Want to come across as a real man, but worried that you’re overdoing it? Here’s how to ensure your manliness doesn’t cross the line into aggression.
We guys just can’t win it sometimes, it seems. The press is plastered with articles about how the man of today has to conform to certain metrosexual ideals, a more gentile approach to their interactions with others, and if we don’t conform to these standards, then we are seen as rather archaic and only several steps away from Neanderthals.
And yet, you can be the perfect metrosexual as much as you want, and still win the plaudits of women everywhere, but one thing is for certain – they might let you into their confidence, but they won’t let you into their beds. No matter what version of “man” the press is currently fabricating as some kind of paragon of the gender, women at heart want real men in their lives.
The fine line between being manly and being aggressive
So we’ve established that being a true man is the only way to win yourself into her affections, her heart and, hopefully, her panties. However, there is a very fine line between being a true man – which also involves a certain element of being a gentleman – and being a downright ruffian.
Yes, true men are rather forceful and have a certain strength of conviction and confidence that leaves one in no doubt as to exactly what kind of a male type they are. What they don’t do, though, is ever put the women in a position where they are made to feel weak, threatened or vulnerable. It is essentially the difference between leading someone and pushing them.
The hit list of things real men do
That fine line can be a difficult one to keep on the right side of, so the following hit list of ten tips advising how to be manly, without being too aggressive, should help steer you in the right direction.
#1 Voice. How you use your voice is so important. After pure physical size difference, it’s the main thing that separates men and women in their interactions. Men’s voices are much deeper than women’s, and this is a difference that you need to make the most of.
A slow, deep and rolling speech pattern is just as likely to turn a woman onto you as a squeaky, rapid and hesitant voice is likely to turn her off. However, the caveat here is that a deep masculine voice is not a shouty voice. It should, in fact, be almost quite soft. Bursting her ear drums with a bellow like a town crier really isn’t going to do anything, other than terrify her.
#2 Your gestures. Gesticulation of some degree is fine. In fact it’s an essential part of body language, and failing to utilize it at all can make you look like an automaton. However, getting it right is also quite difficult to do.
Making gestures too often or erratically can make you look feminine and uncontrolled. Motions with the hand should be used rarely, and when they are used, then slowly and carefully is the key. Definitely to be avoided are aggressive gesticulations like shaking your fist, slamming your hand on the table and pointing at the other person – unless you want to end up with a reputation as an aggressor.
#3 Body blocking. Some guys bizarrely seem to think that obstructing a women’s progress with their arm or body or any other appendage is a masculine and attractive thing to do. It isn’t, even if it might have worked for the likes of Cary Grant and Rock Hudson back in the golden age of Hollywood.
If you want to grab a kiss, then wait until the signs are right and the feeling is mutual. Respecting boundaries is a very manly and self-assured thing to do. Not respecting them is, at the very least, aggressive and offensive – at worst, it can be criminal.
#4 Take the lead. A true man always leads the way. He doesn’t dither, hem and haw about what kind of food to eat or what time to meet. He delivers his intentions clearly and with room to change, should there be a necessary reason, but he always leads the way. Leading the way, however, is not the same as telling someone what to do, which seems aggressive and controlling, and should always be avoided. [Read: 12 ways to transform from a nice guy to a real man]
#5 Having an opinion. Extremely desirable in a man, as far as women are concerned. They love a man who knows his own mind and is confident enough to show it – as long as it’s in a considerate and civilized way. Screaming at someone and telling them they’re wrong looks juvenile and insecure, and is more likely to lead her to think of you as a potential serial killer than future husband material.
#6 Eye contact. Again, this is an essential part of coming across in a manly and confident way. Measuredly appropriate eye contact shows confidence, security and an interest in the other person, whereas little to no eye contact looks weak and decidedly unmanly. Staring, however, is the ultimate aggressive no-no and might induce the object of your desires to think of you less like Rudolph Valentino than Hannibal Lecter. [Read: 10 eye contact moves that actually work]
#7 The kiss. One of the most stressful parts of a date, and the one presenting the most potential for a crash and burn scenario, is the greeting or parting kiss. Doing this in a friendly, confident and almost platonic with just a hint of potential for escalation is one of the greatest weapons in the charmer’s armory.
Dithering and poorly executed kisses can be disastrous, but even worse is the looming presence and bear hug that forces the kiss upon its unwilling recipient. This is not the way to win your way into a woman’s heart, and is likely to just give her the creeps. Being sensitive to what she wants and not just what you feel is in order. [Read: 6 giveaway signs she’s ready for you to kiss her]
#8 The lean. Another body language tip, this describes the way you direct your body while conversing with your potential future girlfriend. The weak and unmanly type leans his body anywhere else but in her direction, displaying a patent lack of confidence.
The alpha male, however, leans towards her, showing not only an obvious interest in what she has to say but also, at a subconscious level, an interest that runs a little deeper. What you should never do is loom over her, using your greater physical presence in a way that hints at a potential to harm rather than a potential to charm.
#9 The complaint. If you’re out together somewhere on date, maybe at a restaurant or some other such place, and the service isn’t as it ought to be, then don’t be afraid to complain. Women are attracted to a man who has the strength of character to deal with upsets in a mature and constructive manner. Not dealing with the matter and slyly moaning about it stinks of weakness, whilst screaming and shouting the odds will only serve to embarrass her and make her flee for safety at the first possible opportunity. [Read: 12 ways to avoid a first impression catastrophe]
#10 The competition. If you’re attracted to her, then chances are a lot of other guys will be too. Laughing off some lothario’s approach and putting him firmly in his place with humor and an air of uninjured indifference is far more effective than putting him in the emergency ward. Such a flagrant display of aggression is likely to leave her feeling scared, shocked and vulnerable.
Don’t be shy about expressing your manliness. It’s what a woman wants. But take advantage of the above tips to ensure that you avoid coming across as a Neanderthal and scaring her off before you can even get her phone number.