If you’re a guy who has an insecure girlfriend, you’ll want to know how to set things right. Here’s how you can ensure she feels secure with you.
Some girls have insecurity issues. Some guys also have insecurity issues. That being said, having an insecure girlfriend can be really difficult to deal with, just as having any partner with insecurity issues can be hard. But that doesn’t mean you just ditch them and move on.
You work to help them with that difficulty. If you care about them, that is. Instead of seeing that as a major flaw, you just accept it as a part of them and will work to get past it.
Insecurity can stem from a lot of different places
There really isn’t a single cause of insecurity. Some people might just be brought up in an unhealthy environment and have always been put down. Other people may have once had great self-confidence only to have someone destroy is through infidelity or even just mental abuse.
The point is, since there isn’t a single reason for people to be insecure, you can’t assume there’s one way to fix it. You’ll have to figure out the reason your girlfriend is insecure before you can try to help. [Read: How to get over insecurity in a relationship]
How to make your insecure girlfriend feel loved and needed
Most of the time, just showing your girlfriend how much you care about her can do wonders for her self-esteem. But you can’t just tell her you love her in order for that to work.
You’ll want to make sure you’re showing her through actions. Words don’t mean anything unless there’s action to back it up. Here’s how you can help your girlfriend feel secure and happy in your relationship.
#1 Listen to her when she’s down. The best thing you can really do is just listen to her. And I don’t mean to just hear what she’s saying while you’re busy doing other things. Give her your undivided attention and really listen to what she has to say.
#2 Reassure her of your feelings. You don’t need to tell her every five minutes but you do need to make sure you’re letting her know that, even if you spend more time apart or get busy and can’t talk as much, that your feelings are still very strong.
Letting her know that you still feel very strongly for her every now and then will do wonders for her self-esteem. She’ll feel really secure in the relationship knowing you care so much about her. Having insecurity issues makes it easy to forget what a person loves you.
#3 Don’t make a big deal out of it. Try not to focus on her insecurity. Obviously, she’s self conscious about it and making a big deal out of it will only make her feel worse. Acknowledge it, then move on. Don’t allow it to become the focus of your relationship.
#4 Rely on her for things. If you depend on your girlfriend, she’ll feel needed. That feeling of being useful by you is going to make her feel more secure. She’ll realize that you want her in your life and this will allow her to relax and actually believe that you care about her. [Read: 14 small ways to make your girl feel special]
#5 Compliment her. You’ll have to be careful with this one because she won’t find your compliments genuine if they’re too frequent and too far-fetched. If you constantly tell her she’s the most beautiful person you’ve ever seen, she won’t believe it. Make the compliments deeper than just surface level, too.
#6 Learn what makes her feel loved. Each person has a different way of feeling love. You may like to receive compliments or gratitude whereas your partner might need physical affection to feel loved. Find out what makes her feel the best and show her that type of love. It might not be what comes naturally to you but learning this early on will reduce her insecurity.
#7 Keep the line of communication open. This is probably the biggest thing that’ll make your insecure girlfriend feel better. Just talk to her. Let her know how your day’s going and when you’ll be back to see her. And do it without having to be asked. This will honestly make your relationship with her so much better and it doesn’t take too much effort from you. [Read: How to effectively communicate in your relationship]
#8 Initiate sex. This might sound weird. You like her, of course you’re going to initiate sex. But just keep in mind that the more you do, the more she’ll feel like you really love her. This is especially true if she’s the type to feel love from physical affection.
#9 Ask her on dates. Make her feel like you want to have a real relationship with her. Ask her on dates and do it in a formal way. Officially ask. Don’t just say, “Hey, let’s go get food.” Making it sound like a big deal will show her that you’re in it for the real deal. [Read: 33 awesome date ideas every couple should try]
#10 Publically show your affection. If you’re not doing PDA and you have an insecure girlfriend, you should start. This is a fantastic way to make her feel loved and appreciated because the world can see. It’s one thing to show her you care in private but it’s another when you show her you love her for others to see.
#11 Stay true to your word. This doesn’t even have anything to do with remaining faithful, although that should be a given. Instead, this is in reference to anything to say you’re going to do. Do it. The last thing you need to do is show her that you’re not dependable. This will make her question anything else you’ve ever told her and it’ll hurt her and make her more insecure in your relationship.
#12 Do the little things. Kiss her as you walk by. Pick up her favorite candy on the way home. Tell her how much you like her outfit. It’s really an accumulation of little things that will make her feel loved and taken care of. This will make her feel a lot more secure in your relationship. [Read: 50 cute and sexy things guys do that girls love]
#13 Be interested in her life. This part is very simple. All you have to do is ask her about her family and friends and job. Take an interest in the things you might actually find boring. You should be interested in her day-to-day life anyways but you need to show her that.
#14 Avoid things you know upset her. If you know going to a certain restaurant where the waitresses all wear revealing clothing upsets her, don’t go there. Avoid doing things you know make her unhappy. If she gets upset and anxious when your phone dies because you can’t update her, keep it charged. Make it a priority and she’ll be a lot less insecure. [Read: 23 things girls wish guys knew about a girl’s mind]
#15 Ask her how you can help. This is the biggest thing you need to take away today. Ask her how you can make things easier for her. Explain how much you care about her and how much you’d like to show her that. Then just ask. Most of the time, if you ask and are actually concerned, your girlfriend will be honest and give you directions. Follow them and all will be well.
Having an insecure girlfriend can be a struggle sometimes. But if you care about her and want to make things work, you’ll have to put in a little bit of work, too. These are the best ways to make her feel more secure with you.
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Bella is a lifestyle writer, cheese enthusiast (Wisconsin native over here) and fantasy adventure author-in-progress who enjoys all things love, dog, p...