Striking up a conversation with a girl is difficult enough. However, knowing how to talk to a shy girl can be another challenge in itself.
If you’ve approached women before, you know how nerve-wracking it can be. You may get rejected, you may get her number, but never make it on a first date. There’s an endless stream of things that could happen once you approach her. Learning how to talk to a shy girl is something worth knowing as you approach women.
Obviously, you want her number and a date. So, for a girl that’s outgoing and talkative, it may come as a breeze for you. However, not all girls are open for conversation. It’s not because they don’t like you, it’s simply because they’re shy. [Read: 12 very obvious signs she wants you to ask her out]
How to talk to a shy girl
People think shy girls have some sort of complex or socializing issues but that’s not the case. The problem is assuming all girls are talkative and willing to engage in small talk. This doesn’t mean shy girls have nothing to say, they have plenty to say. They just don’t know you.
Around their friends, they’re chatty, but you’re a stranger, meaning you’re going to have put more elbow grease into this girl and be patient. So, this is how you talk to a shy girl if you want it to be successful and not suffocate her with your constant chatter.
It’s not hard, it’s just a different approach.
#1 Don’t be too aggressive. Many men tend to take an overly aggressive approach when talking to a shy girl. This is because you feel insecure about her feelings about you.
Who cares if she likes you or not? She won’t like you more if you’re suffocating her with your conversation and overall existence. Take a breath, relax, don’t become aggressive because you’re not getting what you want. [Read: 11 signs a woman is intimidated by your assertiveness]
#2 Invest the time. If she’s shy, it’s going to take a while for her to relax around you. There’s no rush, and if you genuinely like her, you’ll invest the time in getting to know her and allowing her the time to relax. Don’t rush this because it won’t speed up anything, rather, it pushes her away. [Read: How to read people – 12 secrets to figure anyone out instantly]
#3 Don’t assume she’s not interested. She may be talking to you. However, just not at an amount that you’re used to. This doesn’t mean she’s not interested, she’s shy. Unless she tells you she’s not interested or says no to you when you ask her out, she could be interested.
#4 Don’t equate shyness with low self-esteem. Just because she’s shy doesn’t mean she thinks less of herself or has low self-esteem. Just because someone isn’t outgoing, don’t assume they have some personal issues.
She can be just as confident and happy or even more so than someone who’s loud. Don’t try to stereotype her and make her into a One Direction song. She knows she’s beautiful.
#5 When you approach her, go solo. This is especially important when it comes to knowing how to talk to a shy girl. Can you imagine a group of men approaching a woman who’s on her own? Even I get nervous when that happens. Is this some sort of intimidation technique to try to scare women into giving you their numbers? If so, stop. Approach any woman on your own. Make her comfortable, do not overwhelm her.
#6 Small talk is a good start. Just start with small talk. Keep it simple, you don’t need to read Tolstoy before approaching her to get a conversation started. Simple small talk helps relax her. Talk about the things that are going on around you, make her laugh. Don’t get too personal. She’s shy, so you want to take that part slow and steady. [Read: How to start a conversation with a girl]
#7 Use technology to your advantage. If she’s shy, then use technology to your advantage. If you met her, spoke to her a bit, and asked her out, that’s a great start. Now that you have her number, text her. She may feel more comfortable and open via text because she’s in her comfort zone. Then, when you go to meet up with her, her guard is already lowered a bit.
#8 Ask open-ended questions. If she’s shy, the worst thing you can do is ask questions where she can just answer yes or no. You want her to talk and open up about herself. That way, you learn more about her and what she’s into. When she answers, go deeper into the conversation by asking, “why” or “how.”
#9 Have open body language. You want to make yourself as friendly and open as you can, this means paying attention to your body language. Though, if you’re into her, you naturally have open body language. Lean into her when she speaks, don’t cross your arms, and be at a comfortable distance. [Read: 10 subtle and flirty eye contact moves that always work]
#10 But don’t be overly touchy. Having open body language is great, however, keep your hands to yourself until she becomes more comfortable. Then, flirt with her a little, touch her arm, her hands, etc. But keep everything to a minimum. If you’re overly touchy, she’ll put her guard up.
#11 Be consistent. You need to continue to pursue them if you like them. Of course, if she’s not into you, pull back and fade away. But, if you feel the vibes, continue to talk and flirt with her. You’re working on letting her guard down which takes time, trust me.
#12 How do you know if she likes you? Many men cannot tell the difference if she’s just shy or if she’s not interested. If she’s interested in you, she’ll respond to questions and engage in conversation. If she’s not interested in you, she’ll give you yes or no answers, she’ll generally ignore, and she may even tell you she’s not interested. So, if someone doesn’t like you, you’ll feel it very quickly. [Read: 12 ways to tell if she’s flirting, or just being friendly]
#13 Be patient. If you want to get anywhere with a shy girl, you’re going to need to be patient. It’s really the only way. Don’t put some sort of deadline on this, it ain’t gonna happen. If you want a relationship with her, get to know her and don’t rush.