We do habitual things because we benefit from them. If you are wondering why you struggle with indecisiveness, there is a deep seeded reason!
Indecisiveness is the inability to decide. Sure, we are all posed with decisions difficult to choose from the options laid out in front of us. But, there are some people for whom indecisiveness is more of the totality of their behavior pattern. If you are one of those people, let me let you in on a little secret, your inability to decide is a decision all in itself.
See, when you choose not to decide anything for yourself, you make the conscious choice to walk through life never getting or doing what you want. Sort of a self-fulfilling prophecy, if you can’t ever seem to decide what to do, it is a major cop out.
How do I know this? I am not the best when it comes to decisions. Even if I know what I want to do, I am often too scared to voice my opinion. And you know where that gets me?
When we have habitual behaviors we perform, even when the outcome is not what we desire or deserve, we do it for a reason. Just because you have a negative result, doesn’t mean it isn’t serving some purpose for you. Confused? If you choose not to decide anything for yourself, you gain some benefit from not making a choice.
#1 You don’t take responsibility when things go south. Making decisions are all good and fine when things work out the way you want. There is nothing better than making a choice for your future and having things go just as planned.
But, the problem with making a choice is that it doesn’t always work out the way that you want. When the chips fall, if you aren’t the decision maker, bad things can’t be your fault.
By never making any decisions for yourself or others, what you do is make sure you never have to take responsibility for anything that comes your way. There is always someone else to blame when things turn out bad.
Unfortunately, what you also never receive is the pride that comes from putting yourself out on a limb, taking a leap of faith, or making a decision for yourself that ends up grand or grandly bad. Everyone fails.
#2 Indecisiveness lets you be a pleaser and not make anyone mad. If your indecisiveness comes from the need not to ruffle any feathers or make anyone mad, that is just sad. That isn’t truly the inability to decide, that is you giving up on what you want to sacrifice for other people in your life.
That means that you don’t get what you want simply because you are afraid that other people are going to be mad if you make a decision or choice they don’t agree with. I will let you in on secret number two, indecisive people are irritating.
Why? Because they never make up their damn mind. If you think you please people by the constant “Oh I don’t care, what do you want to do?” you don’t. You put a whole lot of pressure and continual responsibility in their lap. You force them to make all the decisions when they would probably like to take the back seat once in a while.
To be in any type of relationship, put yourself out there and be honest about what you want. A relationship takes two, and if you never add your opinion, that isn’t a partnership at all. [Read: 20 undeniable signs you are a people pleaser]
#3 Low self-esteem make you feel unworthy of your own opinion. Sometimes indecisiveness comes from a poor self-esteem. There are some people who don’t believe themselves worthy to make a decision. It is unconscious most of the time. It is just a subtle way someone feels about their worth.
There is no reason why your wants, desires, and opinions aren’t just as important as everyone else in the world. You are worthy of getting what you want. So, make a decision for yourself and say who the hell cares what you think. If it makes you feel empowered and happy, enjoy it and go with it. [Read: 10 signs you have low self-esteem and how to raise it]
#4 You are passive-aggressive. I used to have a mother-in-law that when I would ask her a question, “What do you want to have for dinner,” she would say, “I don’t care.” But, when I would show up with something she would look at it and make a comment like “Oh, I thought you knew that it was too hot today for that, I would have made pasta.”
We all know those individuals who say that they don’t care, but you know they absolutely care. They give you a shit test to increase the likelihood that they have something to complain about.
If your indecisiveness stems from you wanting to take control of a situation by being passive-aggressive, cut it out. It isn’t fair. You see, you decided in your head, you just want other people to guess what it is. When they are wrong, you make it friggin’ miserable for the rest of us. [Read: How you can stop being passive-aggressive]
#5 It is easier to let someone else decide. There are so many times that I would just like to not show up. What do I mean? I have six kids. I am not only Julie, mother of six, but I am also Julie, Cruise Director. It is my job to decide when to go to dinner, where to go to dinner, who to take, who to leave behind, and how to get there.
It is exhausting, but it was my choice when I DECIDED to have six wonderful children. Not deciding is a super easy thing. I would love to wake up every morning and have someone decide what I was going to do with my day, make my breakfast, and not have to think about all the peripheral things that decision making entails. For every action we make, there is a reaction.
Those reactions aren’t always awesome, and some take a whole lot of thought and energy. If you aren’t choosing because you are, well, how can I put this lightly, unmotivated or lazy, grow up and start to take life into your own hands.
I have in my many years on this earth met many people inflicted with indecisiveness. What I will tell you is that about 99% of them are anything but indecisive. In fact, those who choose never to decide, decide never to decide. So, it isn’t even a thing.
Whatever you receive from sitting on the sidelines of life never choosing what you want to eat for dinner, I guarantee you that the road to making decisions might be paved with a little more complexity, a little stepping on toes at times, and a little bit of bearing more responsibility.