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How to Stop Selfish People from Hurting You

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How can you recognize a selfish friend or partner, and how do you stop them from affecting your life? Find out how to deal with selfish people here. By Elizabeth Arthur

selfish people

Selfish people are always lovable, nice and really sweet.

It’s true, they really are.

For all you know, you may be in love with a selfish person right now, or perhaps you have a best friend who’s selfish.

Unfortunately for you, the traits of a selfish person aren’t easy to notice, because they cover their darker side so well.

But as the relationship starts to grow, you’d start to feel emotionally weak around this person.

And before you know it, they could suck the happiness out of you, and all you can do is watch helplessly.

[Read: 15 subtle signs of a controlling boyfriend]

How to deal with selfish people

If you’re traumatized by a selfish person in your own life, don’t hate yourself for it.

It’s not your fault that you didn’t see the signs.

No one really realizes that a partner or a friend is selfish at the beginning of the relationship.

You’d only see the signs when it’s too late, and there’s little you can do to change their behavior after that.

What makes a person selfish?

A selfish person is one who cares only for their own pleasures, even if it causes pain to someone else. They have no consideration for anyone else, and worry only about their own comfort. Selfish people are well mannered and nice to everyone, but they’re nice only as long as they get something more back in return from the people around them. [Read: 10 signs your partner is only using you]

The irony of it all is that a selfish person wouldn’t even know they’re being selfish. They’d just assume they’re nice people who care about their own happiness more than anything else. But in their pursuit of their own happiness, they carelessly and intentionally walk all over the shattered hearts of any loving person around them.

One of the easiest ways to recognize a selfish partner or a friend is their trait of always extracting more from you, and yet, they never give anything back to you in equal measures.

Selfish people aren’t selfish with everyone

Selfish people subconsciously pick and choose the people they would want to use and trample on. They don’t go looking for people to hurt. But just like a wild animal’s inner instincts, if they come face to face with a caring and emotional person that they see as prey, they use them and abuse them until the relationship eventually falls apart or they find someone better to prey on.

If you come across as intimidating or emotionally closed off to a selfish person, they’d never ever dream of using you. Instead, they’d suck up to you and try to win your affection.

Selfish people are people pleasers, and appear needy and vulnerable to begin with. They’d pamper you, care for you and love you until you drop your guard down and welcome them into your life and give them your whole heart. And once they have their hooks dug deep in your heart is when you’d start to notice a difference in their behavior. [Read: 10 types of toxic friends you need to avoid in your life]

The mind of selfish people

A relationship is an exchange of emotions. In every successful relationship, both partners give and take from each other in equal measures without keeping count. And everything’s just perfect.

But when one partner stops giving back to the relationship, the relationship starts to fail.

When you’re in a relationship with a selfish person, they would continue to extract your love and your affections. But they’d stop giving any love or affection back in return which would leave you feeling weak, unappreciated and miserable. [Read: 12 signs you're walking on eggshells in your love life]

So why did you fall prey to this selfish person?

In a perfectly happy relationship between friends or lovers, both the involved people consider each other as equals. But when a selfish partner or friend starts to believe that they’re more important than the other partner in the relationship, they’d convince themselves that their partner needs them more than they need their partner.

It is very important that you understand this fundamental idea, because this is the foundation of all selfishness. If your friend or lover believes they don’t really need you but you need them a lot, that’s when they expect you to do all the giving, while they extract everything you can give.

A selfish person will behave selfishly around you only when they truly believe that you need them more.

Selfish people are skilled manipulators by instinct. If you’re being used by a selfish friend who sees you as an emotionally weak target, you may even find yourself confused and lost. You may wonder why you’re the only one feeling miserable around this selfish person while everyone else thinks so highly of them. But that’s only because you lovingly handed over the strings to control you like a puppet to them. [Read: How self respect affects you and your relationship with others]

Dealing with the hurt and the pain

When you’re in a relationship with a selfish person, no matter what you do, they’d constantly make you feel like you aren’t giving enough back to them. Even the love you have for this person would feel one sided and painful, because none of your feelings would be reciprocated.

A relationship with a selfish person would make you feel like you’re living through a heartbreak every day. No matter what you do, they’d still pick flaws with you or overlook your nice side. And even your nicest friendly or romantic gestures would be treated as ordinary and nothing spectacular.

And while you try to please them by bending over backwards, their expectations from you would constantly increase all the time. And before you know it, you’d be hurt all the time and craving for the smallest sign of appreciation from this selfish person just to feel like you’re doing something right. [Read: The right way to let go of a relationship that's bad for you]

10 signs to recognize a selfish person

It doesn’t matter if you’re dating a selfish person or best friends with one. The signs to recognize a selfish person are almost always the same. Use these 10 signs and ask yourself if that special someone is nothing but a selfish and bad person.

#1 A selfish person is excessively friendly and will go out of their way to be nice to you, though only at the beginning of the relationship.

#2 A selfish friend or partner always asks for favors, big or small.

#3 They always squirm out of helping you when you need their help.

#4 You can sense a selfish person’s fakeness when they talk to others. They try to appear very friendly and sweet to everyone, even if you know that they hate the person.

#5 They use others all the time. And they share a laugh with you and tell you how they used someone else to get something done.

#6 Selfish people are people pleasers. But once you get to know them well, they start to show their lazy and aloof side.

#7 If you meet someone who’s a kissass who’s always eager to please you with compliments or fake smiles, stay away from them. A truthful person may seem harsh, but they say things the way they see it. Excessively friendly people almost always have ulterior motives that are selfish.

#8 A selfish friend or lover never commits to anything unless they can get some benefit or favor out of it. They would never do anything selflessly for your benefit.

#9 A selfish person always has a carefree attitude and takes nothing seriously. Even when you talk about how hurt you feel, they make you feel stupid for making a big deal out of nothing.

#10 Selfish people are liars and manipulators. They never want to apologize because they think you’re beneath them. Instead, they resort to lies. [Read: 15 types of toxic relationships to watch out for]

5 steps to stop a selfish person from hurting you

A selfish person can hurt you a lot and leave you on the floor, feeling miserable and wretched. But there are ways to regain your strength and stop a selfish person from hurting you. Read these 5 steps and use them to stop a selfish person from hurting you.

#1 Realization. This is the hardest step, and as much as this friend or lover means to you, you need to ask yourself if you’re being used in the relationship. If you feel like you’re doing all the giving while the other person only takes, big chances are, you’re being used in the relationship. Learn to see the signs and more importantly, learn to accept it when you think you’re being used.

#2 Detachment. If you’re not happy in a relationship, you’d definitely feel miserable all the time. It’s not easy to break away from a selfish person, especially when they mean so much to you. Confronting or breaking away won’t help you, because this selfish person may not care whether you exist and that would hurt you more.

Instead, learn to detach yourself slowly, a little more with each passing day. As you start the detachment step, you’d be more aware and you’d see this person’s selfish side even more clearly. And that’ll give you the strength to move away soon. [Read: The 80 20 rule in relationships and your love life]

#3 Retain your personality. Don’t change overnight. If you change overnight, your selfish mate may walk away from you the next morning and that would hurt you more and leave you feeling weaker.

On the other hand, this selfish person may realize that you’re starting to stand up for yourself and in the fear of losing you, they may start to show more affection to you just to change you back to the meek old self. Don’t fall for that ploy. Pretend like you’re still the same person, but within yourself, start the change to become a stronger you.

#4 Replicate their behavior. When you feel like you have the strength to stand up for yourself and face the situation, let your selfish lover or friend see themselves in you. Replicate their behavior, and start behaving just like they do. Try to use them or be fake, just like this selfish person. It’s time they get a taste of their own medicine.

By doing this, it would help you in two ways. It will help you get back at this selfish person. And at the same time, it will help you see for yourself how you were being manipulated by this person.

#5 Drift away. Selfish people never change. They just look for someone to use, and quite frankly, they can’t help it themselves. So if you’re in a relationship with a selfish someone, don’t try to change them. It will never work. Get back at them by behaving just like how they would behave with you, and whenever you feel like you’ve got your vengeance and have the strength to move, walk away for good.

[Read: When is it time to end a bad friendship?]

You can’t build a relationship with selfish people who don’t have the ability to love you or care for you ever. So really, why bother?


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Have your say!
  • D
    November 15, 2012 | Permalink |

    their are two types of people.
    givers and takers.
    in order for a relationship to work you have to have a balance between the two

    two takers will never work for obvious reasons

    two givers will work but only for so long until

    a giver is a person that likes to please people, and will go out of their way to do so, givers

    how ever want appreciation in return, and two givers wont work because they will fight for

    appreciation , i know it sounds ridiculous but its true.

    the reason why a giver and a taker work so well, is because they compliment each others

    personalities. one will be appreciated, the other will be content,

    the fact is that there are more takers in the world then their are givers, identify who who are

    and be honest with what you want, all humans are selfish in the end

  • billy sulllivan
    February 28, 2013 | Permalink |

    Don’t try and get even, that only turn you onto a selffish path. I agree with slowly remove/detach yourself, you’ll feel better about yourself ever second you get a foot further. Once you know the person is selfish, stop letting them talk down to you in a demeaning way by just walking away. If you’r living with someone just move out, break your lease and move out, a month extra in a toxic relationship will only add more pain to your life. It’s hard when your being used, but it feels somuch better when you just move on. I don’t agree with the comment from nov 15, sound like this guy has rationalized his behavour, selfish poeple are experts at not being held responsible for thier actions. Move on and don’t change the world needs you.

  • Spider Plant
    May 19, 2013 | Permalink |

    Oh crab, this article describes my grandmother.

    And It looks like I might be a selfish person. :(

  • swati
    May 23, 2013 | Permalink |

    hi i just wanted to discuss with u why friends r so selfish

  • May 27, 2013 | Permalink |

    Hello, Thank you so much for this article. I just realized that I have been the exact architype of a selfish person my entire life. Seriously. It is time to make a change. It will take lots of time. But I am going to do it. I will send you an update. Thank you endlessly. I appreciate this so much.

  • May 28, 2013 | Permalink |

    WOW!!! I am just blown away thou I do not agree with retiliation. Standing up for yourself and moving on is the only way to free yourself from this type of behavior. If you are not the selfish type you can”t even began to understand just how sick It trully is. Now forgive yourself, never stop praying and thank GOD the battle is over.

  • Caves
    June 26, 2013 | Permalink |

    This is the best article I’ve ever read, I have been a victim of selfish people again and again, I am recently half way through the 3rd stage of this recommendation without even knowing there was such an article, the predator in this case is someone who is everything this article describes, nice, charming and likeable, I knew there were traits of selfishness, I could feel and see them but I was just enjoying the attention because I didn’t want it to end, but now its obvious it was all a ploy, because now I found out I was abandoned because I wasn’t needed immediately till in some months time, I knew it was going to happen but I was too stupid not to accept it fully, now the time is coming when I would be needed again and the predator has shown up but i’m trying to keep away, reading this article has just given me the best next step which is 4 and 5. Thanks a lot.

  • Kelly
    July 21, 2013 | Permalink |

    This describes my husband of 20 yrs, it’s not worth trying to negotiate with a truly selfish person. I have wasted my youth with this person who never appreciates anything has an entitlement attitude and is emotionally dead. The other day my car broke down in a heatwave. With my 2yr old grandson in the car and he asked what I wanted him to do about it when I called him. It hit me: a man who loves you would be concerned about your safety and if I’m going to be stranded on the road with no support while married, I can do the same damn thing alone with the same results!

  • Joanna
    August 14, 2013 | Permalink |

    Yep, this describes “him” to a tee. Very charming and flattering in the beginning. Acted the same way around my parents, yet when they are gone he trash talks them. Complains about my parents and how they are ruining our relationship (they are 2000 miles away). I quit my job to care for his son for 2 months, the day my stepson leaves guess what, he asked me to “get the heck out” of the house that I helped pay for.
    He constantly used my overseas tour of duty as an excuse for his bad behavior. Apparently it was so hard being by himself and having women constantly throwing themselves at him, but he resisted them all and so now I owe him EVERYTHING.

  • Hanna
    September 11, 2013 | Permalink |

    I don’t exactly agree on retaliation. Being a victim of a selfish friend for over many years has caused me to become lost. Funny thing is she describes me to other people she knows being lost as well and not knowing she is the cause of it. With all the anger and frustration built up inside, I wouldn’t seek retaliation. I believe not letting her know how she is behaving would cause her continue to perpetuate her selfishness and ultimately she would build a name for herself. She will be her worst enemy.

  • Sam
    September 13, 2013 | Permalink |

    Wow,this is incredible,my best friend to a tee,she tells me that I am too sensitive because I am not selfish enough,and thats why my feelings get hurt easily,I couldn’t believe when she told me how to think like her in order not to get hurt,She went on to tell me it is all about Ego,and how you have to look after number one,Choices and Egos,I called her twice and she didn’t answer the phone both times,now her way of thinking was its her choice whether to answer or not,she chose not to so its ok,she made the right choice for herself,in the meantime I was wondering why she wasn’t answering and she said that it was my ego being bruised because she wasn’t answering therefore I was sensitive and got hurt by it,I was totally confused then she went on to say that if she had called me and I chose not to answer the phone that she wouldn’t be offended one bit,cause she’d think that I would want to be left alone,so be it,and why would she allow my choice to bruise her ego,.I was blown away by all this,so I said what if it was a life or death emergency and someone died because your choice was not to answer the phone,wouldn’t that be your fault that person died,she had no answer for that,but I can’t believe these people think totally the opposite of a non selfish person,wow,I need to move away from this person now,I cannot deal with this type of behaviour,I am glad I saw this article,you have put it into perspective for me,and for that I thank you.

  • not so selfish guy
    September 17, 2013 | Permalink |

    I dont know but this article looks like someones been watching
    all the things from somewhere..
    This describes My best friend .. And yes letting her go isnt gonna be that easy..
    The best thing I can do is.. Live my life.. And show her how far and awesome I can be even without her..
    And abt the 4th point thr.. The one who published this deserves an award
    It IS BLOODY DAMN TRUE.. !!!

  • Realizing the truth..
    September 24, 2013 | Permalink |

    This article describes the man i have been seeing for years.. I have been having trouble describing how he has been ..Lately the more I tried to be kind and loving to him.The more he pulled away.. It was confusing.. Because its what he said he wanted.. Yet his reaction has been to be cool and aloof.. Almost rejecting of it..
    When i offer up the breaking up solution..He gets mad.. Says I am wrong.. He is working hard and has no time.. But its more about the secrets and the attitude.. He has a nasty attitude when ever the suggestion that I am alone and his erratic time schedule is making me miserable.. Honesty and some respect would be a solution, putting me into the decision making equation.. But he decides when and where and how much time we will spend together..NOt me.. But all he thinks he needs to say is he is “working” and the hours and hours he is away “working” should be no problem for me. I see him a couple hours a night ..And thats it..And t hat should suffice.. He gets mad if I want even 2 more minutes than he has aloted me.
    I never see what he makes.. He doesn’t allow me access to what is his.
    Breaking up makes him angry.. Yet what does he even want ??
    It feels like just a nice place to sleep when he is done living his life. And a woman that NEVER and I mean never thinks of herself as an equal. Worthy of being treated like anything more than a pet.
    This is a side of him I saw a little of here and there. But lately he has no excuse.Other than the ones he makes up.. Because hIs kids are grown now.. And so now its “work” keeping him away 18 hours out of every 24.Sometimes more.
    But breaking up? he claims he loves me..
    Its been confusing.. That this guy who does’t act like he loves me at all. Claims he does..
    After all these years.. I have lost he ability to judge.. I just feel confused by his total lack of concern and compassion.
    So I find here that selfishness is a lot like being a narcissist ..
    This is how he is.. Totally self absorbed and arrogant and nasty at the suggestion that he is not giving enough of himself..~!
    You would think he was a rock star..Instead of a old kind of homely man. who should be glad any woman would want him.
    well..
    So I am breaking up with him.. For good..
    I don’ think I will feel so bad about it either..

  • Realizing the truth..
    September 24, 2013 | Permalink |

    When I said he is a old and kind of homely man..I am serious..
    I think that needs to be mentioned to..
    Sometimes.. possibly many times. People think homely people would be more humble, kinder and less likely to think of themselves as “all that”..
    But the truth is.. A lot of people have ego’s that don’t see that they are not so attractive..
    The kindness people feel , keeps them from treating homely people bad..Thinking it would be cruel to hurt them ..
    Well.. Trust me.. Some homely people think they are rock stars.. And are just as arrogant, if not more than someone who is actually good looking..
    Being kind to them, might actually feed the beast ~!
    Its what is inside that matters. Cliche’ But totally true..
    Homely people can be just as self indulgent and arrogant as any beauty queens out there..
    And in fact might even be worse to some degree.. Wanting to drag the good looking ones down to size. (so to speak) trying to level the playing field..
    Watch out .. I am with a really homely guy and he fancies himself a rock star~!!

  • jk
    September 27, 2013 | Permalink |

    I wish “the selfish person” was my lover or a friend. It’s my mother in-law. And make the matter worse, I live with her. Before I read your article, I thought, “I never met such a selfish person in my life!” But obviously, there are plenty out there…. It kind of made me feel better.
    You are right! every thing you pointed out! I MEAN EVERYTHING YOU WROTE! I tried to change her, I tried to explain to her how much I care, tried and tried everything. I really think she doesn’t give a shit if I am exist in her site or not. Though I take care of her. See how bad the situation looks?

  • User5
    October 8, 2013 | Permalink |

    OMG, seriously, like *every* single point you made is the very person I’m living with , a room mate / “friend”. Literally, he gets upset when I don’t do for him. He’s incredibly lazy, and will use me *any* chance he gets. I’m not even sure if he is aware, but I know he is because of the manipulation he has to go through to pull some of this off. My other friends, he treats 100 percent different, he almost respects them and would never ask for them to do certain things. Literally *today* I have to pick him up for work, it took me 3 months to convince him I couldn’t take him anymore *to work* and he would have to take the bus. Finally we settled on I will just pick him up. You seriously think someone would pick me up every day? Heck I wouldn’t even want to ask, I have a bit more pride( good or bad). He eats all my food, even my favorite stuff in which he knows is my favorite. If we goto get food somewhere at a restaurant it’s always me paying , he never brings money, literally.

    Just recently, he’s been working more and more, bought some car or something, (I still have to pick him up, because he’s to cheap to have the taillights fixed) + free gas, never gave even 1 dime for gas.

    Now mind you, I’m a pretty well paid Software Engineer, he works at a warehouse, I always felt bad for him, but now I look at it different, he’s worked for years and years to just use me.

    Oh and did I mention he’s never gave one dime for rent?

    I’m going to fix this.

  • Yogagurl
    October 31, 2013 | Permalink |

    I believe I just had a hurtful experience with a selfish lover. We both felt a strong attraction…he came onto me first with feelings of “connected”, etc. He was my type…artistic and sensitive. I broke the rules to be with him and we became lovers (his request). In being lovers, I mistakenly assumed that would mean some kindness, some attentiveness to feelings, perhaps sharing of food? The guy made a very low income, I accepted him and understood that. I would go over there, look very good for him, give him affection and openness and later, I find out, he can’t even share a tiny bit of food with me or give me any emotional support. He confirmed with me later it was “sexual relationship only”. My heart dropped. I asked for a bit more…some attention to my feelings. I brought up my feelings one morning in a calm way and he calmly said “this is too much work”. Five minutes of talking about my feelings, after giving him nights of affection and tenderness….it was “too much work”. I brought this up to him and he got irritated “we are not bf and gf”!!! I told him “I get that, but can I get some tenderness”? No. I was asking too much. Wow, such a shock to the system. I can’t believe it.

  • Michele
    November 7, 2013 | Permalink |

    Too bad I am a selfish person magnet. I’ve recently said to myself “no more”. They will have to find their own way. I actually agree with the retaliation. They need to see how it feels to be the recipient of such selfish behavior. Just once or twice. No, you don’t have to stoop to their levels, but they will be so thrown off and will not understand why you are not “being yourself” b/c you are usually so nice and let them wipe their feet on you. Being that they are selfish, they will not change. It’s just their character and it would be VERY hard for them to change especially if they are older. After giving them “a taste of their own medicine”, leave them right there, dumbfounded. Walk away and carry on and live…without the mess. I have moved on…negative and selfish people have been let go….slowly but surely gone.

  • D
    November 11, 2013 | Permalink |

    Wow I am blown away you just described my bf who I have now been dating for 4 years and allowed myself to have to children by him. Where was this article 4 years ago… everything you have described is true especially the part where the selfish person disguise their selfish behavior and once u let them in your heart you are doomed. The worst part is he used to be selfish with me but now is not only towards me but also towards our kids especially our 2 year old who he only wants to take to the park when i go so that i can play with him and watch our 2 month old while he plays basketball is sad im going to leave him for good im 24 and im not going to waste my youth on him or let him treat our kids that way i will.protect them from his selfishness so that they wont have to go through what i been going through.for the last 4 years. I completely lost who i am and my happiness in this relashionship I dont want my kids to get hurt like me I pray that God will be with me and my children during this change my son love his father a lot i feel so bad and guilty bt i know is for the best in the end so gio when you read this you will know that is over for good i love you but Ash and Nima comes first I know you will never understand bt i see you for who you really are and we are two very different people. It has never worked and it never will maybe one day you will change i pray you do. Because your kids are always going to need you for the rest of their lives. Im gonna be the best mother i can but unfortunately i cant be a dad.so I pray that the Lord changes your heart one sweet day. I will always be your friend because after all you are the father of my children and I respect that. God bless.

  • giovanni
    November 14, 2013 | Permalink |

    Omg the best article I have ever read in my life I’ve been through the exact same thing this article describe what a selfish person is WOW I’m am really amazed I change my whole being I was a very nice n kind hearted person I easily forgave never like arguing i never judge the way how a person looks I’ve always smile n enjoy being myself I never said no if the person wanted to travel or eat out ect..never liked asking for money or swearing to god when ever I had money in my pocket n if I se someone homeless ill give cuz ill ask myself what I’m ma do it buy food I have food in the house now I’m the opposite I don’t give a hoot of what happen to ppl everybody is a lier I d ont trust no on I’m broke down n I can’t get back up I have an attitude like no other I just don’t care nomore

  • Krystian
    November 14, 2013 | Permalink |

    This article has been a help. It took me a year, a move to another state and thousands of dollars spent on him to realize what kind of a person he is. We lived two houses from each other and he would only come around when he needed something or he was bored. He knew what things to say and buttons to push to get me to give in because he knew him and his family were the only people I knew in town and loved spending time together. He never held down a job and his family lived on disability (which nothing is wrong with). He even got me to pay for all five of them at a resturant when the bill came. I am at fault here too because I let that behavior continue because I wasn’t strong enough. The end came when I had a serious accident and had to go to the ER and had to find a ride on my own and him stating that he was “to busy”. I moved back to my hometown and it still takes time, but I am slowly riding myself of everything that reminds me of him and I promised myself to never let someone do me that way again.

  • Riz
    November 17, 2013 | Permalink |

    Oh iam Dick And tired of mybf. We santés to get marries but his fâcher isagreed 1,5 yearling ago, se ring him potential unknown appropriante match And instead of défendent us hé just sais That we where not of éther à more And o me bat hé will talkies to thème later. So many lies, the obéir day hé was explaining to his rude sister how hé d’identifier want her to be like me. I had à surgery today And hé didnt think to spoil me he didnt bye anything hé gavé me one smashed potato for the entire day And cookies à Nice dinner to his sister who was mad at him.. In the beginning ii thought That it was bécaus hé never expérienced à GF before. I have to stop making a fool of myself afternoon 3 years of his usuel béhavior. Good luck to theothers. Iam on m’y détachement path

  • Jamie B
    November 23, 2013 | Permalink |

    I am 6 months pregnant and have had an easy pregnancy except my boyfriend has not been supportive or helpful. If I ask for his help, Im nagging him. He comes home in what seems to be a good mood turns bad quickly. He goes straight to his room and plays video games (which he never played in the last 2 years we have been together). Ive always had better connections and made more money. Now that hes doing great, I get the feeling that hes better than me. I have to remind him SEVERAL times that the bills are due and I need money. He doesn’t even like getting groceries unless its what he wants. He makes plans with his friends to go out to eat when he should be asking me about dinner plans. Im the one carrying his child. Hes not concerned on whether or not Im fed. It became apparent to me that he is VERY selfish and I am in an unhealthy relationship for me and my baby. Im just playing along at this point so I don’t have to move to another state where my parents live and change doctors. After I have the baby, Im returning back to work from maternity leave and starting my life without him. He will be made to contribute financially but that’s it. Im so ready for this to be over with.

  • Sheri J.
    December 28, 2013 | Permalink |

    I have a relative who is selfish, doesn’t contribute to help the family, and is passive aggressive. Obviously, she doesn’t get reprimanded for her actions because she will just justify herself, delegate her responsibilities onto others, put her charm and sweetness on, and if you confront her she can become passive aggressive. I understand we all “teach” each other. I learned not to become like her. She is not selfish to people she likes like her own twin sister. I do not have a relationship with either her or her twin sister and do not hang around them because I do not like their energies. I wish I had more advice but trying to vent here.

  • Sean Lee
    February 4, 2014 | Permalink |

    I am surprised how negative this article is. Lots of generalizations and basically telling you to stay away from EVERYONE except the one person who is.. a faker. Yeah, in a lot of ways, this article doesn’t make any sense.

    But, I’m pretty blown away by some of the responses. I guess I am also being negative by saying this, but to the comments of like “I made only selfish friends my entire life”, or “i was the selfish person this article is talking about” is a display of extremely low self-confidence.

    Watch out, that’s how you will KEEP making “selfish” friends.

  • Olga
    February 9, 2014 | Permalink |

    Seems like the world is full of selfish people. My husband is what the article describes and more. Just yesterday i asked if we could go out to watch movies and he laughed the ideas off, this morning he woke up with a list of requests for me to fulfill. I went to visit my parents two weeks ago and when I came back he had bought a car that costs $100,000. Not discussed with me at all. I am too furious to even find myself in it

  • Serina
    February 11, 2014 | Permalink |

    not to mention that selfish people are quite good actors as well! they’ would’ve cry fake tears to have you back!!

    loved this article!

  • Amanda
    February 13, 2014 | Permalink |

    My boyfriend and I were in a bad motorcycle accident fairly early into our relationship and he lost everything as a result. We started to live together and I just don’t know if I want to continue with this anymore. It has been seven months and he is still in a lot of pain but he went back to work after about 5 months. This weekend is valentine’s day and he is going to be gone all weekend long because he is an over the road truck driver. He doesn’t think it is a big deal… I said it was he would get pissed. I feel like he is manipulating me and needs me to do things for him that he cannot do while he is gone. While he does spend time and money on the weekends when he is home… you can’t buy my love. I want genuine time with him and that never happens. I don’t know what I am going to do. He tells me he loves me all the time and tries, but I am in constant pain with this man. I am not happy anymore. He is very selfish and I am all wrapped up with his adult children and he with my younger kids. I feel like I cannot walk away, but I am not happy anymore. I tell myself everyday that I am going to just quit this. I go to bed more nights than not just thinking that life was easier before him. He is funny and has a good heart, but he is most concerned about him. Sigh!

  • Joan
    March 24, 2014 | Permalink |

    Interesting article. I was searching the internet for answers (always a mistake as there is so many opposing views) but some things did describe the friend that worries me. I’ve known her for years but still don’t feel I really know her, but when I see her I always seem to take a submissive role. I don’t know why I do that! But she is all the things you describe – charming, a people pleaser, always makes sure she lands on her feet whilst others around her flail.
    But I don’t agree with some of the comments, for instance, I don’t think it’s selfish not to answer the phone if you don’t feel like talking. If it’s an emergency surely a message could convey that, or a text. I often don’t answer my mobile if I’m talking to someone in real life, or if I’m just feeling like I need time out. I think the phone is a hugely intrusive thing at times!
    So no, I don’t think that’s selfish behaviour. Everyone needs space sometimes! Or I do anyway!

  • #freespiritnow
    April 15, 2014 | Permalink |

    this article definitely helped me, I.met this selfish crap four months ago when he was going through a lot of Shit in life to say so in his words, I stood by him and pushed him to pursue music which was his passion n he got through best school for music in the world, the day he got through n told me about it I was overjoyed n trust me the happiest person in the world n then I asked him what about us, well he never replied properly n rather said I asked you to be ready for the future n those words kept ringing in my ears for five days n nights which I spent literally awake without eating a morsel, he didn’t give a damn n rather said he can’t handle my sensitivity, well sensitivity my foot I read this article n it gave me the courage, I asked him for a break tried to pull myself together which would have been impossible without my great friends n today it has been 15 days when I met him again n trust me he doesn’t care. all I could hear him talk was about himself, he didn’t ask me once how m I, I’ve decided to be with him by convincing him that I am not lookin for a future, well future my foot this guy Is not worth even a minute of my precious life, but I just want to follow the detachment step n I suppose one meeting was enough, I’ve just burnt all his pseudo lover kinda letters n pics, I’m so Happppppppppy n a free spirit. ps; he ain’t sure of taking the music school thing because he hasn’t got the scholarship but he’s just an asshole that’s all

  • Rose
    April 16, 2014 | Permalink |

    After being in relationship with my boyfriend for six years, he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem. Contact him now for your relationship or marriage problems via this email (okunspelltemple@outlook.com)

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