You may be hurt or you may lose your cool, but all said and done, you have to remember that your partner is confessing only because they treasure your relationship and want to get rid of the guilt.
Here are five things you need to remember while reacting to a confession.
#1 Digging up the big bed question
Once your partner has chosen to confess, you get the freedom to clarify and perhaps even dig up certain vicious details about their past. When you’re given the authority to question, you could be in the grip of an insuperable longing to know more and more.
It would be pointless to try and convince you to avoid asking the intimate details of the sexual side of a confession. And in reality, there’s nothing wrong in getting to know all the details. But you should always remember to draw the line.
What you should refrain from asking is the big question, “who was better in bed?” If this question is thrown at a partner, they would not know the answer.
Sex is the same for men every time and with anyone. They would have never thought of comparing you to the other woman. If it were thrown at a woman, she would feel embarrassed and insulted. It would sound to her as though she has been trying men out for size. To women, sex is not just about two bodies but also about the desire to sleep together with love and warmth. If she is serious about you, she surely does enjoy it with you. [Read: How to talk about past relationships]
#2 Never walk away from a confession
Sometimes, it’s harder to listen than to confess. It could hurt a lot to listen to all the muck you’re forced to hear. Most often, you may feel the easiest way to put a stop to this sudden and shocking revelation may be to just get up and walk away.
But, that is no solution.
You will have to listen to the whole story sometime or the other. The outcome of your vanishing act could be quite catastrophic. Your partner may feel guilty for having hurt you and may never even tell you any such thing in life ever after, what with your emotional burst and their guilt pangs. It would, to them, seem like hiding these things is the best way to keep the both of you happy. However depressed you may be, all you need to do is listen. Don’t bang your fist on the table and walk away. However hard it may seem, brace yourself and just stay there. [Read: Should you ever confess to cheating on your lover?]
#3 After the confession
Needless to say, the first thing you would do once the dirty past is out is rant and argue. Argue about this, that and just about everything around you. Every dispute over confessions would narrow down to just one question, “Why did you not tell me earlier? You were cheating on me!”
It’s a question of substance for sure, but it is pointless. You need to keep in mind that the time your partner chose to tell you was done out of careful thinking and preparation. It only means that he/she was comfortable with discussing it then and is serious about the relationship.
No one in their right mind would talk about their sordid confessions when they’re involved in a casual relationship. For instance, if a man waited for two years to tell you, it does not mean that he was putting up an act of cowardice. It takes a lot to speak up. It takes trust, faith and a desire to stay together for a long time. See the good side of the gesture, however painful the truth may be.
#4 Don’t lose control
At such times, jealousy is sure to burst out like a savage beast that would want to take revenge on its provoker. But it is a beast nonetheless and has got to be tamed with the right leash.
The thoughts of your love, your partner, your *one* with someone else will surely turn you green. The jealousy and the rage would lead you to do certain things you wouldn’t do otherwise.
In the case of men, one must try to control anger and silence. In case of women however, one must try to control the tears and the nagging. It is very awkward to see a woman crying and not listening to what her man has to say. Men don’t like making their woman cry and it would leave them feeling guiltier. [Read: Signs your man may be cheating on you]
Whatever you do, never make your mate feel like they committed a crime when they’re trying to confess and start over on a clean slate.
#5 Spread the word
The first emotion you feel towards the person confessing is anger and immediate dislike, even if the dislike is temporary. You wouldn’t know if you should forgive your mate for confessing or discuss the possibilities with your friends and then get to a conclusion.
At the spur of the moment, it would be wise to keep all the secrets about your love to yourself. Firstly, all the different opinions and suggestions could only leave you more confused. Even worse, your partner would feel extremely insulted. You’d surely create a very unfriendly atmosphere for your partner. You could keep it all to yourself and for once, make a big difference by making the decision all by yourself.
Reacting to a confession the right way
So the next time you’re faced with a confession, remember that it’s not easy to be in either position, but to get through the issue without losing your mind is the best way to show that your relationship is not based on some secretive side of your lover, but on what you share now with each other, a love that is true, a love that can overcome the harsh confessions of a secret side.
You may know these five tips on how to react to a confession, but when you’re faced with a real confession, it’s not easy to stay calm. But try these steps. It’ll help you make a decision with a calm mind.
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