Home  >  My Life  >  Reflections

Gender Bender, Stop Trying to Convince Me Gender Doesn’t Exist

gender bender

I have no problem with a gender bender, someone who doesn’t want to be labeled by gender, that is their choice, but labeling myself as a girl is mine, so…

I’m going to be honest with you, there was a day not too long ago, where if you were anything but a heterosexual, you didn’t advertise it. Anything that strayed from the norm made you weird. Over the decades, the definitions of gender have begun to blur. A gender bender is someone who doesn’t believe there is a difference between men and women. They seek to prove it at every turn.

What makes someone a gender bender?

Typically born from the belief that gender is just a stereotype, someone who gender bends wants to show the world they can’t be boxed into one gender or another. So, they go about sending mixed signals to prove their point. Whether you think a girl should play with Barbie dolls and a boy shouldn’t play with dolls at all, there is no question that there is a difference between the sexes.

If nature wanted us all to be asexual, it would have allowed us to procreate on our own. I get the whole “nature versus nurture” argument, but the fact that you are born with certain body parts is just a fact. Sure, what you choose to do with them is your choice, but gender bending isn’t proving anything to anyone.

Gender bender and 10 things that fuel the fire

Yes, there is such a thing as gender, and stereotypes exist for a reason. If you think people discriminate or judge you, they probably aren’t.

The problem I have with a gender bender is this notion that those of us who believe in gender are somehow discriminatory, immoral, and judgy. They make it their personal quest to show those of us subscribed to one or the other gender the evil of our ways.

I have a proposition. How about if I don’t label you by trying to box you in and you don’t try to convince me that gender doesn’t exist. After all, we are all made uniquely, so let me be me, and you be you.

#1 Boys shouldn’t wear skirts unless they are transgender. Men just don’t have the knees for skirts, sorry. No one wants to see their package, and the hairy leg look just isn’t attractive. [Read: 70 things men do that doesn’t make you “gay”]

#2 It is okay if girls play with Barbies. If you think women have low self-esteem because of what Barbie represents, you put way too much effort into analyzing a doll. Not all men run around feeling bad about their bodies because they aren’t shaped like their action figures. It isn’t about dolls. It is about society and the media.

#3 Girls like pink. I am just going to put it out there, I am tired of people not being okay with blue for boys and girls for pink. Girls just like pink, there is nothing wrong with that. I have two boys, and even though it is acceptable and popular to wear pink, they just aren’t into it. [Read: 15 typical things not all girls like]

#4 Girls aren’t supposed to be in the army unless they want to. I for one am tired of hearing that women should be able to go to war like a man. Don’t get me wrong; they should if they want to.

But, I don’t want my girls to be pulled up for service. Most girls aren’t meant to be out on the battlefield. On average, they have more empathy and are the gatherers, not the hunters. It isn’t a stereotype. It is evolution, get over it.

#5 People should be labeled with a gender at birth! I have had people tell me that to call someone either a boy or girl at birth limits their possibilities. What I have to say is “nope!” They are either born with a penis or not.

Sexuality is not something you choose. In fact, it hurts the gay community to insist that it is a “choice.” Think about what you put out there. [Read: Modern relationships: Have they changed for the better or worse?]

#6 Women worry more because they have about half as much serotonin. No, women aren’t conditioned to worry as you think. There is scientific evidence that women have less serotonin. In fact, they have about half the amount of men and fewer neuro-transporters to recycle the serotonin in their body.

That actually leads them to be able to foresee problems more, which makes them more worrisome. It is evolution, not stereotypes.

#7 Yes, manicures and pedicures are equally important for both sexes. There is nothing wrong with men and women going to the salon for a mani-pedi, but if a guy paints his nails or waxes every inch of his body, he puts himself through way more torture than need be.

Boys are supposed to be rugged, so be rugged. Groom yourself however you see fit, just don’t get upset when someone puts a gender trait label on it. [Read: Manscaping and what girls want to see on a guy’s body]

#8 Choose a side. I am all for experimentation. If you can’t choose whether you are attracted to males or females, then it must be confusing. I get it, you say that you choose someone based on what is in their heart, but at the heart of every sexual relationship, is the chemistry that starts it all off.

You aren’t experimenting if you go back and forth, you are just unsure of who you are and what you want. Sure, what is on the inside is very important. What is on the outside is just as important for most of us, which is why we don’t get it.

#9 Why do you all have to have a label? The new generation has a label and phrase for everything. I don’t know if it is a symptom of social media or what, but back in the day you were either homosexual, heterosexual, transgender, or bisexual. Nowadays people are akoiromantic, lithromantic, and there are even different types of lesbians. It is all way too complicated.

Don’t define yourself by what you wear or what you like. But, you really do waste a whole lot of time putting thought into what you want to call yourself and too much time trying to say that gender doesn’t exist. It just all seems backward. Okay to label yourself sexually, just don’t give a gender label… doesn’t make sense to me. [Read: The typical characteristics of millennials, the give it to me now generation]

#10 You have your beliefs, let me have mine. Although you feel repressed by society, I don’t care what you wear, what you look like, or what you think about gender, that is your world and your choice. In the same respect, I don’t know why you have to push the envelope, always make a statement and try to attract attention.

For someone who negates social mores and gender definitions, you certainly put a lot of time and effort into getting everyone’s attention. How about this, you be whatever you want and don’t tell everyone else what they can or can’t be.

It isn’t just a gender bender that I take issue with. Anytime someone tries to impose their belief system on other people through shock and awe, I think there must be some ulterior motive involved. If you are so against gender labeling, then don’t label yourself. Totally cool by me.

If your next answer is that science overrides the need for male/female procreation, my answer to you is that nature has not. So, how about you gender bend all you want and let me like pink and think that boys should go to war. We don’t all have to agree no matter what we look like, what gender we are, or what we think.

[Read: Romantic orientation: Just how many kinds are there?]

How about you stop trying to convince me gender doesn’t exist. I won’t tell you it does, and we live in harmony. Okay, gender bender?

Liked what you just read? Like us on Facebook Twitter Pinterest and we promise, we’ll be your lucky charm to a beautiful love life.

Julie Keating
Julie Keating

A writer isn’t born, but created out of experiences. No lack of subject matter, my life reads more like fiction than anything that could have been imagined...

Follow Julie on

Don't Miss this!

Latest in LovePanky

DISCUSSION

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *