Effeminate men tend to get a bad rap because of wild misconceptions. Learn what it really means to be an effeminate man and how they crush stereotypes.
There are a lot of claims that masculinity is in crisis with the rise of more effeminate men. A lot of people assume that men who challenge stereotypical masculinity are less than their more manly counterparts. They receive a lot of negativity simply because they’re misunderstood.
Call us crazy, but we’re pretty sure that women have been begging men to be a little more sensitive and vulnerable.
We all know that effeminate men are a breed of their own. They do things that just don’t seem to “match” their gender.
It isn’t necessarily that they’re feminine or womanly, but they steer away from traditional “manly” things and aren’t considered to be masculine. [Read: What is masculinity? 46 manly & toxic traits women love & despise in men]
What does it mean to be an effeminate man?
Effeminate, by definition, means that a man has feminine qualities that aren’t typical of traditional men.
A person’s culture really defines what’s masculine and what’s feminine, so being an effeminate man simply means that they aren’t “masculine enough” to align with their culture’s expectations. They tend to do things that their particular culture associates with women.
It’s not limited to simply doing things that are considered to be more feminine, either.
Effeminate men also often adopt more feminine emotions and behaviors. They might be a little more affectionate than your average man, or they might be more in tune with their own thoughts and feelings. They could take on traditionally feminine roles and be the stay at home parent, or they might just pay more attention to their self-care.
What’s true masculinity anyway?
Honestly, if you ask five people what masculinity means, you’ll likely get five different answers.
True masculinity is one of those things that’s different from culture to culture but is generally defined as having characteristics that are typically used to describe males. [Read: Masculinity vs. femininity – which side do you think is stronger?]
Some people might believe that you’re not manly if you’re not strong. Others also might say that you don’t possess an ounce of masculinity if you’re not fearless and protective. And plenty of people believe that real men aren’t emotional or vulnerable. They think that real men just don’t cry, that they simply walk it off and “take it like a man.”
Traditional masculinity makes men the breadwinners. They have the better jobs, make the most money, and don’t usually help out with household chores.
We also commonly associate true masculinity with astute confidence. Masculine men can be sure of themselves, often to a fault. They’re also more competitive than most women, and they usually don’t have a difficult time being socially dominant.
There are plenty of people who roll their eyes at the idea of “true masculinity,” but they might not consider that masculinity can be a healthy thing.
After all, there’s a galaxy-sized difference between healthy masculinity and toxic masculinity.
Toxic masculinity takes every traditionally masculine trait and makes it the worst it can be. [Read: 29 secrets to be way more masculine & manly without being an a-hole to others]
Four kinds of effeminacy
There’s never a single type of anything, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that there are different types of effeminacy. Each type of effeminacy is its own force.
A man can be effeminate in one way but not the others, or he might be effeminate in all four ways. The deciding factor in each way of effeminacy is where pleasure is found.
1. Sensual effeminacy
A man showing signs of being sensually effeminate has an extreme attachment to his sensual appetites, which can be food, sex, sleep, etc.
An overindulgence in any of these things indicates an effeminate man.
Does he sleep too much or watch too much porn? Does he consume more sweets than anyone you’ve ever seen? Perhaps he appears to be essentially addicted to his favorite video games, strip clubs, or beer.
You might think that effeminacy automatically insinuates that a man isn’t entirely straight, but that’s just not true.
An effeminate man can be as straight as an arrow, but if he overindulges in sex and sleeps with several different women per week, he’s displaying effeminate tendencies. [Read: Feminine guys – 40 signs of a man in touch with his softer side]
2. Emotional effeminacy
Emotional effeminacy, like sensual effeminacy, is simply an over-indulgence.
This time, however, it’s an indulgence in emotions.
It’s the inability to control one’s emotions, acting on impulse and without thinking. Emotional effeminacy is reacting with initial emotion rather than thought-out logic.
If he can’t hold back his whining and complaints, he’s effeminate. If he’s quick to anger and slow to come back down to earth, he’s effeminate.
Does he lack control over his emotions and try to control everything around him instead? Does he become wildly upset over things that he doesn’t like or agree with? That, too, is a sign of emotional effeminacy.
3. Intellectual effeminacy
The intellectual effeminate man just loves to think. [Read: 15 gender stereotypes about males that we need to let go of for good]
They find pleasure in consideration and the pursuit of the truth. In most cases, they’d rather think about something than do it because, for them, the thought is more pleasurable than the action itself.
They spend so much time thinking and attaching themselves to specific intellectual positions and ideas that they usually feel the need to express their opinions to everyone.
4. Volitional effeminacy
A truly selfish type of effeminacy, a man showing signs of volitional effeminacy seems to only care about himself.
He does what he needs and wants first, and maybe he’ll do for others later.
This is genuine self-love in a pretty negative way because while we should all take care of ourselves, the volitionally effeminate man does so at whatever insane cost with absolutely no regard for others.
He doesn’t care about what needs to be done anywhere near as much as he cares about what he wants to do. [Read: Selfish boyfriend – 23 signs he’s totally self-centered & how to deal with it]
Do women prefer effeminate men over masculine ones?
Well, it’s impossible to speak on behalf of women as a whole.
Every woman prefers different things! Some women might really be into traditional masculinity. They might love being taken care of by a working man while they care for the house and children.
Some women love stoic men who show no signs of vulnerability, and plenty of women love a man whose strength and confidence they can brag about.
However, traditionally masculine men simply aren’t for everyone.
For many women, emotional vulnerability is enough to be a huge turn-on. They relish in someone who understands their own emotions.
Also, some women love a man who takes care of himself. They appreciate manicured and moisturized hands and maintained facial hair.
It’s not going to be the same for every woman because each person’s preferences are different, and there really isn’t a right or wrong answer.
To be honest, some women might not even know that they potentially prefer effeminate men because so many people associate effeminacy with simply being feminine. [Read: How to be more attractive to women – 27 hacks that work like magic!]
How do you deal with effeminate men?
It’s simple – you “deal” with effeminate men by letting them be who they are.
You can’t change other people, but you can change yourself. In addition, there’s nothing about an effeminate man that needs to be changed anyway.
If you find offense in a guy being open about his emotions while he’s eating dinner with his friends, perhaps just quit eavesdropping and worry about yourself.
If you’re unhappy about the fact that a man gets regular facials, then you should simply continue not getting regular facials. Are you bothered by a fellow whose wife makes the big bucks? Hey, she’s not your wife.
It’s highly unlikely that anything about effeminate men has an astounding effect on your daily life.
If you believe that it affects your daily life, consider that it’s because you put so much time, energy, and emotion into disliking anything outside of your norm. [Read: Malignant narcissist – 48 scary traits, causes, & what makes them so bad!]
And maybe scroll back up and read about emotional effeminacy.
25 signs and things effeminate men might do
As mentioned, there isn’t only one type of effeminate man. Men can be effeminate in an array of different ways and they can have one effeminate tendency or twenty-five effeminate tendencies.
Stereotypically, effeminate men are thought to do certain things and act in certain ways. The fact that a man does any of these things does not necessarily make him effeminate, and an effeminate man does not have to do any of these things.
So, this list simply embodies what traditionally masculine men would not dare do.
1. Cry
The idea that men aren’t supposed to cry is absurd, but it’s definitely not associated with traditional masculinity because it makes a man “weak.”
Effeminate men know better. They know that having emotions and reacting to them is normal, healthy, and encouraged, so when the need to cry arises, they don’t push it down. [Read: Real reasons we fall for emotionally unavailable men]
2. Use flavored chapstick
Heaven forbid a guy that has moisturized lips that taste like cherries and don’t feel desert-dry, right?
3. Use bath salts or soaks
We’re not sure when some guy decided that soothing and glorious baths with scented and nourishing additives aren’t just for women, but we’re on board with it! Having a good lavender bath is such a relaxing activity that just washes away all your woes.
Good for effeminate men for adopting the ritual for themselves.
4. Drink fancy cocktails
Sorry, but the taste of beer simply cannot compete with most cocktails.
Men following the way of traditional masculinity would probably swap their hard whiskey and gag-inducing beer for a refreshing margarita if it weren’t for the senseless shame they would feel.
5. Wax their eyebrows
Is a unibrow a sign of true masculinity, or is the avoidance of the pain from waxing and plucking perhaps a tad effeminate? Either way, knowing how to tame your wild brows is nothing to scoff at. [Read: Sensitive sides – should males embrace femininity?]
6. Hug
Life’s too short to skip the hugs!
This might have a lot to do with exposing your vulnerability, but traditionally masculine men aren’t usually huggers.
7. They press their clothes
Effeminate men understand maintenance.
They’re not interested in walking out of the house with a mess of eyebrows and a wrinkled shirt that’s been waiting in the dryer for three days. [Read: Living with a metrosexual man – the things all girls need to know]
8. They appreciate fine fashion
Often, effeminate men are pretty well-versed in finer fashion. They can identify quality materials or brands, and they aren’t afraid to compliment others or express their interests.
So, expect an effeminate man to not only take notice of your outfit but complement it genuinely and thoughtfully.
9. Gossip
This might come as a shock to you, but literally everyone gossips at some time or another.
The issue with gossip and masculinity is more likely the word than the act, but masculinity does not mean that you’re immune to gossip. Effeminate men are just more open about it. [Read: Feminine guys – 50 characteristics that make you one]
10. They exfoliate
Dry and scaly skin? Not on an effeminate man! They understand the power of exfoliation.
11. They get manicures and pedicures
Some guys just aren’t into their hands and feet looking and feeling rough. It’s honestly uncomfortable, and routine manicures and pedicures are an excellent way to remedy it.
12. They’re big on hair maintenance
Effeminate men have a bigger tendency to take pride in their appearance and put some extra effort into it. They might indulge in going to a full-service barber and enjoying the scalp massage, or they might like having their color refreshed in a salon.
13. They moisturize
As we’ve mentioned with lips and exfoliation, dry and scaly is no good and better left for reptiles. [Read: Metrosexuality – what makes a metrosexual man?]
14. They’re concerned about their appearance
Not only do they put a little extra effort into their appearance, but they really care about it. This can be a good and a bad thing because fretting over one’s appearance is a recipe for disaster sometimes. However, caring enough about your appearance to maintain yourself is important.
15. They drive a smart or eco-friendly car
For some reason, true masculinity is often associated with a giant truck or a sports car.
That’s not to say that all men are into those things, but effeminate men usually see the value in smaller cars that are better on gas or better for the environment.
16. They wear skinny jeans
Skinny or slim-fit jeans look sharp compared to baggier jeans. In addition to that, effeminate men might spend some extra time toning their physique, so why not show it off?
17. They’re touchy
If you’re with an effeminate man, you won’t be hungry for physical touch because effeminate men tend to be more physically affectionate than their more masculine counterparts.
They’re usually more into holding hands and cuddling than other men. [Read: 24 warm signs of affection & examples to be more affectionate in a relationship]
18. They’re close-talkers
It might be because of their affinity for physical affection, but effeminate men often don’t understand personal space. They’re stereotyped as people who get right in your face when talking.
19. They talk with their hands
Masculinity is stoic. Effeminacy is expressive.
So, effeminate men won’t be so stiff when they tell a story, but that just shows passionate they are about what they’re talking about.
20. They love a good group picture
Effeminate men are known to be fairly sentimental. They like to reminisce, which means that they’re pretty big fans of group pictures and fun selfies.
Not only that, but they appreciate the art that goes behind taking a good pic, and they don’t mind spending that extra time making sure that a picture comes out perfect.
21. They don’t like violent or scary movies
Because traditional masculinity means that you’re absolutely fearless, becoming queasy at the sight of gory violence, or being frightened during horror movies MUST mean that you’re effeminate, right? [Read: How to be fearless – 18 ways to set aside fear & live like a champion]
The last we checked, however, women were the true crime and horror aficionados.
22. They’re a little too into social media
Women are notorious for being obsessed with social media, so the fact that this is an effeminate trait shouldn’t be a big surprise.
If he loves his Instagram influencers and constantly references what he sees on Facebook, he’s a touch effeminate.
23. They’re not afraid to ooh and ahh at babies
Babies are cute, and effeminate men don’t care to say so.
Typically, the reactions that men have to babies are vastly different from the reactions that women have to babies. Women and effeminate men tend to be far more vocal about how adorable a baby is.
24. They’re a little more sensitive and emotional
This is the thing that most women wish for most men.
The lack of emotion in a stereotypically masculine man actually doesn’t do anyone good, as it makes his own emotions harder to understand and makes women feel that their emotions aren’t understood or validated.
Effeminate men have no issue understanding the emotions of others because they have learned to understand their own. [Read: At what age does a man mature emotionally? 19 signs of maturity in a guy]
25. They’re not terribly fond of sports
This is definitely not something that truly indicates that a man is effeminate, but those who are typically don’t care for sports.
They just don’t understand why sports are such a big deal, so don’t expect them to give a big hoot on game day.
Not fitting the mold of traditional masculinity is not a bad thing, and so the term “effeminate men” should never be an insult. We give major props to effeminate men everywhere!
