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10 Quick and Easy Ways To Get Rid of an Unwanted Erection

Unwanted Erection

Have a raging hard on that just won’t leave? Use these 10 unwanted erection reducers to fend off potential embarrassment—or worse, a harassment claim.

While a rock-solid hard on is visually appealing when it’s sexy time with your partner, pitching a tent down your trousers in normal, social situations could otherwise be awkward. Forget the stares and the looks of disgust; just imagine if you get approached by some random guy with a bulge, and tell me that you won’t break into a panic and dial 911.

Sadly, male physiology can sometimes be uncooperative. As our wealth of penis-related information on LovePanky will often tell you, the male penis has mind of its own. Your “little man” doesn’t care if you are currently presenting your report in a board meeting, standing inside a crowded elevator, posing for a wedding photo, or even on a date with your longtime crush. He will rise like Greece’s national debt whenever and wherever he wants to. All you can do is plead to the heavens and hope that no one will notice your “hardship.”

Luckily, there are several ways you can help calm the Hulk in your pants. And no, it does not involve masturbating.

First of all, why do these things happen?

While surprise boners can be pretty inconvenient, they are still a normal body function. As a matter of fact, having a lot of boners means that you are one healthy, young, reproductively-capable male. Easy erections mean that you have an adequate supply of the male hormone testosterone, which is also responsible for your morning wood. The next time you get that annoying hard-on, just think: you’re luckier than guys who can’t get it up during sex and need Viagra to be able to perform in bed. [Read: 8 stiff facts about morning erections you need to know about]

But to be specific, there are several other *and obvious* causes why you get random hard-ons, aside from your usual Testosterone surge. These include:

#1 Thinking arousing thoughts. Because there are moments where you can’t just forget what you and your partner did last night. Or porn.

#2 Seeing something or someone arousing. Some guys can control the rush of stimuli given by the girl wearing a hot dress at the next table, while some guys just can’t help it.

How to get rid of that annoying hard-on

The rule is: the further away you are from home, the more difficult it is. Having a hard-on in public view can be a challenge. Of course, hard-ons will subside at some point. But desperate situations call for desperate measures.

Calming the erection

#1 Think of something counter-erotic. If the culprit behind your boner is your own naughty imagination, time to backpedal a little bit to reverse your situation. Think of something that would really turn you off. It could be anything depressing or funny, like a naked old lady, dying puppies, or how you’re still single at 28. Once you’ve lost yourself in these thoughts, your boner will easily deflate.

#2 Cool off. Cold temperatures can be a pretty effective way to remove your unwanted boner. The science behind this is that cold temperatures contract your blood vessels, meaning less blood flow to trigger erection—ergo limp penis. You could take a shower, pat your boner down with wet wipes, or press a cold can of cola on your crotch. Just do this clandestinely, because getting caught rubbing a can of soda on your crotch can be more humiliating than getting your boner noticed.

#3 Walk it off. Walking with a boner can be difficult, but it can help you get rid of your unwanted friend, by both providing exercise, and distracting yourself. Pacing a little bit may also help calm your little man into submission. While you’re at it, do a little bit of item #1 and think of the time Mufasa died in the Lion King.

#4 Pinch and squeeze. The opposite of pleasure is pain, unless you’re into BDSM. Giving your genital area a little punishment in the form of a little squeeze and pinch will make it wither down helplessly. Of course, you need to do this in the comfort of a private room, unless you want to be accused of jerking off.

#5 Do mathematical computations in your head. This one is pretty effective—especially if you’re not into math. Doing mental math requires a great deal of focus and concentration, which takes your brain away from whatever is causing your erection. By the time you’ve remembered the 10th decimal place of pi, surely your penis will have calmed down. This is not advisable for theoretical physicists who get boners from seeing calculus equations, however.

Hiding the erection

There are instances when time is critical and you have little room to maneuver and calm your “Moby Dick.” The only solution is to hide it and hope that it won’t be noticed.

#6 Sit down and lean forward. Adopting this posture, which looks like taking a nap in the library, allows you to conceal your erection by angling your body relative to the length of your penis. There’s also a chance that your beer belly might help in hiding it from view.

#7 Cross your legs. Crossing your legs like a sir would definitely hide that bulge in your pants. Plus, the constricted position lessens the blood flow to your protruding part, making it easier and faster to calm down.

#8 Cover it up. This is very straightforward. Take your man purse, your jacket, a folder, a clipboard, a book, or your hat, and conceal your boner until the excitement subsides. You can be creative by pretending to fumble in your bag on your lap, read a book, or just type away on your laptop.

#9 Tuck it up. Tucking your penis up makes it less noticeable during a hard-on than letting it point downwards or sideways. This lessens the bulge in your crotch, which others could easily pass off as poorly-ironed trousers.

#10 Excuse yourself and seek sanctuary in the men’s room. A bad stomach, or that bladder you’ve been holding for the past hour is the most plausible excuse for you to run to the bathroom *less time for them to notice* and wait until your crotch bulge subsides.

[Read: Big blue ball facts you probably didn’t know anything about]

Pointing anything such as a finger, a knife, a gun, or even your hard junk to anyone is universally threatening and offensive. That’s why men take precautions to prevent unwanted display of their fertility to unsuspecting individuals. Using these 10 tips, either calm it down, hide it, or *bonus tip* wear precautionary larger-sized pants.

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Paul Timothy Mangay
Paul Timothy Mangay
Paul aka Morty is a keyboard-pounding cubicle-dweller based in Manila where he occasionally moonlights as a writer for anyone in need of his mediocre word-strin...
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DISCUSSION

5 thoughts on “10 Quick and Easy Ways To Get Rid of an Unwanted Erection”

  1. Tina says:

    I never knew whether this occurrence was a wanted or unwanted one and from this article I see it could go either way. There are many reasons why they are so frequent and may occur at any time so getting rid of an erection if you are at work in my opinion is a must. Trying to think of non arousing things may be as simple as taking a peek at a co-worker that is less than appealing to you. I am sure that excusing yourself or covering it up with a magazine or jacket can diffuse the situation until you can get yourself together. This is an embarrassing problem to have.

  2. Josh says:

    Dang man, I always get them. I always thought it was because I have a higher test level because I workout a lot and try to maintain my physique. It’s just they pop out outta nowhere when I least expect it! I would be alright if I had a 4 inch dick or something but I’m 8inches long and it’s hard to tuck it coz it shows on my shirt. Having a long one might be the dream of some but for me it’s frustrating when you get hard-ons all of a sudden. Wish it could be deflated in a second.

  3. Bruce says:

    It’s just a matter of cooling off, guys. Point a fan at it and it’ll be gone within a little bit. I also find getting up as soon as it’s getting up helps to shifts the blood away. Sometimes, just a quick walk around the desk as it’s starting to set in will make all the difference. Of course, you could always head to the bathroom and relieve some work related stress ;). Hey, if you’re not getting paid to rock on the clock, then what’s so bad about the next best thing?

  4. doyouma says:

    When I get an unwanted erection I treat is as a sign to go fuck someone. One time I was riding a bus and I sat next to a beautiful lady. I never really meant it but my penis just got erect at an awkward time. I told her about my ideology and she laughed about it. I showed her my erection and her eyes glimmered. She told me that I wasn’t joking. I never joke about important stuff like that. I then told her to suck it. Since we were at the back of the bus and no one was looking, she did. It was a bumpy bus ride and she sat on me and we had unprotected sex on the bus. Sex with a total stranger. Didn’t even get her number afterwards. I came in her pussy and I didn’t tell her. I told her I came but I just masturbate a lot so I let a little drip on the floor of the bus. She believed me so I think that I might be having a kid with a stranger that I may never meet again.

  5. Brybry says:

    I am a 30 year old man. I suffer almost every day from a humiliating and all-consuming problem. People may laugh etc or tell me to stop whining, but this is something that deeply upsets and frustrates me on an almost-daily basis. Nobody in my life (apart from exes) know about this issue, and I would die of embarrassment and shame if people in my life knew the extent of this problem for me. Back in the Summer I started seeing a doctor about unwanted erections. I have written a bit about it on EP before, and the helpful comments I received (unexpectedly) genuinely touched me and inspired me to seek some sort of medical analysis. It’s all very well being hard all the time when you’re 17 but it’s mortifying and frustrating as a single 30 year old. It does happen to men our age, but there is nobody to talk to about it and I have been getting so down – truly upset and frustrated about it – for years and years. I still suffer with persistent unwanted erections on a pretty much daily basis-yes, thinking about sex / being around attractive women etc doesn’t help, but I often get them for no reason at all. I get nervous in the summer about it and always worry about it on beaches etc. I have taken to wearing tight briefs under my work trousers to hide it which can be uncomfortable and irritating. Ex-girlfriends have been very mixed in how understanding they’ve been about this issue. At first, pretty much, they think it’s a good thing. However, women in my experience get invariably fed up with it over time, especially the constant pestering for sex or hand jobs, and I can’t blame them for that. One of the biggest problems for me with this over-arousal is premature ejaculation (and I really mean premature – sometimes within 10-20 seconds, and a few times I have even cummed as I ‘went in’). It is something that ruined the sex life of every relationship I ever had. Now I know that high testosterone might account for this, but at the time it crippled my confidence and frustrated / enraged partners. My first partner threatened to have an affair unless I could last longer than ‘a few seconds’. We obviously split up, but my confidence has been battered here. If we go a 2nd or 3rd time, I used to be able to last a bit longer, but partners patience used to wear thin.

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