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How to Stop Lying to Yourself and To Your Partner

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Ever feel like you lie a lot for no apparent reason? If you’re a serial liar, learn how to stop lying to the people that matter by using these tips. By Bella Rayne

how to stop lying

It’s alright to lie.

Sometimes, a white lie can be better than the harsh truth.

Almost all the time, lying is an easier and safer alternative.

As long as you know how to manipulate the truth, lying can feel so good. And easy!

[Read: Should you ever confess to cheating on your partner?]

It can make you seem more innocent, nicer and a generally nicer person.

But what starts off as a little white lie now and then could turn into something deeper and darker when it goes out of control.

How to stop lying

Lying is a habit that’s not something to be ashamed of.

It can hurt when your partner catches you lying, but the only reason you’re doing it is because you want the easier way out.

Lying to someone you care about will save you a few explanations, but it’ll lead to you feeling guilty all the time.

If you want to lead a better life, you really need to free yourself from lies.

Wouldn’t it be better if you could just tell the truth and feel good inside instead of concocting lies and swirling several other lies out of thin air just to protect the first lie?

All said and done, is lying even worth it when it only makes you feel worse?

If you want to know how to stop lying to yourself, your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife, or just about anyone else that matters to you, you need to get to the bottom of your lies and understand where all your lies begin.

Understanding the world of lies

People lie for a lot of reasons, but there are a few times when your lies could affect your life in more ways than one.

When you lie, do you try to convince yourself that what you’re saying is the truth? If you cheated on your partner because you were horny, do you tell yourself that it was because your partner neglected you? [Read: How to confess to cheating in love]

Stop trying to convince yourself. Most people lie to themselves because they want to convince themselves that the lie is the truth. And it’s a dangerous game. Eventually, you’ll only believe what you choose to believe and you’ll start to erase all other thoughts that make you look bad from your mind.

On the other hand, do you avoid telling the truth because you’re afraid the truth will make you appear weak or vulnerable?

The different reasons behind why you may be lying

Here are seven common reasons behind why people lie compulsively. Do you find yourself agreeing with any of these reasons?

#1 It comes naturally and it’s easy. It’s like waving hello to someone on the street. You’re so used to lying, you don’t think before lying.

#2 You feel ashamed. You lie to cover up a few things about yourself that you’re ashamed about, be it your upbringing, your past relationships or something else. [Read: The right way to talk about past relationships]

#3 You don’t want to hurt someone else. You fear you’d break someone else’s heart by telling the truth. In most cases, you’ve done something wrong intentionally and you know that revealing your weak moment will only hurt the one you love.

#4 You don’t want to be judged. Some people just can’t imagine letting anyone else know their deep, dark secrets. If you live a secret life and don’t want people to judge you negatively because of your interests, you may end up lying.

#5 You don’t want to get hurt. It’s easier to lie than face the consequences of your actions. At the same time, you should realize that your lie may get someone else in trouble.

#6 You think it’s the easier way out. Telling the truth is complicated and very difficult. And the worst part, it could affect you negatively and make your life messier at times.

#7 You don’t respect yourself. You don’t think you have a genuine answer that’s convincing enough. You think you’re not good enough and no truthful reason you have is good enough to convince someone.

Ways to stop lying

The benefits of lying may be several, but it all comes down to this. Do you like the person you’ve become? Do you like lying to the ones who love you and trust you with all their heart? [Read: Signs of a good relationship]

If you genuinely want to stop lying and transform your life into a happy, guilt free and less panicky existence, here’s what you need to do.

#1 Understand the fact. Realize that the lying is getting out of control. You don’t like the fact that you lie so much to everyone, so why lie?

#2 Have self respect. Most liars don’t have self respect. They believe that the truth would make them appear bad. Believe in yourself and respect yourself. You’ll become a better person and refrain from doing anything that may force you to lie.

#3 Have moral principles. If you have strong principles and follow them, you won’t have to lie to anyone. Be your own judge and avoid indulging in something that you have to lie about. If you have to lie about it, you do know that whatever you’re doing is wrong, so why do it in the first place? [Read: How to resist temptation in love]

#4 If you’re wrong, you’re wrong. Learn to accept your fault instead of letting someone else take the blame. Sometimes, the consequences can feel better than the guilt.

#5 Don’t answer too fast. It’s alright to take time to think. Compulsive liars don’t think before they talk. Lies just flow out even before they make up their mind about whether they want to lie or tell the truth.

#6 Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Would you like to be lied to all the time? Wouldn’t you feel hurt if you knew that your partner is constantly lying through their teeth for no reason at all? [Read: The 80 20 rule in relationships]

#7 Talk to someone you trust. Tell a trustworthy person to avoid judging you and tell them your deepest secrets. If you can’t brave up to it, do it on paper, with an anonymous friend or share it in the comments below. You’ll feel better about yourself. [Read: How to build trust in a relationship]

Getting to the bottom of your lies

Why do you lie so much? In most cases, it could be childhood experiences or a life altering experience that convinced your mind to start lying. In my case, it was my angry, ill tempered father who always had an opinion about everything I did.

When I was a child, he would always yell at me every time I told the truth that I had forgotten something or overlooked something else. I learnt that it was just easier to lie than look like an idiot in front of him. And that stuck in my mind. A perfect lie could get me away from all my troubles with the slightest effort.

So why do you lie? Do you have a cheating past, or do you have one major experience that revealed the good side of lying to you? Ask yourself when it all began and find a way to let that old you know that it’s alright to tell the truth. [Read: Perfect things to talk about in a perfect relationship]

What happens if you don’t stop lying?

You’ll lose yourself. You won’t know who you are anymore. You’ll just be a machine that spews lies all the time without even thinking. And at times, your lies may seem so silly and fake that people around you would realize you’re just a serial liar and start distancing themselves from you. And before you know it, no loved one would even trust you or care about what you say because they’d be convinced that all you do is lie. [Read: Tips to deal with a complicated relationship]

Lying may seem like an easier way out. But unless you have no choice, learn how to stop lying, to yourself and to the ones who love you. You’ll feel a lot better on the inside and you’ll have better relationships too!


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Have your say!
  • feeling low
    September 1, 2012 | Permalink |

    I feel rubbish, just lied to my sister for no reason, I told her my son wasn’t staying with our aunt but he is… Why did I say that, I am so cross with myself and I think my sister knows I lied as she won’t reply to my text or call. we get on so well and i just do not know why I lied. I am not making excuses but been through am awful break up and I just want to hide away from the world. I sometimes lie to strangers about that I do to make myself seen more interesting.
    I love my sister so much. I tell people what I think they want me to say to then even if that means I agree to things I don’t want to agree to. If one person says they like a certain thing I’ll agree but then 5mins later someone else might say they like something else and I’ll say that’s what I like too.

  • can't bear myself
    November 22, 2012 | Permalink |

    Just got confronted about lying about all sorts of things. Assignment scores, game scores, even how I was brought up. Feel like my answers would be inadequate. Feel like my truth just isn’t good enough for the people around me. But it is. I need to slow down, think before I speak, and confess to my girlfriend if i’m about to lie.

  • Conpulsive liar
    November 24, 2012 | Permalink |

    well i have issues on lyingto my boyfriend. And i lie about the littlest things. its at the point that my boyfriend is ready to leave me. what can i do to build the trust with him.

  • Matthew Richardson
    December 2, 2012 | Permalink |

    I am 13 years old I can’t stop lying to my family and friends sometimes the littlest things I say that are lies are effective, I can’t stop I lie that my family are tall because I’m the shortest in my year group I lie that I have mods for games which I try to figure out, I think my friends James,Lewis and Tyler are losing trust in me, sometimes I don’t know why I’m created, I think I’m just a mistake for being created in life.

  • Gene
    December 12, 2012 | Permalink |

    i am 23 years old and i have been lieing for i don’t even know how long. i think its cause of my mother and father, i mean like my dad always put me don’t if i said something stupid or if it was just something he did not see to be right and my mother was just way to easy. anything i told her she would believe, it was like taking a lollipop from a baby. Even going to school they couldn’t catch me in a lie. all through out middle school i was always lieing about everything and anything i could. i remeber one time i was pulled in to the office and the dead of students told me that i was the best lier she has seen. that i should just write story books and then at the age of 15 my parents left me to fend for myself and ever since then everything went down hill. i started lieing more and more and more until it got to the point where i did not know what to do. to this day idk how to stop. it just keeps on coming out. everything is one big damn lie. i have lost my greatest frind cause i can not stop lieing. no one trust me and i sit at home alone allday. i have lost myself and i dont know how to get it back. i have so many lies out there that i dont know what real anymore. I HATE BEING LIKE THIS….

  • cant stop lying
    December 23, 2012 | Permalink |

    hi im 23 and have been lying for as long as i can remember. i do it to sound better about my life, to avoid fights w my girlfriend. i make up stories to get out of doing things and to get what i want. ive been w my girlfriend for 2 years and she is now ready to end it because of the lying and cheating that has happened. i do love her and want to be w her for the rest of my life. i have to stop lying its ruining my life and relationship with her. ive read this article and taking a few notes, im hoping this will help me i want to save my relationship and life more then anything in this world

  • Jordan c.
    December 31, 2012 | Permalink |

    I have been known to lie about bs stuff like what im doing how i feel were im going and things like that im opening up because it has caused me to almost loose my pregnant wife and my two kids. Im ready to open up to her but im afraid of what she will think of me after i open up to all my lies. Our whole marriage is based on nothing but lies and im needing help on how to open up to her and be my self. If anyone can help me with this it would be greatly appreciated. Im the type that holds stuff in as well btw…

  • Jemma.C
    January 5, 2013 | Permalink |

    Last year my husband found out that I had been lying to him about money. I had been lying to him about this for almost a year and when the truth came out t was such a relief it caused us to breakup and I was devastated and felt so bad. I promised hi. That I would never lie to him again and then tonite I lied to him it was about the smallest thing of me saying my sister brought cherries from the shop when it was me but I didn’t want him to get angry at me even though I knew he wouldn’t have I stilled lied. I hate myself so much for this and he said to me only 5 days ago this year is a fresh start and I won’t be taking any shit at all. He said if u tell me something is blue and its yellow we will be finished. I know exactly where he is coming from and I don’t blame him at all for reacting the way his has but I need help and need to know how to get it. I’ve been to a counsellor and that hasn’t helped at all. What other help can I get……

  • Pakrick
    January 8, 2013 | Permalink |

    Thanks for sharing everybody! I really feel better now that i know that i’m not alone.
    My wife is a notorious liar! she woke me up last night watching tv; the tv didn’t wake me up, but the commercials did and when i asked her why we were listening to commercials, she said that she didn’t have the remote. Then i heard her put it down next to me. She’s a mean person too, she didn’t even mute the commercials either. I got up and left, then(still waking up) asked if she had just said that she didn’t have the remote, then slammed it down, she came up with about 4 stories about how she didn’t really have it, couldn’t find it, found it but turned them down, didn’t know what i was talking about…she’s like the article, she just can’t stop. She doesn’t wait, she just breathes a lie just like air, then lies about the lie.
    We’ve been married for 26 years, almost 27 and i just can’t take it anymore. I’ve already told her that we aren’t married anymore and she still won’t stop. She says she loves me but i think that’s a lie too. We are just together for the kids now as i’m stuck in a loveless relationship at this point.
    She lies every day, every single day, sometimes several times a day, so we never really have time to ‘patch things up’ and it just keeps getting worse.
    this article is the best one i’ve ever read as it covers so many of her behaviors.
    I’m afraid now too, because it says that the LIAR has to want to stop lying, and she isn’t even at a place where she’ll admit that she’s lying.
    it’s ridiculous, she’s college educated and very successful; i will see her do something and she’ll say that she didn’t even do it, with me standing right there watching her! it’s scary because it makes me feel like i’m living with a crazy person. How do I get through? she lies about everything anyway, it’s like i’m not even in the room. How do I talk to a person like that?

  • at the end of the rope
    January 9, 2013 | Permalink |

    “Ask yourself when it all began and find a way to let that old you know that it’s alright to tell the truth.”

    This line really stuck out to me.

    I’m at the point where I’m starting to realize my own lies, and can see how my past/upbringing has influenced this dishonest behavior. Like the author of this article, I faced lots of yelling and anger from my dad when I didn’t do something right or on time. It was much easier to avoid the whole situation with a simple white lie. My mom on the other hand, was always telling me not to tell my dad things like when we went to the movies or spent money on “fun” things. “It’ll be our secret, we’ll get away with it” she’d say. She never gave much disciple, but always threatened to tell my father. How’s that for moral principles?

    Lying is easy. It’s seems like such a simple solution in the moment. But it causes you to stuff up your real feelings and thoughts in the long run. It causes you to feel undeserving of acceptance. If you can’t even feel comfortable sharing your truth, how can you ever feel comfortable accepting love from another? You can’t. I’ve experienced that panicky, guilty way of living and it does not bode well for letting love in. Essentially by lying you’re not accepting yourself, so how could anyone else accept you?

    It’s all a very selfish game.

    I admit I’m a dishonest person, I see where my lying tendencies stemmed from, and I’m ready to move past lying. My question is for the author: was there anything in particular that you did to “tell the old you that it was okay to tell the truth”?

    I’ve told myself I’m done lying many times but it always creeps back, and the worst part is I tend to believe my lies. I’m wondering if you did something specific to get over the past. I think that line stuck out to me so much because I can see how my upbringing influenced this behavior but how do I finally get it through to my child self that I can be honest? What did you do?

  • Too little to late
    February 6, 2013 | Permalink |

    I honestly don’t know where to start, I’ve lied to so many people over the years. For no reason at all, and just recently I lost my girlfriend because of it. I didn’t wanna lie it just happpens without any thought whatsoever, I need and want to talk to someone about my lying but for some reason I don’t trust anyone, I don’t know why I don’t trust anyone I just don’t. But I digress, me and my ex girlfriend argued a lot about her.not trusting me and me lying all the time, yes I did cheat on her back when we were in high school but that was years ago were adults now and I’ve changed, but I lie so much about the stupidest things she doesn’t believe me but now its too little to late to fix I didn’t want this. I don’t need help just wanted to vent.

  • not my real name
    March 2, 2013 | Permalink |

    Hello, I feel for all of you I really do. I see how after years and years of lies it becomes almost impossible to change it. I would have to cut ties with everyone move somewhere else and start again. It used to be just a few things but my basic life was at least straight forward. gradually i have lied myself into almosta completely new person with a new history. i’m exhausted. i hate myself and i only want to outlive the people i live so much so that they never have to know and i can die in relative peace. isn’t that terrible. those of you who are young and just telling silly lies

    please. you have time to not mess up your lives. however embarassung ir small thectruth feels. its great to be

  • Lily
    March 4, 2013 | Permalink |

    I have been dating my bf for 9 months. I have lied about going to college,money,
    and my parents. I told him while I was in ny I went to school there but I didn’t .
    I got my high school diploma . I told him my dad was a lawyer but he’s not his family members are I lied so he would a accept me but I feel guilty and no it’s wrong to lie.
    My dad used to work at a lawfirm but he was diagnosed a skitsofrania and living in Bridgeport collecting social security and money from his rich family. I lied bc I feel harasses and sorry for my dad and I can’t change what has happened. I lied about money bc I was in a lawsuit and received lots of money from it but there was rumors of more lawsuits so I told him. But everything else I am honest about . I lied about those things specifically I know I lied I feel guilty. Am I a cumpolsi e liar or have issues? Bc I’m confused and idk. I lied about those things for a reason so I don’t understand ? Can you give me advice ?

  • Larissa
    March 7, 2013 | Permalink |

    i have been lying to my boyfriend a lot lately & he caught me in a lie a couple days ago , but before this i lied to him & he,almost left me for it . I’ve been lying to myself as well ; he lives in orlando & I live in new port richwy . i really don’t know how to stop lying . :’( i know im hurting my

  • New husband, same old liar
    March 28, 2013 | Permalink |

    I’m 26 years old, I recently got married to the person who has changed my life completely. But for some reason, after being best friends and telling each other everything, I now find myself lying over little things, and stupid things. When we have issues my lies can get out of hand and as much as I tell her and myself that ill stop I seem to do it without even thinking. When I get caught and confronted I only admit to it when she tells me she knows! I stick to it like if I could et away with it. I don’t want to lose her and what we have, I know I’m running out of time and is driving me crazy. I really want this to stop and I can figure out how :,-(

  • ola
    April 2, 2013 | Permalink |

    Although I have been married to my husband for over 12 years, I have lied to him on many occasions. it started out with financial little things – bought a pair of shoes, lied about it being on sale for 50% off but it was 30% off. My mom used to hide purchases from my dad when we were little, and I also remember catching her once changing tags on a garment after she purchased it and returning it. As the oldest of seven, I was always to be the responsible one, and there was no room for mistakes, because I needed to be a role model, and the first impressions are lasting ones.

    When I told my opinion or the truth, I was yelled at, I was told my opinion doesnt matter because I am a child, and that I should do as I am told. I was not allowed to express myself in any other way unless they approved of it. The only acceptance and positive reinforcement I received was with academics, which I excelled.

    I went to a very prominent university where I met my spouse. I was very insecure and in a place of low-self esteem, and my spouse was there as a friend at the time, and encouraged me. He gave me support – mostly verbal, that I always wanted from my parents and relatives. I think that made me fall in love with him, being so giving and helpful.

    I realize that my childhood interaction caused me to become a people pleaser, and I would lie to make other people happy or to cut me some slack, as I was always overextended and trying to do for everyone else. I hardly ever took time for myself and when I did I always felt guilty. I started lying to feel some sense of independece that I never got at home, ironically, and I was always thinking in the back of my mind that my relationship would turn sour and I would need to fend for myself. My financial lies have gotten bigger and I kept trying to save face. My husband feels that this latest one – me opening a credit card without his knowledge and spending 300$ is small, but it is the last straw for him. I am hanging by a thread on our relationship and this is the edge of the cliff. The sad thing is that there are other things that I have not disclosed and dont want to tip it over. The very thing I thought would happen in reality is happening because of the lies. He is now indifferent and doesnt feel that he can trust me. I dont know what to do, i have been to counseling but I dont feel that it is helping. I know it takes time, but I feel like I dont have any time. I have a child and I would never want him to lie to me to save me any grief, but I am perpetuating the crap I went through in a different way to him. I have looked on several sites for information and hope that through Inner Bonding I can change how I feel about myself and know that I am adequate and enough as is, that whatever truth I share is important and I can be trusted again. I dont want to leave my spouse, but perhaps the absence is necessary for me to recover and transform into a new person.

  • ashley
    April 10, 2013 | Permalink |

    my boyfriend is in jail..and his brother is as well and i wrote a letter to his brother telling him happy birthday and to keep his head up and i hope he’s doing ok. i did not tell my boyfriend about me writing his brother but his brother told him that i did and now my boyfriend thinks i lied to him simply because i did not tell him and hid it from him. I want to stop lying and hiding stuff thats so simple but i dont know what to do? HELP PLEASE!!

  • April 16, 2013 | Permalink |

    Depressing Situation:
    I keep lying my Parents because of my boyfriend just because they are against our relationship.Whenever I want to meet my boyfriend,I lie my family that I am going to my college for some or other work or meeting my friends.Though I have heard that everything is fair in love & war but Practically A Lie Is Lie.I am a Sinful daughter of Parents & Family.I want to stop lie since in 5 years of my relationship with my boyfriend I have never said truth related to my love affair.Now Enough is Enough I have done many wrong things in my life.Now I really want to stop lying & want to feel trueness of my each & every relation without loosing my family & my lover.

  • UMAR
    April 28, 2013 | Permalink |

    So hi, ive been on this constant lie rollercoaster forever now. if its not one, its another for no apparent reason whatsoever. thats what i hate, its for no reason. im lying to make myself sound more interesting and worthy of ppls time. i lie to everyone i love on this planet, especially my beautiful gf (who i hope to marry in a couple of years) , and that one hurts the most. My gf has such great love for me and i can see it in her eyes, yet im here lying to her about shit that doesnt have to be lied upon.I HATE IT. it only leaves me with zoo much guilt afterwards and my head starts to spin and fee like a spear is going thru my stomach. i love my gf soo much i just want to stop this already, to everyone i talk to its just to overwhelming me now. this is bullshit i hate it but i still go for it, im an idiot for that. this article help me, ill use these hints, God knows i could use anything at this point

  • Lyla
    June 21, 2013 | Permalink |

    I was really slutty before I met my bf. I was desperate and I wanted a boyfriend, I was way too easy. I have a hard time opening up to people in general, thinking that they’ll reject me once I show them who I really am. Right before I first got together with my bf, I slept with this other guy just so I won’t get hurt in case my current bf rejected me. He doesn’t know about that and several other guys I’ve had relations with before we dated that I’ve denied. I confessed to him about a lover I had before we dated that I kept denying I had and he can’t trust me now. He’s caught me lying about watching porn. He can’t seem to trust me, which I totally get but still I never cheated. Once we were together, I haven’t touched anyone else, flirted with anyone else either. How do I get him to trust me? I don’t want to lie about my past anymore but there are just some things I don’t feel like telling him about because some of those guys are still my friends and it doesn’t really matter, does it? How long will it take for him to trust me again? Are we doomed? I love him so much. I don’t know why I have been such an idiot. I should’ve just been 100% honest about my slutty past because he would’ve accepted it. Now its too late.

  • Lise
    June 24, 2013 | Permalink |

    Hello all! I have been in a relationship for about 2 1/2 years, married for 7 months. I recently got caught lying 2 days ago about where I was. I said I was at home when I was really at my mom’s house. I know it sounds silly to lie about such an innocent thing, but I always get b*tched at for using gas money that “she” put in my car, or just something else that I didn’t thing I was doing wrong. I hate it. So I lied to try to avoid hearing some nonsense. Got caught, then went through a couple of days of not talking to one another, and having to basically find somewhere else to live, and being stressed out about what I did to myself. I am now on my last chance. How can I stop lying when I am afraid to tell the truth because I do not want to be yelled at, lectured or judged?

  • savannah
    July 1, 2013 | Permalink |

    I lied to the love of my life about my dad and a friend that was like my brother…and in the end he found out about it and broke off our engagment and now I have to proove I’ve changed to have anouther chance with him I’ve lernt my lesson and need to show him I’ve stoped lying for good I realise now why I lied and it was because I felt like it was my fault that my dad left and that my friend was hit…I’ve changed and lernt my lesson I just need to proove it.

  • Megan
    August 7, 2013 | Permalink |

    I don’t know what to do or how to stop. My boyfriend of 2 years is getting ready to leave me. I can’t keep lying. I lie because I don’t feel like I’m good enough for him. That I’m not good enough for anyone. I lie because I don’t want him angry at me or to even be disappointed. I want to stop. I hate that i am this way. I’m trying so desperately to save our relationship. I love him. Please someone… Help me

  • yousif
    August 18, 2013 | Permalink |

    hi all,
    i don’t know how to start!!
    i can sum it all by saying lying has cost me dearly!
    i lost my friends,
    i lost my family;
    and recently i lost my girlfriend, which the best thing that happened me in my miserable life; and all because i can’t stop lying,
    i ran away from everyone that i care about or cares about me and hid in an island because i lied so much i cant face them and still i lie to them: they know !!!
    i haven’t seen my mom for over a decade she has no clue what i do and still when ever she calls me she cries and she knows i lie; never once she told me to stop so she doesn’t hurt my feeling….
    my friend once collected a lot of money for me to continue my university education, collected by Mohammed a dear friend that i lost because i lied about me passing my courses when i was failing ….. i’m 34 now without a degree ……
    and in the darkest moments of lost and distance i found a great person ; she never asked for anything but the truth i lied to her so much for no reason ; i’m a compulsive lair; i’m so good at it ; sometimes i amaze myself how i can create a story about myself or a situation with no effort ….. i don’t think i lied to intentionally hurt someone but i did i think ! i can’t remember!
    and because my family and friend are far it was easy to ignore or feel ashamed for a short while and then it will all wash away …..
    but because my girlfriend was with me i just realized what i have to done to her because of my lies ….i drove her mad she loved like i was the air she breath she left me up like i was the king of the world she made walk on clouds she healed my wounds/….
    i repaid her with lies and lies and then more lies and cover ups
    i lost my soul
    i need HELP

  • Con man
    August 31, 2013 | Permalink |

    I hate liars,

    This is made all the worse by the fact that I am a compulsive liar.

    I cannot remember a time when I did not lie. I am a better liar now but still get caught frequently. Owed a friend some money and though I had the intention of paying him back I never told my wife so when she found out after 4 years she is disgusted in me.

    This is not the first lie that I have told her and not the first time that I have been caught and I think this may have been the last straw, but I think this is the first time that I have been honest enough with me to be able to change.

    /i don’t know if my wife will ever trust me again but I do know that before I can ask for that trust I need to stop.

    Thanks to all those that posted above, I needed the push

  • Why do I lie?
    September 24, 2013 | Permalink |

    Why do I lie? It hurts the people I love especially the one I love the most. It makes me feel so emotionally and physically sick when I do it. I do it even when I know the people that I’m lying to know the truth. I do it out of shame, fear, panic. I just revert to lying automatically and it’s for such insignificant things, stupid little things. I’m going to realize my biggest fear of losing the love of my life because I can’t stop. I don’t want to lie, I hate this! What is wrong with me?!? Why would I be so stupid to give up so much for something so stupid and unnecessary? The woman I love doesn’t deserve this! I don’t deserve her! My children deserve a better role model. I want to stop! Can I stop?

  • stoplying
    October 6, 2013 | Permalink |

    I knew something bad is going to happen when I lied to my wife about having an early morning meeting. I had to cover up my golf game with my friends…she somehow knew that i was lying. It felt terrible knowing that i lied to my wife but i kept on saying that i had an early morning meeting.
    I dont know why i did what i did.
    I know that i am lying to her and feeling guilty…terribly guilty…but i did it anyway…
    and she just found out about my golf game and had a prove that i lied to her…it felt even worse …i still dont know what to say to her other than sorry…and i dont think she could forgive me and trust me again after this…i am so sorry….so sorry….
    I love my wife and my kids…and its true about what she said that how can i raise my boy and my girl and be a great father if i keep lying to her and to myself…I really need to stop lying…it is hurting my wife my kids and myself…

  • anonnymous
    October 9, 2013 | Permalink |

    I honestly don’t know when my lying started! It was shocking reading this cause i answered yes to almost each and everyone! Wow i am a serial/compulsive liar! I feel so bad that this is what I am! I am determine and willing to make a positive change in my life and start telling the truth tho its ganna hurt a lot of people. I want to live life truthfully and not lie ontop of lie. I would like help please, cause I cant do this alone.

  • anonnymous
    October 10, 2013 | Permalink |

    I lied to this guy i really love, I made up a fake ex and made up stories about him and my friends.. I think i did it so i sounded more interesting and more fun, but now i feel extremely guilty. I’ve lied to my friends too. I tell at least four white lies a day. My normal lies are quite big ones.. I just wanted to sound more interesting.

  • Tammy
    October 11, 2013 | Permalink |

    My husband lies to me about smoking cigarettes. I don’t know why. It’s not a big deal. He’s trying to quit and I know it’s hard. So what? Why lie about it? And if he’s compelled to lie about something so trivial, what else is he lying about?

    My 19 yr. old son lies to me all the time. I have always been 100% honest with him. Why does he lie? He says it’s because he doesn’t want to listen to me nag about something he’s done wrong. But when he lies, I am more angry about the lie than what he actually did that he felt he needed to lie about. It hurts my feelings that he would rather lie to me than be honest.

    Lying to people who love you is such a strain on the relationship and terribly disrespectful. Being caught in the lie might be embarrassing but being the person who is lied to, is extremely hurtful and confusing, especially when it’s being done by a person or persons that you dearly love. I am completely at my wit’s end with both of them.

    Can you really love someone and still lie to them…or can you really love someone and overlook the lies?

    I’m soooo confused.

  • Ronan
    October 23, 2013 | Permalink |

    I’m 29 years old and I can’t stop lying….. I’m getting married to the woman of my dreams you know the kind you’ve always dreamed about but I’m pushing her away I’m with her 4 years and she has a son who is 12 and I adore him but I can see it in his eyes that he doesn’t respect me because he even knows I’m lying they both even know when I’m going to lie my Dad always put me down when I was growing up and it developed from there. I’m afraid I am going to end up on my own. I’m afraid I’m going to lose them both. I’m so ashamed of myself

  • Brad
    November 3, 2013 | Permalink |

    I’m 29 years old and I can’t stop lying… I have 2 children and want to be with the mother of my one child… I am constantly lying to her for some reason and I don’t know y. I love her with all my heart and I continually lie lie lie.. I want to stop lying to her and other ppl and want to make a better person of myself.. I want to change the person who I have become to someone I want and need to be.. I can’t stand myself half the time cause of my lies. So if there is any suggestions please feel free to help me out thank you

  • chels
    November 4, 2013 | Permalink |

    I’m so thankful that I found this article. My boyfriend is a compulsive white liar. even if I’m standing in the room & witnessed him do something whenever I ask (usually to catch him because I’m so used to it by now) he will lie. It’s literally driving me insane to the point I just cry because I don’t know how to make it stop! The article described him perfectly! He will literally breathe out a lie naturally not even thinking twice. I’m truly ready to end this relationship because I just can’t handle the nonsense of lying over the silliest things. I’m going to read this article as well as some of the comments. I truly hope things get better because 80% of our days are wasted arguing over a white lie that was pointless in the first place.

  • tom
    November 12, 2013 | Permalink |

    I am 20 i lie without i say what ever i think is right but comes out complealy worng way or with add ons i dont want or try or even no i lie i feel like im telling truth when someones says something ill think and find no its not true ….. had bad upbrining mother was a lier like everything she said useless anyway i can stop trying so hard like not esay when i say something and belive its true have to think of everything i no lieing is bad but why do i do it i have nothing to hide dont care what everyone thinks ill just say it

  • pascal
    November 16, 2013 | Permalink |

    Hi,
    I lie to my boyfriend because i want to impress him. I like him so much and really value what we share. I lie about leaving his house saying i have somewhere to be, so he wont feel hurt that I really just need some space. I lie about understanding what he has just said. when I was clearly distracted. its become automatic. I feel like he wont love me if I tell the truth, which I know is stupid because he says really enjoys hearing truths about me and always appreciates when i share my faults with him. He is very sharing which is great . I put pressure on myself to share everything with him when somethings I write I would prefer to keep to myself. honesty is a quality I have always been drawn to in others (which is probably why Im with this man.) I am willing to try really hard to stop. I want to be gentile on myself but I have always found this a challenge because I want to be the best I can be. why do I find it so difficult to be honest with him?

  • eek
    November 16, 2013 | Permalink |

    I lied about ex’s. I lied that time you asked me to tell you the last 3 guys I talked to on facebook. I did this because I couldnt remember and thought that was somehow bad because I only have few male friends and thought if i let you in on this truth that you would find me needy and unable to communicate with the opposite sex. I didnt have any real reason/evidence to come to that conclusion. I never want to lie to you again.

  • Johnson
    November 20, 2013 | Permalink |

    I’ve been married for a little over 1 year and my wife loves me so much that she could share all that she had with me but I’ve never been so free with her concerning money and I have been telling one lie or another to cover the fact that I have been mismanaging my salaries and engaged in a wrong business at a time which made me so poor. I always feel ok with all these lies but I know it is not right. I really do not know how to break off with lies. Please, help.

  • Anonymous
    December 8, 2013 | Permalink |

    i hate myself too the point of wanting too end my life, im 22 i live a depressing massive lie, i met the girl of my dreams, online we’ve been together for 5 months, i want too meet her & be with her for the rest of my life, she loves me with all her heart & soul!!! i love her with the same amount of compassion too & more, but i lie too her everyday, she even asked me have i lied too her i said about how i said i’ve been with 3 girls instead of the truthful answer of 1, the girl i lost my virginity too, who was 27 i was 17 we had unprotected sex & i caught a STD, my grandad pastaway on 25th december 09 about 2 months after i had slept with the 27 year old, i hid the fact of having an STD for about 3 years, i became depressed & suicidal, i had a few relationships but not more than a week long, i didn’t sleep with any of the girls, 1 girl i met in real but she ended it because im repulsive & 2 online i didn’t meet, i was at a point in my life where i didn’t see any other way out i tryed too kill myself

  • Anonymous
    December 8, 2013 | Permalink |

    continued…i have hid everything from everyone, i love with all my heart & soul, i don’t know how too deal with my life, i told my brother about everything & he’s gonna try help me get better, but how do i tell the girl i love with all my heart & soul, & the rest of my family, my life is this bad?

  • Joe
    December 10, 2013 | Permalink |

    It seems I have been lying for so long about some really stupid things and now the majority has caught up with me. My wife doesn’t trust a thing I say and I want to man up so but garbage comes out of my mouth then I have to come up with more half truths and the circle begins again. I have lost respect for myself and am getting pretty tired of it.

  • Bree
    December 16, 2013 | Permalink |

    My boyfriend lied to me when we first started dating about his involvement with his married ex girlfriend. He regularly spends time with the mother of his child but tells me I’m the love of his life & he wants to marry me. He has a history of cheating on his ex partners & is known as a serial womanizer. He says I’m the best woman he’s ever met, I complete him, he’s a changed man & he’s grown up. I’ve never loved anyone like this ever & do believe him but still have doubts. Mutual friends who’ve known him for most of his life keep warning & advising me to leave. I’ve tried to end it to save myself future heartache but he won’t let me go nor do I want to. Can a man at 42 change if he found the love of his life? The last 10 months of being with him has been the happiest

  • Bree
    December 16, 2013 | Permalink |

    Continued. He won’t allow me to tag pics of me & him on Facebook but tags the mother of his child whom he hasn’t been intimate in 6 years. Apparently she gets jealous. We’ve been overseas together. He has all his past sexbuddies & ex girlfriends on Facebook. Can I trust my boyfriend

  • Mandy
    December 19, 2013 | Permalink |

    I’m 16, and I’ve lied about so many things to my boyfriend. I feel like the worst person ever because of how I treat him. He’s so sweet to me abd he makes me so happy. Out of the three relationships I’ve had, I lied. I’ve lied a lot more in this current one though.
    My boyfriend cares about my grades in school and cares about how my life. Recently, I’ve been getting weekly report cards to see my progress in my classes. My boyfriend gives me consequences for when I forget to get one, don’t get it signed by one teacher, or when I’m not doing well on it.
    I forgot to get a weekly report for last week, abd since I forgot, my boyfriend said I’m not allowed to message people on my phone, be it instagram, Facebook, xbox , kik or texting. What ever I can socialize with, I want allowed to private message any one. I was a only allowed to off it was important. He’s not being controlling, he’s just trying to help me and I know I need the help, so I didn’t mind it. He said I can private message again on Thursday. But from last friday to today, I did message people. Without his permission. I lied to him and said I didn’t because I deleted my text messages. But I feel bad not responding or saying anything to anyone. I knew I shouldn’t have lied abd I knew I shouldn’t have textured people when I want supposed to.I was in a Skype call with him last night abd he asked, ” well there be any messages in your phone when you shouldn’t be texting? ” and I told him no, besides the ones I told him about. Then he said, ” so, if I get a specific app that recovers your texts, I won’t see Abby from this pay week, right? ?” In my head I was just like ” oh no I’m so screwed. He’s going to be so mad ash me abd lose every bit of trust I just regained… ” and I said, ” well… I texted one friend because I needed help with a project abd another because she was going to court today.. ” and he got really mad at me. Before he askedme, I said, ” no you won’t find anything. ” But I ended up confessing to him about some, not even all the texts I sent.
    he is very mad at me and I’ve been crying my eyes out because of how stupid I was to lie. I hate having this issue and it all, I believe, started with my first boyfriend. I never loved someone this much, I know I’m young but I truly do love my boyfriend. He means the world to me and I need to stop lying to him. This isn’t the first time I’ve lost his trust, but it felt like one of the worst times of my life. I am scared and I dont know what to do. I’ll do anything to get myself to stop lying. It’s not worth it if it costs you a relationship with the person you love most.
    I’ve been with him for longer than a year. The sane night this happened, we were just planning out what wewantedto do together over the break. Now that he hates me got baking his trust about the 100th tone, he might just break up with me. I can’t handle that right now, and I just want to take steps to make myself a better person.
    I appreciate this help and I’m very glad I found it. Thank you <3

  • Ready to stop my lying habit TODAY
    December 22, 2013 | Permalink |

    I’ve comed to terms with myself that I lie right off the top of my head. I’ve been lying for years and I can’t think of what has caused me to lie but I know that it started when I was a child. Just recently I lied to two coworkers. Looking back on the situations there was no reason to lie in the first place! I think I lie at times to exaggerate a story, to appear more interesting, competent or humorous. Other times I lie to appear that I’m informed of a situation. Other times I’ll lie just to keep others from knowing what I’m doing. I truly want to stop lying. I bet I look like a fool to my coworkers, friends and families who can see past the lies. I’m ready to make a change. I am going to start changing my bad habit by thinking before I speak or not speaking at all. I woke up at 4am thinking about lies I told two coworkers. I feel like I need to contact them to let them clarify my statements. I guess today will be a great day to start focusing on why I lie so I can begin a life of always telling the truth despite how incompetent I might look, how much trouble I’ll get in, or to exaggerate a story, etc. I bet life would be simpler and more fun once I start living a life of truth.

  • I hate who I've become
    January 6, 2014 | Permalink |

    I have been lying for as long as I can remember. I don’t know how it started and I don’t know what age I started. But I have become someone that I hate,and it just keeps getting worse. When I was 15 I started dating a guy that was 22 and I told him I was 18. His parents thought I was 18 and my mom thought he was 18. I had lied so much that the person I was pretending to be had nothing in common with myself other than my name. After two months of dating I got pregnant and I was 16. I had no idea what I was going to do so I broke up with him and decided to put the baby up for adoption because neither of us could take care of a baby. I had panic attacks daily from being scared that someone would catch me in my lies. And then I lied and lied and lied. And the I decided that lying was so easy that I would start stealing and I stole at every opportunity that I could. This past November I got arrested for shoplifting and so many of my lies came out of the bag. Now I am in a relationship with a guy that is so wonderful to me and treats me like a goddess. But our relationship started out in lies and he has caught me in so many of them. Recently we took a break to to the distance we live from each other and I was really upset. My friend (who likes me) messaged me asking what was wrong and I told him and made a status on FB saying that he could always make me feel better and I tagged him in it. My boyfriend saw it and was pissed. He almost told me never to speak to him again. He asked me if my friend had flirted with me and I said no,even though he did. So my bf told me that he was messaging my friend and asking him. I panicked and ran to the computer and told my friend never to answer any of his messages. It ends up that my friend never got a message from my bf but I’m still freaking out.

    I want to tell my bf everything that I have ever lied about in my entire life, but I couldn’t live with myself if he hated me. I hate the person I have become and I don’t want to hurt the ones I love. I need help because I don’t want to be this person anymore.

  • Tanya
    February 1, 2014 | Permalink |

    I have cheated on my boyfriend with at least five different guys
    I did it because I believed that he was cheating on me at the time and since then I have lied about all of them . . . . . ..

  • Anthony
    February 13, 2014 | Permalink |

    I have a beautiful wife that has been by my side through all my lies and bs. Recently I lied to her about acknowledging fb messages. She caught me in my lie and now I fear she has had enough. She is really hurt and feels like I will never change. I have made a commitment to change because my wife and kids are the center of my universe. I am praying that my wife finds it in her heart to forgive me and give me yet another chance. I want her to be able to look at me as her loving trustworthy husband and not some liar she decided to be with and marry. I have truly learned my lesson and I am taking steps to move in a direction of truth. I am seeking therapy and started my “Plan to Stop Lying”.

  • Robyn
    March 2, 2014 | Permalink |

    The last 4 years of my 9&1/2 year relationship was nothing but lies from my “soul mate”. He lied about things that he didnt even HAVE to lie about! LOVE ME? Even that was a big lie. I fell in love with an HONEST man who ended up being a liar AND a cheater……I was only fooling myself thinking he would realize that he was going down a very dark road. I wont be around to see him reach the end.

  • Aki
    March 7, 2014 | Permalink |

    I lied to my mum that I am going to a company to get my reimbursement but the concerned person wasn’t there. So Instead I went to meet my gf. She was hurt and was asking me to see her. So i went there And cheered her up. But I don’t want to lie to my mum. My mother doesn’t know about us.

  • Justin
    March 11, 2014 | Permalink |

    I am a 41 year old man and I am a lier. I have lied for so long to my wife of 17 years, my family and my friends(what’s left of them). I think I learned as a young boy to lie it was a way to get out of trouble or a way to hide who I really am. I am a sex addict and I hid this from everybody as long as a could but two years ago my wife caught me cheating. Of course I lied about it and I denied as much as I could but my wife knew there was more. Over the next year I slowly and cruelly told bits of truth just enough to take the heat off me at the time but I still lied by omitting the whole truth. Today we are separated but we continue to work on our relationship and I am working on recovery from my addiction. It is not easy to change yourself when you have been a certain person or acted a certain way for most of your life but I am going to do it. I know my wife loves me because even after all the years of lies and cheating ive said and done she wants to help me become a good person a healthier person. I am ready to stop lying to her and everyone else but first I have to stop lying to myself and that is the difficult part. I am lucky to have such a loving caring wife that is willing to stand by me and hold my hand through this recovery. I love you and I thank you for believing in me and not my words.

  • Tyler
    April 3, 2014 | Permalink |

    I’ve gotten to the point in my lying that it’s ruining my relationship with my girlfriend.. Idk why I do it either I’ll just lie for no apparent reason and it’s so bad now that even when I am telling the truth she still won’t believe me.. I’m so ashamed of what I’ve become it’s getting harder and harder every day to live with myself.. My girlfriend is even starting to doubt if I really love her or if I’ve been lying the past 3 years that we’ve been together.. And what really sucks (besides her starting to think I really don’t love her) is that these are small lies like me going to my friends house and chilling but I’ll tell her I’m doing something else like hanging out with my family and it happens so often that these small lies are making everything I say to be a lie like the fact that I’ve never cheated on her or hung around other girls or done drugs (besides when I used to smoke pot) and now she’s starting to think I’ve actually done those things.. And it’s shit because she lives in a different state so there’s no possible way really for me to show her in person that I’ve chsnged for the better.. So no matter what I do like if I stop lying and start being 100% with her she still wouldn’t believe me.. Aghhh this is killing me and it’s ruining my relationship with the love of my life and if I ever lost her idk what I’d do with myself.. I mean being in a committed relationship for 3 whole years when it’s always been long distance is tough! I mean I’ve put my all in what we have so she’s all I know we’ve planned our futures out around each other so it’s literally impossible for me to think about a future with anyone else yknow? I just really need to chsnge my life style and choices and break free from this stupid habit before it breaks me.. Hopefully I’m able to and she starts to have trust and faith in me again but as of right now she has absolutely no trust or faith in me whatsoever apparently… =

  • justplainevil
    April 13, 2014 | Permalink |

    I have lied ever since I was young. I wish there was a red flag that comes out of your ears to tell you that your mentally deranged and unwell. I have been living with the physical guilt and shame of telling people I have brain cancer. Everytime, ridiculously drunk. Where all my wonderful decisions I make happen. I do have some tumor`s but they aren`t cancerous. Everytime I read my MRI results, I would look into the medical terms and convience myself I had cancer. For attention? Because I am incredibly deranged. I`m pathetic and hope everyday to die. There`s no point in living when something this extreme is weighing me down. My mom has cancer and so does my aunt. They actually have it and I go and lie about it? What the fuck is wrong with me? I can`t live with myself anymore. I just can`t.

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