Do girls like shy guys or confident guys? Find out what girls want in a shy guy and what you can do to be the perfect guy for the girl you like. By Erica Patterson
Shy guys are loveable.
And almost all girls feel safe, and dare I say it, even confident around them.
Shy guys are every girl’s dream conversationalist.
They hardly talk, and they’re really good at just listening to the girl.
Girls like that.
We definitely love a cute shy guy who can just watch us, smile to himself and listen to everything we have to say.
[Read: How to make a girl like you without asking her out]
Do girls like shy guys?
Girls definitely like a shy guy.
But almost always, girls fall for a shy guy when they’re still in school or college, and definitely not in a workplace.
Girls get crushes on cute shy guys because they’re so mysterious and different from all the other guys who try to behave like bold smooth talkers.
But as soon as a great guy starts to pursue a girl, she forgets about the shy guy because, well, he’s just not doing anything to reciprocate.
If you’re a shy guy, learn to use the opportunity of first impressions.
Girls are intrigued by a shy guy. And even the smallest gesture by a shy guy can make a huge difference to a girl, especially if she likes him already. [Read: What do girls look for in a guy to fall for him?]
When are shy guys better than confident guys?
# Shy guys make better friends. They’re good listeners and they’re very considerate. But you obviously don’t want to be her friend, so this isn’t a good sign. If you want to date a girl, you need to let her know that!
# Shy guys make better sex buddies. Girls feel powerful around shy guys. Get drunk with a girl and let her have her way with you and she’ll definitely like it. And if you’re just looking for a fling thing, you’d definitely like it too! [Read: How to get a sex buddy]
# Girls definitely like a guy who’s shy at first but opens up after a few conversations. They definitely don’t like a guy who’s shy in the first conversation and shy after that too. Now almost all the time, even the shyest of guys open up after a couple of conversations, so you don’t have to worry there.
What do girls want in a great guy?
Now shy guys have a lot of good sides to them. They’re more sensitive and caring and girls like their company. But to fall for a guy, there are three things that a girl needs in a boyfriend material. [Read: 10 traits of a good boyfriend]
#1 A guy who can protect her
#2 A guy she can depend on
#3 A guy who can pursue her
Now these three things that every girl needs may seem simple, but this is where almost every shy guy fails. Do you realistically think you have the bold presence of a guy who can protect the girl from any trouble when she’s with you? Do you think she can depend on you to sort any issue out for her? And if you’re so shy that you can’t even have a conversation with her, can you really woo her and impress her by pursuing her when she’s playing hard to get?
Well, shy guys fail miserably in all three requirements. And that’s where a perfect shy guy who is every girl’s dream loses a great girl and ends up becoming her friend instead of her boyfriend.
The bad side of a shy guy that’ll put off a girl
Girls have no problems with a shy guy. But these bad traits of a shy guy can put off anyone, not just a girl you like. [Read: 10 biggest dating turn offs for girls]
#1 The problem with shy guys is that they have no balls. They can’t make a stand for anything. They’d rather stand in the sidelines than take center stage.
#2 Shy guys are very accommodating and give in to any problem just to avoid any kind of conflict. Even if anyone insults them, they’d pretend like they’re not affected by it when in reality they’d be furious inside their shy heads.
#3 Shy guys would rather give up than fight. And they think they’re peace loving when they’re just too chicken hearted in reality.
#4 They have to be peeled back, layer by layer. It takes too much time for a girl to get to know a shy guy. When great girls can get any guy they want, would a girl really be interested in counseling you and trying to make you a better man when they can be pampered and treated like a queen by any bold guy they want?
#5 Shy guys don’t have confidence around other people, especially other guys. If another guy tried to flirt with your girlfriend, would you have the courage to make a stand and put the other guy in place? If you can’t even stand up for yourself, how can you stand up for the girl in your arms?
How to turn your shyness into an advantage
Your shyness could create a lot of difficulties for you, especially when it comes to dating a great girl. But here are a few immediate tips you could use to tilt the shyness to your advantage. [Read: How to get a girl's attention wherever you are]
#1 Become a quiet guy. Turn your shyness into confidence. Don’t let anyone think you’re shy. Instead make it appear like you’re just a quiet guy who likes his own space.
#2 Make it appear like you’re bold. Talk less, but don’t let anyone know your heart’s beating like a hummingbird inside. Avoid being nervous and jittery, instead reply in short sentences that make you appear confident.
#3 Brave up and talk to her. This is inevitable. You need to man up and talk to her at least once. Get introduced through a friend if you have to. After that, woo her through texts and messages. Pursue the girl silently by avoiding long conversations face to face at the beginning and focus all your attention on your texts and gifts. [Read: What to say to a girl you like]
#4 Walk with a purpose. Shy guys can actually come off as extremely confident as long as they move purposefully and appear composed. Walk tall, and don’t bother trying to get anyone’s attention but that one girl who matters.
#5 Don’t tell the girl that you’re a shy guy. Telling a girl that you’re shy can work against your favor. She’ll immediately get confident and behave aloof. By pretending to be a quiet guy, you can appear mysterious and more appealing to any girl.
The easy and better way out – Don’t be the shy guy
It’s not easy being a shy guy. I was a shy girl once too and I know how hard it can be to change. But the only way to have better opportunities in life is by trying hard to eliminate that shy side of yours.
All of us have been shy guys and shy girls at some point of time. Some lose that trait in their childhood while others lose it in their teens. The earlier you realize the need to change, the faster you can become a better man who can feel confident in his own shoes. [Read: How to be a better man by using a role model]
Here are five steps that can help you lose the shy guy tag with a bit of effort.
#1 Open up to people. Make an effort to open up early to people. What’s the point in waiting for a few meetings to be friendly? Shy guys are cute friends, and not cute boyfriends. A shy guy may seem cute in his teens, but anything beyond that and you’d end up being isolated by everyone.
#3 Get introduced to girls. Talk to girls even if you’re not interested in dating them. Sometimes, you need a few warm up lessons by talking to girls you’re not interested in to feel more confident about your own abilities and prepare yourself for the girl you’re going to fall in love with. [Read: How shy guys can get over their hover hands]
#3 Don’t be afraid of being judged. Make new friends. Most shy guys avoid opening up to people because they assume they have nothing important to add. Or they stay quiet because they assume they’ll appear dumb if they speak too much. Don’t be afraid to reveal who you really are. You may be shy, but you’re still a great guy who can share so much with his friends and the world.
#4 Girls are just like you. Only they have lady parts. Remember that girls are a part of the human species too. They like guys just as much as you like girls. They want to make a good impression on you just as much as you want to make an impression on them. Some girls may have more confidence, but that doesn’t mean you won’t be more confident with a few tries.
#5 Make a few mistakes and learn from it. The dumbest shy guys are the ones who know they’re shy and yet don’t do anything to open up. They’re afraid of failure and rejection and end up hiding in their own little world and bitch about how unfair the world is to them. Don’t be that guy. It’s alright to fall a few times before you start walking. It’s alright to get rejected a few times before you meet the perfect girl too!
[Read: How to ask a girl out when you're a shy guy]
So do girls like shy guys? Of course, they do, just as long as the guy can be a confident shy guy. But if you can’t be that guy, just follow these tips and you’ll definitely turn over a new leaf and get any girl you like with a little effort.
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I don’t agree with you. Again instead of saying you wanted an alpha male you had to write all that. This is the reason you women get dissapointed and cheated in the end, bc you want the cool guy. Guess what? They’re the ones who will not stand by you in the end. They’ll go to bed with many other girls bc they’re sooo confident they can get just about any. Do me a favor and try to evolve. We’re in the 21st century not in the Stone Age.
Did you erase my comment? Wow
What you are (shy) and what you do (be bold and confident) don’t have to be the same thing, you may call it acting but when we get into it and understand where both sides are coming from, and truly feel it, is it acting anymore? or just becoming what we want by will and understanding?
Humans have a flexibility and I encourage people to seek themselves. I also encourage people to not judge each other because I experiment a lot and when people see one thing, that is all they can see, they think that is all you will ever be.
As for these cool guys are who will not stand by their women in the end, that’s not how I feel inside. I can be at times this bold alpha romantic guy and I do feel like I can get just about any girl but I always appreciate them. It does look like I am not sticking by a girl sometimes though when I am rapid fire flirting with everyone in the beginning. I’m part shy guy, and part alpha guy so you are totally talking about me. I read this stuff to reflect on what I do right and get new and old ideas.
I would tell you the secret to being yourself, maybe a few root ideas and concepts that will help understanding, but I like my privacy and I plan on putting this material elsewhere without linking it to this “bragging” comment that feels too arrogant to me. I plan on evolving and giving my best ideas out there for free (wouldn’t mind the competition too much…) and maybe if you like my ideas it will help give me a good social position to get into a marketing career or something cool.
Marketing is important because Steve jobs was an amazing guy, but it wasn’t until one of his grad speeches that I truly understood where he came from. He did do countless interviews and presentations that did show his intellectual sensitivity. brilliance, vision, and leadership, but I don’t think the average person knew because it wasn’t popular. This is where I plan on evolving and doing my campaign to show my brilliance.
Here’s a simple idea. The key to being yourself and bring forth character is recognizing every part of yourself, some neglected, some nurtured, nurture everything. What these attractive people do is something we can all do.
I’m a girl and I totally agree with this.
they aren't deterred by what people think). That's not to say you can't be sweet and confident though 
As long as you have self-confidence, all is well!
As a girl I find shy guys absolutely unattractive. It doesn’t matter what he looks like- if I sense shyness and doubt, I automatically find him unattractive. In guys, confidence is attractive (however arrogance is not! you can be confident and nice at the same time!). Quiet confidence, however is <3333 Most of the guys I've fallen for have been quietly confident (they are assertive and have good social skills but don't put themselves out there. appearances only come into play when a guy is confident. when a guy doesn't participate, doesn't stand up for himself and doesn't speak confidently he is unattractive regardless of how 'hot' he may be)
Be confident guys. Even if you aren't the hottest thing out there, if you're confident you'll be so much more attractive!!!!!!!!!! Once we sense shyness we turn away. Participate. Speak up. Do yo own thing (maybe that's why jerks appeal to us
I know it has been ages before anyone last posted but I thought I’d just respond to ‘ShyGuy’. You’re obviously in denial because you can’t bear the thought of your shy nature being unattractive (I mean who wants to be told that part of their personality isn’t exactly appealing? ). I don’t quite get your post – correct me if I’m wrong but I find what you’ve stated to be a paradox.
Once you start acting on behalf of yourself, and yourself only, you are no longer being shy. You are being confident because you are not deterred by the opinions of others. Shyness is the reluctance to do what you truly want to do because you are scared of what others think. It’s not participating because you’re doubtful of your abilities. And usually it means you have poor communication skills. That is unattractive. Girls don’t like that- they pity it. I can speak on behalf of all girls when I say that confidence (even quiet confidence) is attractive. It should be *shy* guys finish last. So amp up your self-confidence xx
(part shy is no good. part sensitive is good. and fyi, this info on this page mainly applies to real shy guys. any shyness in a guy isn’t particularly attractive so get rid of it asap. )
@totestrue, it’s girls like you who get and stay with guys that treat them like shit and seem to love it. a few words of advice from someone with far more intellect than yoyrself, stop trying to change people, some of us are just naturally shy, acting otherwise is just a front that will seen right through in time, people like shyguy should stay away from people like you who want to be dominated by some dickhead, so he my guest, get with all your sexy alpha males you that are so desirable to you (and all women according to you) but when you wake up in 20 years in a pool of blood and semen, don’t say that I wasn’t correct.
@jakkarra
First off I was just trying to put it out there that confidence is very attractive because there’s this misconception (that a lot of naturally shy guys want to believe for their own sake) that the shy, quiet guy is attractive. It looks good on paper, but in reality, the shy quiet guy isn’t all that attractive.
And I do get that some of you are naturally shy but it doesn’t hurt to be confident when you have to be. By getting what you want when you want it you don’t lose any opportunities (this applies to the dating world too). Don’t let your shyness (which mainly stems from insecurities- oh I’m not hot enough, oh she’s out of my league…) get in the way of what you really want, whether it be a job or a girl!!
I actually find quiet confident guys extremely attractive. If you’re naturally introverted you can really score some points with women by being quietly confident (talk confidently, walk confidently: good posture, act confidently: eye contact, smile, face up, back straight). You don’t have to talk, but just make sure that when you do, you do it with confidence (don’t stutter, deep voice). Oh, and don’t be afraid to do yo thing.
This dident help me gain confidence at all now I just fell like giving up my dream to get a good girlfriend
First of all we must be ourselves i.e by being the way that makes us happy. Secondly we are not born to impress all girls . so when you like a girl that seems to like you back go for her. Being shy or introverted is just normal
I’m torn, this is the first article I’ve seen anywhere that actually tries to help the shy guy with any advice besides “Don’t be shy!”, so I’m pleased at the effort. On the other hand, I’m rather disappointed that it wraps up with the impression that being shy is somehow a bad thing. It’s just the other side of the coin from being exceptionally outgoing, which has downsides and annoyance factor of it’s own.
Being shy =! being insecure or necessarily lacking in confidence. It’s simply being uncomfortable or disliking putting yourself out there (for whatever reason). Some people naturally enjoy being the center of attention and interacting with multiple other people simultaneously. Some don’t. That doesn’t necessarily stem from not being good at it, we just don’t like it or may even actively dislike it.
I consider myself shy (most of my friends agree), yet I’m regularly complimented on my conversational skills (particularly with women since relationships and personal dreams are far more interesting to me than sports or cars), my speeches, and my essays. I don’t have trouble expressing myself and I’m certainly in possession of the self-esteem to weather the occasional rejection or negative response. That said, my skill at it doesn’t make giving a speech personally enjoyable. My conversational skills may be sharp, but I’m still not comfortable interjecting myself into ongoing conversations or socially interacting with more than a few people at a time. I’m comfortable when I know things and by definition I don’t know things about strangers. I enjoy watching quietly from the sidelines and trying to figure things out about people without having to ask. It’s the kind of puzzle that appeals to me. In short, I am not fearful, insecure, or socially inept, I’m just shy and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Telling a shy guy he needs to stop being shy is like telling a guy who dislikes spicy food that he must eat it because other people respect someone who eats really spicy food. He may go along to get along when that’s the restaurant his friends pick, but he isn’t likely to ever enjoy it. He likes what he likes and dislikes what he dislikes and other people should respect that, not label it a personal weakness on his part.
Seriously, if being an outgoing alpha was the only way to get together with women than I would expect shyness to have been bred out of the human race long ago. If you are naturally shy, don’t hurt yourself trying (or pretending) to be something you aren’t. Most women might not go for it, but you only need a single one who finds it sweet and attractive to her.
I enjoyed and appreciated this article right up to the point where is says “The earlier you realize the need to change (being shy), the faster you can become a better man”
That’s flat out insulting. Some guys may view shyness as a weight to be dropped ASAP, but that’s a value judgement that isn’t the author’s place to make. I’m happy to learn better ways to make my shyness work for me. but I’m not interested in hearing anyone unilaterally claim that extroverts are somehow better people than introverts. It’s poor form to be blatantly patronizing to your specified audience.
Agree with comment above, the article seems to state shyness as being a bad thing, how do you even define shyness today? It’s nothing more than a pop-culture construct appearing in everyday media, it ain’t real! What ever happened to the “strong but silent” male characteristics that instead should be admired? What about the pretentious hypocrites that “appears” to be confident in order to hit on every female creature that walks the earth? Strong, silent and noble males can sense pretentious males a mile away, a gift from evolution in order to protect your significant other, if such traits are identified as “shyness”, I don’t know what else to say…
I agree with Urusigh. I’m a bit shy and introverted myself especially when it comes to dating. It’s not that I’m insecure, it’s more like uncomfortable. I am comfortable in knowing stuff, not being uncertain to things. I do feel comfortable getting to know other people before dating them, but in today’s world it seems that the only way to get a date is by going up to random strangers and starting a conversation then asking them out while you barely know anything about them. I’m not complete against trying to get to know more about random strangers while dating because dating shouldn’t be about getting sex and should be about getting to know a person.
Another thing is approaching those who are interested. I had enough women flirt with me for fun or a joke and compliment to know that most signs a woman gives mean absolutely nothing. I mean it’d be nice to know or see signs that someone is interested but when it comes to attraction it seems to be the only thing I can’t read out of people and probably because I’ve been falsely lead on so many time.
Thing is I heard a lot of stuff saying “Shy guys don’t do anything and deserve to be alone”, “Shy guys have boring personalities and never make themselves seen”, or “shy guys are just losers who hate people”. To be honest we could sit here and judge people based off of who they naturally are or we could get to know them a bit and at least give them a chance.
Being confident is probably the worst advice you could give anyone. Yes shy guys will ask a woman out and it does take a lot of confidence to ask a woman out. The difference between shy guys who ask women out and alpha guys is that shy guys just don’t ask any woman and every woman out. Shy guys ask out women who they are genuinely interested in and genuinely like.
People could stick to their stereotypes about shy men being weak, but from experence at being both shy and introverted, I’d say I’d rather be like this than to conform to the world I tend to observe everyday.