Home My Life A Better Life Am I Being Taken For Granted? – 16 Discreet Signs

Am I Being Taken For Granted? – 16 Discreet Signs

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Ever feel like you’re being taken for granted in the relationship? Watch out for these 16 signs in your partner’s behavior and you’ll know for sure! By Kirsten Cole

am I being taken for granted?

Love, as happy and blissful as it seems, can still be a minefield of confusions.

If you’re unaffectionate, your partner may think you don’t love them.

And if you’re too giving, your affections and your giving nature could be taken for granted.

Do you ever wonder why some people get taken for granted so easily, while a few others are never taken for granted?

The truth is, not all of us get taken for granted.

And almost all the time, it’s just a few kinds of people who get taken for granted all the time, by everyone around them!

[Read: 16 reasons and traits that make some people get taken for granted all the time]

Why do lovers start taking each other for granted?

Every relationship always starts with insecurities and confusions.

Does my partner really love me? Am I good enough for my partner? Will they ever leave me?

Even if both of you are madly in love with each other, you may find these questions floating in your mind every now and then.

And it’s this insecurity that makes you try harder to woo them all the time, even if both of you are dating already.

You want to be reassured in love, because uncertainty just drives you crazy.

But as the first few weeks turn into months or years, you may start to feel more reassured in love. And you may start to realize that your partner really does love you, and may not leave you for anyone else.

And it’s at this point, that lovers start taking each other for granted. It’s at this point of time when gestures and expressions turn into expectations and demands. When you start to believe your partner would never leave you because they’re so much in love with you, your mind starts to take it easy and you may not try hard to woo them or impress them. [Read: 12 reasons why most couples drift apart over time]

How do lovers start taking each other for granted?

Now not all lovers take each other for granted. But most of us do, even if we don’t realize it. Ever since both of you started dating, you may be doing something special for your partner all the time, like planning a surprise birthday party or cooking them a hearty four course dinner each time they come home.

And at some point of time, your partner may turn this romantic gesture of your affection into an expectation.

If you plan an elaborate birthday party for your partner every single year and surprise them with a big gift on each birthday *you save for months to afford it!*, and one birthday, you decide to take it easy and just take your lover out for dinner at a fancy restaurant, you may still find that your partner may be slightly annoyed with you! And that’s a clear case of being taken for granted in the relationship. [Read: 7 signs your relationship is starting to go bad slowly]

So does that mean you should stop being affectionate to your lover?

No, it only means you need to start letting your partner know just how much of an effort you’re taking each time. Don’t be a martyr. You may think being a silent martyr works because your partner would understand just how devoted and loving you are someday, but it doesn’t always work that way.

Your partner may realize it at times, and at other times, they may not. And you’d just end up disappointed. When you’re being taken for granted by your lover, it all starts with your overwhelming silent love, and your partner’s lack of reciprocation and increase in expectations.

You have every right to expect your partner to treat you with the same love and affection that you shower upon them. And the day you start to believe that you need to do more to win their affection or to hold on to them, that’s the day they’d start to take you for granted. [Read: 20 signs you're a people pleaser and don't even know it!]

16 signs you’re already being taken for granted in your relationship

Do you ever feel like you’re being taken for granted by your partner? Now we’re not all saints, and any of us could feel just a wee bit disappointed now and then when it comes to expectations from a lover. But there’s a thin line between taking your gestures for granted and taking you as a person for granted!

If your partner starts taking you for granted, they may not care enough for you or they may treat you like you don’t deserve their love or attention, all because they believe they’re too good for you or that you’d never leave them no matter what they do because you need them so much more than they need you. [Read: 10 signs to recognize a selfish person and 5 steps to stop them from hurting you]

Here are 16 signs that can help you find out if you’re being taken for granted in your relationship. If you find any of these 16 signs in your love life, you really need to talk to your partner about it, or you may end up feeling miserable and useless in the relationship, even if you’re the one who’s more giving and loving in the relationship.

#1 When you call or text your partner, they don’t call you back even if several hours pass by and you know they’re not that busy. Or worse, when you confront them about it in the evening, they tell you that they completely forget about it!

#2 They get very impatient with you. Your partner loses their temper very easily while trying to explain something to you. And at times, they intentionally try to explain it in a way that’s too complicated to understand just to make you feel small.

#3 They just don’t have time for you. You may make plans several weeks in advance, but they keep cancelling it with silly reasons all the time. But yet, each time they make plans, even in the last minute, they expect you to drop everything and be there for them. [Read: 16 signs you're settling in an unhappy relationship]

#4 They don’t fear losing you. How can you tell? They just don’t seem to care with whom you go or what you’re doing, even if you mention that you’re at a party or out with an old friend from college. And at times, they may even make bold statements in arguments like “I know you’ll never find someone as good as me” or “You know I’m too good for you!”

#5 Mistakes. They just don’t admit their mistakes even when they’re wrong. They have a very big ego and they just don’t ever want to see you outdo them at something. They believe that looking small in front of you or apologizing to you is an insult to their ego. [Read: 17 questions to help you realize if you're being abused in your relationship]

#6 You’re used to being forgotten. It’s been happening for so long that you don’t even think twice about it. Your partner forgets your birthday or your special days, doesn’t really know what’s happening in your life, and doesn’t take the initiate to even ask you about your day because they believe their life is so much more important than yours.

#7 You’re not their priority. Your partner may not acknowledge this, but you know this already. You don’t feel like you’re an important part in their life, and see yourself as a second or third option at best. [Read: Should you make someone a priority when you’re only an option to them?]

#8 Your favors. Your special favors have now turned into an expectation. Even if you do something special, your partner believes it’s your responsibility to do that. And if you don’t do something nice all the time, your partner gets angry with you or sulks like you’ve done something really bad.

#9 Your sacrifices don’t count. You may have sacrificed many things for your lover, your happiness, your life or even your future. But yet, your partner doesn’t respect you and still behaves like you’re such a small part of the relationship.

#10 You’re ignored. Your partner is indifferent towards you. Sometimes, they don’t answer your questions, at other times, they just give you a dark stare and walk away even if you ask them something. [Read: How your own self respect affects the way your partner treats you]

#11 You are often blamed. You may treat your partner with a lot of love and affection, and you may try hard to please them all the time. But no matter what you do, it just goes unnoticed. And on the other hand, even if you make one mistake, they make it a point to never forget it and keep bringing it up at every instance they get.

#12 You wonder if they even care. Your instincts tell you that your partner doesn’t even care about you. And almost all the time, you feel like you’re just being used in the relationship to cater to the whims and fancies of your partner.

#13 You know you deserve to be treated better. You feel this, but you’re too scared to say it out in the open. And you’re too broken inside to even acknowledge that you deserve something better even though you know you’re being wronged in the relationship. [Read: 21 big signs of emotional abuse in a relationship]

#14 They don’t listen to you. Your lover constantly forgets what you say even if you remind them about it several times. They may not be a bad person, but this kind of behavior just shows how low on their list of priorities you are. If they can’t even remember something you ask, it’s obvious there are other things that are of more importance to them.

#15 They expect more all the time. You know a happy relationship shouldn’t feel this way, but yet, you just endure it in the hope that they may see just how giving and loving you are. But the harder you try, the more they take you for granted and expect more from you. No matter what you do, it’s just never enough to please them.

#16 You feel unappreciated in love. You feel used, hurt and disrespected in the relationship. You see yourself as a strong individual around other people, but your partner has broken that pride of yours and always makes you feel useless and small in the relationship. You don’t even think of leaving them, but you’re constantly worried about whether your partner would leave you someday. [Read: 18 critical signs of an unhealthy relationship]

And this fear makes you try harder to please them. And the harder you try, the more they expect from you. And what starts off as a little doubt turns into a vicious cycle that hurts you and leaves you feeling more vulnerable and defeated all the time. [Read: 10 surefire steps to reignite the lost spark in a romance]

Use these signs to find out if you’re being taken for granted in the relationship. And if you are, talk about it firmly with your partner. After all, there’s no way to fix this unless your partner changes for the better or you leave the relationship for good.


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Have your say!
  • Anne
    September 10, 2013 | Permalink |

    You don’t need 2 or 16 points. The simple universal truth about humans is that they make time for things that are important to them. Period. The End. Whether it is a person, a hobby, going to college, comittment to a fitness program, etc., if it is important to that person, they make time for it. It doesn’t matter how ‘busy’ they are– it is is important to them, they will find the time.

    I also don’t agree with the part about returning phone calls or texts. I am female and I’ve seen some women just call or text a guy several times an hour and manufacture a lot of drama over whether or not he is instantly available. I think that sort of thing becomes manipulation and a point of drama in the relationship and it serves no purpose other than adding to the drama.

  • MarshallDAD4
    February 14, 2014 | Permalink |

    My wife takes me for granted. It’s VERY HARD for me. Because, not to sound arrogant, I’ve had women chasing me my entire life. I’m good looking, great personality, plenty of confidence, great in bed(references available upon request)LOL!!! I’m a great father. I work and bring in the vast majority of our household income. My wife works 10 hours a week. I do 90% or more of the house work, and cook EVERY SINGLE MEAL. I coach 3 little league teams, and during the 2-3 hours she works in the evening, I bath my two youngest, brush their teeth, get them ready for bed. Now, my wife thinks every little league mom is after me. However, she takes me cometely for granted. We’ve been together 15 years, married 5. I still send her flowers to work randomly year round with a card that reads, “just because I love you” or something along those lines. I am extremely romantic, but also have some bad boy in me. From all my experiences, that’s what women want. Yes, I bust my ass and provide a nice lifestyle for our family, but I also used to be an exotic dancer, decent amateur boxer, and captain of 3 varsity sports in school. Has anyone else ever heard of a guy who changes more diapers than his wife, has beat someone’s ass handily, in wife’s honor, on more than one occasion, is an ex-exotic dancer(and still has the body and moves to do it), cooks and cleans, and is great in the bed; BUT IS TAKEN COMPLETELY FOR GRANTED BY HIS WIFE??????? I thought it was only true when you were 21 and under. But, you treat a woman like a queen and she takes you for granted(while all her friends are swooning over you). And if you generally ignore a woman and show her little affection and pay her only a half hearted compliment once in a blue moon; SHE CANT GET ENOUGH OF YOU!!! Now, my wife still loves making love to me. I keep it fresh and fun, and we have a GREAT sex life. But it’s the other little intamacies that are missing. She never plays with my hair anymore. She never rub on my thigh when I’m driving. She gets INSANELY jealous when a team mom repeatedly touches my bicep or pats my chest during a meaningless conversation about practice or game schedule. However, she won’t touch me herself. Anyone who knew my my first 20 years, including myself, would have bet their life that I would never settle down. But I met a girl who’s smile lights up even the darkest room. I get lost in her eyes, still after 15 years, every time I look at her. And she loved my daughter from the moment I introduced them. From that moment on, I was a one woman man. I’ve told her several times I feel she is severely taking me for granted. Things get better for a day or two, and then, back to assuming I’ll always be here and treat her like gold. PLEASE HELP!!! NEED GOOD ADVICE!!!!

  • MarshallDAD4
    February 14, 2014 | Permalink |

    (SOME SEXUAL REFRENCES BELOW) I kept it very PG. So I hope I didn’t offend anyone.
    Also, forgot to mention, when I was younger I went to massage therapy college. So I give her several types of massages(shoulder, neck, back, hands, legs, feet, facial, full body) on a regular basis. And like I said, sex life is great. But again, she’s the only woman I’ve ever heard of complain that their man lasted TOO LONG in bed a lot of times, and she wishes my “equipment” was smaller. WWHHAAAATTT????? I swear on my children this is ALL TRUE!!! If she has multiple orgasms, she says it gets too sensitive. And now that she’s came all over me, wants to stop and give me a hand job! And yes, I’m VERY LUCKY to be blessed with much larger than average “equipment”. However, I’ve seen bigger fit into smaller. Now the size thing she only complains about 2-3 times a year. But come on, REALLY??? How many woman would like to have that problem??? Part of the problem is, she’s NEVER been with anyone else. She seen other “equipment” but never had a guy give her 4-1/2″ or 5″ for a total of 2 min then roll over and go to sleep. I know she knows she has it good though. I met her through dating 3-4 of her friends. So, like most women, they swap sex stories. And I’ve seen the text or overheard when I walked in on a wedding shower before. And while I may not have curled every single toe and arched every single back every damn time; the consensus is that IM DAMN GOOD AND SHES LUCKY TO HAVE ME. Toot toot my horn. And she’s absolutely gorgeous. And I know how blessed I am to have her……… OKAY- please leave all the feedback you can. Thank you.

  • m
    March 4, 2014 | Permalink |

    Hi MarshallDAD4,

    Here’s what i learn. When a man loves a woman, he suppose to take away his woman’s insecurities. Not creating them where you allow these other woman to do what they want in front of your wife.

    I mean think about, remind her why you fell in love with her and let her know that these other women could never replace her. Who knows she will stop complaining and will adore you more, if you stop showing yourself in front of these other women.

    I hope this helps.

  • shavonda
    March 13, 2014 | Permalink |

    I’ve known my boyfriend since high school, but after we had lost contact and than found each other again. We’ve been dating for 3months and we love each other. Maybe too soon but it just feels right. I know that he has the potential to possibly be a great boyfriend, but for now i just feel like he doesn’t really put much effort into our relationship. He never takes me out like on a date. We did enter into a relationship fairly quickly, but i’ve always had feelings for him since high school. He’s very affectionate that’s about it though. We really don’t have much in common, but it’s not really a big deal to me. It just irritates me that he doesn’t understand how i feel. He doesn’t take the time to listen to me, he really doesn’t open up about his life to me. He has told me just a bit. And if i ask him to many questions about him, than he gets annoyed. All he wants to do is hangout at his house doing nothing. I mean i don’t mind cuddling and watching a good movie, but we have done the same thing every weekend for the past 3 months since we’ve started dating. I’ve suggested to him multiple times that we should go on a date or just find go somewhere that’s fun for us both. He even snapped at me saying that he said he’ll try to take me out more and don’t understand why i continue to make it an issue. So i have not mentioned at all that he should take me out and still he has not done so. Oh but we did go desert sky which involved me watching him shop for himself as he rudely uttered in a few stores how i can’t afford anything. I told him about that which he said he was just kidding. That hurt my feelings. Also even on valentines day i got him a gift which he got me nothing. But cheap dollar store chocolates. He did say that he felt bad he didn’t get me anything and he also mentioned that with his exes he would get them gifts and got nothing in return so he thought i wouldn’t get me anything too and for that reason didn’t get me anything. He never calls me and he only texts me. Which isn’t consistently throughout the day. And he never compliments me. He doesn’t tell me that I’m beautiful or pretty but i so often tell him how handsome he is to me. I feel like he doesn’t consider me or my feelings. I’m a nice girl and i don’t mind going the extra mile to show someone i care. but he doesn’t try. I really need advice please. Any help will do. I care about him . But is he w rth the time? Please help. Thanks.

  • Me
    March 14, 2014 | Permalink |

    @shavonda

    Sounds like he’s had a bad time with past GF’s, but no real excuse to treat you the way he does,

    If he wont sit down and talk with you about how his actions make you feel bad, then he doesnt deserve you,
    Every relationship goes through patches where neither of you feel like doing much together, but sounds like he’s doing this right from the start.

  • Shushicky
    March 31, 2014 | Permalink |

    I’ve been dating my boyfriend for three years and now i feel like this is a relationship of convience. At first everything was about me and he really got along great until his son came to live wth us. Everything is about his son who will lie before quick get ready. I don’t trust the son and here lately i’m not trusting my boyfriend. He told me that he doesn’t really talk to anyone at work but told me that one of hs co workers came to pick his son up to go on an outing. I assumed the co woker was a man but it was a women and the only reason i found out because the son was texting this lady and i asked them both about it and got two different answers. He use to spend some time with my youngest son now it’s always a complaint. Sometimes he will say something to me that would just shut me down. And then once he sees i’m not responding anymore he will apologize. Is it worth it? I thought i found Mr. Right but as of lately i just want to be alone.

  • nessanne
    April 4, 2014 | Permalink |

    @shushicky. You have every right to feel the way you do. And it seems like hes either choosing favorites, or trying to make up for lost time with his son. But that doesn’t give him the right to give you half truths and choose his son as the #1 priority when your son came before him before his came into the picture. He could have involved BOTH of them. Either two things can happen. 1. You both sit down alone and put all your cards on the table and calmly express yourselves to each other to get a feel what your both feeling. That way you can try to resolve you issues in an adult manner. Or 2. You end up pushing each other away while still trying to express your feelings to each other only to have them come up mixed and angered because you cant calmly collect yourself to really think how you want to express yourself and through which words leading you both to separate.

  • Herman
    April 18, 2014 | Permalink |

    MarshalDad4-Do you ooze the same confidence around women in the same way that you are writing about yourself here? Maybe your wife is lucky to have you, maybe she isn’t-I’m not her, so it’s hard to say. What I can say is this-the majority of women want one thing and that is safety/security. When a man starts giving his woman a reason to think her security is at stake, she may become critical of everything that he does to test him. Will he stand the test and stick with her, making changes accordingly, or will he bolt? It really appears that you notice what other women think of you a lot. If you notice, your wife notices too. If that is something that you throw in her face, then she is going to be more resistive to you. Men have this false notion that women want sex all the time. They do not. Women want an emotional connection, a legitimate caring from their husbands. It wouldn’t matter if you were 500 pounds with a non existent manhood, if you know how to make that emotional connection, she’ll never have eyes for anyone else.

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