Sexualize Yourself: How Being Sexualized Can Make or Break You
Maybe you have more sex appeal than a movie star? But will being sexualized send you down the wrong path? Here are some of the pros and cons.
The question of being sexualized is so tricky. Sometimes all you really do is be who you are. Or at least allow that aspect of who you are to radiate outwards.
After I get a fresh trim I might feel a wave of extra confidence about me. If it’s a Friday night, and I’m dressed in black attire with a flash of red I’m ready to hit the scene. My whole demeanor changes. I hold more eye contact. I actively search out cuties as I commute to meet my friends.
People sense this type of energy about me. Usually other masculine energies give me subtle signs of respect. And the feminine might check me out slyly. Or find themselves glancing curiously. This is masculine sexuality unsheathed. It’s behavioral, energetic, a directed intent.
Again, it’s an energy. Not necessarily a sexual energy. But when you have that polar energy about you others recognize it and some become automatically attracted. When they became attracted there was no choice in the matter. No decision. It just felt right to them in the moment.
Feminine and masculine sexuality
Sometimes I’ll see a girl dressed very modestly. It’s hard to check out her body shape to see if I find her attractive. But there’s just something in the way she walks. In how her feet tactilely strike the ground that lets me know she’s sexually compatible with me.
Someone with a masculine walk might hit the ground dead center on the soles of the feet. Sure. Leading. Whereas the feminine might touch the ground with the toes first with each step. To me the feminine walk stays in touch with their body. Tender to the touch. Willing to be led.
I’ve chosen this seemingly small detail because I think it shows just how deep into the unconscious sexuality goes. That girl had no choice in my attraction towards her. Neither did I. [Read: Interpersonal attraction: Why we like some people and hate others]
Being sexualized deliberately
But what happens when being sexualized is a conscious decision? Let’s break down the good and bad of being sexualized deliberately…
#1 You can find your place sexually. Many cultures worship feminine sexuality. By promoting this kind of imagery, the culture encourages society to hold onto important feminine virtues like: graciousness, peacefulness, devotion, passion, love, beauty, tenderness, wisdom.
Likewise, the Wise King is a very popular cultural imagery. This expresses virtues of: strength, wisdom, courage, ambition, responsibility, humility, honor.
The masculine and the feminine sexualities play sacred and unique roles in society. Knowing where you fit in the spectrum gives you a lot of information on how to navigate the world and find your place.
For example, you might work best by being feminine in intimate relationships and masculine in the workplace. If you give a person enough time to mature and work it out, their sexuality blossoms in incredible ways. The kind that we write stories about. [Read: 20 sexually enlightening movies that are all about sexuality]
#2 You can become sexually estranged. Sexualization can create rifts between groups of people when it is one-dimensional and used for a sociopolitical agenda.
For example, there’s currently a ‘war’ between some feminists and the patriarchy, including MGTOWS *Men Going Their Own Way*. This divisive form of sexualization creates the victim/persecutor mentality.
Becoming a victim is a good way to take away your own empowerment. I’ve seen it where people spent a good portion of their life obsessed with this one aspect of life.
They haven’t been able to find happiness in any relationship because of resentment of a sex. They’ve convinced themselves there are only Tyrannical Kings or Oedipal Medusas, both without virtues. [Read: Misogynist men – 18 clues to spot a woman hater]
#3 You feel empowered. Being in a society more open to sex helps to reduce shame or anxiety about your own sexuality. Owning your sexuality in this kind of environment can be very empowering.
There are also more of a range of different body types in advertisements, movies, and personal branding. So you’re more likely to feel there are ways to flaunt your sexuality proudly whatever your body type. [Read: How to start over and win: 12 keys to finding your second chance]
#4 You feel worthless. You threw on a few photos of you looking fly onto Instagram. But now you compare yourself to other more fly looking profiles… Being sexualized spins out of control.
You convince yourself that you’re a piece of crap. In media, movies, social media, the feminine needs to look and behave perfectly. While the masculine needs to be invulnerably strong and super successful. Anything less is lame…
People get a complex. We think in images. So when we see personal branding we feel the need to match up. We know it’s impossible to fit these brands deep down. But we try to live up to them anyway.
Many people become obsessed with it. They resort to surgery. Or a crazy amount of cosmetic makeup. Or they become ruthlessly, insecurely obsessed with winning. [Read: Why men feel emasculated? The 3 big reasons that control everything else]
#5 You’re more informed. Thinking of shaving your pubes? Do an internet search first… Having more information available out there can inform adolescents and adults alike.
You freely learn about the cool differences between genders, sexual preferences, and the variety of experiences available.
There’s loads of information out there: blogs, articles, and YouTube channels.
#6 You get lost in misinformation. The crazy wave of online personal branding can go way overboard and lead you to:
a. An obsession with sexuality including developing anxiety and depression about it.
b. Missing out on a childhood.
c. Having a warped self-image.
d. Looking for quick fixes, like cosmetic surgery, to solve insecurities. [Read: How to stop being insecure: 15 steps to transform your life]
#7 There’s more ways to find a partner. No longer do you spray on your hard earned Gucci cologne randomly. Or go to a club in your favorite heels that kill your feet. Or hope that the person whose eye you caught actually likes the look of you.
Now we have dating and social media platforms. PlentyofFish, OkayCupid, Snapchat, Instagram, Tinder, I’ve even linked with a girl from LinkedIn… the list goes on.
These sites allow people to select who they meet in person ahead of time. It gives you a wide net of specific choices. A huge reason behind this is that everyone is more used to being sexualized.
It’s no longer fringe or sordid to use social platforms for dating. Many busy professionals and a lot of the millennials use them to save time and to cut through the confusion of whether someone is into them or not. [Read: How to meet new people – 16 exciting ways to find a new crowd]
#8 There’s more loneliness. There’s a recent study that showed that with overpopulation in many cities there’s been a rise in loneliness. This sounds crazy, but it makes sense when you consider how people spend their time.
You can spend all your time surfing the internet and connect with people that way. You have an excuse not to go out and meet people for real. But there are important differences between online and in-person communication…
When I hang out with a friend for a bit, it recharges me. I also have friends that I go out and meet girls with. As a result, I develop my social skills. I’m able to live in reality outside of the digital world. But if you don’t do this, you might find you feel disconnected and lonely. Even if technically you have options online.
I think many people fear being seen outside of their dating profile. People also become paranoid by over-comparison to others who seem to be killing it in their online profiles. [Read: 30 ways to overcome feelings of loneliness]
#9 It feels good to be sexually relevant godammit! Self-pride can be a form of confidence. And it feels cool to be admired. When you get a like or a follower online. Or a smile in person from a stranger. All of these things feel good. And sex feels great. Your body’s reward systems kick in, giving you a little dopamine hit of satisfaction…
Our biology is clever. It has these motivational systems to encourage us to do the right things to get us noticed. And if you’ve worked hard, eaten healthily, exercised regularly, and achieved success then why not enjoy some attention?
You know you’re desirable and so why not own it? This lets the others know you’re secure with your sexuality and can be a good basis to start an intimate relationship. [Read: How to look fabulous while trying to get attention]
#10 You become addicted. What if our biology rewarded us over and over again just for looking good or sexy? Well, we might begin to measure our success based on how much sexual gratification we got from moment to moment.
And it might never be enough… hedonism and addiction feel a lot like helplessness over time. Sex addicts often destroy their own families. People stay in toxic relationships out of the need for validation. [Read: Attention whore – 16 signs you’re an insufferable attention seeker]
Sexual addiction also creates a culture where people crave the instant fix: attention, instant gratification, and the easy route. But as you age you’ll have more wrinkles and less beauty. In that time, you may have developed no deep skills of mastery and so be less successful later in life. That webcam model job might not last forever…
In contrast, a person’s character and values strengthen even as they age. Character, virtues, values, mastery are to do with behaviors not just appearance. These behavioral traits built civilizations. And it’s no wonder; the quality of a person and community depends largely on how people behave individually and with each other.
Being sexualized may happen unconsciously because it’s natural. But it can make you one-dimensional when it’s all you focus on. Ignore your character, integrity, and values at your own peril.
An unnamed guy with a great story and an idea to share, the Anonymous Fella is the secret voice that wants to be heard, but prefers to be masked under anonymity...