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36 Smooth Ways to Hit Up a Girl Over Text, In Person & Where Guys Go Wrong

You see her, you like her, but you’ve got no idea what to do. You need to learn how to hit up a girl successfully and let her see your sparkling personality! 

how to hit up a girl

Girls are a lot smarter than most guys want to believe. Many think if they just walk up to a woman, tell her she’s pretty, and drop a cheesy pickup line that she’ll go home with him. But that’s not how to hit on a girl if you really want to take her home.

We get how nerve-racking it can be to approach a girl and try to get her to give you the time of day. You fear rejection and looking like an idiot. But there are ways to hit on women that will make your efforts a lot more successful. [Read: How to talk to a girl – 20 secrets that’ll make you irresistible to women]

Types of men women will never go home with

There are absolutely certain “types” of men that women avoid. And by avoid, we mean they leave the establishment just because they walk in. Those types are the creeps and the egotistical assholes.

Women can basically smell a creep a mile away. If you walk in and immediately start scanning all the women in the room and even start staring at a few, it’s really creepy. And yes, she will notice.

The same goes for the assholes. When you walk in with your nose in the air and act like you’re above everyone else, women will never go home with you – no matter how many of these tips you use. [Read: Creepy guy types all girls avoid]

How to hit on girls successfully

It’s really not rocket science. However, there are many things guys should be doing that they’re just not. You can’t expect every woman to be blown away by a little pickup line and an overused compliment.

These tips on how to hit on girls will definitely be helpful in your efforts to take a pretty lady home. Just remember that every woman is different, so you may have to find what works for the specific lady you have your eye on.

One trick to remember is that it’s less about hitting on the girl and more about opening her up to accept your advances. [Read: How to approach women – 36 tips you absolutely need to know]

1. Make her feel special

If there’s one thing all girls like, it’s to feel special. We like thinking we’re the one who caught your eye, and if you let us know that, it’ll up your chances of taking us home. That being said, it still has to be honest.

Give a girl lots of attention and let her know you’re only captivated by her. [Read: Small ways to make a girl feel special]

2. Buy her a drink

This may seem like a no-brainer, but you’d be surprised how many guys mess this up. All you have to do is buy her a drink and make sure she knows you got it for her. That is usually enough to make a girl walk up to you.

If she doesn’t, simply approach her and ask how the drink was. Easy as that.

3. Find something interesting to talk about right away

A lot of girls would rather talk about things they find interesting rather than talk about the weather. Therefore, if you approach her and mention the band on her t-shirt or something important going on in the world, she’ll be more likely to listen and respond. [Read: Interesting and easy conversation starters when talking to a girl]

4. Simply introduce yourself

We can’t tell you enough how much women appreciate an honest approach. If you just walk up to a girl and shake her hand while telling her your name, she’ll feel better about spending time with you.

That’s how to hit on girls and be successful. Just give her your name.

5. Embarrass her – a little

We all remember teasing our crushes back when we were younger, right? Well, take that idea and apply it to adulthood. Embarrass her a little and tease her for something silly.

She’ll feel defensive – in a good way. You’ll stand out from the crowd of men using generic compliments, which allows you to scoot in close and strike up a conversation. [Read: How to be a tease – really flirty moves to capture their attention]

6. Make her laugh

If you can make a girl laugh, you’re already in her good graces. If you’re funny and easygoing, she’ll feel more at ease with you. This definitely ups your chances of taking her home. When a woman can laugh freely around you, she’ll trust you more easily.

7. Embarrass yourself

Instead of embarrassing her, just embarrass yourself. There are so many ways to do this. You can trip in front of her on purpose or even just spill your drink.

Making yourself look “bad” will not only win her pity, but her nurturing nature will make her want to help you. [Read: How to make a girl laugh and like you instantly

8. Approach her while she’s alone

Knowing how to hit on girls is also knowing when you should leave her the hell alone. Approaching a girl in a large group is always a no-go. Most likely, she’s out with her girlfriends for the purpose of having fun.

If you see a woman who’s with fewer friends or even by herself, she’s more likely to be open to finding someone. [Read: What’s on her mind when you approach a girl in a club?]

9. Take a wingman – Just don’t make it obvious

If you and a friend approach a girl, she’ll be more likely to talk to you. Why? Because she won’t feel like you’re trying to take her home because you have a friend with you.

Most women will assume you’re just having a random conversation, and she’ll open up to you. That’s when your wingman can take action and make you look good. [Read: How to choose the perfect wingman while meeting women]

10. Show her you’re able to have a good time and invite her to join you

Before you even begin to hit on girls, have fun. And make sure they all see you having fun. When you show a woman how much fun you can be and what you have to offer, she’ll want to get in on that fun.

Therefore, she may just walk up to you and start hitting on you. If not, she’ll be accepting of your advances on her.

11. Don’t go out with the sole intention of hitting on girls

Of course, when you go out, there are going to be women; that’s inevitable. But there’s one thing you have to understand – you cannot go out just to hit on girls. Do not make your night dependent on finding someone, or else you’ll come off as desperate and end up disappointed.

Go with your friends. Have fun. Whatever happens, happens. [Read: What girls find attractive – 20 traits that make you irresistible]

12. Spend some time subtly observing

Now, you shouldn’t lurk, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t keep your eyes open. If you want to successfully hit on a girl, go for one that’s giving you the clearest signs that she’s interested. She may make eye contact with you or smile.

If a girl does this, then you have a better chance of successfully hitting on her. [Read: How to get a girl to notice you even before talking to her]

13. Stay away from cheesy pickup lines

You don’t want to hit on her with a horrible pickup line that’s used in every romantic comedy. Instead, stay far away from them.

If you don’t know what to say, just say hi and ask her what her name is. That should get the conversation going. [Read: How to set yourself apart from the herd when picking up girls]

14. Ask her to dance

If you’re at the club, the best way to hit on her is by showing her your moves. But this doesn’t mean you should creep up from behind her and grab her waist without introducing yourself. Remember what we said. Don’t be creepy. 

Look at her and ask her to dance.

By dancing with her, you’re basically hitting on her without words. If you’re not good with words, you better know how to dance! [Read: Life of the party – How to be noticed and loved by everyone]

15. Keep your hands to yourself

We know it’s not going to be easy *of course, you’d like to touch her*, but don’t. This is the first introduction, you don’t need your hands to go anywhere but by your side.

If you do touch her, keep your hands in respectable places. However, we suggest not touching her at all. Let her make the first move that signals the ‘okay’ you’re looking for.

16. Keep the conversation balanced

She’s not going to want to go on a date if you keep talking about yourself for the entire conversation. When you’re talking to her, try to keep the conversation balanced. Yes, talk about yourself, but also give her time to talk as well.

This gives you the chance to listen and see what kind of person she is. Plus, you may find out a couple of things about her that will help you when planning the date. [Read: 16 tricks that will make you instantly likable with girls]

17. Suggest hanging out

Don’t talk about going to your place it’s not going to work. Sometimes, a bold move like that works, but it’s usually too forward. Instead, test the waters and see how she reacts.

If you talked about the beach, then slip in a sentence like, “I love ___ beach, we have to go, you’ll love it.” Then wait to see how she reacts while changing the topic.

18. The goodbye

Of course, you want to get her number or social media. That’s the whole reason why you’re talking to her. So, before you leave the place, check back in with her.

You can say something like, “My friends and I are gonna go now, it was great talking to you. Let’s hit up that beach this week. What’s your Instagram/phone number/Facebook?” [Read: No-fail ways to get a girl’s number every single time]

19. Have zero expectations

Listen, you could be talking to her for a solid 30 minutes, thinking that you nailed it. But that doesn’t mean she owes you anything.

She doesn’t have to give you her number or go home with you, so the best thing is to have no expectations when you’re hitting on a girl. That way, you won’t get bummed out. [Read: How to conquer your fear of rejection when asking out girls]

20. Accept rejection with grace

It’s going to happen at some point, whether you like it or not. Just roll with it, and don’t take it too seriously. If she says to you that she’s not interested, be cool about it and walk away.

There are plenty of other women to hit on, so don’t take this one too personally.  Eventually, you’re going to hear a ‘yes,’ it just may take some time. [Read: How to charm a girl and flatter her into liking you]

21. Walk away and give her space to decide if she likes you

Don’t cling to her side all night long, assuming that it’s going to make her fall for your charms. If anything, it will suffocate her. Mystery is a wonderful thing when learning how to hit up a girl.

Talk to her, go back to your friends, check in with her again, and basically give her the space to work out whether she likes you or not.

22. Work that eye contact

This doesn’t mean staring. Don’t do that, you’ll freak her out. Use sexy eye contact to show her that you like her without actually saying it.

You need to hold her gaze for just a second longer than normal and then look away, but keep on doing it to show her that it wasn’t a one-off. The eyes are the window to the soul, after all. [Read: Subtle eye contact flirting tips to catch someone’s eye from afar]

23. Be aware of your body language

Our bodies speak for us without us even realizing it. Make sure that you’re not displaying closed body language. Avoid crossing your arms over your body or crossing your legs, don’t fidget, and don’t avoid eye contact.

Instead, subtly mirror her body language or lean in very slightly toward her. Keep your posture and stance relaxed, and she’ll feel more at ease with you. [Read: Subtle body language moves to appear more confident]

When not to hit up a girl

As much as we can tell you what you should be doing to pick up a girl, you should also know what not to do. Knowing how to hit on girls also includes knowing what to avoid.

1. Leave the cheesy lines at home

This one is worth reiterating. Some pickup lines work, but most of them don’t.

Using a really old and known line on her will most likely result in an eye roll. She’ll turn away and not even give you a second look. [Read: How to compliment a girl – 15 must-know tips and 35 of the best lines]

2. Don’t try too hard

If you get rejected, and you keep going back, trying harder and harder, it’s not endearing. It’s annoying.

Don’t try too hard to pick up women. If it doesn’t feel natural to you, you’re doing too much. [Read: Approach anxiety – 16 ways to overcome it in a few days]

3. Avoid pet names

Calling a girl “baby” or “sweetheart” before you even know her real name will NOT help you bring her home. It’ll do the opposite.

She’ll be creeped out and even repulsed by those pet names. So just don’t.

4. Don’t boast about money

Men think women flock to them if they flash a pretty penny. But it’s actually really douchey of you, and they’ll ignore it. Actually, they’ll avoid you altogether. [Read: Confident or cocky? 16 subtle signs that split an arrogant and modest man]

5. Don’t go from girl to girl in the same place

Girls are very aware of which guys are hitting on everyone. We watch you. So if we see you fail with another girl and then approach us, we’ll walk away before you get there.

Why? Because women don’t want to be anyone’s second, third, or even last choice.

How to hit up a girl on text

We’re living in a technological age, and it might be that you want to learn how to hit up a girl without actually having to speak to her face-to-face. Let’s be honest, texting is way easier than having the bravery to go up to her in person.

But that doesn’t mean that you can’t royally mess it up if you don’t know how to hit on a girl by text in the right way. Here are a few tips to help you out. [Read: 25 casual things to text a girl and leave her addicted to you]

1. Keep it positive and playful

A deep and meaningful text is not going to win her over. It will bore her rigid. Keep it light, breezy, and positive, and you’re far more likely to catch her attention in the right way.

2. Mix up your reply times

You don’t want her to think that you’re sitting with your phone in your hand, waiting for her reply. You probably are, but you don’t want her to know that!

So, when she texts you, mix up the time of day you reply. It’s not a great idea to reply really late at night, but throughout the day, keep your replies varied. [Read: Top rules for texting a girl to catch her eye and not creep her out]

3. Don’t overthink it

The temptation is to come up with a really great text, send it, and then panic for the rest of the day. Don’t overthink it. Just send it and try to forget.

Keep yourself busy and distracted. That way, when she replies, it will be a wonderful surprise, and you won’t be half as stressed!

4. Mind your spelling and grammar

Yes, it does matter. There is nothing worse than having to decipher a text full of slang and mixed-up words that make zero sense. Also, full stops were designed for a reason. [Read: Texting etiquette and flirting – 26 rules guys and girls must follow]

5. Ask her questions

This doesn’t mean you need to bombard her with questions like a job interview, but asking questions means she’s more likely to reply.

A closed statement, such as “the weather is nice today” *don’t send that, it’s boring*, doesn’t necessarily need a reply. But a question does.

6. Avoid one-word answers

If you send back just a one-word reply, such as yes or no, she’s going to think that you’re not interested in back and forth chat. Remember, conversations are meant to be two-way deals!

You also need to try and avoid her doing the same, so again, keep asking questions that require more than a one-word reply. [Read: Double texting – What it is, how to avoid it, and 15 must-follow rules]

7. Be subtle

When it comes to hitting up women via text, you need to be subtle. Don’t go straight in there and say you really like her and want to go out on a date. That’s just a little too forward!

Instead, make conversation and show her that you want to get to know her before you even consider asking her out. Subtlety is key!

8. Make plans with her

Remember that you’re texting for a reason. Don’t just chat and then let it go; you need to make plans!

Of course, be subtle with it and don’t launch straight in there, but after a little while of texting back and forth, ask her out on a date or suggest hanging out casually. [Read: How to ask someone out over text and get that satisfying ‘yes’]

When to not hit up a girl

You know all the hints and tips on how to hit up a girl, but you also need to know one very important thing – there are some situations when you should simply let it go.

If a girl seems upset about something, angry, or she’s deep in conversation with her friends, leave it alone. She isn’t going to respond in the way you want her to, and you’ll probably end up flat-out rejected.

Also, if she clearly doesn’t want to be approached, i.e., she’s ignoring all your eye contact and turning her back on you, that’s another sign you need to avoid at all costs.

Listen to your gut before you start hitting on someone. If you get the feeling that she doesn’t want to be bothered right now, turn your attention elsewhere.

[Read: How to learn from the rejections you’ve faced]

Knowing how to hit on a girl is something many men think they know how to do. But in reality, they’re clueless. These tips will actually help you successfully pick up a girl and bring her home.

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Preeti Tewari Serai
Preeti Serai
Preeti, the founder of LovePanky, is an eternal optimist and believer in the beauty of love and life. With an exhaustive experience in love, relationships, and ...