“Good enough” implies an unrealistic measure of your worth. If you think, I’m not good enough, you likely put too many expectations on yourself.
There are times when other people are better at things than us. It is natural to feel not so accomplished, especially when you carry a lot of demands. Unfortunately, the more you take on yourself and the more responsibility that you carry, the higher the likelihood you feel like, I’m not good enough.
7 things to remember if you feel less than
Before you continue to beat yourself up, remember these seven things. You are only as good as you think you are. Change your mindset. It completely transforms your life.
Enough implies that you compare yourself to some standard or someone else that you perceive to be enough. It is also about degrees.
The whole statement, “I’m not good enough,” means you don’t excel in any part of your life. Worthless to everyone around you and with nothing to contribute. I’d bet when put into that context, even you, who is probably overwhelmed, sees it simply isn’t true.
#1 Stop beating yourself up. Those who think I’m not good enough tend to be overachievers. The rest of the world does the best they can and see what they do as a job well done. If you are a perfectionist, then you are probably being way too hard on yourself.
The truth is not everyone is going to achieve their goals all the time—or even half the time. Learn to forgive your misgivings instead of beating yourself up about them. Sometimes we truly can be our own worst enemy. [Read: 15 feel-good secrets to feel better about yourself]
#2 Take inventory of all the good things you do. If you feel like you are never good enough, then you probably are a half-empty person, at least when it comes to your own accomplishments. Stop looking at all the things you haven’t done right. Instead take stock of the things that you have.
Making a concrete list of all you do and all you are to other people helps you to see yourself in real light. Shining a flashlight is always the best way to get a real look at the situation.
#3 What type of relationships are you in? Whether it is a demanding mother or a narcissistic significant other, when someone tells us who and what we are long enough, we tend to believe them. Challenge your thoughts whenever you hear that little voice that says, I’m not good enough. Is that really what you think or is it what you have been told or led to believe?
For sensitive people and non-sensitive alike, feeling not good enough can be a conditioned response from hearing negativity from those around you. If you can’t escape a destructive relationship or don’t want to, at a minimum, stop listening to what they tell you. Start to make decisions about your worth for yourself. [Read: 23 secret signs of narcissism that people overlook until it’s too late]
#4 Stop trying to control everything. There are some of us… ahem, who think we carry the weight of the world on our shoulders, but merely because we put it there. If you feel like you are never good enough, then it is probably because you accept too much responsibility for things outside your control.
Self-sabotaging always leads you to feel not good enough. What is self-sabotaging? In this instance, it means taking on a task, or even a personality, you know in your heart is not attainable. If you constantly take on the world’s ills and play a mea culpa *my fault* every time things go wrong, it leaves your self-esteem in a puddle.
Try to live by the old adage, “Help me to change the things I can, forgive the things I can’t and grant me the wisdom to know the difference.” You aren’t responsible for the world, so let it be. It will likely sort itself out. [Read: Don’t stay stuck – 16 strategies to get your shit together]
#5 See the positive. Things don’t always turn out the way that we want them to. There are times when you do everything right, and the result may not be what you want anyway.
There is no magic crystal ball in life, and although I HATE this phrase, “sometimes things don’t turn out the way we want, they turn out the way they are supposed to,” it is true. What seems like a bad ending may turn around to be a great opportunity or the best outcome when looking from hindsight.
#6 Put you first. Most often when people feel not good enough, it is because they constantly try to do everything for everyone else. I am a pleaser by nature. I want everyone in my life to like me and be happy.
That is the road to misery. The path to hell is paved with good intentions, which means that the more you try to make everyone happy and fix everything around you, the more meaningless you feel in life.
How can you ever feel good enough if you are gauging your worth based on how you make others feel? I don’t remember ever being told that my job in life is to make sure that everyone else’s life is smooth and easy.
Nor do I remember being told that in order for me to be enough I have to do what others want. Put yourself first and be concerned with your own happiness. You will be amazed at how quickly you can be enough to make yourself happy. [Read: 20 signs you’re a people pleaser and don’t realize it]
#7 Start to say no. People who believe “I’m not good enough” are often those who put too much on their plate. If you take on too much, you always leave yourself with not enough time to finish or the time it takes to do the job you want to.
You simply don’t have enough time to do it all. That leaves you constantly failing on all ends. It isn’t because you aren’t good enough, talented enough, or smart enough, it is because you try to do too much in a time period that is impossible. [Read: How to say no, stop people pleasing and feel awesome instead]
When you place too many expectations on yourself, you set yourself up for failure. Sure, you are the one that everyone comes to because you are reliable. That doesn’t mean you have the time though. Don’t take on too much and you won’t always feel like you are failing.
If the people in your life love you for you, then they understand you are only human and can only do so much. If they are upset with you, then you quickly find out which friendships are real and which aren’t. You don’t want to put all your energy into people who wouldn’t put it into you, so stop doing it.
Don’t let others tell you who and what you are, you know in your heart how great you are, so stop doubting you. Learn to put yourself first and decide for yourself whether you are really not good enough or if your assessment isn’t guided by reality.
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