Girls are pretty sensitive, that much is obvious. What’s not obvious is how to let a girl down easy when you’re not that into her – without the tears.
Sometimes you might be overestimating how much a girl is into you. Other times, you may be underestimating her interest. One of those issues will definitely unleash the waterworks when you break the news that you want to call it quits. If you learn how to let a girl down easy, you’ll be able to avoid those dreaded tears.
First of all, not all girls are going to break down and cry just because you don’t like her as much as she thought. Truthfully, some girls aren’t going to give two shits. Which is great for you because you won’t have to deal with the tears.
Other women, however, aren’t as composed. Certain girls have issues with rejection and that can lead to a lot of problems if you’re a jerk when you break things off. You need to learn how to let a girl down easy so you don’t end up with slashed tires. [Read: 8 positive and smart ways to deal with an angry ex]
The problem with ghosting girls and why you just can’t do it
Those who want to avoid the waterworks usually just end up ghosting a girl they’ve been dating for a couple weeks. That might seem like a good idea at the time but it’s actually a horrible idea. Why?
Because girls get really, really angry when they don’t know why someone bailed. But it’s not just anger that’s the problem, this can hurt them on a really deep level, too. Imagine never knowing why someone didn’t like you. It can cause huge self-esteem problems for them, which can affect their future relationships. [Read: 10 consequences of ghosting someone you need to know]
That’s why you need to know how to let a girl down easy
Being kind and gentle about the way you tell a girl you’re not into her can help you in a lot of way. You’ll not only be a better person and feel like a better person, but you won’t have to deal with the backlash drama. Here’s how you can avoid those waterworks and the problems that come with it.
#1 Have a real conversation. Be mature about it. I know it’s not the easiest thing in the world and you don’t want to deal with excessive feelings, but you need to. Have a real conversation.
Sit down with her and talk about what’s going on. First of all, you may not like her anymore due to a misunderstanding. You also may realize you like her a lot more than you thought if you can’t even sit there and bear to hurt her feelings. Be respectful about it. [Read: How to know when it’s time to break up]
#2 Don’t do it in public. This may seem like the easy way out because you hope she won’t make a scene in public but it’s rude and impersonal. She doesn’t deserve that and guess what? She’ll still make a scene if she’s emotional.
In order to know how to let a girl down easy, you have to put yourself in her shoes. Would you like to be dumped in public? Probably not. You can’t sit and talk it out with a bunch of strangers eavesdropping. It’s not fair.
#3 Do NOT do it over the phone. Texting or calling. It’s just really disrespectful to break things off over a phone. It’s also cowardly. She won’t be able to talk to you and see how you really feel and that can make her really upset.
She’ll end up crying regardless and honestly, she’ll probably show up at your place in full tears because you had the nerve to send her a breakup text. Let her down easy by doing it in person. It’s the least you can do. [Read: How to break up with her when she really doesn’t want to]
#4 Don’t be overly honest. Yeah, honestly is the best policy – usually. When it comes to knowing how to let a girl down easy, you need to know when the truth can be stretched a little. Don’t outright lie about why you don’t like her.
Instead, avoid using reasons that are actually harmful or one of her insecurities. Somebody someday will love that she’s super hyper all the time. You might think it’s annoying but not everyone will. Instead, talk about a strength of hers that doesn’t mesh well with you.
#5 Talk about the things you do like. You don’t need to make it all about why you don’t like her. Tell her you really admire her hardworking nature and her ambition but feel like you need someone who’s more in tune with you. This is giving her a compliment while also showing her why it doesn’t work out for you – despite the fact that you like it.
#6 Own up to your flaws. If you’re honestly breaking things off with her because you don’t want a relationship and just want to have fun, then own up to that. Be honest about the fact that it’s not fair to her. Because I know you know it’s not.
Tell her it’s something you personally need to work on and isn’t about her. Just avoid using the old, “It’s not you, it’s me,” line. Letting a girl down easy is a lot simpler if you make it your fault. [Read: 16 things to never tell your girlfriend about]
#7 Talk about your future. More specifically, talk about why your future wouldn’t work with her. You probably have plans for your future that don’t line up with hers. While it might still upset her, it won’t be nearly as bad because she’ll respect the fact that you’re planning for the future. After all, that’s what a dating is for – the future.
#8 Make it about you. A great way to learn how to let a girl down easy is to use the selfish technique. Everyone has stuff going on in their lives and they can’t always date. If you talk about how much you need to focus on yourself and your career, it’ll go over a lot better. You can also mention how you don’t want to mistreat her because your priorities are not on a relationship at the moment. [Read: 25 tips to end a relationship without making it messy]
#9 Ask if she understands. Ask questions. One thing that makes girls cry the most is when they don’t understand why you’re breaking it off. In her mind, everything is going great.
#10 Clarify as much as you can until she gets it. She might not ever get it and you’ll end up dealing with waterworks anyways. However, if you clarify yourself as much as possible and stick to a major issue that prevents you two from working out, it’ll be a lot easier.
Women just need you to be gentle. Sometimes the tears are inevitable and it doesn’t matter if you’ve learned how to let a girl down easy or not. Give these tips a try and you’ll find the breakup is much easier for everyone.
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Bella is a lifestyle writer, cheese enthusiast (Wisconsin native over here) and fantasy adventure author-in-progress who enjoys all things love, dog, p...