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When Your Partner is Not Interested in Sex

when your partner is not interested in sex

Every now and then, for no visible reason at all, you or your partner could lose interest in sex. Find out the reasons behind why your partner is not interested in sex, and what you can do about it.

Click here to read the first four reasons behind why partners don’t want to have sex anymore, and how you can handle it.

My partner is not interested in sex

How many times have we heard that line, and how many times have we wondered how that could ever happen? But it does, and it happens very often.

Are you dealing with the same issue now?

As the relationship progresses, the libido of both partners start to change over time.

And in most cases, the change isn’t really similar. One partner may start to lose interest in sex, while the other partner may want more sex.

Here are a few reasons why a partner may not be interested in having sex.

#5 Too tired for sex

Your partner and you may be sexually attracted to each other. But at times, work pressure and stress at work can make one of you distracted and lose interest in sex. Or even if you have sex, you may not really enjoy it enough, or you may end up not performing to your best which can lead to more frustrations. [Read: Tips on turning a guy on]

What starts off as one round of bad sex can make one of you shrink away from sex further and further until you’re just not interested in sex anymore. This is especially true for men because a lot depends on how hard he can be. If he finds his little buddy bowing down in shame halfway through the deed, he’d start to avoid sex as much as he possibly can. [Read: How to have sensuous sex]

When you’re going through this phase, avoid sex for a few weeks, and just focus on foreplay. Make it clear that both of you aren’t going to have sex for a couple of weeks. Don’t set a precise deadline. That can be even more stressful! Just cuddle and kiss, and spend a lot of time together in the bathtub or in bed, just warming each other up. Soon enough, the humble little guy would be upright and waiting for a standing ovation! [Read: Happy ending massage]

#6 Too busy with something else

One of you love gardening or spending hours on the Xbox? Sometimes, even watching a few great shows on the television back to back every night can lead to boring sex lives. You could be having so much fun watching a movie every night that both of you might just give up on sex.

If you’re experiencing this, it doesn’t mean you’re not sexually excited by each other. It’s just that you’ve decided to give up on together time. And when you start doing this for a couple of weeks, it would go on the same way forever. We love routine, and it’s pretty hard to change something once we get comfortable with it.

To make sure this doesn’t affect your sex life in future, get into bed an hour earlier or spend at least an hour every evening cuddling up with the TV turned off once you’re done with the shows. It may seem quite boring at first, but you’ll see what cuddle time can lead to! [Read: Tantric sex]

#7 Just not into sex

Yeah, for all your horny lovers out there, this sucks, but it’s true. Some partners just aren’t into sex. You may love making love to the computer or you may end up using a toy to pleasure up, but the whole act of sex could seem distasteful to your partner.

If all the earlier tips fail, then perhaps, it’s time you have a heart to heart talk with your partner. Sometimes, it could be a childhood trauma, hormonal imbalances or even a medical condition. In almost all cases, this is curable with a little effort.

Many people put a lot of emphasis on sex and copulation. And that can put off a partner. Sex is a lot of fun, but that doesn’t mean foreplay can’t be fun. You could just cuddle up, talk dirty, fantasize, role play, explore a few sexual fetishes, or do just about anything else we’ve mentioned here, and stop putting the focus on sex. If your partner doesn’t even like to kiss, then well, stay away from physically touching them and just talk. Ask your partner if they like talking about it. Surely, there’s bound to be something that could interest your partner. In most cases, they may have a few sexual desires and may be too afraid to reveal it. [Read: Sexual fetishes]

Or on the other hand, it could be a serious traumatic issue or a medical condition. If that’s the case, then obviously, both of you could take the help of therapy or counseling.

Why do partners lose interest in sex?

The reasons could be many as long as it’s not a medical condition, as we’ve pointed out in the introduction and in the points here. But putting medical and hormonal reasons aside, here’s one theory that the Lovepanky team has tested, and it could surprise you.

If you and your partner share very different lifestyles, and if one of you meet and interact with a lot of people, while the other partner is more of a quiet loner, there’s a huge chance that both your libidos are going to start changing with time. And the worst part, it will change in opposite directions.

The partner that interacts with very few people will start to lose their libido, while the partner who interacts with a lot of people and meets new friends often will retain their libido, or even see a surge in their sexual energy.

If evolution has taught us anything, we should know that the main *job* of humans is to procreate and produce more humans. But if you’re going to spend a major part of your life alone or with minimum interaction with other members of the opposite sex, there’s really no need for your body to invest in sexual energy that has to be wasted on useless libido. Instead, you body might as well use it on something else.

Confused? Well, ostriches have wings but they can’t really use them to fly, can they? If that can be evolution’s work, libido can work through the same cycle too!

How to increase your partner’s libido

Your partner may just not be interested in sex at times. In such cases, you need to help your partner understand that sex is just as natural as eating or breathing. It’s one of the necessities of life. Spend more time going out and socializing with others. Meet your friends at parties, or go on a vacation with another couple that you know enjoys a great sex life. [Read: Public flashing confessions]

Sometimes, as humans, we need to watch someone else take the plunge off the diving board before we try something ourselves.

If your partner isn’t interested in sex, introduce your lover to other people who glorify sex. Of course, don’t reveal your intention straight away. Sometimes, even a bit of PDA and kisses on a dance floor could excite your partner. Help your partner explore the possibilities of sexual arousal and show them how enjoyable it can be. And soon enough, your partner would be able to express themselves and enjoy a better, happier sex life. [Read: Public display of affection etiquette]

When your partner is not interested in sex, don’t get frustrated. Instead, hold each other’s hands and explore the many paths of sexual arousal. It can be exciting and fun, and somewhere along the way, we’re pretty sure your partner will like something too!

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23 thoughts on “When Your Partner is Not Interested in Sex”

  1. Edward Marquez says:

    Well, my name is Edward Marquez. And i need help with my fianc

  2. Pierce K.J. says:

    I feel what your going through Edward. I’m in a long distance relationship where my girlfriend lives on the other side of the world. Our communication is always present and never lacking. We video chat all the time, everyday. We used to always talk dirty, send pictures, video, etc, until we finally met I went to go visit her in her country for two weeks. After that, all of a sudden, she completely stopped all sex life. She refuses to send me any pictures or engage in any and all dirty anything. And whenever I bring it up, she changes the subject and says she doesn’t want to talk about it and gets upset at me for insisting we spice up our relationship. It’s almost been a full year, we haven’t engaged in anything sexual at all. I try to talk about it, but she constantly shuts me down saying it upsets her that all I want is to be dirty. I’m at a boiling point I don’t know What to do anymore. A man can only go so long without anything intimate from his partner. I gained some weight within the past year, I don’t know if that could be it, but its killing me I don’t know what to do anymore.

  3. Amy says:

    My husband became uninterested in sex and intimacy the day after we were married. We’ve been married 45 years and it has been a horrible 45 years. He thought sex was boring, disgusting, messy, smelly, pointless and meaningless! He couldn’t believe two people do some thing so degrading and insane as sex. For me it has been a horrible experience, I have very few answers as to why he is what he is. He lives in the basement all of our married life and worked the midnight shift. We never ever talk, he will not sleep with me. Don’t let your life get messed up like mine.

  4. meili says:

    i am not uninterested in sex. but my boyfriend said i do. for him, sex is really important in a relationship. i felt that he said i was not interested in sex is because he wanted to leave me for this “excuse”. very sad

  5. Moonrider says:

    Okay, the article does give real possibilities, but none of them help. I am the one who is not interested in sex. It was never all that big a deal to me, more for my partners. After being married for 24 years, I just don’t want it at all. It is smelly, sweaty and messy, but that would not be the reason I don’t want it. I just simply have no urge to have sex. Yes, I can and do orgasm, but I honestly don’t care. I don’t even masturbate as I don’t need the orgasm. They say you should just do it, and fake it till you make it, but I have been doing that for some time now, and I am no more interested now than I was at the beginning.

    I NEVER want to have sex in a public place. I hate dirty talk. My hubby wants me to do it, but all I can do is laugh and feel stupid. I would never say anything like that, so I feel stupid trying. I haven’t liked kissing since I gave birth and had to have an oxygen mask on. My senses are sharper now, and the feel and taste and smell of things leave me cold. I have not a single fantasy to share with him. Years ago I told him one I used to have, but never really wanted to have happen. He has been bringing it up for the last 20 years. If he ever did try to act on it, I would be angry, not turned on

    Finally, when I do engage in sex (and it is several times a week, even though I would be happy with once a month), my orgasms are too intense. My body parts are too sensitive for it to feel good, and the tears in my pelvic region from child birth sting and hurt sometimes during sex.

    I don’t like not wanting sex, as all men claim it is required for them. Better not tell the priests that- it could be a problem. It isn’t really required, and they could relieve themselves to keep discomfort away. Believe me, if I wanted sex and my partner wasn’t as interested as I was, I can take care of myself. Thing is, I don’t. I don’t want it at all. I wish I could be as into it as he is, but I am not, and he knows that. He knows I do it for him and makes comments about how he wished I liked it more because he loves to get me off.

    Truth is, I don’t know why my senses got stronger, my orgasms got to intense for me, or why I don’t like kissing and fondling any more. I just don’t. How do you fix that? You can pretend, but you can’t really fix it.

  6. Between A Rock And A Hard Place says:

    I am a post menopausal woman and if I have no need for sex. I am married to a man 10 years younger than I am, so this is a problem. I love him but we have grown distant due to two things, our raising two grandkids for the the past 10 years(which has been mostly my responsibility and it has been difficult and very stressful) and my husbands work schedule, he works away from home two weeks out of he month. Our relationship is what needs reviving and since the grandkids are in high school, we have time to spend together. We actually went out on a date this weekend, which I must say felt uncomfortable, finding something to talk about was an effort. He made an effort to hold my hand and show a little affection. I didn’t respond very well. The evening did not end up the way, I am sure he would have liked it. On top of not wanting to engage in sex, I feel guilty and unsure that he is going to continue to be patient with me. I feel that he is either going to give me an ultimatum or be open if a woman gives him attention. He goes out, to bars, with his fellow workers, when they have out of town classes they have to attend. I can’t fake something I don’t feel. I am making an effort to reconnect, but I am afraid that it may be a little too little too late. I have told him how I feel and what I fear and he tells me that ‘we’ are ok…but I don’t feel that assured.

  7. hopeless says:

    My wife and I have been married for almost 20 years. We have not had sex for years. We have a young child who takes up a lot of our time and attention. We both have our each individual careers and both successful. After reading many advice posts and the like, I have realized that I probably have a higher sex drive than her. But when I ask for or initiate sex I am turned down and rejected. She won

  8. heartbroken says:

    Ive read alot of these comments from others on here and its so sad that people are living like this with partners. i can relate myself to alot of this as my husband has no interest in sex. we have only been married 3 months. its my husbands first marriage but its my 3rd marriage so i guess i would say i have more understanding of what is needed to build marriage. his very withdrawn he seems in his own little world most of the time. i know he loves me with all his heart and i do him… but he seems to not understand the importance of having a sex life within a marriage. ive tryed talking to him and its got me no where.. he just says sorry and dont mean to hurt my felings. he says he does find me attractive and wants me he just dont understand why it never comes to his mind to get sexually active with me.i really dont know weather its worth me staying in this marriage cos i cant see that anything is going to change on his part. he makes me so frustrated hurt and rejected every day. its got unbearable now for me.. ive never been with any man like this before so its mind blowing and so hard to accept specially when hes so different to others ive been with, hes so kind and caring and loves me alot he just dont get my point and understand my needs.i just want us to be happy and fullfilled with each other, but he seems to misunderstand that his ways are pulling us apart. if anyone has any advise then please help im open to hear others comments.

  9. Darren says:

    Hi guys, I have been with my Girl Friend for the past 5 years. She is super hot and a fantastic woman. We have sex quite often although its not the sme as it used to be. At first you tend to have sex at the drop of a hat and in all kinds of places. As time passes it gets to be more “climb on and hurry up”! why this is the case I am not sure but it is very frustrating! We have spoken about it, but you get to the point where you don’t want to keep bringing it up! She enjoys sex when we have it and always reaches climax. Its just the feeling of she wants me as much as i want her is not there any more! she says she does although actions speak louder than words! Oh well, i must try harder!

  10. someadvice says:

    To all men.. it never gets better, if u like sex, don’t get married. 90% of marriages are without sex just no one tells the truth..Trust me I’ve been married 15 years and she is a prude. I don’t even think she has a sexual fantasy and if she does its not with me.. Maybe some other guy and at this point I wouldn’t even care.. just waiting til kids turn 18 then I’m divorcing

  11. frustrated as hell says:

    I have been with my girlfriend five years now. When we first started dating we were very sexually active we had sex anywhere we didn’t care. But after we got more serious the sex slowly disappeared. I’m 24 I have a crazy high sex drive I could have sex do the part we both like (both orgasm) and go again right then, she used to like that but now I can’t even convince her to be open to the idea of sex more than once a month. I’m frustrated and it seems like she doesn’t care I try not to put so much pressure on the lack of sex but honestly it is on my mind alot. I have every had every intention to marry her and she is always hinting and stuff but I don’t know if I could marry knowing that she is this disinterested in sex. I’m at a loss its making me not want to be with her there is no passion there anymore and she makes it seem like a chore which has put me out of the mood during sex before where I have just stopped. We had a break up for a year not long ago and oddly enough the sex came back we had sex all the time and honestly she had sex with other guys (i have never had sex with anyone but her) and then we got back together and it just disappeared again. I love her she is a beautiful person inside and out, she is one of the kindest and most forgiving people I have ever met but this puts a strain on our relationship to where I have come into contact with a very good female friend from high school that both ne and her have feelings for each other. I have thought about cheating and this is not in my nature hell when we were broken up I couldn’t even sleep with another person because they weren’t my ex their skin didn’t feel the same or they said something any excuse I could find I used it. Its crazy and frustrating and I think I might give up for good sometimes. If only I could have advice…

  12. fergie says:

    My boyfriend and I have been together 2 years and suddenly he won’t try anything in bed , we lack communication and every time I try to talk about it he brushes it off. He cheated a year ago and since then things have had their ups and downs . . . Is he not interested anymore? Am I not good enough?? What do I do … Please help

  13. fp says:

    In the beginning I wanted sex all the time but my partner wasn’t interested. During sex I did all the work, it didn’t matter how often I tried to talk about what I needed, what turned me on – my partner would either run away once cuddles became more or he’d be distracted during the act.

    He didn’t like holding hands or cuddling. I had to force him to do these things. We talked and talked and talked until one day, I gave up trying. Once I stopped directing our lovemaking, it all went down hill. After 4 years together, he really doesn’t know what I like. So now I hate having sex with him. It actually repulses me and I feel nauseous . Sometimes I want to throw him off me.

    I still love sex, just not with him. The last few times I was extremely horny and had sex with him, my arousal disappeared in the first five minutes we were together. Now I’d rather masturbate than let him touch me. Worst part is I have a high libido, though over the years with him, I can see that it’s in decline – until some other guy I find attractive walks in the room.

    Something else that is strange is now that I don’t want sex, he is all over me. He’s initiating talks, trying to get me to want him. Now he’s the one begging me to cuddle and hold his hand and kiss him. It makes me feel bad cos | can see I’m hurting him but I can’t help it. When he touches me my skin crawls, I don’t even like it when he looks at me undressed.

    I have tried a few of the things listed in this article. They didn’t work for him and now they don’t work for me. I want to end things but can’t bring myself to hurt him like that. I know it’s not fair on either of us. This limbo we are stuck in.

  14. kenneth priddy says:

    No sex for the past several yrs. She doesn’t show any interest in sex or me. I had penile implant, she says it doesn’t feel the same. My Urologist says size did not change at all. But the last time I tried to have sex with her, she says “what is the point, I can’t feel you, it’s too little”. Haven’t gotten over that yet.

  15. Amy says:

    I’m married but don’t have a partner..
    Married over 45 years and only had sex once.! He refuses sex at all costs and he hasn’t spoken to me in years. He lives in a garage apartment and I have the house. Really the only time I see him is when he’s doing out door chores. He goes no where, just stay’s cooped up in his area like a hermit. Really to old and tired to change anything. He lives his life and live mine and its a horrible way to live.

  16. Mary Bell says:

    My boyfriend has not had sex with me for going on a month now, he is usually the one always pursuing sex with me and he always ask for every other or every other two days, i have begged, pleaded, ask, got angry, everything i know to do and nothing! Since i came of my monthly last month he has not asked for it or givin into my request for it, and it is almost time for my monthly again! I dnt know what has changed since i has my last monthly, but this is not like him, like i said he is usually asking me for it every other day ir every two days! Im frustatsd and im bout had enough, im seriously about to call it quits, i cnt take this much longer, any help please?

  17. Tristen Asztalos says:

    First of all, let me explain my condition. I was born with no testosterone. I never knew this until 2 years ago when the woman I am with wanted kids. We tried and tried and tried. So I went and got a sperm test done. I literally have no sperm. I can ejaculate, feel the sensation, but no swimmers. At this point in time, I lost total interest in sex. My wife thought I was having an affair, but to reassure her I wasn’t, I would please her orally, my penis would stand up, but while we were doing it, I would go limp. I decided to go to the Docs and find out what my issue was. In the United States, my condition goes unrecognized, but 1 in 1000 babies born, have this genetic affect. It’s also listed as a highly functional form of Autism. I applied myself in life, and for that have been successful to the most part. I started taking testosterone replacement, and that really boosted my sex drive, but now that my tester know is normal, I’m not wanting to have sex anymore. I get really horny, but if we don’t do it right then, then I have no desire to do it in 10 minutes. What it is, is that I have Klinfelters Syndrome. I was born with and extra chromosome. Also considered as a XXY baby.

  18. Frasier crane says:

    We lay in bed together but she at times resist cuddling. If i touch her sexually she catches a quick attitude. She plays on her phone Instagram and other phone activities to occupy herself during our time in bed until she falls asleep. In the daytime she does this until it’s time for one or both of us to go somewhere. Sometimes I want to just snatch her phone away and begin foreplay or some sort of intimacy gestures. But I don’t because I already expect denial and I’m discouraged before even attempting anything. Extremely frustrating. Also, she makes no attempts to arouse me and shows no sexual/emotional affection towards me. I’m extremely attracted to her and would prefer we have sex 8 times a day. Realistically speaking, I would appreciate once a day but still that’s me being optimistic. It’s disappointing because my sexual interest towards her is slowly but surely decreasing. I understand sex isn’t everything in a relationship and other things are fundamental, but it sure plays a key role. Being unsatisfied in this department is likely to have a snowball effect in other departments. I just don’t understand why she won’t give herself to me? What am I doing wrong?

  19. Gene says:

    Yep. I too now have a wife who rarely, if ever, wants to get intimate. Her damn phone is more important to her. She sirs on one end of the couch with her phone and I sit on the other watching TV. She comes to bed late, looks at her phone some more and then it’s off to sleep. If I want sex, I have to initiate, give her pussy a good liking, while she just lays there, doesn’t touch me like she used to, and basically gets a free ride. I am going to divorce this self centered bitch soon. Lots of sexy, beautiful women and I’m told that I am an attractive man. Yet she would probably desire sex elsewhere if she was alone. Do yourself a favor and don’t get married. Waste of time and a damn waste of your personal happiness in life. The bottom line is: mentally lazy people will suck the life out of you. And uninterested partners are simply lazy and selfish. I please her because I love her enough to put her needs up front. I won’t wait much longer for her to suck my deck or give me the love she once gave me. Lots of lonely women out there who would love and appreciate my desire to please them and love them. Why give your love to someone who just doesn’t deserve it any longer.
    Soon going to be on the market again ladies. This sexy, beautiful Canadian man is worth it baby!! Make no mistake about that. If you are in a shitty relationship, just get out and respect yourself and YOUR needs. That’s not being selfish. That’s being fair to yourself…and don’t we all deserve that? I know I do. Oh, and if you’re reading this Catherine, my lovely selfish wife, you can kiss my ass good bye! Stick that dildo up your ass or wherever else you want to stick it! I’m going to have more sex in the next 20 years than I’ve had in my entire life. See ya!!

  20. Gene says:

    Oh, and one more thing, I hope you’ve enjoyed all the trips, new cars, money and the easy life I’ve given you. All that shit will go away soon. Have fun back in poverty land! My businesses will continue to grow but in 10 years, you will likely be broke and working at some shit retail job. Maybe you can sell your big tits for money…nope! By then, they will be all saggy and wrinkles. Sucks to be you! If there are any short, plump – bum, Latino ladies (love beautiful, cinnamon skin angels) out there interested in a blue – eyed, sexy Canadian man, give me a shout. I am only 5’6″ but I am a sexy, kind, playful and loyal man so check me out. And I am not at all shy about pleasing ypu FIRST. (My philosophy: She comes first!). Talk to ya!

  21. Clare Ginard says:

    when i got pregnant sex was uncomfortable and a bit painful, but after i tried to make it up, ive tried wearing some sexy lingerie,(my figure isn’t as good as it use to) ive tried watching porn to learn new things, ive even tried seducing him, and its almost me forcing him to do it…im so sexually frustrated. I dont know what’s wrong, we used to do it like 2-3 times a day…

  22. sara says:

    Usually when u first start a relatiinship its all about sex and discovering eachother to graphic measures.. well its a first for me but all that was skipped.. immediately i felt like an old woman having sex every couple of days… same kind of sex in the same way same room same time of day… iits new for me i thought itd get better but it gets worse its becomeing awkward and im starting to get thought like hes getting it somewhere else like my roomate or mabey just doesnt like my body im becoming so insecure already and weve only been together 4 months.. wtf is it me? I nvr realized how important sex was in a relationship even in the begining until now

  23. Casey says:

    Too tired really is a thing and it’s a valid excuse for us guys, too. I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve come home to my girlfriend who is ready for action, but all I want to do is crawl into bed and pass out. I’m a day laborer, so my work is particularly demanding at the best of times and leaves me sweaty, beat up, and exhausted. The last thing on my mind is sex. The first thing is usually hop into the shower. Hey, I guess I could combine the two just to get her off my case…

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