You may have spent sleepless nights thinking about the guy you like. I liked a guy. I miss him too. But I learnt a few lessons that may help you. By Amelie Lee
Ever wondered why some people get over their exes or crushes faster than the others?
I’ve always been one who takes a long time to get over any guy I like.
I’ve liked a few guys and dated a few. But I still remember all of them with a lot of affection.
I still fondly remember my first crush from years ago.
Perhaps I love the whole idea of love and missing someone.
Or perhaps, I’m just a sucker for love and memories.
My last “relationship” with a guy I really loved taught me a few things though, and it really helped me cope with this dilemma of missing guys who somehow never missed me back.
The story that taught me a few lessons
Three years ago, I was in a long term relationship with a guy. The relationship wasn’t really going anywhere, and everything had just come to a standstill.
Around the same time, I met a great guy at my workplace.
He had a huge crush on me, and I liked flirting with him now and then at the workplace.
But as the weeks turned to months, I found myself enjoying a lot more with this workplace friend than my own boyfriend.
One thing led to another and one drunken night, I ended up having one too many drinks when I was out with my workplace friend and ended up kissing him. [Read: 5 perfect times to kiss a friend and get away with it]
One kiss led to another over the next few weeks and a few months later, we were making love in his place every evening. Soon, I was truly in love with this friend of mine. In fact, I was crazy about him. I broke up with my own boyfriend of seven years and happily jumped into a blissfully happy relationship with my office friend.
A year into the relationship, and we were just not compatible for each other. Now that he snagged me, he started behaving aloof and would avoid me all the time. He crippled me and made me feel neglected and unloved. And to make matters worse, he told me he needed some space away from me for a few months around the time of our one year anniversary. [Read: 15 subtle signs of a controlling boyfriend]
I missed him more after the breakup
I respected his view, but I really missed him a lot when he wasn’t around. I called him a few times a week. Sometimes, he was friendly and mushy. Most of the time, he was rude and abrupt. At other times, he wouldn’t answer my call and wouldn’t even call me back.
Any time I got mushy or told him that I missed him, he would get irritated and snap at me for not getting the point that he wasn’t in love with me anymore and needed space to understand what he really wanted with me.
I used to email him long miss-you-and-love-you letters only to get a short, curt one line reply.
I dedicated songs to him and created playlists for him and emailed him the list. He didn’t respond.
Finally, after months of tear stained pillows and lonely nights staring at walls and empty glasses, I decided to move on. [Read: Tips to get over unrequited love]
I fell in love with someone else. But I still missed him. I missed him so much it hurt.
I spend the last year missing him. I even broke up with my new boyfriend in the hope that it would make my workplace lover come back to me. It was truly unrequited love of the painful kind. He was the guy who pursued me for a year and convinced me to end my long term relationship to be with him. [Read: The right way to love again after being hurt]
And now, it was all so different.
One morning I woke up and just knew I had to move on. It was easier than I thought, once I made up my mind. Surprisingly, he called me a few months later when I was ignoring him.
Life is funny and ironic. But it’s ironic only if you see it that way.
I missed him. I wanted him. I couldn’t have him.
I overcame my love for him. And within a few months, he was waiting for me.
Do you miss your ex or the one who once loved you?
Sometimes, all of us feel miserable and hurt. We miss someone so much that as time passes by, we forget everything that really matters. We forget why we miss that special person.
You may want to call the guy you like, or you may want to meet him, or you may even want to get back with him. But does he want the same thing?
But even beyond that, what do YOU want really?
What you should do when you miss a guy
It’s easy to miss a guy you once loved. It’s easy to think fondly of a guy who once had a crush on you. But understanding what to do when you miss a guy is never easy. You know the right thing to do, but you just can’t do it. You wouldn’t mind crawling back to him if he just shows you a sign. It’s insulting and demeaning, but you’re helpless.
Here are a few things you should remember when you miss a guy.
# Call him if you must. But see how he behaves with you. Does he speak well? Are you insulting yourself by calling him? Does he even bother returning your call after a few days or is it a completely one sided romance? [Read: Are you jealous of your ex?]
# Speak your mind. Speak your heart out once, but no more. His brain does remember things, even if you think you need to constantly remind him of your feelings for him. By constantly calling him and telling him how much you miss him, you’re only making things worse for yourself.
# Define your relationship. It’s easy to forget the real reason behind why you’re still in love with him as time flies past. What do you want from this guy? Do you need him or do you need someone to love you?
# Are you really trying? You know he doesn’t love you. You know he’s playing games with you. You know he’s using you by being nice or mean whenever he wants. But you still miss him. Are you really trying to move on, or are you still holding his thoughts in your head because you like thinking and brooding about him?
# Don’t stalk him. It’s feels sickly pleasurable to stalk the guy you miss on Facebook or in real life. But really, you’re only going to feel worse. Stop snooping around in his life. Walk away and avoid him.
# Remember that you can’t force someone to love you back. You can try a few times, but no matter how much you push someone into loving you, it’ll never happen. If he walks away from you, it doesn’t matter how much you miss him, he’s not going to come back to you unless he wants to. [Read: Should you ever date an ex again?]
# Have self respect. Even if you forced him and arm twisted him into dating you again, would you ever be happy? Is that how you want to find the love of your life? No self respecting woman will put up with a guy who tosses her around like a rag doll.
How does that guy have the strength to move on?
Ever wondered how easy it is for the guy to move on even while you’re still missing him? Well, I wondered too. But I remembered how easily I walked out of my own seven year relationship because I found love somewhere else. What you need is a distraction when you miss a guy. Here are a few reasons why he may seem stronger.
# You may be weaker. Yes, it’s true. He may find it easier to move on because he’s more determined and focused on moving on. You’ll never move on until you convince yourself that moving on is the only option.
# He may have met someone else who filled that void. Just like I did. Sometimes, a rebound relationship is the best way to overcome the misery of missing someone you really loved. [Read: How a rebound relationship can actually help you]
# He may keep himself busy. Regardless of whether you find love or not, the easiest way to stop missing the guy you love is to keep yourself busy. Remember the truth, he doesn’t care about you. It’ll give you the strength.
You miss him but he grows stronger
He grows stronger in your misery and pain. He knows you miss him, so he doesn’t need you. When you don’t need him anymore, there’s a good chance he’ll try to get in touch with you just like it happened in my life.
We only miss the things that matter after it’s gone. You miss him because he’s gone. And unfortunately for you, he’ll never miss you until he loses you completely.
How to miss someone the right way
You don’t have to forget him. You can keep him in a special place in your heart. But keep it locked up and don’t let it interfere in other aspects of your life. And on some lonely days, think about him or the special times both of you shared and move on. After all, if he’s moved on, so can you. Thinking about an ex isn’t a bad thing. But putting your life on hold definitely is.
I miss him even now as I’m writing this. But now, I’ve learnt to miss him like an old flame, not like a broken heart. Trust me, defining the way you miss someone can make all the difference.
We’re trying hard to create better relationships in the world.
But we can’t do it without YOU!
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