Have you ever fallen in love with a girl only to find that you’re more lost and confused than ever? Gasp! Is she using you? Find out with these signs.
She may seem charming and cute.
She may even be flirty and just the perfect girl you’ve been waiting for.
But is this new relationship leaving you confused and low on confidence?
She tells you she loves you, but the way she behaves seems otherwise. Is she using you?
Every now and then, you may meet a girl who seems to fit snugly into the dream definition of a perfect girlfriend.
But if you ever feel a flicker of confusion in those first few weeks, chances are, she’s using you or she’s just put you on her waiting list until she makes up her mind.
Is she using you? – The signs
It’s frustrating to realize that you’re being used, even when you’re trying to be a great boyfriend or a sex buddy. [Read: How to be a good boyfriend]
She may try to convince you that she truly loves you and wants to be with you, but five minutes later, her behavior may change and she may just act friendly all over again.
Ever been there? Read these signs to find out if she’s using you.
#1 She wants her space… a lot!
Are you dating a girl who clings to you for a few days, and then completely ignores you for the next few days? While playing hard to get may excite a guy, this is pushing the game too far.
Every time she ignores you or pushes you away, you may find yourself falling more madly in love with her. On the other hand, she’s probably interested in a few other guys or sleeping with them, just to work out her options. When a girl claims to love a guy, and yet avoids the guy completely for a few days every now and then, there’s a good chance there’s another guy in her life.
#2 Behaves like a friend
Does your new girlfriend behave like a friend now and then? She hugs you and cuddles you, and then pushes you away and tells you it’s all happening too fast and she’s not ready for it? [Read: Why are women fickle in love?]
Ouch, any girl who behaves like a girlfriend but prefers to stay friends is obviously using your love and affection to feel better about herself.
#3 Her friends don’t know you
When a girl uses you, there’s a good chance you’re never going to meet any of her friends. But if you both do bump into a good friend of hers, does her friend even realize who you are?
And if you see her with a group of her friends and not one person recognizes your name, you’re in serious trouble of being played into a game of I’ll-suck-the-life-outta-you.
#4 You’re not introduced as a boyfriend
This is a no brainer here. But it’s something most guys in love almost always forgive and forget. Have you ever been introduced as just a friend? If she’s convinced that you’re the man in her life, she’d proudly display you like a primped up puppy in a dog show. But if she’s just using you, there’s a very good chance that you relationship status will remain as friends.
#5 She’s confused about your relationship status
Now she may be genuinely confused about the kind of relationship both of you share, especially if she’s just broken up with her guy or is still in a relationship with some other guy. But the point is she’s confused.
If she truly does love you, there’s nothing to be confused about unless she’s still in love with another guy. If that’s the case, you’re not the winner here. You’re the scapegoat filling up the blanks when her boyfriend or another guy doesn’t have the time for her.
#6 She talks about her complicated love life
Do you spend more time consoling her or telling her how the mistakes in her life aren’t really her fault? Girls who end up using guys are confused women who want to be reassured and loved all the time. She may be losing the love of her own guy, and may want you to reassure her about her own relationship and fill her life with happiness and extravagant gifts. [Read: Should you talk about your exes?]
And yes, she wouldn’t mind cuddling up with you once in a while for all the nice things you’ve been doing for her. This is seriously messed up!
#7 She makes out but only when she wants to
You may sweet talk her and take her out to expensive dinners, all in the hope of getting some love and appreciation back from her. And of course, a little bit of making out too. [Read: How to make out with a girl]
But if you’re in love with a girl who’s using you, nothing really matters. She’d let you dance on hot coals almost all the time and make out with you only when she feels like it. She initiates it and she ends it, at her whims.
Her excuse: I’m still confused about my feelings for you/for my own boyfriend/the three other guys in my life.
#8 She dominates the relationship
Does she call you up whenever she feels like it, or asks you to meet her at her whims and fancies? A girl who throws her weight around a guy knows she’s already got him wrapped around her little finger. Don’t ever be that guy. You’d end up shattered almost all the time and you’d lose all the confidence you have.
Turn the table around and throw her around a bit. Two things can happen here. She’d take you more seriously, or she’s walk out of your life. Either ways, it’s a good thing for you.
#9 She wants you to listen, but not the other way around
Are you in love with a girl who loves talking about her own life and her little problems? Does she tell you about how bad her ex boyfriend was and why she had to cheat on him just to show him she has other options? Or does she confess to you about making out with a few other guys and wants you to tell her she’s not wrong and that she did the right thing?
And on the other hand, every time you try telling something to her, does she forget all about it or feign drowsiness?
A girl who only wants to talk and feel good about herself isn’t in love with you. She’s using you as a priest to feel good about her own shortcomings. If she did love you, she’d be more interested to know about you and your life than whining about her own guilty confessions. [Read: How to tell if a girl likes you]
#10 She’s in another relationship
Almost always, relationships where the guy is being used starts off with conversations about complicated love lives. The girl you like may already be in a relationship, and with each conversation you have, both of you may fall more in love with each other. She wants to go out with you, she loves to talk to you, and she can’t wait to spend time and make out with you.
But she doesn’t want to leave her own boyfriend or end her relationship with him. She tells you she’s not happy, but she doesn’t do a thing about it.
If you find yourself experiencing any of these signs that you’re being used, you better walk out of the confusing affair before you end up with a broken heart. After all, she’s probably got a few backups with whom she’s playing the same game anyways. [Read: How to get a girl with a boyfriend]
She may not do this intentionally just to hurt you, it’s just that she’s a selfish little cutie who cares more about her own happiness than anything else in the world.
Is she using you?
So what do you do about it now that you know she’s using you?
You have two options.
Walk out of her relationship drama before you get hurt.
Lose the love and just start using her back. With any luck, by removing love out of the equation, there’s a good chance you’ll behave more like a bad boy instead of a lost puppy and make her desire you a lot more! [Read: How to be a bad boy]
[Read: Is she the one for you?]
It’s easy for a girl to use a guy because both sexes are used to the ritual of a guy pursuing the girl. Sometimes, she may reciprocate and fall in love. At other times, she may just end up using you. So what do you think, is she using you?
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My thing is idk if i should pursue this friendship with this girl that all of a sudden decided to come back in my life. Her original words were that she was to remain friends and that discussion was prior to the 8 months she was with her now ex bf. My problem is i think that her mom was being truthful the whole time. Or just being overprotective only because she is the baby in the family. The mother barely talks to me either.
Thanks a tonn guys……helped alot
Truth is, men hate being used. It destroys their manhood.
Lol wow like 7 to 8 things on that list apply to my situation thanks a lot for the help. Time to move on!
I have a latin girl friend and she is making our relationship very difficult. She speaks only Spanish when her friends are around and ignores me completely then. She wants lots of space and spends most of her time with her friends. Affection is rarely shown and kissing and hugging is rejected quite often. On a holiday in South America she pushed me away when I tried to kiss and hug her and wanted me not involved in conversations. It was claimed I am not part of the family and it is not my business. The next day she spoke all night, not one word to me. Now she left me here on my own since 4 days and I have not heard a word.
This is EXACTLY what has been happening to me for over 4 months. I didn’t see the signs, or maybe i just didn’t want to see them. It ended with her screwing me over terribly. Right in front of me with another guy. As if to spite me. Now reading this i know for the future. Thanks!
Hi,
I have an interesting question. I am an eastindianguy and very calm n sincere in nature. Now I have one white n hot girl that I met online site. She used to be a service girl but than left it. I find something in her I told her that dont do the business. I will take care of the money. I told her that u dont have to worrk for it n this is just a help as a friend to give u a chance to live a normal life. She aggreed and we met twice a month. She work for it. I said yes n I give her like 400 per visit to hlp her out with the rent n grocery stuff. .we had a great time n all i wanted to be her special friend n keep her happy ro ease her journey out of the trade.
I also wanted to spend lil quality time out side the room. I bought her many gifts (expensive one) just to show her that her life n body is precious and it should not be for the j**ks.
The thing is she does not want to spend time outside. I mean just a friendly hang out n i dont want sex from her in return but just to keep her smiling n happy. I mean i agreed to meet her in a room n still giving the same monsey for it without even having a kiss. I was so happy that she is on the right tract n did not mind the money.
I gave all the emotional n financial support as i knew she can be a great woman. she never gets ready to meet me outside just as a friend because she is super busy for it but ask me to hang out for a night.
She has not bought a single dam coffee for me. I dont care about it. I am only concerend that i am not wasting my time n money in a selfish girl. I am a rilch guy n dont care about the money but i respect my money and dont like to flush it down the toilet. I dont know if i should keep helping. Is it her past that makes her such? Or just plain using me.
One more prospect. She recrntly agree to act as my gf for one day at my work place as i screwed up there but its a different story. Is she really doing it for me as my appriciation or just doing to keep me?
I know the answer but I told her that I would be herfriend and I will do everything I can do to get you out of the trade n substance abuse. She may be using me but I know for sure that she is not doing it anymore via my sources. I dont know how to convince my heart that she is using me. It just keep reply that u dont become a friend only to get something out of it always.once a friend always a friend. Pls help me out..sorry for my bad english as well.
I can’t believe some of the things I read on this site…not because they seemed outrageous but because I’ve dealt with all this and had to do it alone due to being married and not having anyone to talk to about this. The woman I am with has charmed my family & my friends and has done a fair part in the relationship about keeping up appearances and represented us well.
However although she has not cheated on me (she’s just not that alive) I think I have felt like there is a definite mental cheating going on, kinda how you mentioned that women can cheat in different ways (I hope you will do a piece on that because men get a lot of flack for this and yet women also cheat in their own way and emotionally more damaging at times)..
Anyway..can’t believe I’m seeing thoughts I have fought with every single day to tell myself it’s just a phase or something & now I have to sit up and take notice. Truth is I still have the same feelings for her since the day I first met her, like the day I married here and still want to believe we can work together on this. But lately I’ve felt like a crazy person because I cannot seem to get her to accept anything is wrong and yet I cannot talk to anyone about this but her..I guess I can’t do this to myself..she has never really loved me.