How to Stop Lying to Yourself and To Your Partner
Ever feel like you lie a lot for no apparent reason? If you’re a serial liar, learn how to stop lying to the people that matter by using these tips. By Bella Rayne
It’s alright to lie.
Sometimes, a white lie can be better than the harsh truth.
Almost all the time, lying is an easier and safer alternative.
As long as you know how to manipulate the truth, lying can feel so good. And easy!
It can make you seem more innocent, nicer and a generally nicer person.
But what starts off as a little white lie now and then could turn into something deeper and darker when it goes out of control.
How to stop lying
Lying is a habit that’s not something to be ashamed of.
It can hurt when your partner catches you lying, but the only reason you’re doing it is because you want the easier way out.
Lying to someone you care about will save you a few explanations, but it’ll lead to you feeling guilty all the time.
If you want to lead a better life, you really need to free yourself from lies.
Wouldn’t it be better if you could just tell the truth and feel good inside instead of concocting lies and swirling several other lies out of thin air just to protect the first lie?
All said and done, is lying even worth it when it only makes you feel worse?
If you want to know how to stop lying to yourself, your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife, or just about anyone else that matters to you, you need to get to the bottom of your lies and understand where all your lies begin.
Understanding the world of lies
People lie for a lot of reasons, but there are a few times when your lies could affect your life in more ways than one.
When you lie, do you try to convince yourself that what you’re saying is the truth? If you cheated on your partner because you were horny, do you tell yourself that it was because your partner neglected you? [Read: How to confess to cheating in love]
Stop trying to convince yourself. Most people lie to themselves because they want to convince themselves that the lie is the truth. And it’s a dangerous game. Eventually, you’ll only believe what you choose to believe and you’ll start to erase all other thoughts that make you look bad from your mind.
On the other hand, do you avoid telling the truth because you’re afraid the truth will make you appear weak or vulnerable?
The different reasons behind why you may be lying
Here are seven common reasons behind why people lie compulsively. Do you find yourself agreeing with any of these reasons?
#1 It comes naturally and it’s easy. It’s like waving hello to someone on the street. You’re so used to lying, you don’t think before lying.
#2 You feel ashamed. You lie to cover up a few things about yourself that you’re ashamed about, be it your upbringing, your past relationships or something else. [Read: The right way to talk about past relationships]
#3 You don’t want to hurt someone else. You fear you’d break someone else’s heart by telling the truth. In most cases, you’ve done something wrong intentionally and you know that revealing your weak moment will only hurt the one you love.
#4 You don’t want to be judged. Some people just can’t imagine letting anyone else know their deep, dark secrets. If you live a secret life and don’t want people to judge you negatively because of your interests, you may end up lying.
#5 You don’t want to get hurt. It’s easier to lie than face the consequences of your actions. At the same time, you should realize that your lie may get someone else in trouble.
#6 You think it’s the easier way out. Telling the truth is complicated and very difficult. And the worst part, it could affect you negatively and make your life messier at times.
#7 You don’t respect yourself. You don’t think you have a genuine answer that’s convincing enough. You think you’re not good enough and no truthful reason you have is good enough to convince someone.
Ways to stop lying
The benefits of lying may be several, but it all comes down to this. Do you like the person you’ve become? Do you like lying to the ones who love you and trust you with all their heart? [Read: Signs of a good relationship]
If you genuinely want to stop lying and transform your life into a happy, guilt free and less panicky existence, here’s what you need to do.
#1 Understand the fact. Realize that the lying is getting out of control. You don’t like the fact that you lie so much to everyone, so why lie?
#2 Have self respect. Most liars don’t have self respect. They believe that the truth would make them appear bad. Believe in yourself and respect yourself. You’ll become a better person and refrain from doing anything that may force you to lie.
#3 Have moral principles. If you have strong principles and follow them, you won’t have to lie to anyone. Be your own judge and avoid indulging in something that you have to lie about. If you have to lie about it, you do know that whatever you’re doing is wrong, so why do it in the first place? [Read: How to resist temptation in love]
#4 If you’re wrong, you’re wrong. Learn to accept your fault instead of letting someone else take the blame. Sometimes, the consequences can feel better than the guilt.
#5 Don’t answer too fast. It’s alright to take time to think. Compulsive liars don’t think before they talk. Lies just flow out even before they make up their mind about whether they want to lie or tell the truth.
#6 Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Would you like to be lied to all the time? Wouldn’t you feel hurt if you knew that your partner is constantly lying through their teeth for no reason at all? [Read: The 80 20 rule in relationships]
#7 Talk to someone you trust. Tell a trustworthy person to avoid judging you and tell them your deepest secrets. If you can’t brave up to it, do it on paper, with an anonymous friend or share it in the comments below. You’ll feel better about yourself. [Read: How to build trust in a relationship]
Getting to the bottom of your lies
Why do you lie so much? In most cases, it could be childhood experiences or a life altering experience that convinced your mind to start lying. In my case, it was my angry, ill tempered father who always had an opinion about everything I did.
When I was a child, he would always yell at me every time I told the truth that I had forgotten something or overlooked something else. I learnt that it was just easier to lie than look like an idiot in front of him. And that stuck in my mind. A perfect lie could get me away from all my troubles with the slightest effort.
So why do you lie? Do you have a cheating past, or do you have one major experience that revealed the good side of lying to you? Ask yourself when it all began and find a way to let that old you know that it’s alright to tell the truth. [Read: Perfect things to talk about in a perfect relationship]
What happens if you don’t stop lying?
You’ll lose yourself. You won’t know who you are anymore. You’ll just be a machine that spews lies all the time without even thinking. And at times, your lies may seem so silly and fake that people around you would realize you’re just a serial liar and start distancing themselves from you. And before you know it, no loved one would even trust you or care about what you say because they’d be convinced that all you do is lie. [Read: Tips to deal with a complicated relationship]
Lying may seem like an easier way out. But unless you have no choice, learn how to stop lying, to yourself and to the ones who love you. You’ll feel a lot better on the inside and you’ll have better relationships too!