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Don’t Want to Have Sex Anymore?

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Are you suffering from a bout of sex boredom, where one of you don’t want to have sex anymore? This can happen to anyone, and as frustrating as it can seem, you can change it all in no time.

don't want to have sex

If there’s one thing that haunts our mind during our formative years as a teenager, it is sex, and of course, the kind of impression we make on the opposite sex.

But as we get hitched with someone and the years roll by, sex takes a backseat.

And soon enough, sex, just like many things in life start to become a chore.

And this can happen even if you don’t have kids. And one of you may just not want to have sex anymore.

Somehow, most people associate more kids with less sex. But that’s just not true.

There are innumerable couples without kids who would rather watch reruns of an old sitcom late at night than indulge in a bit of bang-bang.

Why partners don’t want to have sex anymore

The reasons can be many, but none of it is acceptable or justifiable, unless it’s a traumatic experience or a medical condition.

If that’s the case, well, true love should prevail and sex can be put on the backburner. But in all other cases, it’s just crazy to not want to have sex!

If one of you want to have sex and the other partner just doesn’t want to have sex anymore, perhaps, it’s time you do something about it. Here are the most common causes, and we’ve also pointed out a few things you can change to burst the boredom out of sex.

And we’ve given a few links within each pointer that could help make a big difference in your bedroom life. Of course, use the links that work for you and skip the ones that are too risqué for you!

#1 Not sexually attracted to your partner

Most people are confused about this, but seriously, sex and love are two completely different things. You can love someone intensely and still get physically attracted to someone else. Of course, with love comes passion, but it’s just not the same as raw physical attraction. So if you don’t want to have sex anymore, it doesn’t mean you don’t love your partner. It simply means you’re not sexually attracted to them anymore.

Over the years you’ve been together, you may have gotten so used to seeing each in the nude that getting naked before having sex may just not seem exciting anymore. And sexual arousal is also a lot about the sensitive touch, and that magical effect could have worn off too. [Read: Taking naked pictures of your partner]

If you don’t want to have sex or are completely uninterested in sex because you’re just not attracted to your lover anymore, you need to bring the passion back, or the rest of your sexual lives could be boring, miserable and a perfect place for cobwebs.

Most of us forget how sexually attractive our partners are, and need to be reminded about it now and then. [Read: How to play hard to get with a guy]

As much as we make up our own minds, humans need constant reassurances from the people around us. Go out more often, meet more people and take off on a sexy vacation now and then. If you see your partner getting a lot of attention from the opposite sex, it would automatically make you desire your partner more. The bottom line here is desire. Rekindle that and realize how attractive your partner really is, and you’ll be drawn to your partner with a sexual surge you’ve never felt before. [Read: Fun on the beach for couples]

#2 Sex is too predictable

Are you so used to routine that you can actually count the bed creaks to the last digit each time you have sex? What starts off as a comfortable position can soon turn into the only position. Don’t let that happen. [Read: What men want in bed]

One of the best things you can do here is to try something new and exciting. Sex is never boring, it’s a part of life and evolution, and your mind will never get bored of it. It’s the routine that gets boring for partners. Trying something new can be uncomfortable at first, but it can open the doorway to better sex. It’s about experimenting slowly and bringing in a few changes one day at a time.

#3 It’s not as fun as it should be

You can try new sex positions all the time. But almost always, when sex isn’t fun, the new positions would only get more frustrating. Instead of trying new positions, try new things. [Read: How to talk dirty in bed]

Sex is like an amusement park. It’s got cotton candies and choo choo trains for the mild, and roller coasters and devil rides for the daredevils. And if you notice, crazy rides always get your adrenalin pumping. Sex works the same way too. If having sex in the house is too boring, go out and play. And as your adrenalin rises, so would your sexual libido.

[Read: Sexual fantasies for men]

[Read: Sexual fantasies for women]

#4 One of you isn’t turned on enough

Do you dress up and try to look your best when you go on a night out or for dinner at a great place? Of course, you do. But what about at home when you’re with your partner? Do you dress up and look nice?

Most people take their partner for granted, dress shabbily at home, and then whine about the boring sex. But sex, as much as it is emotional, is also physical. You need to look attractive to get the attraction. Don’t dress shabbily or in loose, ill fitting clothing. Don’t wear the same frayed shirt or pants every evening. Clean yourself up and dress to impress, even if you’re at home. Look good for your partner and they will obviously feel sexually attracted towards you. [Read: How to sleep with him in a sexy way]

And if it isn’t just about that, try a few new games that can arouse your partner. Sometimes, having sex too quickly can be quite annoying. Men may hate foreplay, but they love bedroom games that prolong foreplay in the manner they like.

[Read: Sexual role play for beginners]

These are just the first four reasons behind why your partner or you don’t want to have sex anymore. Click here to continue reading about more reasons behind why your partner is not interested in sex, and what you should do as a last resort.


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Have your say!
  • Mark Dunham
    February 9, 2013 | Permalink |

    My lady doesn’t want sex any more it’s got worse & worse she says she loves me but doesn’t want sex I think she is or has been playing around ?

  • Sal Casanno
    March 3, 2013 | Permalink |

    My ex, a 49 year old woman, who I dated for 6 months always ordered me around in bed. After telling her that I knew what she liked by now, she STILL ordered me around in bed like I was a servant, not an equal (and capable) lover. On top of that, she loved to talk dirty in bed – so dirty that at times I was turned off by how filthy and creepy she would get. I tried to please her and even requested that every once in a while we have a nice, loving encounter. But I learned the hard way that she’s not capable of being loving – she’s too cold, hard, and mean-spirited to truly show any kind of loving feelings in or out of bed.

  • meghan anne
    April 22, 2013 | Permalink |

    I have recently not wanted to have sex with my boyfriend. I am not playing around. I just dont feel sexy no matter how much he assures me i am… i am not a sexual person but he is extremely sexual and im nervous im not enough for him anymore what should i do i love him im just very self conscious. And now we have 2kids but we has only had sex 3 times in.like 6 months. I dont want to lose him

  • Shawna J'Nell
    April 26, 2013 | Permalink |

    For the guy who thinks his girl is fooling around… I doubt it. For me – I just have no desire for sex. Not for my husband or anyone else. Sex never enters my mind and is just one more chore I have to do before I can finally relax at the end of my insane day. If it was up to me – I’d never have sex again. I have not had any sex drive for many years now. But I do love my Husband – he’s a wonderful person. I feel stupid trying to be sexy as I haven’t had a decent body since my 4th kid was born.

  • Amy
    April 28, 2013 | Permalink |

    My husband and I had sex once and we have been married 45 years. My husband told me he hated sex, intimacy, it was boring, not worth the effort, smelly, messy, disgusting and something that normal people don’t do. So he moved to the basement where he’s been all these years, and has worked the midnight shift also. I thought he was gay or into porn, I’ve had him followed about a dozen times and nothing. And he hasn’t a phone, computer or tv. so porn is out. We never talk other than primitive grunts, groans and sticky notes.

  • Wendy
    April 29, 2013 | Permalink |

    My husband doesn’t want sex as much as I do. I feel like I am not attractive anymore! He always is tired or has a headache! I feel like I have lost the man I love

  • José Miguel
    July 12, 2013 | Permalink |

    Been married for 45 years – were both virgins. From the beginning sex was wonderful but scarce. Last 25 years or so sex happened only 3 to 5 times a year. I masturbated a lot and couple of years ago got so hopeless that just stopped chasing her. Now I have erectyle disfunction and even if I feel strong sexual desire I get no erections – have tried Viagra and Cialis with only very timid and soft semi-erections. Now at 67 I´m having an affair with a younger and very attractive woman who happens to be very experienced sexually. Sex is very enjoyable for both of us even though I get only semi-erections with her. Enjoying weekly 2-3 hour loving sessions sharing kissing, foreplay, massaging, oral sex and orgasms! I feel like my marriage is over but I find my wife beautiful and I still feel love for her. Can´t move away with my new partner but have to change something in my life. Just scared.

  • Jennifer
    August 4, 2013 | Permalink |

    I don’t wanna have sex with my boyfriend nowadays,I just wanna take a break from sex but when I tell him this,he says its cool but he ends wanting sex again,don’t know what to or say coz sometimes he tells me that I should start sleeping in my room to avoid sex but when i do he comes to my room to ask me to sleepover his.i really wanna stop having sex almost everyday.help

  • Bridget
    August 8, 2013 | Permalink |

    Iv been in a live in relationship for 3 years now. My sex life started dwindling from once a day to once a week after my bf lost his father. At first I thought it was just a phase n that he was going thru an emotional rollercoster so I didn’t bother. Later I come to know that whenever I leave the house, he starts watching porn n jerking off. He never did it in my presence n used to fall asleep before me but even if I left the house for 5 minutes, he would start with his porn. I always knew he watched porn but never bothered cuz we were having sex at least once a day so I was getting my share but I really started to notice the change when sex went down to once a week while he was jerking off twice, thrice a day. Now we have sex like once in 15 days n its affected my self esteem so bad that I never initiate sex for fear of getting turned down. Iv spoken to him about it but it only leads to fights n he’s even called me a sex maniac. I feel horrible. I don’t want sex each n everyday but come on we’re not 60 year olds, is wanting sex 2-3 times a week too much to ask for when he can easily jerk off 2-3 times a day? Men r such hypocrites. First all they want is sex n later all they want is porn. I understand the need for variety but shouldn’t the porn vs sex equation be in favour of sex with a real person as opposed to watching some skanks do it? I’m 25, attractive, 36-28-36.. Willing to do anything in bed.. He’s 24.. Wtf is wrong with him? I’m considering dumping him.

  • Xavier
    August 11, 2013 | Permalink |

    Its been about three years now. My relationship is good for the most part. I have only ever been with three woman and one was a mistake. I used to be able to have sex whenever my first girlfriend wanted. After she left me I became very depressed. I was diagnosed with chronic depression. I don’t think I have a high sex drive. We have sex maybe once or twice a week but that isn’t of my choosing. I feel bad. She wants sex everyday and multiple times. I haven’t told anyone in fear they will think I’m just gay as my friends tell me she is hot and she is checked out a lot. I just don’t know why my drive is so low. I am not the largest and very self conscious about it. I don’t last the longest either. She always kisses me and tells me I’m fine. I know she is attractive but I am just not enjoying sex. Sometimes I see other girls and get physical urges and feel ashamed that should be my gf I’m feeling this way towards.

  • Linda
    January 13, 2014 | Permalink |

    I have been with my boyfriend less then a year. When we first got together sex was not an issue, we had it regularly. He had asked me to move in with him, and so I did. After that, he started getting really mean mouthed, started reminding me of my weight. (I was fat when he met me.) He says to me that he is not attracted to fat women, that I disgust him, yet he wants to have sex all the time. I feel ugly, low, sad. I cry all the time. I don’t want to have sex anymore. I feel so self conscious. He constantly brings it up and uses it as a reason to say mean things to me. I am starting to feel worthless. I don’t know what to do.

  • Anna
    January 29, 2014 | Permalink |

    Ive been with my biyfriend for almost two years. Sex was great and amazing at first but now I don’t want to have sex anymore at all. I don’t know why that is but its just not exciting as it used to be. I would make excuses when he would want to have sex ex. My stomach hurts, I have a headache, or even lie and say I’m on my period. We’ve had a couple of patches in our relationship but I want to know whats wrong, Am I just over him?

  • Sophie
    January 30, 2014 | Permalink |

    Linda! LEAVE HIM. A man who doesn’t respect you should not be in your life! Your beauty is how you see yourself and not how your boyfriend sees you. He does this because he knows you’re not going to do anything about it and the proof is YOU DON T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT! what you can do is surprise him by LEAVING and then I promise he’s gonna chase and here you will be happy to tell to go f**** himself. Leave him, you’re gonna suffer but end up proud of yourself later.

  • Maddy
    April 30, 2014 | Permalink |

    My boyfriend and I met online and have been dating just over a year long-distance. I absolutely adore him; he is kind, funny, insanely handsome, sexy, has the cutest accent, we have great communication, we have fun together, we make each-other really happy. He is by far the best man I have ever had and we feel lucky to have each-other. Everyone thinks we are perfect together and in so many ways we are, however our sexual chemistry is really lacking.

    I love making out with him, cuddling, holding hands, ect,. but when we have sex it usually seems like a chore. We talked for 3 months online (including dirty talking and a bit of Skype sex) and both of us generally have a very high sex drive and are very adventurous in the bedroom so we thought when we met the sex would be amazing… as it turns out it’s not what either of us pictured. It’s very hard to work on our sexual chemistry because we go months between seeing each-other. In my last serious relationship I wanted sex constantly, multiple times a day and my partner barely ever wanted it. He could turn me on anytime in two seconds flat and I never once turned him away (in fact we had the opposite problem). I can’t understand why now I don’t want sex. I look at him and think he’s the most gorgeous boy in the world and I want us to have amazing sex but there’s no passion when we do. We’re very similar, both the passive type. I’m someone who needs to be dominated in the bedroom but he’s sort of timid like I am. There’s no urgency when we have sex. We make each-other orgasm and everything but it just doesn’t feel passionate.

    I thought if I can just make myself have sex alot when we see each other I get a big break from it when we are away and we can just ignore the issue, but as I fall more in love with him I want him to be here so we can actually work on things. I didn’t realize until our last trip together that he feels the same about our sexlife. I just thought he wanted it alot and I didn’t and that was the length of our problems but he says it feels like it’s lacking passion to him too. Like we’re doing it because we feel we are supposed to be doing it not because we want to. I spend hours and days and months worrying about it. Even if we never have the best sex I would still only want to be with him; he has made me happier and feel more loved than anyone ever has and I really am in love with him. But I worry if the sex doesn’t improve he might cheat on me or leave me.

    It probably doesn’t help that I haven’t been “normal” down there since my ex. Ever since my ex and I broke up I’ve suffered with constant yeast infections, been wrongly diagnosed with vaginismus, vaginosis ect,. ect,. I’m still not sure what’s wrong with me. Sometimes it really hurts during sex and just generally feels uncomfortable (a problem I never had before). And I think this also really lessens my desire for sex because I worry about how it will feel this time whereas previously it always felt amazing and I never had any issues.

    We have talked about our problem but things haven’t yet improved, though it is hard when we have so little time to work on the physical stuff. I know there’s potential because I am very attracted to him and love him and there was one instance where we had amazing, passionate, perfect sex. I just don’t know how to have that again. I’m constantly worrying about this. I used to think sex was the best invention ever and now I wish it never existed cause all it seems to do is fuck up relationships. My boyfriend deserves better.

  • Adrian
    June 18, 2014 | Permalink |

    It’s all because the relationships were based on looks and/or money to begin with, that’s why it doesn’t work now, because you’ve realised the person is empty otherwise.

  • Beth
    July 22, 2014 | Permalink |

    My SO and I get along pretty well. That said, I never want to have sex anymore. We live together (for a bit over a year), but it’s my house and I do pretty much all the work around it. I pay about 75% of the household bills as well.

    If we agree on a distribution of chores, his won’t get done unless I remind him each time. It seems like I’m more of his parent than a partner. I feel bad for turning him down so often, but the fact that I can’t rely on him to be self-motivated, coupled with the fact I never have orgasms just doesn’t really turn me on, you know? It’s just hard to care. I’ve brought up the issue before numerous times, and he’ll put in more effort to do his fair share for a while but just fall back to his old ways. Then, when I’m exhausted from working a full time job and coming home to take care of the house, he doesn’t understand why I don’t feel like being intimate. After doing absolutely everything, I just want to sleep.

    I guess at this point, I’m just really not sure what to do anymore to improve things. It’s probably him that’s going to have to see what’s been going on and how I need him to step up and participate more around the house. Or things will have to eventually end between us.

  • LilB
    August 5, 2014 | Permalink |

    I Love sex Im a naturally sexually charged women just lately my bf and i get along so horribly our sex life is DEAD …it wasn’t always like this but i know deep inside its boot going to change and for him and i that’s a problem…WE BOTH LIKE SEX TOO MUCH…..just not with each other anymore. Hes 49 and I’m 24 so sometimes i think it’s the age and i just need to be young and do my own thing…. i find myself loving on myself all the time and it doesn’t help when i have men coming after me and just trying to get me alone or away from my bf so because of that i left my job it became too MUCH. I never acted on it…..i know he knows the relationship is over EVERYTHING different and had been for awhile we almost hate eachother but he’s in denial….what do i do???? How do i get him to talk to me??? But still remain friends and civil for our daughter???? How do i hey him to see whats REALLY GOING ON?!?!?!!?!?! HELP PLEASE :)

  • Marisela
    August 27, 2014 | Permalink |

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for less than a year he recently proposed but lately we haven’t had sex at all I love him but I don’t feel like having sex I just want to sleep … I have a son that keeps me busy basically all the time and he works from 7-7 everyday when he gets home everything is ready dinner house is clean everything is in place but when it’s time to go to bed it’s a little awkward . We always get in the shower together and I’m cool with that but once I’m out in bed he wants to have sex but I’m just ready to go to bed… He’s been asking me what’s going on, I have explain that I dnt feel like having sex but he thinks it’s nothing so I dnt know what to do I love him and I don’t want him to think something else is going on what should I do?

  • maggie
    November 18, 2014 | Permalink |

    My bf and I have been together for 4 months. I’m not happy and I do not want to have sex with him anymore. He’s rude and selfish. He doesn’t work and expects things to go his way all the time. I am angry and feel used. He’s an alcoholic and I’m sick of his promises and Bs. I have supported him and he makes me feel like I am his mother over his lover. I love sex but I won’t even let him into my bed….. I hate my life with him.I care about him but not as a lover…. Yet I stay? Crazy !

  • Jen
    November 28, 2014 | Permalink |

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year, we’re both young and used to have sex all the time. Now i hardly crave it, and it’s starting to effect our relationship because he thinks i’m not attracted to him anymore or i’m getting bored of him. I’m thinking it could be just because i’m going through a stressful time right now.. I’m worried i might be getting bored or less attracted to him which makes me sad because i do love him and he means so much to me :( please help!! :(

  • marvin
    December 7, 2014 | Permalink |

    me and my wife have been married for 20 years we dont have sex now
    (we are both ill my wife more than me)and neither of us are sexually motivated
    just cos we dont have sex does not mean we dont love each other if any one harmed her in any way id go postal on them and if she died i would follow shortly
    lets put it this way.. i wouldnt have sex with another woman either because if i suddenly did it would be her and her only (the wife)
    we are both fine with this we kiss and cuddle and i do that often and our relationship is not on the rocks

  • Strew
    December 8, 2014 | Permalink |

    What about being gay and being disgusted at today’s generation with internet and whore app for iphone?? What about being surrounded by gay whores all around me that know each other and slept together already ? No thanx I’ll pass I prefer masturbate then loosing my time… Seriously I’m really not like everyone else so it’s stupid to think all men are animals that absolutly need to have sex or we will die?? I may be selfish, independant, and working all the time and having a cold heart but at least I am strong and can live without anyone in my life like I always was all my life. You may say I’m a virgin or romantic but I assure you I am not. First I don’t believe in love(in today’s world) and don’t want a relationship either since it’s impossible I say for 2 men to be in love it’s only fake if they say it is and second I don’t want to share my body or having sex unless the person deserve it and with how social medial work today since everyone is having a hard time to speak face to face I say no one deserve it. So I proudly say me myself and I forever and I’m fine with it.

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