a “real” personality who is willing to go beyond the daily weather chat is like nirvana to you.

Not understanding why the world has to be so shallow, you welcome people on the same level, but don’t feel obligated to entertain the crowd.

We are all different. Like having a blood type, everyone has a way that they relate those around them. They also know how much they want to engage with others.

The misnomer is that there are only two categories – introvert or extrovert. In between the two is something called the outgoing introvert, or ambivert. A conundrum, sometimes being one is confusing even to the people themselves.

It is difficult to not know which camp you belong to. Somedays you want to be in the thick of things and engage with other people, but within two minutes of being out, you are discouraged that people seem so shallow.

[Read: Things to know before dating a type A personality]

Take heart – there are some really fantastic things about being an outgoing introvert. You are someone who takes stock in getting to know “real” people and don’t waste your time on things that don’t matter.

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Julie Keating
Julie Keating

A writer isn’t born, but created out of experiences. No lack of subject matter, my life reads more like fiction than anything that could have been imagined...

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