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Should you feel Guilty about Cheating?

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Why do we feel guilty after cheating on our husband or wife? Is it right to feel guilty or wonder why the circumstances led you to having an affair? Understanding why you cheated and accepting it is the best foot forward, says Laura Shane.

Should you feel Guilty about Cheating? - How to Get Over the Guilt

I can recollect an incident that happened recently, one that involves a good friend of mine. She called and wanted to come over. A few minutes into the conversation, and she huddled closer to me, and with a wet nose, told me about how she made a big mistake and spent a night with a man, someone who wasn’t her guy.

Apparently, she told me that they had gone out for a drink and to shake a leg, and things just went from handshakes to holding hands to hold-what-you-can.

I put my arms around her and told her not to think much about it, and that it was history (though I didn’t tell her that history has a good way of repeating itself now and then). An hour later, she seemed to be feeling a lot better.

We chatted a bit, and she decided to take off. We hugged at the door and she gave me a big grin and waved. “Thank you so much, Laura, God knows how guilty I was feeling until you made me feel better…”

What?! Now that upset me. When did guilt creep into the picture? Was she here with me, only to reassure herself that she was the wounded and shattered one in the picture? She came to me to be reassured that what she did was nothing wrong, and it was all a mistake!

But at which point was that a mistake? She was with that guy for the whole night, and probably days before the inevitable and awaited incident. How could she not have seen what was coming? She had mentioned that she was lost in a haze and didn’t know what was happening until it was too late, until the deed was done. I had accepted that statement quietly.

But pretending like she’s this lost puppy who didn’t know what was going on, on her own body, and oblivious to everything that was happening all around her, and then calling it a mistake?! That was moronic stupidity, or a lame throw at redemption.

For all the words that she wasted on talking about her true love, her guy and how much she loved him, and how bad a mistake that incident was, she was and is still thinking about no one but herself. She was being, aptly put, selfish. She was tempted to know what it would feel like, to explore opportunities outside the relationship. She wanted to taste the proverbial forbidden fruit. She apparently hadn’t given in all these years, while she was going out with her guy, but then, the hopes of orgasms galore and the temptations abound had her knees buckling.

She could call that encounter whatever she wants, temporary amnesia, or carnal mind block, or whatever the heck she wants to call it. But she was being nothing but selfish, and she didn’t care about anyone but herself. And the worst part of it all, she was lying to herself, convincing herself that the lie was the eternal truth. And the best part for her, it worked!

She never gave a thought about anything but her feelings, and her stint at redemption. She was being self-centered, but hey, what’s wrong with that? We’re all self-centered people, who care about nothing but our own happiness. History has shown us enough to ratify that claim.

But the nagging issue that’s gnawing my head is the fact that she’s selfish, and she has no idea about it. She’d get back into the arms of her lover, shower him with more love, and remind herself over and over again that it wasn’t her fault. She was just a mute spectator in an unrealistic overwhelming event that involved her unwilling and confused body. But think twice about this, was she a sweet doe stuck in a trap unforeseen by her and foreseen by fate, or was she just playing to the tune of her carnal desires?

What she’s done isn’t a bad thing. But the fact that it’s so easy to blame circumstances instead of oneself is beyond blood-curdling, it’s the proof of a conscience that doesn’t work within the realm of purity anymore. What would you do if you were in her place? Or just about any place where fornication can penetrate and seep in without anyone’s notice, but yours. It would be your little secret, your little hideaway bang. What would you do?

Click here to continue reading: Is it your Fault you Cheated?


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Have your say!
  • Veronica
    April 20, 2013 | Permalink |

    I cheated on my now ex-husband because I felt neglected and alone. We were married for almost 10 years and I told him time and time again how unhappy I was. I asked him countless times to go to counseling with me. But he was the selfish one. He was OK with the way things were so he didn’t care about how I felt. I was trying like crazy, for months, to get a job so that I could leave the relationship. But it didn’t happen like I planned. And now I’m the bad one, even though for almost 10 years I was a faithful, caring wife. That all got erased in a moment. No, cheating isn’t right, but it happens. I refuse to feel guilty forever.

  • Lia
    September 22, 2013 | Permalink |

    Ive been married 18 years. After five long years of feeling taken for granted lonely nasty attitudes toward each other begging for him to go to marraige counseling and sleeping in seperate beds ..sex three times in five years! I finally caved. We have a child so I don’t want to break up our home but I have no choice. It was selfish to sleep with another man. I’m embracing it as a balm to all the pain and feel no regret.

  • Kobra
    October 13, 2013 | Permalink |

    Cheating is wrong, no matter how you try to sugar coat it. People who cheat are selfish and don’t care if they hurt or betray their lover. How about grow a set and break up with your partner BEFORE you cheat on them? Not only that, but shame on whoever lies to themselves that they had a good reason, and justifies to themselves and others around them they know, the ultimate act of betrayal in a relationship. Once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater. Karma is a bitch, and I hope Karma makes all cheaters pay for their actions.

  • Ashi
    February 13, 2014 | Permalink |

    Cheating is terrible I known dat coz i go through it each passing day. But what makes me feel worst is dat my husband knew all about it and decided to stay mum about the same just to collect proof and put me down in front of people especially my parents. Today he tells the world how unconditionally he loves me and dat is the only reason he decided for a separation. So for me relationship(my ex) had just been a bag of politics which he won.

  • James
    April 10, 2014 | Permalink |

    Two wrongs generally don’t make a right. I cheated on my now ex- wife after years of her neglecting me – sex 4 times in two years, never going out with me to do anything, just wanting to sit on the couch and watch TV….

    But it was still wrong for me to do it, regardless of the reasoning. I should have gotten out of the marriage beforehand so I could have held my head high.

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